All comics by BobRogers

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by BobRogers
10-18-06
Listening to WRRV on PC...
This is WRRV Radio coming to you in streaming audio on your PC. We are now taking your phone calls. Good morning, you're on WRRV...
*BEEP* the*BEEP* at *BEEP* Howard *BEEP* Stern and the *BEEP* SternShrine *BEEP* James Bond and Monty and especially *BEEP* that *BEEP* Bob
I'm guessing that this is Stalker Dave. It's been a while Dave. How's life treating you?
YOU STUPID *BEEP* I just got *BEEP* FIRED from *BEEP*ECRAP! How do you *BEEP* THINK I am doing? I'm ON EDGE, I tell ya! STUPID *BEEP*
Well, Dave, the station manager tells me we need someone to clean toilets down here at the station. When can you start?
*BEEP* you, Boris.

 

by BobRogers
10-18-06
What do we have here?
I am the spirit of Free FM! I am looking for the Ghost Whisperer!
Dued. That's a TV SHOW!
Crap. Well, I have been dead for a pretty long time on account of SIRIUS!
You should talk to Dave. He thinks you are still alive.
Dave? You mean the guy that ERAC just fired? No way am I getting my ectoplasm anywhere near than nut job. Now Firekisses...

 

by BobRogers
10-18-06
Good EVENING, beautiful lady. I am Dracula Gottfried. Jewish Vampire, at your service.
My name is Dainty Kane and I have to be up front with you, vampires creep me out.
This is about being Jewish, right?
No. I am cool with Jews. VAMPIRES creep me out.
It's the TEETH, right? My uncle Hymie is an orthodonist. We can work this out...

 

by BobRogers
10-18-06
Drac goes looking for Lightning007 and finds Bob...
I think you are obsessed with Dave. He says you have been obsessed with him for years...
Talking bats? No more jack Daniels for me. I'm going back to drinking Killian's.
I'm SORRY! are you NOT taking me seriously? You are OBSESSED with Dave.
You've known me for what a month, and you already have a psych profile on me? Dude, that's strange, even for a bat.
There. That's better. Sometimes I get stuck in Bat-mode. Dracula Gottfried here, Jewish Vampire.
"Jewish Vampire." That's supposed to make me feel better?

 

by BobRogers
10-19-06
Just in time for Halloween - a new character
Ok. This isn't too wierd. Who are you?
Can't you tell? I am Dave's Dead Wife.
What? I never knew Dave was married. When did all this happen?
It happened about 12 years ago. I met Dave on the Lesbian Teens Discussion group. We dated and he killed me in a motel in Plvy.
How did he kill you? What weapon did he use?
Double tap. Halitosis and foot odor. I never had a chance.

 

by BobRogers
10-19-06
Artie and Gargoyle in the park...
I met Dave's Dead Wife today. She was grotesque.
Well that certainly explains why he goes on about "Dead Wives" if he's got a Dead Wife of his own.
Actually, wouldn't she be technically Dave's UNdead wife, being animated enough to talk and tell Bob how she died?
Homicide by bad breath and foot odor. Is that even a crime?
It explains why Dave is still a virgin, does it not?
Without a doubt.

 

by BobRogers
10-19-06
Mac The Cop VS Mutt The Pig...
I have a complaint here from the SternShrine that says you have been exposing yourself indecently. What do you have to say for yourself Mr. Mutt?
All I did was come out of the closet and declare my unabashed gay love for Dave the ex-ERAC Wash Boy. That's not illegal, is it?
Says here you offered to cover his naked body in real maple syrup and turn him into the world's fluffiest pancake...
See now I never wrote that, you must have me confused with my bald-tail buddy Joey Boots.
Nope. Nothing here about a Joey Boots. Says here Mutt The Pig, sexually harassing a retarded person on Sternshrine forum.
Well, go ahead and handcuff me officer. I will figure out a way to make money out of all this...

 

by BobRogers
10-21-06
A battle of wits between unarmed opponants...
Canada sucks.
What the hell would a psycho monkey know about canada anyhow?
Canada sucks.
You do realize you are talking to a Canadian Hockey Fan Part Time Logger who loves beer, right?
OK, the Canadian cheated.
Suck on that, Monkey Balls

 

by BobRogers
10-21-06
Per instructions from the National Security Agency, "Life With Bob" issues this disclaimer...
This is a Public Service Announcement requested by the National Flim Board of Canada.
It seems that this comic strip has besmirched Canadian National Honor by combining the stereotypes of Hocky Fan, Logger, and Beer Drinker.
the injured parties are, however, OK with the Psycho Monkey as a symbol of the typical Dutchess County New Yorker or SFN Fan.

