All comics by Boritom

Profile

 

by Boritom
6-27-05
Space... The final frontier! These are the voyages of the starship Enter...
No it's not!
Excuse me? I'm William Shatner, AKA Captain James T. Kirk of the Starship Ent...
No you're not!
Listen, my fine, fryable friend, This is MY show, and if you don't get off my bridge RIGHT NOW, I'll sell your ass to a Fast Food chain!
Nimoy thinks you're a faggot!

 

by Boritom
6-27-05
Ummm...
Come on...
Lessee...
Tickety-tick!
Ohio?
No! Sodium!

 

by Boritom
6-28-05
Okay, now leave Outlook open, and switch back over to the webpage...
So I can close Outlook?
No, leave Outlook open!
Then close the web page?
Tell ya what, go ahead and just turn off your computer and go read a book or something.
Do I need to leave Outlook open for that, or can I close it?

 

by Boritom
6-28-05
Shit, Man!
And then the idiot says that their Internet Explorer is broken because they can't see any websites while they're offline.
So I say to them that they need to be on the internet to view web pages, and they tell me that they can't be online while they're on the phone!
What did you tell them then?
Nothing. I just got their credit card info and booked myself a one-way flight to Aruba. I'm gonna open a coffee house there and smoke pot till my cock falls off!

 

by Boritom
6-28-05
Have you tried restarting your computer?
Well, let's see... When I first gotthe error message, I closed it and tried the operation again. The system froze up, so I unplugged the cords in back and waited ten minutes.
....?
Then I plugged everything back in and turned it back on. I got this weird blue screen that said something about a Feudal System eros or something...
I -- must -- not -- kill I -- must -- not -- kill I -- must -- not -- kill I -- must -- not -- kill I -- must -- not -- kill I -- must -- not -- kill I -- must -- not -- kill I -- must -- not -- kill
...so my husband suggested cleaning the hard drive. So I did, and when I got it out of the dishwasher, i plugged it back in, and tried to...

 

by Boritom
6-28-05
I can't believe it...
I'm aghast!
I mean... of all people!
You'd have thought she had better taste!
TOM FUCKING CRUISE?
Maybe Katie Holmes has like, terminal brain damage or something!

 

by Boritom
6-28-05
So, yeah... the guy who voiced Fred Flintstone died a couple weeks ago.
Such a shame.
Yeah.
Course, being dead and all just makes him sexier!

 

by Boritom
6-28-05
Okay... What the fuck happened to the other half?

 

by Boritom
6-28-05
God, you s**k! You're such a f***ing b***h!
Hold on a minute...
What?
The obscenity filter is off! How come you're still talking in asterisks?
I'm practicing for when we get our own [adult swim] series!
Keep dreaming, fuckface!

 

by Boritom
6-28-05
I feel that I should take this moment to point out that Stupidflamer's father has a habit of fellating gonorrheic lagomorophs.
I don't understand what you just said...
...but it's making my pussy wet!

 

by Boritom
6-28-05
One of these days... When i'm really bored, and don't have anything better to do... I'm going to rip all of your skin off!
Does this mean we're not friends anymore?

 

by Boritom
6-28-05
So... does this sweater make me look fat?
I dunno
Well, does it at least accentuate my boobs?
I dunno
What good are you, then?
Gimme a fucking break, lady! I'm a goddamn telephone!

 

by Boritom
6-28-05
I hear you have a new boyfriend, Suki!
That's right, Emiko. I finally found me a guy who doesn't take me for granted. He treats me like a lady, and he pampers me!
You mean...?
That's right!
He lets me wear protective eyewear when he forces my face into a pile of his feces!

 

by Boritom
6-28-05
My new boyfriend has a cock ring!
Emiko! That's disgusting!
What???
That's just... My God, Emiko...
What? He has his own illegal rooster fighting business!
Oh... That's okay, then!

 

by Boritom
6-28-05
Boss, I think we have a problem nailin' up this new Messiah guy.
OBEY YOUR MASTERS! FOLLOW YOUR INSTRUCTIONS! DENY NOT THE ROBOTROIDS!
Yeah... uh, listen, I can't nail this guy to a cross like you asked me to... Not to be insubordinate or nothin', it's just not possible!
OBEY YOUR MASTERS! FOLLOW YOUR INSTRUCTIONS! DENY NOT THE ROBOTROIDS!
Look! He ain't got no arms or legs, Man! He's just a big energy blob!
OBEY YOUR MASTERS! FOLLOW YOUR INSTRUCTIONS! DENY NOT THE ROBO.... Shit... Did you say he was an Energy Blob?

