All comics by Barf2

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by Barf2
6-10-04
Seeing as how hell and Earth merged in the wake of Satan's demonic rule, we're together again!
Yeah! So go buy a Pepsi! Just because it tastes good and it will leave your thirts fulfilled!
And so you can spill it on the bitch up front and see her gunzagas!

 

by Barf2
6-10-04
I will go back to hell and wait thousands of years to attempt to take over Earth on one condition...
What is it? I'll do anything!
You give me Britney Spears.
...
w00t
Deal!

 

by Barf2
6-10-04
Well... Now Candy is back in hell, and Hoss died of crabs... I'm allllll alone again... :'(
Uhhh... Hey... Candy says, "Hi," and she wants you to die so you can be together again.
w00t
Thanks for coming! So, how did the Jersey Devil kill you?
He fucked my ass so hard his dick ripped open my rectum and broke through my diaphram and sperm filled my lungs.

 

by Barf2
6-10-04
She is so fucking fucking fucking fucking ugly... FUCK she's so fucking ugly. Fuck her.
I can take it up the ass better than her. One time I was coughing up splooge from a hard buttfuck. She's a pussy.
I love you. Let's fuck!
Oh hell yes! I think there's a dildo under Satan's pillow...
Look, it's the dinosaur!
I got some condoms.
Hi little girl. Do you wanna have some fun? Wanna have sex? All the big kids are doing it!

 

by Barf2
6-10-04
The opinions stated in this comic do not reflect the opinions shared by the creator. Well, a little bit... No, yeah, they do. 100%
Hi kids. You may know me as Mike, or The President, or that stupid character on the fucking stupid webcomic on that lame-ass site... Well, I'm here today to express my opinions.
Girls hate guys for being sex crazed dogs. Well, we guys hate how you girls are all nit-picky and girlish and emotional and bleed and are angry all the time!
So... Girls need emotional help, so us guys provide that. So then you girls should provide us guys with hot sweaty dirty sex! It's only fair!
I agree! I put out all the time, and I'm the happiest woman ever!

 

by Barf2
6-10-04
Hey Candy.
Oh ma god! Why are you here?
Sharkfucker rolled over on me last night and crushed my skull... er--my board.
Oh ma god!
Let's fuck for old times sake!
We can have a threesome with my lesbian lover!

 

by Barf2
6-10-04
DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUN!!!
Mike, I'm pregnet! It's your baby!
Really? Wow! I'm gonna be a daddy!
Wheee!
MIKE! You suck. I'm going to eat you. And this has nothing to do with getting you out of the story so your son can take your place. Nothing at all.
Fuck

 

by Barf2
6-10-04
Satan. Can you send me back to Earth to birth my child? Pleeeeaaaase?
If you let me fuck you in the ass twice, pussy thrice, and give me seven blowjobs and an overall fifty orgasms... Then yeah, sure.
Yay!
Nine months later...
Bye, bitch!
Phew... That was some hard work, but I did it! Now I get to go to Earth! And just in time to give birth too!

 

by Barf2
6-10-04
Oh, you're the cutest baby ever!
Momma! Goo-goo! Ga-ga! I want to fuck you in the ass!
*sniff* Just like your father... Always in the ass... Well, I gotta return to hell! I love you! Bye!

 

by Barf2
6-10-04
I don't know what you heard about me... But if a bitch can't get a dollar outta me. No Cadillac, no perms, you can't see... That I'm a motherfucking P.I.M.P!!!
Growing up in the wilderness, receiving education only from old seventies magazines left over from old Jason movies in the woods... that's hard on a kid.
*sigh*
But Little Mikey adapted well and even started rapping.
What's up... Nah... Whassup... Yeah. Whassup mah nigga!

 

by Barf2
6-10-04
Hey, I'm new in town. Where can a pimp go to become a rap star?
Well hey there, silly-bunz. Let me hear some rap.
Go, go, go, go, go, go, go Shorty! It's ya birt'day! We go'n party like it's ya birt'day! Go'n sip bacardi like it's ya' birt'day! And you know we don't give a fuck, it's not ya' birt'day!
What the fuck...?
Fuck, now I'm out of ideas for this stupid-ass comic. I don't know if I should even continue it... :(
Your shit ain't original.

 

by Barf2
6-11-04
We're boycotting! No sex for us.
Yup! We're not gonna do anything sexual for as long as we possibly can.
Okay, now I'm seeing things.
I'm seeing things too, but it ain't bad.