 

by BobRogers
10-23-06
Sheldon and Seymour live off the coast of Long Island and often engage in philosophical discussion...
Sheldon, you look depressed. What's wrong?
I've been reading the "Hey Now" section of the Stern Shrine Forum on the Internet, Seymour...
Yeah? So?
One guy in particular has been jabbing on how "Canada Sucks" and the other group has been ripping on him for saying so. None of them get it.
Get what?
How lucky they are to be breathing free air, eating fresh food, living out HUMAN lives.

 

by BobRogers
10-23-06
So, you're saying that Canada's cool and it sucks to be a fish? You should be proud of your species, not ashamed.
You miss the point. I'm OK with being a fish. I'm just incredulous at the petty bickering on the Stern Shrine, "Hey Now." Humans don't appreciate what they have in the world.
Well, you know that no matter who or where you are, you always end up besmirching somebody else. Maybe Dave just doesn't like Canadians. You don't like sharks.
I never said I didn't like SHARKS, per se. What I said was that I want to avoid being SHARK FOOD. Get it right, OK?
So have you considered that maybe Dave simply doesn't want to be eaten by Canadians?
Your SATs ran in the double digits didn't they?

 

by BobRogers
10-23-06
I'm depressed.
GOD! You TOO? What is this, an epidemic?
It's just that... everybody's making cartoons now. "Life With Bob" has lost its uniqueness. I'm afraid I've lost my MOJO.
I can't believe this. You, the author of the only sticky Cartoon Strip on the Stern Shrine, are sitting on the bottom of the ocean whining about a little competition?
Bottom of the...
Relax. Breathe, boy. It's a CARTOON, remember?

 

by BobRogers
10-23-06
I get what you're saying. I shouldn't deel sorry for myself because others are making comics. I should use my imagination and make BETTER comics!
Now you're getting it, Einstien. make something UNIQUE! It's about the COMEDY, not the comedian!
I know. I could draw myself WITHOUT the wheelchair. Stupid wheelchair is a downer anyhow.
You're in the groove now..
Suddenly, falling out of nowhere...
AWRIGHT! Somebody needs to get theis *snipping* statue off me RIGHT *SNIPPING* now!
I think I hear NEMO calling...

 

by BobRogers
10-24-06
Ruffled but undamaged...
ACHOO!
Dude. You look half-drowned and half smushed. What the hell happened?
I spent all night at the bottom of Long Island Sound with a 300 lb murder victim encased in concrete standing on my head.
Now THAT's a story that outta be good or more than three panels...
It was a dark and stormy night...
And here we go.

 

by BobRogers
10-24-06
We are both complete failures as characters in this cartoon strip.
Speak for yourself. It ain't over 'till the fat lady sings.
We're toast, I tell you. Today Dave unearthed a picture of James Bond and posted a link to the MySpace it was sitting on. JB pitched a fit that even knocked CANADA out as a topic of discussion.
So that's why our introductory thread got pushed to 29th position. I thought I had bad breath or something.
There's that as well.
NOT FAIR! I'm a WATER BREATHER for crying out loud. I wasn't being literal!

 

by BobRogers
11-19-06
Bond meets Gargoyle...
My name is James Bond.
Wow. The Double Oh's have gone to Hell since Pierce Brosnan
No. I mean my name is James Bond on the SternShrine message Board. It's a pseudonym, you know, fake name...
Dude, there's no need to be condescending. I'm a college student, you know. What do you want with me?
Dave's picking on me. Everybody hates me. I need a friend.
Why not jut be friendly and wait for the dust to settle?

 

by BobRogers
11-20-06
Dave's back.

 

by BobRogers
11-20-06
Bob thinks he's a poet.
Well, he does write poetry.
Poetry is gay.
Poets are respected and loved more often than loudmouths, braggarts, punks and psychotic sociopaths.
I love getting in the last word.