 

by Boritom
6-28-05
So you gonna do it?
What choice do I have?
Ya got me there.
Yeah.
Does it hurt?
What do you think, Shitheel?

 

by Boritom
6-28-05
The ROBOTROIDS are coming! What should we do?
I don't know Emiko! I'm Scared!
Me too! Oh, Suki... Hold me!
Lesbo!

 

by Boritom
6-29-05
Tobor, I'm really worried! Earth is being invaded by evil alien ROBOTROIDS!
So? I don't see a problem with that!
They're planning on wiping out all of the major population centers and enslaving mankind!
Yeah... and recruiting the likes of us as interrogators and torturers!
Hey! Yeah! I never thought about it like that!
Yessiree! ROBOTROIDS CORNHOLE YOU NOW!

 

by Boritom
6-29-05
Oh no... here comes one of them ROBOTROIDS now to enslave me! There's nowhere to run... I'm a goner!
OBEY YOUR MASTERS! FOLLOW YOUR INSTRUCTIONS! DENY NOT THE ROBOTROIDS!
OUCH!

 

by Boritom
6-29-05
You should get naked and give me a lap dance!
I'm dead, and this is Hell, right?

 

by Boritom
6-29-05
Oh -- MY -- God...
That stupid internet singles service really fucked up this time!
So... uhhhh.... Have you read any good books lately?
I'm gonna bet yer ass tastes like unsweetened chocolate and used tampons! Mmmmm.... i'm in LURVE!

 

by Boritom
6-29-05
Duran Duran was on Late Night last night.
Yeah... so?
Well...
He looks like a gay math teacher now!
That's okay, so does Andy Bell.

 

by Boritom
6-29-05
So...
Yup...
Nice night, eh?
Bit nippy, actually.
Are you a top or a bottom?
I need a drink!

 

by Boritom
6-29-05
*sigh*
How was i supposed to know destroying Tokyo was a violation of the UN Monster Island abridged non-agression treaty?

 

by Boritom
6-29-05
So... ya wanna go out again?
I suppose... I mean...
You don't smell too bad, your tits are roughly the same size, and you didn't bite down during the blow job...
What blow job?
Hang on, I was getting to that...

 

by Boritom
6-30-05
Awroit, theah, Bully Boy! There ain't room on this 'ere cruise ship for the both of us! It's you're choice; Bullets or sharks?
I'm a Bull... You're a kangaroo... with a gun... and we're on a cruise ship... Have I got it so far?
Yeah... What's yer point, Mate?
Hope you can swim with a horn-shaped hole in your belly, asshole!
Aaaaahhhhh!

 

by Boritom
7-02-05
I guess she's not showing up.
I guess not.
I guess I may as well give up.
I guess so.
Do you think it was a mistake to tell her that when I picture her naked, she kinda reminds me of my sister?
Gee... D'ya think?

 

by Boritom
7-02-05
OBEY YOUR MASTERS! FOLLOW YOUR INSTRUCTIONS! DENY NOT THE ROBOTROIDS!
PLEASE...?

 

by Boritom
7-02-05
Can I help you?
Nope!

 

by Boritom
7-02-05
Millions of Peaches
Peaches for free
Millions of peaches
Peaches for me
Look OUT!

 

by Boritom
7-02-05
Okay, you fucking nutbag, you so much as say "cock" to me once, and I'll beat you so bad, you'll have to use your to eat through!
Penis?
Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis! Penis...

 

by Boritom
7-02-05
Yeah?
Greetings, Friend. I'm Toby, from the Church of Jesus Christ of Later Day Saints, and I'm here to bring you good news from...
Stop right there! I'll have you know I'm Jewish, and you look suspiciously like the evil lord, Cthulhu!
Uhhhh....
La Chiem!

 

by Boritom
7-05-05
C'mon, damn you! Ring, you sonofabitch!
Fine... Fuck this! If she calls, she calls. I'm not gonna be her patsy!
When is he gonna clue into the fact that it helps to pay the fucking PHONE BILL once in a while?!?

 

by Boritom
7-06-05
TOBOR CORNHOLE YOU NOW!!!!
That would be kinda pointless, don't you think?
HUH?
I'm parylized from the waist down. I wouldn't feel a damn thing!
TOBOR NOW EMERSED IN MALAISE OF SELF-PITY AND ENNUI!
As well you should be, you fuckhead!