 

by Barf2
6-11-04
Don't be hatin'.
Look kid, you're fuckin' lame.
DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUN!!!
Yo, Little Mikey don't like yo' attitude. I may just have tah busta cap in yo' ass!
Mikey...?
Do you know your father?

 

by Barf2
6-11-04
What the frig?
Let me introduce you to someone...
Hmmm... Yes. Yes, that's him. That's Mike's son.
*gasp* You knew mah fathah?
OMFG! NOW WE CUT BACK TO MIKE!
Oh man... This is not good... The devil's stomach...

 

by Barf2
6-19-04
Mike is trapped in the devil's stomach!
Hellllllloooooo...?
Miiiiiiiike...? This is God! Need any help?!
Alright, alright...
DUH! OF COURSE I DO, BITCH!

 

by Barf2
7-01-04
Hey, what's shakin'?
Dun dun duuuuuuuuuuun!
Huh?
Holy fuckin' shit! MIKE!!!
Dun dun duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun!!!X2
Who the fuck are you, you ugly fucktard in need of a good bitch-slappin'?
I guess I'm you're... uh... son.

 

by Barf2
7-01-04
My clit is super-stimulated with a twist of dots, nacho-cheese, and liqourish shoved up my wet pussy!
The theater's a great place to give (or get) blowjobs because it's so dark.
I get so arroused when ice-cubes rub against my nipples that my clit feels like a boner!
If you put a hole in the popcorn bucket and put your dick in it, your bitch can jack you off and it'll seem like she's just getting some popcorn!
My doctor says I'm over-orgasmic, and that my heart can't take it anymore.
My last one-night-stand's dick and heart exploded. So remember kids: only 3-4 orgasms a week!

 

by Barf2
7-01-04
Earlier today, at around 2-3 AM, I destroyed my last porn tape and quit masturbation.
The most time I've gone without an orgasm has been about two weeks. I hope to go at least two months.
And so, I proclaim today as "No-more-orgasms Day!"
Masturbation causes horrible things... Split personalities 'n shit. I'll say, "Nah, I'll just go to bed..."
NO! Go put on your special tape, go order something off Payperview... Masturbation is healthy!

 

by Barf2
7-02-04
Day #1...
Day one... Last night I was being seduced by an Anna Nicole Smith biography/porn. The kind of stuff a desensitized penis would splooge to in minutes! But I did not masturbate.
Later that night, though, an insanely hot porn movie was on... I shiver just thinking about it. A hot latino girl getting it up the butt... She was so sexy.
Good god, Pamela Anderson is hot...
Today I woke up with a fourteen-inch boner.
Today, so far, has been alright... I'm under "control."
I keep fantasizing about a hot burnett on top with huge jublies bouncing as she moans in orgasmic pleasure. But I must resist the sexual urges... No orgasms! So far I've gone one day... and a half.

 

by Barf2
7-02-04
You know, I've seen two movies recently... Fahrenheit 9/11. Spider-Man 2.
Fahrenheit 9/11 was a well-filmed political push against the Bush Administration (awesome). Spider-Man 2 kicked ass too.
Yeah, and during the movies I had a total of 23 orgasms!
Fuck yeah, biatch! I had a bubble-gum-coated tongue in my pussy the whole time.
Millions upon trillions of years earlier...
Someday I'll be a real chessboard.

 

by Barf2
7-02-04
Hi. We here, at Barf2 studios, would like to congradulate ourselves.
Yeah. We rock the party that rocks the body.
Congrats on comic #69. That's a bitchin' number.
GO GO GO! um... YO YO YO! With the hoe-hoe-hoes! You chose... to hose... with, uh, sperm?
Somebody give me a medal. I reached the orgie digits.
This comic blooooows.
Yeah, well so do I, and people like me.

 

by Barf2
7-02-04
Much later that day...
This is where you've been living?
Yeah, bitch. Want the grand ma'fuckin' tour or what?
Wow. This place looks hella different on the inside.
This just da lobby. Le'me show you what's happenin' on the faaaaaaarther inside.
DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUN!!!
Okaaaaaaay...
Papa, I love you! Let's fuck!

