All comics by bigworm

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by bigworm
12-07-10
I didn't know you liked to suffer like that.
You're the only one who knows.
Maybe we can suffer together sometime.
I'm suffering right now just thinking about it.

 

by bigworm
12-07-10
I suffer 'till my dick is black and blue.
My dick is still purple...
... but it hides from me.
Does that count?

 

by bigworm
12-07-10
If your dick doesn't suffer enough to change colors, but only enough to hide from you... I don't think that counts.
Wow!
That makes my dick a liar.

 

by bigworm
12-07-10
Did you ever suffer on anybody's food?
No.
If you were Catholic...
... you'd have to say a lot of 'Hail Marys' for that bullshit!

 

by bigworm
12-09-10
Don't worry, you're invited. The only ones I didn't invite are the twins.
You mean Linga and Langa... you're not inviting sweet little Linga and good old Langa?
All Linga does is sing stupid little songs under her breath while Langa sits there and sighs about this and that. They're downers at a party.
I know, but they're part of the farm.
Well, it's my new year's party, and my new year's resolution is that I'm not gonna' sit around listening to Linga singing... or 'old Lang sighing'.

 

Playing coy always turns a man on.
Ka-KaPooLou, how many times do I have to tell you... trim your beard!
I'll do it right after we fuck.
by bigworm, 12-10-10

 

Changing your mind makes a man ravenous with lust.
I love your beard Ka-KaPooLou, especially the way you slap 'em on my cunt!
Could you hurry please?
by bigworm, 12-10-10

 

Ask your man personal questions, so they'll open up.
Ka-KaPooLou, if you're from Hawaii, how come you're blue, and not brown?
It's a water thing.
by bigworm, 12-10-10

 

If the dude's older than you, always show some consideration.
Would you like me to rub some oil into your bone before we go at it?
Sure!
by bigworm, 12-10-10

 

Always give 'em a taste of what's to come. It's turns 'em into wild stallions!
I'll suck on the head first, if you want me to.
*Chomp chomp!*
by bigworm, 12-10-10

 

by bigworm
12-10-10
If you wanna' be in the driver's seat... make 'em promise not to do something they're gonna' do.
Promise me you won't cum in my mouth?
Oh Granny... yer special to me!
Don't let him outta' the promise!
Are you gonna' promise me or not?
What kinda' guy you think I am anyway?
Drop it if he acts like he's gonna' leave.
It's just that I... no, wait!
Damn Granny, you went and spoiled the mood!

 

by bigworm
12-10-10
To keep things excitin'... take 'em where they've never been...
I know what you've been wantin'!
Oh yeh? What's that?
... and watch 'em get overcome with thrill!
To eat my poo-hole!

 

by bigworm
12-10-10
Start out ruthless if you gotta' wild buck!!!
Get on yer knees bitch!!!
Make 'em work for what they want!
Now chew them fuckin' panties! Chew 'em I said!!!
*gasp*
Remember to praise 'em if they do a good job.
Good boy, that's a real good boy... now jus' tickle it... that's right... with yer tongue. Oh yeh... that's it... jus' like that.
*woof woof?*

 

by bigworm
12-12-10
Dear God, I would appreciate it if you could give me a bigger dick. Amen.
... and in response to the prayer... God dispatched a messenger!
God says..."Everything comes to him who waits."

 

by bigworm
12-12-10
Tell God that Kin Hubbard said "Everything comes to him who waits but a loaned book." Ha ha ha!
Sure thing!
God says..."...and a bigger dick!"

 

by bigworm
12-12-10
So will you give God that message for me?
Sure, whatever it means.
He says... "Ogay uckfay ouryayelfsay."
?!!
I hate it when I gotta' google shit!

 

by bigworm
12-14-10
What the hell happened to my fucking dick?!!! It disappeared! I ask God for a bigger dick, and the one I got goes m.i.a.!!! What the fuck?!!!
Don't ask me man! I'll try and find out for you.
God says... "You best shut the fuck up or your balls are next!"

 

Things gon' git dirty tonight baby!
by bigworm, 12-17-10

 

...buttered tortillas.
by bigworm, 12-17-10

 

I mean OOOHH LA LA!!! Mas tortillas con mantequilla en la noche!!!
by bigworm, 12-17-10

 

by bigworm
12-17-10
Whereas (in life), I have been denied my conjugal right (albeit tacit), to doink your rump, and notwithstanding... the fact that (in death),
your ass has been sewn shut to further the aforementioned denial... and notwithstanding the fact that your colon is devoid of all fecal matter...
... and whereas the continuance of this denial has pissed me off, I shall upon this day, seize the moment and butt-fuck the shit out of you.