 

by BobRogers
11-20-06
Why am I standing on this stupid road. I NEVER stand on this stupid road. TRUCKS run over me when I stand on this road.
I HATE this road. I am crossing this road UNDER PROTEST because I don't like anything about this road.
Some things make sense only to cartoonists...
Grr.

 

by BobRogers
11-21-06
Gargoyle debates an unarmed opponent...
Tous les Américains sont les lutins stupides !
Tous les Canadiens sont utiles aux trois touristes qui viennent à Montréal tous les ans.
Vous êtes laid et gros, vous observez trop de TV et bordels fréquents à beaucoup d'occasions !
áßã ÇÖÇÚÉ ÇáæÞÊ íÔßæä áí ÈÏáÇ ãä Íá ãÔÇßá ÈáÏÇäßã ÍÒíä.
Holy CHRIST! That wasn't FRENCH! It was ARABIC! HOMELAND SECURITY! HELP CANADA HAS BEEN INVADED BY MOSLEMS!
It takes so little to stir Mr. Bond to a well shaken state.

 

by BobRogers
11-21-06
Canadian Bacon is SUPERIOR to American Bacon!
So why do you look like American Bacon then?
New Yorker in the feed lot.
Of course. How silly of me...

 

by BobRogers
11-23-06
I am the WORLD's gretest WACKPACKER
I am the WORLD's greatest WACKPACKER, not you.
Ok you win.
I DO? Goodie!
"Wackpacker" is FRENCH Canadian for "Road Kill."

 

by BobRogers
11-23-06
Bob and Bond have a much overdue discussion...
I get the feeling that you don't like me, Mr. Bond.
It's a French thing.
Congratulations on winning Wackpacker of the year award. You ECLIPSED Dave!
It's a Canadian thing.
Hmmm. Truck must be running late...
It's an American Thanksgiving Traffic thing.

 

by BobRogers
11-24-06
This is the 100th cartoon in this series, you know.
Yeah. I know. Something like 500 overall, but just 100 of "Life With Bob."
So many targets of opportunity, I am surprised that you can stay focused.
Every time I run out of ideas, either Kermit or Loretta says something more stupid than the time before.
Embarassing isn't it?
That cartoon wackpackers are based on real people and Canadians? Oh yeah.

 

by BobRogers
11-25-06
James Bond confronts Bob concerning his cartoon personna...
I hate this character. It is ugly and disrespectful and eggregious.
And you're thinking that it was accidental that this character, "Feet For Ears" should represent you, who always talks and never listens to anyone?
Accidental? Not at all. As I sat in my hot tub, watching my big screen TV and gnawing on a human thighbone, I thought, "He's doing this on purpose."
Good call.
I demand a new avatar. What are you going to do about it?
Go over and see Doctor Thumbinass at the Medical Center. He handles sex-change and avatar mods. He'll fix you right up.

 

by BobRogers
11-29-06
I am the "Dave" Puppet. Someone has their hand up my ass making my lips move. Can you guess whose hand?
Wouldn't even wanna try.
You are supposed to laugh. My antics are halarious. Laugh, DAMN you!
Can't you see I am bursting with merriment?
I think I hear Mom calling. Must be time for sex again. MA! I'm in the PARK! Can you just wait a Second?
So now we know the cartoonist is drunk. How does that help solve the meaning of life?

 

by BobRogers
11-30-06
I am leaving Stern Shrine forever.
And this affects me how?
You won't have Dave to kick around any more. No more abusing Dave with witty cuts and amusing memoirs.
We'll just find somebody else.
The urge to kill
Methinks thou underestimates thy importance, dave.

 

by BobRogers
12-02-06
I got banned from Stern Shrine. Those %$@#%$@# BANNED ME!
Didn't you announce you were leaving?
Those %$@#%$@# BANNED ME! I had 30 days left to spam and creat meaningless havoc and pitch fits. I been ROBBED, I tell ya!
If you were doing all those things, especially SPAMMING the board, wouldn't Doc have just BANNED you?
Complex concepts make Dave's head explode.

 

by BobRogers
12-03-06
Translator: "Bond says he gets no respect..."
Je déteste cet endroit ! Je n'obtiens aucun RESPECT !
What do you expect, James? You don't respect those around you.
Translator: "Bond says he wants evryone to DIE..."
Je veux que chacun ici meure, mourir la MATRICE ! !
Wishing DEATH on people only hastens your own mortality
Translator: "Bond says, you SUCK." He seems frustrated
Vous SUCEZ
I can see you're upset. Why don't you try to relax. I have to get bac to circumcizing Joey Boots. See you later.