 

by Barf2
7-02-04
DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUN!!! ...again! >:(
Woooow... That was amazing.
Dad! I'm pregnet with yo' baby!
Later in the depths of hell...
So... Candy... How's the kid?
Shut the fuck up! I can't control them, they're grown men.
Get an abortion, you piece of shit, or I'll kill you!
I can't bare to look at you! I must go off to raise my child alone.

 

by Barf2
7-02-04
So what're you gonna do... GRANDMA?
Hell, I dunno... I guess I'll go fingerbate.
Later in a desert...
I've never asked you for anyth--er--for much.
Okay, okay... I'll kill your son for ya'.
Meanwhile, in Antartica...
Hi kids! I'm Frosty the Sn--
YOU ARE INFERIOR TO THE POWER OF THE JERSEY DEVIL!

 

by Barf2
7-02-04
Huh?
Hello, Little Mikey...
Just who the fuck do--oh my goodness... A Priest. I'm sorry, dude.
That's alright, home-dog. I'm here to kill you anyways! Insults are welcome!
Noooooooooooooo!!!
Er... At least I was going to kill you... But then you engulfed into flames. Bah! My work is done!

 

by Barf2
7-02-04
So I was like, "Seven cocks is seven cocks too many!" But they just kept goin'. So finally I had to bite them all off!
Ha, ha, ha! That's priceless! I once had about thirteen or fifteen in my butt at one time!
WHOA! What am I doin' here?
Oh my god, you dumbass, you fell on... Oh my.. Little Mikey?! Holy buttfucking Christ! My baby's come home!
Meanwhile in the desert...
So... Is it done?
Yes.

 

by Barf2
7-02-04
So, uh... Are you my momz?
Yeah! Oh, I'm so happy! Let's fuck!
Candy, he's your son.
Yeah! 'Sides, girls have kooties.
Meanwhile at Mike's place...
Mike the Biatch? I'm running for President again. Can I have your vote?
Yeah right! Have you seen gas prices?! NINETY FIVE A GALLON! Do I look like a guy who spends 95 bucks for a gallon of gas?

 

by Barf2
7-02-04
So. I was sitting on my couch watching my The Television... when all of out of the suddenly... BOOSH!
I heard a crash up the stairs of my house.
I picked up a twenty-pound training weight and walked up the stairs to the up-stairs where it was dark.
The time of the hour of the time that it was was about the 2:00AM in the AM.
True story.
I thought, "What was the sound of the BOOSH?" Then I looked at my monitor screen of my The Computer and...
IT WAS MEEEEEEEE!!!

 

by Barf2
7-02-04
So, then what?
Well, he said, "You! You there! Stop making noise on my The Computer! I try watch my The Televison down the stairs in the down-stairs!"
Uh-huh?
I said, "If you can't beat us, join us!" And then he was all, "I not into kiddie-play, sick icky little girl under the age of the years of 18 years old."
R! Here comes the O to the F to the L!
So did you stop?
No. I just turned the speaker volume down.

 

by Barf2
7-03-04
Alright, I'm back to day #0. I couldn't resist the... urge...
So now I'm, unfortunately, back to the beginning of my journey of no orgasms.
Hopefully I'll get back to day #1...
Ah well... I guess I should put up a few rules... 1. No porn - 2. No 'touching' - 3. No 'thoughts' - 4. No boners!!!

 

by Barf2
7-03-04
Mike and the Jersey Devil are kickin' it in hell...
From home he's no father... He goes home and he barely knows his own daughter...
Yeah! Yeah! Ever'body in the 3-1-3! Through your motherfuckin' hands up!
Lose yourself in the music the moment you want it, you better nevah let it go-oh! You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow! This opportunity only comes in a life time!
Fuck free-world! 313! Go, go, go, go!
Sometimes I just feel like... quitin'--I still might... blah-blah-blah! But I'm still white. Sometimes I just hate life!
Man, I like you Mikey. But you're black, dumbass.

 

by Barf2
7-03-04
Candy and her friend (Sandy) make a serious decision...
I've quit all sexual activity and have reserved a pass to Earth.
So have I. We've decided this horrible life all about orgasms is dumb.
Mike and his ex-dinosaur-lover make another genetics-altering decision...
I'm tired of being a chessboard. There's no happiness as an inanimate object.
Yeah! And I'm sick of being a Priest! I don't even believe in God!
That pig makes up an idea for World Peace! Yaaaay!
My fellow Americans... There will be World Peace in three days. The treaties have been hard-copied. We're just waiting for the Saudies to fly over here.