 

by bigworm
12-20-10
'A' is for that rotting flesh 'AROMA' that your putrid carcass emits, and seems to have become the mainstay of your attention getting behaviors.
'B' is for the lack of 'BOUNCE' that your leathery, and dehydratedly shrunken ass doesn't have anymore, no matter how hard I might pump in my neverending, (but vain) attempts to get a response.
'C' is for the third part of the nickname I gave you right after I smashed your fucking head in with that big stone doorstop I was always tripping over, but you insisted we keep.'Dead Fucking CUNT'!
'D' is (of course) for 'DUMB'... the nickname you had back when you were so (unpleasantly) alive.
'E' is for 'EVERYTIME' I was titty-fucking you, and you turned your face to the side right at the crucial moment... spoiling my wonderful dreams and fantasies of having you gobble my load.
'F' is for 'FAKE'... tits, orgasms, eyelashes, your bullshit response to my cumming in your mouth, how you described your miserable life to anyone that would listen, and your "dislike" of animal porn.

 

by bigworm
12-20-10
'G' is for the 'GET' in "You'd better GET this straight bitch!!!" Then, after I said that, I would wrap my 'misogynistic manhood' in 80-grit sandpaper and dry-hump your butt crack, again and again.
'H' is for 'HONOR', the most common component of the way I treated you.
'I' is for 'I'. It was always about you...you were so inconsiderate! "I want this... I want that... I'm not comfortable when you do that... I don't know how much longer I can take this..." ad nauseum.
'J' is for 'JOCULAR', which is for the attitude I wanted so desperately for us to share... but couldn't because you always had to be so grim.
'K' is for your insipid and uncute shortening of the term 'oK' in your text messages, where I'd have to drag my cell phone out of it's holder , just to see your stupid one letter response.
'L' was for your failure to 'LAUGH' at my funny jokes, like "What's black & blue and brown all over?"

 

by bigworm
12-20-10
'G' is for the 'GET' in "You'd better GET this straight bitch!!!" Then, after I said that, I would wrap my 'misogynistic manhood' in 80-grit sandpaper and dry-hump your butt crack, again and again.
'H' is for 'HONOR', the most common component of the way I treated you.
'I' is for 'I'. It was always about you...you were so inconsiderate! "I want this... I want that... I'm not comfortable when you do that... I don't know how much longer I can take this..." ad nauseum.
'J' is for 'JOCULAR', which is for the attitude I wanted so desperately for us to share... but couldn't because you always had to be so grim.
'K' is for your insipid and uncute shortening of the term 'oK' in your text messages, where I'd have to drag my cell phone out of it's holder , just to see your stupid one letter response.
'L' was for your failure to 'LAUGH' at my funny jokes, like "What's black & blue and brown all over?"

 

by bigworm
12-20-10
'M' can only stand for the i'MM'ense disappointment I felt in you when you repeatedly declined and/or failed to perform completly normal sexual acts that I had asked you politely to perform.
'N' is for 'NO' as in... "You ain't never gonna' say 'NO' 'NO' mo'!"
'O' is for your apparently never ending need to say "Ow, that hurts...!", every time I 'youknowwhatted' you, as if I couldn't remember that from the last time!
'P' is for 'PIA ZADORA', whom I'd have much rather fucked than you.
'Q' is for the 'QUANTUM LEAP' our sex life took after the 'door-stop incident'.
'R' is for 'marital RAPE', which you consistently obliged me to engage in over the course of our (due to your quirks), unusual relationship!

 

by bigworm
12-20-10
'S' is for all the unexplainable 'SHENANIGANS' you pulled in effort to deprive me of my inherent right to a good sex life.
'T' is for my having 'TRIED' so hard to work things out with you, before you foisted that last straw on my back.'
'U' is for that unattractive flesh colored 'UNDERWEAR' you used to wear, despite my telling you (numerous times) I didn't like it. You might appreciate knowing that pink is now your color of choice.
'V' can only be for 'VIRGINAL', which you so unwisely (as can clearly be seen in retrospect), made claim to being.
'W' is for how 'WEARY' I became of trying to break free of your mother's claw-like grasp on you. Before that could happen though... she went and died of mysterious circumstances.
'X' is for the 'XXX' treatment that I'm finally getting, but as usual, you'll probably spoil that too.

 

'Y' is for 'YEAST'... need I say more?
'Z' is for my 'ZIPPER', which you now (after all these years), pull down willingly... that is, after I clinch your hard dead jaw onto it.
by bigworm, 12-20-10

 

by bigworm
12-23-10
Hey, I was wondering... you think you could...
Whatever...
... lance the boil I've got next to my asshole?
I was about to say... "Whatever a friend needs." But you had to interrupt me right when I was trying to be nice... just like usual!
Fat ugly bitch!
Big stinking ass-boil!

 

by bigworm
12-23-10
Would you please stop nagging me about it?
I thought you wanted to get married!
I do!
I do!
What just happened?
My parents won't be home for 2 hours, we can honeymoon there if we hurry up.