 

by BobRogers
12-03-06
So let me see if I get all this. Dave is "Chewfan" on some radio message board and the Canadian has assumed Dave's identity to torture him.
And he's banned from Stern Shrine for spamming, but everybody misses him because the French Canadian is gone as well .
So everybody agrees that torturing Dave is fun and funny, but no one wants to put up with his mindless rpeatitive retalliation...
And even though he is banned, he is still a central topic of discission
How sad is that?
And yet soooo funny.

 

by BobRogers
12-04-06
Allow me to introduce myself, Dave. I am your NEW stalker. My purpose is to follow you around and "out" you wherever you go.
DEATH is stalking me?
I Am A Canadian.
DEATH is a Canadian?
No, "I" am a Canadian And I am stalking you. Jesus! Could you BE more OBTUSE?
Dear BLOG. Canada is STALKING me. I will call New Jersey, or New Brunswick, or New South Wales police. C'mon GOOGLE. Stupid Dial Up!

 

by BobRogers
12-06-06
Ya know, Sister Mary, this place is pretty wrecked.
It's distressing. I will admit that it's distressing.
You suppose this will do any good?
Probably, you just ought to duck.
OW.
These flame wars are getting hotter all the time.

 

by BobRogers
12-09-06
I hear there was quite a bloodbath online the other day. Big arguement, and huge falling out.
Yeah. Everybody's dividing up into factions and cliques. It's a lot like High School, except with licensed adults.
I saw. I was lurking. One group disrespected The Gatekeeper, her husband had a meltdown and you had to apologize to Dave.
It's amazing to see the social dynamic in play. The more Dave abuses these guys, the more they seem attracted to him.
Speaking of mysteries, what's up with the frozen background here?
James Bond returned to the board, behaved meekly and shortly thereafter, Hell froze over.

 

by BobRogers
12-09-06
Precipitation over PLVY, 100%...
Brrr. Snow SUCKS. I HATE Winter.
My driveway looks like the airport runway at McMurdo Station in Antarctica.
I know what you're thinking. You're right. I GOOGLED the whole Antarctica thing. You can tell because I spelled Antarctica correctly.

 

by BobRogers
12-09-06
Dave, this is Dewey Spottem of the Spottem Detective Agency, returning your call.
Uh, yeah. I'm making this VIDEO to fool my friends into believing I am talking to a real detective.
I am a real detective, Dave. Now what was it you wanted to talk about? Do you need me to follow your wife, mug your grandma, kick your neighbor's dog?
I want you to say you are watching the Stern Shrine Message Board.
But we ARE watching the Stern Shrine Message Board, Dave. Bob hired us to follow you.
YIKES! Too much realism!

 

by BobRogers
12-09-06
I see you are having trouble with spelling, Dave.
Not me. I KNOW how to spell idiot.
Some things beg for silence rather than comment.

 

by BobRogers
12-10-06
I know you. You're a flamer. You insult everybody in hopes of starting an online war of some sort.
There's another definition for flamer as well.
I thought you'd see it my way. Nobody f**ks with Gargoyle and lives.

 

by BobRogers
12-10-06
When I call you a NIGGER it means I HATE YOU.
When I chop you into HAMBURGER, it means I LOVE you.
Love at first sight

 

by BobRogers
12-11-06
I'm looking for Dave. have you seen him?
Not Dave's personal secretary, dude. Why do you want him anyhow? Most people see him and run away.
I'm from BMW of Hudson Valley. He applied for a job. I'm here to let him know that we gave the job to someone else...
Do tell...
We hired this handsome bloke named MikeH this morning/ He came in dressed in a leisure suit. Jennifer Loves him.
Let me show you how to find Dave. I want to see his face when you tell him...

 

by BobRogers
12-11-06
So it turns out that Dave is a coprophiliac.
I looked that up in the dictionary and it means "seriously obsessed with feces.
Well, it must be true because he spent ten minutes licking this rectal themometer and making "ahhhh" and ooohhh" noises while scratching his bald spot.
i am sure it's just a phase he's going through, like the time he tried to break the Guiness World record for continuously crapping in his pants. Oh wait. That was coprophilia also.
Is there any hope Doctor?
Only if we can get him a job at a BMW dealership.

