All comics by kwyjibo

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by kwyjibo
9-30-02
Why did you leave me a note saying you’re moving out?
I’ve decided I want to go back to living like a normal squirrel.
What are you talking about?
You know. Climbing trees. Dodging cars. Seeing how many nuts I can fit in my mouth. Well, see ya.
I’m glad he didn’t ask to practice on my nuts.

 

by kwyjibo
10-01-02
Now what am I going to do? I can't afford rent by myself.
I guess my only choices are to find a roommate or find a place I can afford on my own.
I think I'll look for a roommate.

 

by kwyjibo
10-02-02
Wow, this place looks great.
Welcome to the squirrel park community. Here are some brochures. I hope you enjoy your stay.
Anything special I need to know?
You may want to avoid the street on the west side. There been a report of a drive by squishing. We have an officer at the scene.
Poor soul.
At least I'll make a delicious road kill pie.

 

by kwyjibo
10-03-02
* ding dong *
I hope its someone answering my roommate wanted ad.
I'm here to see the rooooom.
Uh, I don't know. I think all your wailing would keep me up at night.
But I can also scare away any unwanted visitors.
I'll get back to you.

 

by kwyjibo
10-04-02
I forgot that being a squirrel was so difficult. I really need to find some food.
I wonder if these mushrooms are edible.
I'm still hungry but at least the colors are pretty.

 

by kwyjibo
10-05-02
...and that's it for the tour. What do you think?
Tis a fine home. Thar be ample yard space ta burry me treasure.
So you're really a pirate?
No, I just like to dress up and talk funny.
I think you better leave then ya scurvy dog.
Yarr.

 

by kwyjibo
10-06-02
Ugh, I still need to find some food. Maybe I can beg from that guy over there.
Hey there. You look like a nice fellow. How about helping out a cute little woodland creature?
...
All your nuts are belong to me!
Go away.

 

by kwyjibo
10-07-02
I'm here about the roommate wanted ad.
Great. Another crazy.
I burned down my last place with one of my experiments.
I would really rather not have my house burn down.
Did I mention I was independently wealthy and would pay all the bills.
Can I give you a hand moving your stuff in?

 

by kwyjibo
10-08-02
So, you're not going to give me any nuts?
It's not enough to want a nut. You have to earn a nut.
You mean perform some sort of trick? I can recite pi to fifty digits.
Let's hear it smart guy.
3.1415959230 0938464462 2712072458 0113309218 8912219070
Sorry, I left my nuts in my other pants.

 

by kwyjibo
10-09-02
This is great. With a roommate that pays all the bills, I don't have to do anything.
I wonder if I should be worried that he's been in his room for a week.
At last, C.S.R. v34 is completed.
We bring good things to life.

 

by kwyjibo
10-10-02
I did a stupid trick, now you own me some nuts.
Look, I come to the park to relax not feed some bushy-tailed rats.
Besides I don't think those were the right digits for pi.
That's it! It's time for the animals of this park to rise up and take what is ours.
I wonder what he meant by that.

 

by kwyjibo
10-11-02
Nice pants.
Who are you?
Where's the beef?
What, you just walk into people's homes and demand food?
Do the dew.
I'm very confused.

 

by kwyjibo
10-12-02
Gather up all the other squirrels. We’re going to war against the humans.
What are you talking about?
They refuse to hand over the nuts, so we must take them by force.
Have you tried begging from some of the old folks? They are usually pretty giving.
It’s too late for that. A line has been drawn.
Or maybe you should try foraging like the rest of us.

 

by kwyjibo
10-13-02
Did you know there is a robot thing wandering through our house?
Of course, it's one of my inventions.
What does it do?
It repeats corporate slogans to everyone it meets. It's how I've made all my money.
Keep that thing away from me.
I hope this one doesn't spontaneously combust like the last version.

