All comics by biped

Profile

 

by biped
8-07-04
With my new time machine, you can go back in time and meet a dinosaur!
Oh, boy! I would like to meet a dinosaur.
Mom, I will not be home for awhile. I am going to go back in time and meet a dinosaur.
You MEET IT -- it EATS YOU! That's what I'M worried about!
Mom's right -- I may get eaten by a dinosaur. This may be the last time I ever see my home, and sleep in my own bed.
So what? Billions of people have died throughout the ages. To history, you're just a worthless piece of dog shit.

 

by biped
8-07-04
Are you ready, Bobby?
Yes. I realize now that I'm just a worthless piece of dog shit, so if a dinosaur eats me then history won't even care.
What the fuck was he talking about?
RAAAAAR!!!!!!
Go ahead, eat me. History won't care.

 

by biped
8-07-04
RAA -- huh?
Eat me.
Did you hear that? The creature told Bo-Bo to eat him.
But...no one WANTS to be eaten. My mind... my...mind...
Everything we know is wrong. We must all jump off a cliff and die.
It's THE END...THE END OF EVERYTHING. YAAAAAA!!!!!

 

by biped
8-07-04
They're all dead. But at least I got to meet a dinosaur.
Well! You met a dinosaur, and you didn't get eaten!
No, the dinosaurs all committed suicide.
Do you think history cares that I caused all the dinosaurs to kill themselves?
Nah. To history, they were all dog shit, too. Everything's dog shit to history.

 

by biped
8-07-04
And now, Bobby, you can tell the class what YOU did over summer vacation.
Well, I went back in time, and --
Oh, by the way, Bobby, I hope you don't mind if I turn into a dinosaur at some point during your presentation.
Go ahead. We're all just dog shit, anyway.
RAA -- huh?
Eat me.

 

by biped
8-08-04
Hi, me name Donnie! Me need go doo-doo! Where bathroom?
Ain't no bathroom, ya dumbass kid. Just pick a spot and shit.
Mommy always wipes me's butt. Would you wipe me's butt, mister?
Fuck, no. Wipe it your own damn self, dipshit.
Me hungry. Would you make me some din-din for me's tummy?
How about I chop your fuckin' head off and shove it down your throat?

 

by biped
8-08-04
It past me's bedtime. Where me seepy-seep tonight?
There's a nice, soft pile of putrifying corpses right over there. The squirming mass of maggot-ridden detritus should suit you just fine.
Me misses being lovey-doved. Me wants cuddle-time and puppy-kissies.
How about I kick your fucking ass and then take a hot, steaming shit on top of your head, asshole?
*sniff* Me want go HOME...
Shove your head up your ass, kid. That's your new home.

 

by biped
8-08-04
MOMMY! MOMMY! IT YOU AGAIN! YAY!
Aww, come to Mommy, widdle snookums! We'll do puppy-kissies! SMOOCHY-SMOOCHY!
Wha -- huh? MOMMY! *sob*
WAKE THE FUCK UP, ya mangy little FART! People are startin' to LINE UP!
Huh? What they line up for, mister?
To FUCK YOU IN THE ASS! I'm chargin' a dead rat apiece, and if you keep your damn mouth shut mebbe I'll give you a leg bone to gnaw on!

 

by biped
8-08-04
*sob* Me HATES you...me wishes you were DEAD...
Yeah, well you're about to get your wish, kid. Old Joe's about done. My heart -- *URK*
You...you killed Old Joe...my brother. And now...I'm gonna kill YOU.

 

by biped
8-08-04
*gurgle* MO...MMY...
No fun havin' yer head bashed in and yer throat cut, huh, kid?
Oh, yeah...he's cookin' up real nice...lookit them juices sizzlin'...
That was a mighty swell feed, Jasper. Looks like yer a-gittin' laid tuh-night.
Heh, heh.

