Untitled by CrunchyCheese 6-02-03

Ed, I was reviewing your sales figures for last month... Oh great, here we go again Looks like you missed your quota again, that's not good. Actually, my quota was $12,000 and I got over $15,000, so I shoul be getting a bonus, right? Yeah. About that. I changed your quota last night after dinner. You owe us $1200 There must be a bottle of vodka around here somewhere

Untitled by CrunchyCheese 6-02-03

He Ed. How's it going? Not so good. Mr. Ratbastard says I missed my quota again last month But I thought you were one of the tops salesmen in the company Yeah, I am. But now I owe the company $1200. So what are you going to do now? I'm undecided. Arson seems to be leading the race though.

Untitled by CrunchyCheese 6-02-03

Hey Milton. Whatcha got there? My bonus check, damn the govenrment sure does take a bite, huh? Wait, you got a bonus? but you haven't sold anything since the Clinton administration! Yeah. I get a bonus every month. Don't you? lets' see - I need matches, kerosene, and some newspaper Looks like someone has a case of the Mondays

Untitled by CrunchyCheese 6-02-03

Mr. Ratbastard. How come Milton gets a bonus when he never sells anything? But I get docked when I beat my quota? Because I adjust your quotas based on your performance. The more you sell, the higher your quota OK, but how can you do that after the end of the month? That's corporate socialism I prefer to think of it as Active Income Redistribution So you are like a managerial Robin Hood? Exactly. Now go give Franklin your shoes. They are much nicer than his.

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There's a fine line between visionary and wacko ~ greinhart

More Corporate Nonsense - part 5 by CrunchyCheese 6-02-03

The Staff Meeting You need to shift your paradigm. Operationalize the core values. There is no "I" in TEAM Great, another staff meeting of platitudes "Operationalize the core values"? Who talks like that? God I can smell his breath from here must...stop...voices.... I wonder if Chili's is hiring

Untitled by CrunchyCheese 6-02-03

... and so, in order to keep stock prices high, and secure my bonus, we simply must cut costs. Unfortunatley, this means we will have to cut staff by 20% But if you eliminate one manager, his salary and bonuses would more than equal six of ours ... and so, in order to keep stock prices high, and secure my bonus, we simply must cut costs.

Untitled by CrunchyCheese 6-02-03

These decisions are never easy. But by laying off six people, the rest of you will get to keep your jobs But if you laid off one middle manager, the savings would be the same, and more people stay employed Doesn't that make much more sense? You're not much of a team player, are you Ed?

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There's a fine line between visionary and wacko ~ greinhart

That was awesome.

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I think that was quite funny. The only thing I questioned was the "shift your paradigm" remark. I don't understand if that was to illustrate that he was just using big words to use them, if it was a mistake, or if you don't know what a paradigm is. That was really my only question. Otherwise, RAWK.

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Welcome to Bohemia. Population: a lot Cash flow: a little

The paradigm Shift was an allusion to another over-used and misapplied managerial term from the last 10 years...

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There's a fine line between visionary and wacko ~ greinhart

ahhhh. okee dokee

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Welcome to Bohemia. Population: a lot Cash flow: a little

You gotta think OUTSIDE of the box, ya see?

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leggo my dcomposed! ®

Excellent comics. I especially liked the way they had the robust flavor of cheese but with a crispity crunch.

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peddling the funny around since 09/24/2002

I like to think outside the box, but then the paradigm always shifts AND I'M STUCK BACK IN THE FRIGGIN' BOX AGAIN!!!

STOP SHIFTING THE DAMN PARADIGM!!!

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Life is a lot like getting mugged; you get your kicks, you take your punches, and when it's over, someone else gets your cash.

I think I'll just continue the saga

More Corporate BS - part 9 by CrunchyCheese 6-05-03

Man, am I glad its Friday Maybe Mr. Ratbastard will let me sneak out a few hours early Hey Ed, don't forget the sales training at 3:00 I bet I could plead "justifiable homicide" and no jury would convict me

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There's a fine line between visionary and wacko ~ greinhart

More Corporate BS - by CrunchyCheese 6-05-03

Can you believe Ratbastard called a sales meeting at 3:00 on a Friday? I know what you mean. I have a hot date with the new girl in logistics I need to prepare for. The one with the lazy eye and a missing front tooth? Yeah, Marjorie, swell gal. Its because its Ratbastards niece, isn't it? Ed my man, I have no idea what you are talking about

More corporate BS - part 11 by CrunchyCheese 6-06-03

Ed at the 3:00 meeting I wonder where everyone is OK - it's almost 3:30. Come on people... 3:45... this is absurd 4:00 and still no one.... 4:15 - screw this. I'm outta here Oh hey Ed, didn't you get the memo? I moved the meeting to 6:30 Monday Morning.

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There's a fine line between visionary and wacko ~ greinhart

Hil-frikkin-larious Schtuff! And speaking as yet another long-time corporate monkey - your very right! It is too too true...!!! Keep up the great work! :)

I feel that we are receiving synergy from Crunchy Cheese.

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Peeing sitting down is the gift you give yourself.

More corporate BS - part 12 by CrunchyCheese 6-06-03

The results of the branch employee satisfaction survey are in This should be good It seems that most emplyess feel that our meetings are too long and non-productive. News flash So I want you to schedule a meeting for next week to sort of round table some ideas he shoots... he scores!

More Corporate BS - part 13 by CrunchyCheese 6-06-03

Let me see if I got this. You want to schedule a meeting to discuss how to make our meetings more productive? Right. Reserve the conference room for Tuesday from 8:00 to 11:00 Why stop there? Why not order in lunch and make it an all-day thing? Great idea Ed. Why don't you form a committee to decide on what to order? I vote for Ludefisk Im thinking Cyanide might get the most votes

More corporate BS - part 14 by CrunchyCheese 6-06-03

OK, listen up everyone. We are having a lunch meeting on Tuesday. Waht does everyone want? Pizza's always good No way - too many carbs for me I vote for Chinese You could get one of those 6-foot submarine sandwiches remember, I am a vegitarian

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There's a fine line between visionary and wacko ~ greinhart

your srips, like a fine cheese, are getting better with age.

I give you much applause, much much applause.

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"In a thousand years there will be no men and women just wankers and that's fine by me."

These strips are positively pro-active. I salute you.

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Please replace the handset, and try again.

You guys have no idea how serious I am though. So much of this is actually happening in the company I work for. I swear the movie "Office Space" was not a comedy - it was a fucking documentary

More Corporate BS - Part 15 by CrunchyCheese 6-09-03

Sales are down, so we are going to have to doa little "belt-tightening" around here. Item 1: We are discontinuing water service to the office. Please bring your own bottled water from home. Item 2: The company no longer pays for meals when you travel. It is our belief you would eat if you were home,and we don't pay for meals here, so we won't pay for them when you are away Item 3: Please only print when necessary. To cut costs, try using _both_sides of the paper Which brings us to item 4: Toilet paper...

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There's a fine line between visionary and wacko ~ greinhart

I KNEW it would involve toilet paper!

:D

CrunchyCheese demonstrates his creative process by KungChiFu 6-12-03

Somewhere in a cube farm, deep inside corporate America... Whatcha doin', Crunchy? Workin' hard, or hardly workin'? I'm making strips on stripcreator.com. Yeah? That sounds cool. So, wow, did I tell you about my wart? It used to be here on my arm. But I cut it off with a hacksaw. I think it looks better now. But boy did it hurt! I gotta do one about annoying bastards who walk into my cubicle and talk to me. This is teh suck.

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Your mickey mouse kung fu is no match for my superior fighting style.