All comics by AnonymousGreenTea

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I wish I had a truth-talking computer.
I cant believe how stupid you are. Go to sleep.
Yay... I guess.
Thats what I thought. Now we need to discuss you sucking. Knock it off.

 

Suddenly, Anon is plunged into a gaping pit of dispaire. Except spelled correctly.
I was fine moments ago. Now, I long for death. Why?
Where did you come from, mysterious cloaked figure?
Nothinness. But I have come here to impart to you the secrets of the Universe.
I am fully aware that this is not funny. But, its that kind of day, so fuck you.
Life is lived only through apathy. The structures you have based your life on are compleatly arbitrary. You can never change this.
Thanks for the news flash. Plus, people are worthless and painful. I hate them all.

 

I hate life. I hate people. I... oh, no. Please, not--
Sprew spew SPEW!!!!!
This is absolutly not what I need right now. I would give anything to escape this. Do you hear me, Satan? ANYTHING!!
Spew!
Ahh... much better. I owe you one, Satan.
Dont mention it. I figure I owe it to you, what with all the angst and pain you've been spouting recently. Thanks for the help.

 

The weird corpse is LittleA. He's a good kid. He helped me out of the doldrums with this one.
So, yeah, Ben and I are getting married in November. Even though he's 22 and Im just now 18.
Thats a pretty big age gap.
Yeah. He was a cognisant being while you were still a fetus.
Okay, maybe you had to be there, but I loved it.
He was working on walking and talking while you were still forming eyelids.
..shut up.

 

Ugh. Ate too many strawberries and now I'm gonna puke. Maybe some comics will lift my nauseated spirits.
Sorry. Once again, none of your 'friends' have made any comics. I sugest you make a few retarded comics yourself and call it good.
Oh. Well, as long as you think that its a good idea.
Right. And its not like you are going to have a problem being stupid by yourself.

 
Well, damn. I hate life. Kill me.
If you kep sucking this hard, I am confidant that you will find death. Not to worry.

 

I hate my life. My parents are extra pissed at me about grades, and still don't believe that I'm not a bad kid.
I have forty projects due for school, and I dont have the energy or motivation to start a single one.
You dont have real problems, and you know it. Quit your bitching, you waste of space.
On top of all that, the GlitterSpewingFreak latched on to me this afternnon.
Oh... why didnt you say so? Poor kid, maybe you should sit down.

 

aching for death...
Spew spew spew spewspewspew!
Jesus, that girl is a freak. I can't believe how frickin' weird she is. *shudder*
I feel bad talking about her like this.. granted, she is totaly fucked sideways, but I still care about her, want her to be happy... we used to be good friends...
Yeah, I know. You'd think she would eventually realize that no body likes her.
Right. I mean, how can she be so retarded?!

 

The sales-lady really did say this.
"I have no idea what's going on with the nudes"
She was talking about a shipment of underwear that is the color 'nude'. Of this I am fully aware.
It still made me picture a group of naked people sneaking about and creating general chaos while this woman just looked confused.

 

I hate my life.
I am almost a legal adult.. but I'm grounded because I have a bad grade. Logic flaw?
[BunnyDog3] Hey, want to have some fun with me and fugobo?
I can't, I'm under house arrest.
Oh... okay. I'll go have a great time, and bond with fugobo some more, and you can take a nap, or something. 'Later. Love ya.
Mere images are not enough to impress upon you how much I suck.
I think I'll go have no friends now.
Okay, now read this strip again, and pretend to care that this caused me emotional trauma.

 

Yes, spring has come to the midwest.
Clothing sticking... to skin... will to live being sucked out of eye-sockets...
And with temperatures in the high 90's, the usual crop of naked sluts also appears.
I hate everyone! I cant believe how 'tarded and shallow everyone is!
So, I mean, like, I was thinking that this tube top showed too much clevage, but I guess since everyone can see my ass through my underwear-cut shorts, it all evens out.
But, of course, its just me.
Damn, that girl's an uptight bitch.
She's just pissed because she's ugly and cant wear pretty things.

 

Today, my friends and I skipped class to eat ice cream and play at a park. It was a remarkable amount of fun.
My parents complain that I dont tell them about my day. If I told them about this wonderful experience with my friends, they wold yell and me.
They'd say that I'm going to ruin my future by fucking up school. I hate life.

 

I hate everything. I fail at everything. Why? Why is life so painful?!
Don't worry. Someday, we're going to ride the rollercoasters. I love you. All is well.
Only a best friend can lie so convincingly.
Oh. Okay.
Lets go poke a fish carcass.