 

by biped
8-09-04
I'm through playing games, Brad. I want you. I want you RIGHT NOW.
You may be through playing games, Sheila, but I'm not. Now GET LOST.
You're the biggest loser ever.

 

by biped
8-09-04
At last, I've finished building my fully-functional Jessica Simpson robot.
What's going on?
I'm making my Jessica Simpson robot have wild sex with all the neighborhood dogs out in the street. Join me?
You're the biggest loser ever.

 

by biped
8-15-04
I am Predicto, the great and wise seer of all things. I can predict the future.
Really?
Yes, really.
Did you predict this?

 

by biped
8-15-04
I am the ghost of Predicto, the great and wise seer of all things.
BEGONE, SPIRIT! GET THEE HENCE BACK TO THE NETHER WORLD!
I hate it when the fucking bus is late.

 

by biped
8-15-04
I am the twin brother of Predicto, the great and wise --
This is my bus.
Oh. Um...does it go to Jefferson Avenue, by any chance?
Yes, it does.
Heh...it wasn't really my bus. And it goes in the opposite direction of Jefferson Avenue.

 

by biped
8-15-04
I am Predicto, Jr. I believe you killed my father with a shotgun earlier today.
Yeah...I sorta did it to prove that he wasn't really all that good at predicting things.
WRONG! He was EVERY BIT as good at predicting things as I, MYSELF --

 

by biped
8-15-04
Oh, I just know this is going to hurt like the dickens. PSYCHE! PSYCHE! Forget the pain!
OW!!! OW!!! OMFG, IT HURTS!!! GAAAAAAA!!!
Eh...I'll give you five bucks.
FIVE BUCKS??!!! What if I throw in my testicles? Make it an even ten?

 

by biped
8-15-04
Well, if it's been properly preserved, perhaps it can still be re-attached.
Oh golly, I hope so!
Now hold still --
OW!!! OW!!! OMFG, I WISH I COULD'VE AFFORDED ANESTHESIA!!!
Gee, Captain Chip...your bulge looks...funny...
It's UPSIDE-DOWN! The crummy doctor was DRUNK!

 

by biped
8-15-04
Listen to my re-attached penis, everybody! For some reason, it's singing rock and roll songs now!
"Once bitten, twice shy, bay-behhh!!!"
Why, it even sings the golden oldies!
"Twistin', twistin', twistin' the night awaaay-hey!!!"
This is GREAT! It's like a ROCK CONCERT in my ASSHOLE!
And for an extra TEN DOLLARS, I'll do TWO WHOLE ENCORES!

 

by biped
8-15-04
OH NO! I can't find my PENIS! I think it may have RUN AWAY FROM HOME!
"If there's a bustle in your hedgerow, don't be alarmed now!!! It's just a spring clean for the May Queen!!!"
HOLY SHIT! Can you sign a record contract? Or at least spew something on it?
"Round-round, get around, I get around!!! Ooo-WOO-ooo-ooo!!!"
DICKY! I thought we were a TEAM! *CHOKE!*

 

by biped
8-15-04
Sorry, kid, but music fans are FICKLE! And Britney Spears' new SINGING TITTIES are OUTSELLING you TEN-TO-ONE!
WAAAAA-HAAAAAA!!! *SQUIRT!*
DICKY! YOU CAME BACK!
"I'm sooorry!!! Sooo sooorry!!!"
GOOD AFTERNOON, ma'am! My PENIS would like to sing you a little song about the incredible new HOOVER VAC-U-SUCK!

 

by biped
8-15-04
Enough fucking around Vinnie. Ya gots the Don's money or whut? It ain't good ta keeps the Don waiting ya know. I don't wants ta havta bust ya balls.
*Gulp* Um I-I-I don't have the Don's money b-b-but maybe I can repay him some other way?
Hmmm...
Uh oh.
Umm...according to your dad, I'm your new fiance'.
Oh, goody! I sure hope you don't vomit to death like the last one!