 

by kwyjibo
10-14-02
Will you join my army to take what is ours from the humans?
Why don't you get the rest of the squirrels to help you out?
They don't understand the menace the humans pose.
Well, I've got my own problems. Someone cut off my ear for a good luck charm.
I though it was your feet that are lucky.
There are some stupid people in the world.

 

by kwyjibo
10-15-02
Uh-no. Not again.
I knew that bear was trouble.
That'sa spicy meatball.

 

by kwyjibo
10-16-02
You’re just what I need for my army. You could be part of an airborne assault group.
I don’t know. I’m just a worker drone.
But look at the size of you. Humans would quake at the sight of your stinger.
You do know I’ll die if I sting anyone, right?
Oh. Maybe a suicide squad then?
Buzz off.

 

by kwyjibo
10-17-02
Death to the humans!
!?!
Oh, its you.
Hey, how is normal squirrel life treating you.
Well, I'm forming an animal militia to take over this park. So you may want to leave while you still can.
It must be a one man army, since I don't see any other animals.

 

by kwyjibo
10-18-02
Now that I'm homeless I figured I'd just spend the rest of my days living on a park bench.
I can't make any promises that my animal assault team will know to spare you.
You keep talking about the huge army but I don't see anything like that around here.
That's because they are masters of stealth and camouflage.
Like ninjas?
Umm.. yeah.

 

by kwyjibo
10-19-02
My life is ruined. My old roommate is an aspiring warlord and my new roommate has burned down the house.
I guess there's nothing left for me in this world.
Ouch! I knew I should have just taken a bunch of pills.

 

by kwyjibo
10-20-02
Oh great! It's you again.
That's right my park conquest begins right here.
I don't see any other animals with you.
Oh, they're out there. Silently waiting for their chance to strike.
Like ninjas?
Why do people keep asking that?

 

by kwyjibo
10-21-02
Oww. This is really hurting. I wonder if I've got this nail in far enough yet.
What the..?
Welcome to Purgatory.
How wonderful.

 

by kwyjibo
10-22-02
I don't believe there could be any ninja squirrels.
Why not?
Where would they find tiny ninja outfits?
You don't need a special outfit to be a ninja.
But how else would people know you're a ninja?
Good point.

 

by kwyjibo
10-23-02
Welcome to Purgatory.
Why are you dressed like a clown.
It's to help make the transition to the afterlife a happy one.
What about people that are afraid of clowns?
Hmm, I never though of that.

 

by kwyjibo
10-24-02
Ok, so I wasn't able to raise an army to conquer the park. I still hate you though.
Why are you sitting here then?
I'm also very hungry and I'm hoping you'll eventually break down and give me some nuts.
But I've already told you I'm not giving you anything. Why not bother someone else?
Look around. There's no one else in the park besides you.
Huh, I never noticed that before.

 

by kwyjibo
10-25-02
So now what happens?
Well, you spend the rest of eternity wandering around talking with your fellow souls.
Isn't there anything else to do?
Nope.
This sucks.
Maybe you should have though about that before you pounded nails through your skull.

 

by kwyjibo
10-26-02
I’ve tried begging.
I’ve tried force.
Now it’s time for the mind control.
This should be good.

 

by kwyjibo
10-27-02
I can't believe this is my forever.
Did you know florescent lights can cause cancer?
So I've been told.
I used to eat glass as part of a circus freak show.
And let me guess you got cancer from eating florescent light bulbs.
No, I was hit by a bus.

 

by kwyjibo
10-28-02
Nothing?
I told you squirrels don't have mind control powers.

 

by kwyjibo
10-29-02
I've only been here a few weeks but I can't take this anymore.
I don't want to spend the rest of eternity listening to people tell stupid stories. I need to find a way out of here.
Maybe I can force my way out the same way I came in. If only I could find that portal.

 

by kwyjibo
10-30-02
Must feed squirrel.
My mind control worked!
Nah, I'm just wanted to see your reaction.

 

by kwyjibo
10-31-02
This must be the way out.
Now to step though and return to the world of the living.
I wouldn't do that if I were you.
Now what?