 

While this surprises no one, I would like to reiterate that I hate life.
What reason have you to hate life? You have no real problems.
Well.. true. But that only partialy makes me whine less. Just because my problems are inconsiquential and stupid doesn't make them less real to me.
Way to rationalize so as to continue wallowing in self pity and self loathing.
You're not even real. This is just an internal dialogue.
Yeah, but... you- hey, shut up!

 

A flaming piece of roadkill could spell better than you.
This is very true.
I bet 80% of that last strip was spelled wrong.
Hey, no one's arguing. I agree that I suck.
When it reaches a certain level, lack of self esteem can be an asset.
Damn. Now I stumped.
I think I'll go have no friends now.

 

Hmm.. Its Sunday evening, and I plan to sleep instead of doing homework. Its almost graduation time- I should try not to suck soon.
You've ben saying that same things for years. You are worthless. Admit it.
I dont know what other option I have. This weekend I pretty much proved my co-dependence. When my other half is sullen and quiet, I am paralyzed.
It only goes to show that you have no spine, or personality of your own.
Yeah, but at least I have... I have... umm, a lot of free time.
Why don't you go have no friends now.

 

We're going ot go ride the rollercoaters someday, right?
Not if you keep bashing me in comics, bitch.
We'll go to the pet semetary, right? It'll be cool.
Sullen? Fuck you.
....I luv U 4 eva?
Meh. Die.

 

Look, people. You've read their comics.
People? I think I'll say something stupid and hide in the corner for a while.
Umm.. I'll feel bad if you and BunnyDog3 have a bad time
Speaking as our collective entity- We can try, but we are afraid. I think we'll be awkward and hide.
Umm...
Don't pretend we spoke.

 

Spewspewspew. Fart! Hahahaha!
Knock it off.
*gasp* Spew, Im going to be sullen and flee. Spew.
Should I feel bad for calling her on her tarded second-grade shit?
No. ...yet, vague guilt lingers.
God, she's stupid. Why does she act like that?
Because she is deeply fucked up.

 

Anon is trapped by a vapid whore. Can she escape?
Blabla bla bla bla. I am so far ahead in this class, its not even funny.
You're right. You're not funny. Choke on your tongue.
No.
Oh, I'm sorry. Im just so wired today. Haha!
You aren't sorry. And, when I dont make eye contact or more than prefunctory responces to you chatter, it means I dont want to talk to you. Die.
Well, Its an ending. Maybe not a happy one, but an ending none the less.
I think I'll wander off and look glazed and be shallow over here for a while.
I think I'll go build my own coffin out of plywood and bitterness.

 

The school computers are less than helpful.
If you would cooperate for two second and not be such a bitch-
You know what? Youre lucky I dont pull a Final Destination and explode shards of my moniter into your jugular vein.
They are all hateful and spiteful.
Look, Ive been waiting five minuets for this page to load, and that's after you spontainiously disconnected me from the server.
Why should I help you, you dumb whore? You arent even computer literate, so you can only sit there and complain.
Yet, luckily, they are easily bored.
Finaly. Thank God.
I got bored toying with your mind. Here's the illegal comic site you were trying to connect to in biology class. Bitch.

 

I HATE LIFE!!!!! DEATH, PAIN AND ANGST!!!
I agree... life is a pain. It should die.
I hate life. Everyone should die.
Hmm.. I'm manic and giggly and happy now. Why are you so pissed? You hate me! I'm offended.
Why arent you happy? I'm going to be pissed again because you aren't happy.
fuck.

 

Tomb Raider the Movie! The hottest film of the summer... the crtics are saying in May.
Hey, I dont have a life. Perhaps I should use this free time to catch up on some math homework, seeing as how I'm passing that class by the grace of god.
"I'm Troy McCluer. You may remember me from such extavegantly entertaining wastes of time as The Simpsons Episodes One - One Billion."
In fact, there's lots of things I could be... doing... like...
...like not being pathetic.
Revenge of the Nerds marathon on Comedy Central! You know you want to watch it! Don't pretend you're too good to be lulled into a coma by this drivel!
...like...

 

My dearest love, you know I never mean to hurt you. I only made that comic because I thought the cyclical irony was funny.
Hm.
You also know that I was sincere when I told you that I have never held the fact that you are a manic feak against you.
Meh.
Maybe when you leave me here in the epicenter of nowhere and go to the west coast, we will have less miscomunication?
I think if you ever stop sucking you might learn to spell.

 

"I am the pusher robot. I shove around the blind people."
This is so dumb. What freak made this up?
Maybe its not made up. You don't know.
Don't be stupid. Its a prank, dumbass. Its funny to a 'net subculture. Thats all.
Fuck. I should have seen this coming in the first panel.
Do you have stairs in your house?