 

by biped
8-17-04
"Carol Ann! Go into the light! Mommy's waiting for you in the light!"
"NYOOO!!! DYON'T GYO INTAH THAH LAHHHT, CAY-RUL AY-UNNN!!!"
I wish they'd make up their motherfucking, cocksucking minds.

 

by biped
8-17-04
Look -- another fucking asshole is looking at us again.
FUCK YOU IN THE ASS, YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!
We just broke the fourth wall -- again.
FUCK GASPAR GOMEZ, AND FUCK THE FUCKING DIAZ BROTHERS! FUCK 'EM ALL! I BURY THOSE COCK-A-ROACHES!
Fuckity fuck fuck -- non-sequiturs are funny to little Asian girls. Fuck you.
SMELL MY SHIT AND THEN EAT IT, MOMMY!

 

by biped
8-17-04

 

by biped
8-17-04
"Sucky-sucky, fie dolla!"
"Me ruv you rong time!"
Ha-ha...and now that that's out of the way, allow us to introduce ourselves. I'm Goo-Goo.
And I'm Ying-Yang! We're the official Stripcreator "default characters!"
That's right...we're the ones that you stare at helplessly for hours on end, wracking your brains to try and come up with something funny.
And you usually fail miserably, don'tcha, dumbass?

 

by biped
8-18-04
Welcome to the Six O'Clock News. Today's top story -- Oprah Winfrey pee-peed in her panties today and it ran down her legs and into her shoes, and then she sat down and pee-peed some more.
It happened live on her top-rated afternoon talk show, where witnesses reported seeing a dark stain in her crotch area, followed by thick dribbly trickles of yellowish pee-pee all down her legs.
Winfrey continued to sit in the fetid, foul-smelling pee-pee throughout the remainder of her interview with Julia Roberts, who struggled to choke back wracking waves of stomach-churning nausea.
The actress finally began to vomit uncontrollably when Winfrey suddenly pulled her panties down, perched on the back of her chair, and took a huge, steaming doo-doo in full view of the audience.
She then hopped down, flung off her shoes, and began to dance around in the horrendous pile of her own doo-doo, screaming "Blah blah blah, I like to dance around in my own smelly doo-doo."
Her assistants tried to restrain her, but she began to blast a fresh wave of diarrhetic doo-doo at them straight out of her big, smelly butt. And that's the news for today! Stay tuned for "Seinfeld"!

 

by biped
8-19-04
POOTY DOODY DOO!!! I JUST DOO-DOOED ALL OVER MOUNT OLYMPUS!!!
OH, THANK YOU, ZEUS!!!
DID YOU SMELL ZEUS' DOO-DOO YET?
YES!!! HIS DOO-DOO SMELLED DIVINE!!!
COME ONE, COME ALL!!! STEP RIGHT UP AND SNIFF MY SMELLY BUTTHOLE!!! IT STILL HAS DOO-DOO ON IT!!!
SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU BLITHERING FUCKHEAD!!!

 

by biped
8-22-04
I'm pregnant.
Me too! Who knocked your fuckin' ass up?
That creepy little "gabe" character from "kofightclub." We had a very eventful evening in the "graveyard1" background.
Same here! Only we fucked in the "happyplace" background!
I was planning to fuck my way through all the characters -- including the goats and chickens -- but this fucks it up.
Me too! Hey, the scientist from "dexx" is giving me an abortion tomorrow, and then we're going to fuck! Let's make it a threesome!

 

by biped
8-22-04

 

by biped
8-22-04

 

by biped
8-22-04
Wow! You do see a heavenly light when you die, just like I always heard! Hey, who's that up ahead? It must be St. Peter!
WHA -- YOU!!?? What the hell are you doing here?
I live here, silly. Welcome to Hell.
But...but...
This comic has a "no backgrounds" restriction. But wait'll you see the fourth panel...you'll just shit.