 

by BobRogers
12-12-06
Let me see if I got this straight. You are campaigning to be elected a moderator of the Stern Shrine HEY NOW forum?
Why not? Dave's spamming is totally out of control. It is always a pain to clean up after him. Why not me?
But wouldn't that isolate you from the comaradere' of the fellows and gals of the forum.
I dunno about that. D-man is a mod and is highly respected. I guess it would depend on whether I became an asshole or not.
OK Gargoyle. Shut up now before you say something stupid and get in a fight...
I'd like to try it. I think I would do OK.

 

by BobRogers
12-13-06
If I am elected moderator I will ban everybody I hate.
Nobody will be allowed to f***ing swear except me.
Women will be slaves and have to perform oral sex on me.
Sounds like you are the boy for the job.

 

by BobRogers
12-13-06
With new backgrounds come new challenges...
Welcome to the Cave Of Wisdom.
Where did this come from? It wasn't in the park yesterday.
I like to do a little terraforming from time to time just to sort of keep my hand in, know what I mean?
Dude, you are starting to weird me out
Remember that Dave has managed to set off nuclear holocaust in the last two strips in a row. I built this little bomb shelter to cover my ass.
We don't even let Dave near carbonated water now, nevermind plutonium. Nice digs though.

 

by BobRogers
12-13-06
from the comfort of his basement abode, dave trashes message boards.
To everybody on the Howard Stern Message board... I am LEAVING and you can't stop me.
I HATE YOU ALL, especially EVERYBODY!
And STOP saying I live in a basement! It's a LIE, LIE, LIE!

 

by BobRogers
12-13-06
Nice to see you again Dave.
Agggggggggggg! I am NOT seeing a Pink Donkey! OMG if those guys find out about you, I will NEVER hear the end of it!
Are you ASHAMED of me Dave? After all we've been through? After I pulled that pink donkey cart all over town for you?
Go away. Go away. You are just a Nyquill induced hallucination!
Is this better Dave? I am unbelievably flexible!
A WOMAN! I have to RUN AWAY NOW! Yagggghhhh!

 

by BobRogers
12-14-06
Bob! I'm surprised to see you out in the yard. I would have thought you'd be inside on the computer posting on that forum, Stern Shrine.
Nah. The place has become pretty dull and uninteresting as of late. Dave is spamming the place mercilessly. takes ten minutes to find a topic.
I thought you had a chance to become a moderator and do something about all that spamming.
That turned out to be nothing. Truth is, senselessness and insane chaos seems to be preferred.
So what are you going to do, sit here and feel sorry for yourself?
Nah. I thought I would make a few more cartoons and then maybe find something else to do. The forum is dead.

 

by BobRogers
12-14-06
Message Board Autopsy...
We are here today to conduct a postmortum on the late great message board "Stern Shrine," sub category "Hey Now."
The deceased was a popular message board dedicated to mostly friendly and intelligent pursuits and the occasional rip on Canada.
Autopsy will clearly show that the deceased was strangled by useless threads and random disconneced blatherings of a diseased killer.
The coronor will be able to clearly see the ligature marks where the killer strangled the board with more than 500 stupid posts.
Since the board doesn't have now nor will have a dedicated moderator, it was an easy target for this serial killer.
Clearly the killer, known as Dave, Loretta, Butters and a thousand aliases will strike again. Be depressed. Your message board is next.

 

Say, you're pretty good at this autopsy stuff. How long have you been a pathologist?
I'm NOT a pathologist. I work at Enterprise Rent A Car. But I DID stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night.
by BobRogers, 12-15-06

 

by BobRogers
12-15-06
Dear Santa. Make Dave die horribly. Fire is cool.
Dear Santa. Make Dave suffer. A meteorite landing on his house would work.
Dear Santa. Please let the chinese timer on the bomb in Dave's computer ignite the Czek C4 properly so that I can have a happy Christmas.

 

by BobRogers
12-16-06
I may have a new job mowing lawns in Connecticut.
Wow. That's going to be interesting what with all the snow on the ground.
Hey NOW! The job won't start until the spring.
Yo used to wash cars, and scrub toilets for Enterprise in Poukeepsie. This is a step up?
I need $$$
Too bad they don't pay you by the thread on the forum. You'd be stinking rich by now.

Showing page 15.

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