 

Being that you are bobo32, I would like to apologize for being socially worthless.
Its no big deal. I make no claims of social skill myself.
I also apologize for apologizing through this meduim.
That I can never forgive. I shall never make a comic again, thus effectivly never speaking to you ever again.
Oh, yeah.
Well, I think that pretty well sums every thing up. Except-
I would like to reiterate that since you know and admire me only through my comics, you are really just talking to yourself.

 

The Big Chicken represents High School, because I said so. It works, I think.
Thanks, its been fun, now leave.
Even though I spilled three years of my life into this festering hell hole, I'm sorry to leave it behind. Okay, not sorry- scared to death.
What's said the last few days of school...
Hey! I had so much fun getting to know you in class this year! Call me over the summer! We'll hang out all the time! I'll miss you so much! You are so cool and all that stuff. Don't forget to write!
Yeah, its been fun. Give me a call sometime, we could hang out. I'll see you around.
...What everyone means. (You all know what this feels like. Don't pretend you're never mean like this.)
Jesus, thank god I'm out of this place. I never have to talk to any of these losers ever again!
Thank god I'll never see that shallow bitch again. I think I'll go cauterize the place she touched me.

 

You have no love for me. I am excluded from all joy.
Not excluded... or, at least, not nearly as much as the rest of the world. You know you have much love. You even said so.
Meh. I accept my friendless fate.
I am glad that you called, or perhaps just alluded to me as, your friend...
however I wonder with some anxiety if you will ever talk to me again after the penguin leaves.
How did we suddenly switch places?

 
Get a job! Now! NOW!!
This is my summer so far.
Damn.

 

You are totally worthless without the penguin. You are not really a person, only a leech; or perhaps a parasitic twin.
Hey... no, I'm... going to cry.
However, I'll hypocritically say you should e-mail me. And even that I might return some attention. Dumbass.
You know what? Fine!
"Dear fugobo, ....." Fuck.
I knew it. You're worthless. Die.

 

This is my neice. I am supposed to entertain her....?
So... perhaps... some stuff to do?
Meh.
The park? Shopping? Swimming? Museums?
Meh. Meh. Meh. etc.
Wheeha, summer.
We could hang out with some of my friends?
If we do, I'll get scared and quiet and you'll be concerned that youre hurting me.

 

Umm, hi, Cain?
Oh, no, this is his mother. He's never home. Haha! Maybe he'll return your call if he thinks your'e worthwhile. Haha! Bye!
Now, a turth-talking phone. Oh, joy.
goddamnit.
I can't believe how pathetic this chic is.

 

How she probably feels.
Hey... love me?
Meh. Maybe later.
How I feel.
Love me! Come have fun with me! Me and the HBFC are going to have lots of fun!
I would give my liver to go into the night and fun with you until dawn, but I must play with the relitives. I have envy.
What ends up happening.
I think I'll go to my job, be productive, and have no friends now.
I think I'll go have no friends now.

 

This is
I
my summer
hate
so far.
life

 

Sacrasm
So, Cain, seeing as how you ignore me a lot, I guess you hate me.
Sarcasm?
You're right, I do hate you. And I don't feel bad for ignoring you, either.
End product
I hate life. I think I'll go lay on the train tracks for a while.

 

These are a few hikus I thought of while eating dinner with the family.
*ahem*
I hate everyone/always getting on my nerves/people are stupid.
Jesus, I'm a bitch.
Steven King's "The Stand"/is my fantasy world/if I wouldnt die.

 

Just when you think that horrible 17-year geek-streak is taking a turn-
YES!! I got a job! Its really cool! But it doesnt start for a few days, and.. and...
All my friends are either off the continant, at work, or at the mercy of thier stupid parents. Or, hate me.
you realize: No Chance
Gaddamnit. Being bored is so fucking frustrating.

 

In responce to: It Was Peanuts
So, bobo32... how's.. stuff?
You know, you never make comics anymore, either.
You know, I appologised for.. and you don't... damn.
Must find means of escape...

 

I hate
Hi, I'm calling to ask you to donate money to some good causes-
What?! You're a telemarketer? DIE!!!
my job
Hello, I was hoping you would support your local police force-
DIE DIE DIE PHONE SOLICITOR!!! YOU HAVE NO SOUL!!!!
so much.
Look, I'm being nice and only doing this job, that I happen to need-
You are a waste of space and have less worth than what I just coughed up. Trust me. You know its the truth.

 

I miss you...
Yeah.
Why do we both have to have shitty jobs? Life sucks ass. And, by the way, since you aren't really here, I'm really only talking to myself.
Yeah.
Still, I miss you.
Yeah.

 

Yes, this actually happened. Pray for me.
Daughter, I decided that your job is shitty. You're grounded until you get another job that you enjoy!!
But, my job is fine! I've only had it a week, of course it still upsets me! Calm down!
NO! I INSIST on being psychotic! Get a new job NOW!! NOW!!
If I cooperate with you in your freakish delusions, will you un-ground me?
Fine. Now, I'm going to try and be you friend. If I'm goofy and stupid, will you love me?
Kill me.