 

by biped
8-23-04
What do they do?
I'm enjoying my electric groin warmer. It's keeping my wiener warm and my testicles toasty.
What do they see?
I see snow. (Icy snow.) I see you. (ICU -- that's where you should be right now.) And, uh, that's about it.
What do they think?
Hmm...I think Brad has frozen to death. Well, he wanted to come here... I wanted to go to Guam.

 

by biped
8-23-04
What do they do?
I think we should talk to those super-hot Asian girls over there.
Maybe they'll let us insert our erect penises into their vaginas.
What do they see?
Wow...it really is the "World's Biggest Ox Turd."
Man, this place is a sightseer's paradise.
What do they think?
I'll bet my dick is bigger than Brad's. At least two-to-three inches bigger.
Biff's got that look on his face -- he's probably thinking about our dicks again.

 

by biped
8-23-04
What do they do?
I want to eat an authentic American "hot dog" with a side order of "cheezy-weezy tots."
I want to interact with authentic American "natives" and play "baseball" with them.
What do they see?
I see cowboys riding bucking broncos and lassoing wild bulls.
I see someone suckin' on a chili dog outside the Tastee-Freez.
What do they think?
We're going to die. I guess those excursion tickets weren't such a great "discount" after all.
Biff's got that look on his face -- I hope he doesn't tell me he loves me or anything similarly gay.

 

by biped
8-23-04
OH NO!!! It's my arch-nemesis... SEX FISH!!!
BLAH BLAH BLAH!!! CRIME FUCKS GOOD IN THE ASS!!! "AND THE VALLEYS WILL RUN WHITE WITH JIZZ." -- SEX FISH 3:16!!!
OW!!! OW!!! STOP IT, SEX FISH -- YOU'RE HURTING MY BUTTHOLE!!!
UNNNNGGGGHHHH!!! CRIME GETS ONE HUMUNGOUS NUT AFTER ANOTHER!!!
And that's what happened, Mommy! WAAAAA-HAAAAA!!! *SNIFF!*
If only you had thought to use your super sphincter muscles -- you could've farted Sex Fish into outer space.

 

by biped
8-24-04
You are under arrest for not wearing any pants.
If you arrest me, I'll...I'll cry.
No, don't cry. Please don't cry.
*sniff* I'll *sob* try *choke* b-but *whimper*
...so I put on my patented cry-face, and broke his heart.
It's a good thing we inherited Dad's sure-fire cry-face.

 

by biped
8-24-04
FUCK YOU!!!

 

by biped
8-24-04
So it's decided, then. We, the charter members of The Corey Feldman Fan Club, will make a road trip to the center of his asshole.
And plant the official Corey Feldman Fan Club flag for future generations to see for all time. I'm so excited, I suddenly have to pee-pee!
As per our surveillance, he's fallen asleep after his usual naked back rub. Now's our chance!
These butt cheeks are sweaty...we should be able to squeeze through fairly easily. Let's MOVE!
Man, check out this enormous asshole! It must've been stretched beyond its normal capacity numerous times!
I had no earthly idea Cory Haim's dick was THAT BIG! What a journey of discovery this has already turned out to be!

 

by biped
8-24-04
Well, here we are in Corey Feldman's rectum! Boy, this is better than Disney World!
Yeah! "Space Mountain" is total lame-ass fucking bullshit compared to this!
It's getting dark. I wonder how far in we are now?
Farther than any man has gone before, I'll wager!
Wait...there's a faint glow up ahead! What on earth could be generating it?
It appears to be some kind of gooey, viscous, luminous substance!

 

by biped
8-24-04
Oh, my god! Could it be... Saints preserve us, IT IS! We're passing through the fabled "FIELDS OF JIZZ"!
I thought they were only a MYTH! Yet here we are... wading right through HISTORY ITSELF!
Good lord, it seems to go on forever!
I've lost all sense of time and space!
Wait... do my eyes deceive me? Look there, off in the distance... it's... it's a FOUR-STAR MOTEL!
It's the "INTEST-INN"! Oh, my god, WE'VE MADE IT! WE'RE THE LEWIS AND CLARK OF ASSHOLES!