 

Dude... think you could hurry things up a bit? I don't have all aeon!
by bigworm, 12-24-10

 

by bigworm
12-24-10
In our session today, I'm going to regress you back to a former life. I'd like you to just relax and go with my suggestions.
Sounds good.
I have a question...
Yes?
Are you using me as a guinea pig?

 

by bigworm
12-24-10
You look kind of young to be a hypno-therapist. Would you mind showing me your qualifications?
I thought I was.
So you are... so you are.

 

by bigworm
12-24-10
Really, I was asking to see your 'SCHOLASTIC' qualifications.
Oh... I see.
Well?!!
Well what?

 

by bigworm
12-24-10
I don't think you've demonstrated that you're qualified to act as a hypno-therapist.
I don't give a 'flying fuck' what you think!
Furthermore, I don't give a 'rat's ass' what anybody thinks or feels about me. You can take your stupid thoughts and shove 'em up yer fucking ass for all I care!
Flattery will get you nowhere.

 

by bigworm
12-24-10
I'm sorry... but it's true. Flattery will indeed get you nowhere.
You call what I just said to you 'flattery'? What are you anyway... some kind of a nut-job?
oops...
... my bad.

 

by bigworm
12-24-10
It looks like we've gotten off on the wrong foot. I think it's best if I looked elsewhere.
I feel it's my duty to advise you that should you make one motherfucking move towards that door, that I will not hesitate to jump on you, restrain you, and cut your godforsaken testicles off!
Are you serious?
You're goddamn fuckin' straight I'm serious! You wanna' try me?!! Bring it on big boy!!!
Actually, now that I think of it, I'm sure we'll get along just fine.
I don't see any reason why we wouldn't.

 

by bigworm
12-25-10
You must prove to us that you are Mohammed!!!
There's a couple of infidels in town, and I need your help to cut their heads off!!!
Jesus Christ Almighty!!! It's him!!!
Allah hu akbar!!! Allah hu akbar!!! Allah hu akbar!!!

 

by bigworm
12-25-10
If I'm going on a date with a dead girl, I want everyone to be happy. So I make her face into a smile.
In turn, that makes me happy.
That way everyone's happy when I cum in her mouth.

 

by bigworm
12-26-10
So, what did you think?
Well, it was alright, but there is the 'zero response' factor.
Duhhh! She's dead!!!
I know... I know, but it would've been so much better...
... if she had shown a little spirit.

 

by bigworm
1-02-11
Dear Diary... I'm going to see a Dr. Something's wrong with my nose. I'm always smelling tuna.
Oops! I need to change my panties before I go!
Darn it all! Now I can't remember what I was gonna' do.

 

by bigworm
1-02-11
I'm a color changing female.
I like to spend long evenings in my box.
Looking for a dude with with a 7ft. wood auger pecker.

 

by bigworm
1-02-11
My favorite position was 'doggy'!
So WTF?!?
Someone's gotta' turn me over!

 

by bigworm
1-02-11
Did I hear someone say "Every night?"
Asshole!!!
If anyone can hear me... please, pick a night... any night!

 

by bigworm
1-04-11
Dear Diary... I now know there's nothing worse than a necro with a penchant for tunnels.
OMG!!! I can hear him now, huffing with jubilant lust. Oh no, he's sticking his dick in my mouth... aaaacccck, oophhocack, ack ack, gghhh...
You like that baby, huh? Oh yeh... I know you like it. I gotta' go now. You ain't the only bitch on my list.
MY WEDDING BAND FOR SOME MOUTHWASH!

 

by bigworm
1-04-11
Studies have shown that humans share about 98% of our DNA.
That's why they eat our brains...
...looking for that other 2%.

 

by bigworm
1-04-11
You were asked... "Did you ever suck a choir-boy's pee pee?" -~-~-~-~ You answered "No." The lie-detector determined... that was a lie.
But... but... It's part of 'The Calling'!
Don't worry... you're cool!

 

Oh baby, I miss you so much! I'm lost in this lonely world without you.
Well check this out butt-wad! I'm having a great time down here under 6ft. of fucking dirt! Sorry to hear you're in such dire straits. I'll try and get some help for you!
by bigworm, 1-05-11

 

by bigworm
1-06-11
You ain't s'posed to wear that 'till the ascension! Now git yer ass back on the cross!
fuckin' asshole...

 

by bigworm
1-13-11
She sucked my dick... but that doesn't mean she loves me.
She licked my balls... but even that doesn't mean she loves me.
She told me she loves me...
... more than once.
That makes her a lying cocksucker.
*pow*... Take that bitch! *pow pow*

 

by bigworm
1-14-11
And on some unspecified day... God created the Jew, and the Blackman...
... and for some reason he wanted them to be connected. So God hung out in the desert 'till he could come up with a plausible reason.
And the dyslexics all said "YAY"!!!
Oy!
Yo!

Showing page 16.

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