 

The GlitterSpewingFreak has Anon in a death grip of stupidity.
Spewspewspew, I have no friends, and I never do anything. Spew!!
Oh, that reminds me of a funny story. The other day, BunnyDog3 and I were out doing something lame, and-
When Anon's attempts at normal conversation fail, she has only one resource left-
WHAT?! You hung out with her? I never leave my house, LITERALY! I have NO FRIENDS!!! WHY?! I never call anyone and am painful to be around, why wont anyone talk to me?!
I know exactly why. But I'll just bite my toungue and try not to be offended that you say you have NO friends to my face.
praying for death.
Spewspew, spewspew. Spew, spew. Im so bored all of the time. I never sleep, only whine about how bored I am. Why doesnt anyone hang out with me? I never leave my house.
I spend time with you because I have some tatters of old friendship mixed with pity. You arent making this any easier. Too bad I ran out of panals, or you would have burst into flames.

 

Anon adresses bobo32.
You know, you whine a lot. "No one loves me. I'm unattractive. Life bites." Christ.
Being that I enjoy you, it's grating when you go on and on and on about how pathetic you are.
I mean... damn. Too late.
*panic reflex activated* Must flee compliment...

 

YOU ARE STILL A CHILD!!! No fun for you, ever. There is NO WAY you can go on a road trip with your friend(s). You are an infant in need of protection. Bitch.
How could I convince my parents that they should not worry about me driving twenty hours though four states to stay in a hotel for three nights with my friend(s)? I mean, what's wrong with... Oh.
Well... tell your parents that they're stupid.
Excellent plan. But, really, how can I save this? I've been looking forward to this for almost, what, two years? Please, Cosmos, don't kill it now. We're so close.
Its simply your station in life to remain frustrated and unfulfilled. As Fate, let me lend you some advice: Don't rock the boat, kid. It only makes it sting more if you strugle.
I see your point. I'll just stumble through life alone and lost in a cloud of bitterness and regret. Maybe in my next reincarnation I won't get the metaphorical short-sheeting. *sigh*

 

Have you noticed that, in TV Land, everyone is beautiful and young and slender? 36-24-36, all the way. Toned and tanned.
Except for the villins, who are all fat, or old or otherwise physically unattractive. Lumpy or scarred or badly dressed. Without fail.
Perhaps I should start compiling my plans for world domination now.
Now, guess which class you fit into. Go ahead, guess.

 

Hey, mom, I'm going to spend the night with the pengin, okay?
What? No, why!? Will her parents be home? Last time you did that, You got trashed and then lied to me about it! I know it!! I KNOW IT!!!
No, look, mom, I'm the good kid, remember? Please, dont resent me. Love me.
NO! Never! You have tained my love for you by existing. HATE HATE HATE!!!
So, yeah, thats the way it went.
Too bad you parents suck ass. Did you tell them to go fuck themselves?

 

Look, I'm floating.
The other night, I was spending time with the weird freaks... by which I mean bobo32 and fugobo and the like.
No even distribution of words to panels.
Not surprisingly, comics were referenced. I heard one of them actually pronounce 'fugobo'.
Damn.
Apparently, I have been thinking a faulty pronuciation all this time. Also, I am too bored to make a funny comic. I think it's because it 112 degrees out side. Goddamn sun. What the hell.

 

These three unrelated panels are my life as of right now.
Hey, Mom, I'm going to go have a life, okay?
No!! Never! What's wrong with you, thinking you can have fun! *grumble* Die.
I hate life!! Life hates me back!! DEATH!!
I wish life wasn't 'tarded. Oh, well. Crap.
Damn.
I can't believe you're watching BASEketball. What a fuckin' loser you are.
Trey Parker is so hot. Wow.

 

The other day, I was bored. So, I decided to watch Comedy Central.
Oh, look- a guy. Oh, wait, a set of twins with their own comedy routine. Okay. Whatever.
Half an hour later, my brain hurts from laughing so hard.
oh, sweet lord....
**wittyness and prowess in all things attractive**
Now, I would give my liver to just touch even one of them. Oh, yes I would....
Not even in a sexual way, necessarily. Just to touch them.
And 30minuets ago you just thought they were odd-looking. Now...you're still a loser. Ha.

 

*sigh* Well, here I sit, doing nothing and being bored for the fourth day in a row. The summer started out okay. Then what happened?
I am a halfway capeable human. I could entertain myself! I could go someplace, do something, find somebody.
At least I fit in.
This is not a punchline. I hate myself.
Lowpass Comic Strip Creator- Motto: "The place where friendless geeks can showcase thier 'tardedness."

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