 

by biped
8-24-04
Let's get a suite! The BRIDAL SUITE! Oh, I'm so giddy I could just pee right down my left leg!
Hold on... there's someone moving around in there! Maybe we're not the first after all!
Who... who are you?
I'm one of Cory Haim's SPERM CELLS! Who the hell are you?
I'm Brad! Wow -- I can't believe I'm talking to one of CORY HAIM'S ACTUAL SPERMS!
You're not a sperm! You don't belong here! Get out! GET OUT OR WE'LL KILL YOU! GET 'EM, GUYS!

 

by biped
8-24-04
RUN, BIFF, RUN! CORY HAIM'S SPERMS ARE COMING AFTER US!
OH NO! IF THEY CATCH US, THEY'LL TURN US INTO EMBRYOS!
KILL THE INTERLOPERS! THEY WANT TO FERTILIZE COREY FELDMAN'S EGGS AND MAKE MUTANT BABIES!
DUMBASS! I KEEP TELLING YOU -- HE DOESN'T HAVE ANY FRIGGIN' EGGS! WE'RE "CORNHOLE ORPHANS"!
Hold on... there's MORE of them... coming THIS WAY! Oh no... FRESH ONES!
GOD HELP US! IT LOOKS LIKE WE ALL JUST GOT TOTALLY BUTT-FUCKED!

 

by biped
8-24-04
We've got ONE CHANCE! Maybe -- if the fates are on our side -- we can get out through his DICK! QUICK... TO THE URETHRA!
Why, it's just CRAZY ENOUGH TO WORK! THANK YOU, MRS. WILSON'S SEX EDUCATION CLASS!
HE'S TAKING A PISS! HERE'S OUR CHANCE! YAAAAAAA!!!
OH MY GOD -- ASPARAGUS CASSEROLE!!! YAAAAAAA!!!
Later...
Just think, Biff -- we're the greatest Corey Feldman fans of ALL TIME.
I'll never -- EVER -- wash these clothes, or take a shower, again.

 

by biped
8-24-04
What happened? Did you wet your pants again?
Nope. And this way, I'll NEVER wet my pants again.
Hey, how come you ain't wearin' any pants, sugar?
I... I wanted the sight of my scantily-clad body to arouse you sexually.
So... you're having sex with Sheila tonight?
Yeah. Boy, I sure hope I don't wet the bed.

 

by biped
8-25-04

 

by biped
8-25-04
Your...your penis is so much bigger than Pete's... I'm not sure... I can deep-throat the whole thing... Manuel...
Oh, Pam... you do that so softly... so intuitively... unlike Pete... he does it like... like a cat giving itself a fucking bath...
Here, Woofy... here, boy... lick the nice peanut butter... oh, yeah... fucking Pete... he doesn't even like "peanut butter"...

 

by biped
8-25-04
Umm, Boorite... where, pray tell, might your pants be today?
My pants? Er... my dog ate them.
Ah. And I suppose your homework met a similar fate as well?
Uh, yes... my dog ate my homework, too. I'd just finished doing all of it, and --
RAAAAAR!!!
OKAY, OKAY!!! I ATE MY PANTS!!! AND I DIDN'T DO MY HOMEWORK, EITHER!!! WAAAA-HAAAA!!! *SOB!!!*

 

by biped
8-25-04
Where are your pants?
Billings, Montana.
What are they doing there?
Oh, not much, I reckon.
Ha ha ha!

 

by biped
8-25-04
You're not wearing any pants, mister!
Hmm? Why no, I'm not, little girl. Heh, heh.
But how come? How come you're not wearing any pants?
Heh, heh... oh, I just wanted to show off my new underwear, I guess.
You sure do have an itty-bitty bulge. Your ding-dong must be tiny!
Heh heh, I -- huh?

Showing page 12.

« Previous Next »