 

by kwyjibo
11-01-02
I'm out of ideas.
Then why aren't you leaving.

 

by kwyjibo
11-02-02
This portal is only one way.
So?
So, it means there could be unforeseen consequences if you try to use it to escape.
I'll take my chances.
This isn't going to be good.

 

by kwyjibo
11-03-02
So, it this it?
Is this all there is to my life?
Forever locked in this eternal struggle.
I hope not. I'm getting tired of this.

 

by kwyjibo
11-04-02
Oops.

 

by kwyjibo
11-05-02
I guess that clown was right.
By escaping from Purgatory it looks like I've wiped out humanity.
Oh well, no big loss.

 

by kwyjibo
11-06-02
Judgment day is here. Let the war between heaven and hell commence.
So do I just hit you with my sword or what?

 

by kwyjibo
11-11-02
Take that.
I think you're supposed to hit me with the sword when you say that.

 

by kwyjibo
11-11-02
Take that.
Stop it. Look, this isn't working.
I think we need to find the rule book or instruction manual or something.
Really old games usually have the instructions under the lid.
I don't think the universe came with a lid.

 

by kwyjibo
11-12-02
With no one else around I can do whatever I please.
I'M NOT WEARING ANY PANTS!
Crap.
Hello.

 

by kwyjibo
11-12-02
Let me guess. You’re a mutant that has sprung up from the ashes of civilization.
You got it.
I’m gonna need some bigger shoes.
I think you’ll find I’m impossible to squash.
Can we at least live together in peace?
You’re lucky I’m a vegetarian.

 

by kwyjibo
2-14-03
So, what’s there to do around here?
You know the usual. Scavenge for food, dig through the ruins of humanity, avoid flesh eating mutant zombies, ...
Wait. Flesh eating mutant zombies?
Huh? Oh, just ignore what I said about that. Look I really need to get out of here. Good luck surviving.
Mmm... brains.
He sure left in a hurry.

 

by kwyjibo
7-11-03
Brain!
Look, I know zombie diets consist of eating juicy brains but I’d really rather keep mine.
What?
Huh?
Oh, I’m sorry. I meant to say Brian. That’s my name. I’m still getting used to talking with a rotting jaw.
I think I liked you better the other way.

 

by kwyjibo
8-28-03
Wow, so this is heaven’s attic?
Yep, this is where we keep all the old board games.
We only have a leaky basement and most of our games are missing half the pieces.
Here we go, the game of life.
Wait, that’s the Milton Bradley version.
Same difference.

 

by kwyjibo
8-28-03
You’re telling me life on Earth is based on an old Milton Bradley board game?
Our version is a little different.
How so?
We use a pop-o-matic bubble instead of a spinner.
Why not just use dice?
We tried that for a while until someone accidentally dropped one. Poor Atlantis.

 

by kwyjibo
8-28-03
So what do the rules say?
“At the end of the game, both side will total the number of souls collected. The winner is the one with the most souls.”
What if there is a tie?
“In the event that both sides have collected the same number of souls, a bonus round to collect any souls remaining on the field will be played.”
What’s wrong?
I don’t know. I just got this weird chill.

 

by kwyjibo
8-28-03
So you’re saying you don’t want to hang out with me?
I really don’t feel comfortable being around you.
Is it because I carry my arm around?
Well, it’s more than just that.
Fine, I’ll go hang out with the mutant bugs, but I don’t want to hear it when you need a backscratcher.
Ewww.

 

by kwyjibo
8-28-03
I can’t believe it. It seems like only yesterday that I was worrying about finding a roommate.
Now I’m the only human left in an apocalyptic world filled with zombies and mutant bugs.
Hello
Time to repopulate the planet.

 

by kwyjibo
8-28-03
I couldn’t help but notice that you seemed a bit lonely. Why don’t you come back to my place?
Err…
Umm…
Don’t fall for it he’s trying to trick you.
Shut up, he’s all mine.
Hmm…

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