 

by Boritom
7-07-05
Dear Lord, thank you for the blessings you have bestowed upon my long life thus far...
I have a lovely wife, two lovely children, and a very stable, well paying job. I've had many wonderful experiences, and I am truly grateful!
So, please, please, please... Please help me get this huge constipated blockage out of my colon before it fucking kills me!
Damn... I really wish I was a hot tub right now!

 

by Boritom
7-07-05
Today, for Show and Tell, I decided to bring my Daddy! He's a real successful business man...
As you can see, my dad's a big guy, and a huge hockey fan. He's really good at fixing cars and bicycles!
And now, a little bit about his favorite hobby...

 

by Boritom
7-08-05
Hi
Hi
Can I taste your nuts?
Fuck off!

 

by Boritom
7-08-05
Ow!
Ugh!
Ouch!
Ngghh!
Ow!
G-g-gaaahh!

 

by Boritom
7-08-05
Hi, I'm Emiko, and this is my co-star, "Insufferable Cunt!"
What th...? Emiko, that was just downright rude and vulgar!
Oh, I'm sorry... Did I hurt your whore-like, shit slurping, crabcrotched feelings? I'm so sorry, Suki... I forgot you're too fucking stupid to live!
This is all because I accidentally spilled Ketchup on your Black Tape For A Blue Girl CD, isn't it?
You bet your filthy, maggot infested twat it is!
Oh, go eat the brown acid, you fucking bitch-dyke!

 

by Boritom
7-12-05
I know you stole my shit!
I did not steal your shit! Now would ya get off it already?
Don't lie to me. I know it was you!
Why the Hell would I steal your shit?
Fertilizer!
Damn... Busted!

 

by Boritom
7-12-05
So, then the guy says, "That's not my wife! You're copping a feel on '78 AMC Pacer!"
Uuuuhhh... Get it? Cause, ya know... they were big... ugly... uhhh... cars!
Geez! I'm dyin' out here!

 

by Boritom
7-13-05
Urine-soaked cow's vagina!
Maggot-infested lemming's butt!
Cheese dipped orangutan turd!
Sexually promiscuous cleaner of elephant dung!
Flat-chested harlot!
Paris Hilton wannabe!

 

by Boritom
7-13-05
Owww....
My dick hurts!
That's the last time I try to put out a campfire by fucking it to death!

 

by Boritom
7-13-05
You look like you're trying to write a document! Would you like some help?
Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock! Cock!
I guess I kinda deserve that!

 

by Boritom
7-13-05
The American Beef Council would like to remind you that squirrels are not beef!
Thazzit, bruddah!
If you are eating a 16oz Porterhouse, and it tastes suspiciously squirrel-like, you should report the restaurant to the authorities!
Datz what it be!
Squirrels are not for eating... They're for cruel and perverse ANAL SEX ADVENTURES!
I think I hear my mom calling me!

 

by Boritom
7-13-05
Color comics are way overrated, you know!
In fact, when i surf comics, I make sure I have converted all jpgs and gifs to grayscale!
That way, it's even harder to tell a pile of steaming entrails from a very long, coiled-up, disembodied penis!
Please let this punchline kill me this time!

 

by Boritom
7-13-05
I just released a live eel into my cunt!
... uhhh...
I honestly have no response to that whatsoever!

 

by Boritom
7-13-05
So then, I saw this floating torso of an elderly man floating over my bed. No head, no arms or legs... just a torso... hovering above me with what I interpreted to be malice aforethought!
Right.
So, I was pretty freaked out and I screamed at the top of my lungs and told the torso to go away, but he wouldn't. I didn't know what to do...
Right.
...and then I saw the wire, holding it up. My brother, Rick had killed Mr. Henshaw, chopped off his arms and legs and head, and was hanging him over my bed for a JOKE! Can you believe that?
I'm contemplating something similar, yeah!

 

by Boritom
7-13-05
Everybody thought the bug was dead, it hadn't moved for days...
NNnnnnngggghhhhh!
We have never been so dissappointed to be wrong!
Ahhhh!

 

by Boritom
7-13-05
Look, Emiko, we're all getting relly tired of this pissy mood you've been in. Can't you at least try to be in a good mood for a while?
Fine. If you can say something so funny to me that I can't help but bust out laughing my fucking ass off, I'll try to pretend to be happy for the rest of the week!
It's always gotta be pressure with you!

Showing page 13.

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