 

by Barf2
7-03-04
Mike addresses the nation...
America! I am Mike. And that's all I can be.
I've been through a lot of weird things... Some of which save all of your lives. But I stand here before you today... myself.
The only good you can do is when it's YOU that does it. Be yourself and everything will work out fine. Enjoy life, and vote for Kerry!

 

by Barf2
7-03-04
People allover the world...
...join hands!
:: INTERMISSION ::
Star a love chain!
People allover the world...!
Join hands!
Start a love chain!

 

by Barf2
7-03-04
Amazing... Pages upon pages upon pages of images of text of obscene language and strong adult content...
...and in the end we learned an important life lesson: Be yourself, and no one else.
I suppose we may have changed a perverted computer nerd's life.
Yeah! Maybe two or three nerds!
Yup! And as it may seem that we're calling other people nerds even though we wasted the time to make these comics...
...it may seem a little strerotypical--perhaps even hypocrytical. But guess what: FUCK YA'LL! Hellz yeah, biatch!

 

by Barf2
7-03-04
I'm not a lesbian.
I, however, am bisexually oriented.
I never had crabs!
I was the first devil, but then I got demoted...
I'm not gay.
I am.

 

by Barf2
7-03-04
Candy is a total bitch! She once put her own cum in my coffee!
Sandy's a nice girl, but she never finished me off! I needed stimulation to the very climax, but she was never ready to do that!
So I've been shitting under her bed everynight.

 

by Barf2
7-03-04
That gay dinosaur/priest guy is a fa-reak! I woke up one night to see him pissing on my feet!
Mike's a grouch. One night there was a rattle snake slithering around his bed. As we all know, urine scares snakes away...
Apparently his vibrator had flicked on under the sheets.

 

by Barf2
7-03-04
I never really hung around Mike all that much... And when I did I was either blind-folded or upside-down, and probably drunk... I don't remember a whole lot.
He did shit in a urinal I was trying to take a leak in once at the Whitehouse.
Fuck D12! I'm outta this band...

 

by Barf2
7-03-04
At my high-school the people seem to fear me. I listen to rap, metal, old songs... I think that effects the hardcore rockers.
Girls always whisper and look at me and occasionally run up to me and say incoherent shit like, "Umm... Hi... So... Are you..." Then they run away. WHAT THE FUCK?!
The stoners respect me, but they just do that because I once gave one of 'em a couple dollars.

 

by Barf2
7-03-04
Mr. President... Why does censorship exist when it's stated in the Bill of Rights that we have the freedom of speach?
Uh... Er... Well, because little kids shouldn't learn bad words.
Imagine a little thing like *BLEEEEP* going against the Constitution of the United States... It's like Phase 1 of the Patriot Act.
I was cussing ever since I was five years old, dude. Censorship is unconstitutional!

 

by Barf2
7-03-04
Republicans are money-monging, oil-crazed, ugly, sons of bitches!
If YOU'RE in favor of the republican party, I've got a message for yuz...
FUCK YOU!

 

by Barf2
7-03-04
Democrats are the best of the political parties. The democratic politicians are low-spenders, environmental-caring, intelligent political idealists.
People still hate Clinton for the 'sex-incident'. Bush is killing people, wasting our money, destroying TWO countries, and people still love the little fuckshit!
If Kerry doesn't win the election the country is royally fucked, and I'm moving to Canada.
Democrats are good, whereas Republican-shitfuckers are bad.

 

by Barf2
7-03-04
I had two orgasms tonight... Although after a few hours of sleep, a few icebags on the wrists, and I'll be just like new.
Right now, though, I'm sitting here listening to DMX love songs, writing webcomics, getting fucking pissed off at my internet doing weirdass shit!
Other than that, though, I'm cool... Day #1 is cumming. Er--coming. Fuck.

 

by Barf2
7-03-04
The minds of the worlds' youths would make great politicians, but they're stuck in La'la land fighting rival Everquest geeks and obsessing over Star Trek and Poke'mon.
Although, what we need is to get off this planet. With the advanced technology and creative thinking of today we should at least ATTEMPT to find a way to get to another inhabitable world...
There's dimensional leaps, 'spacetime-surfing', lightspeed... Theoretical sci-fi idealogy created purely for inspirational thought and entertainment.
Kinda like the after-life.

 

by Barf2
7-03-04
:: INTERMISSION ::
PEPSI + GIRLS SHIRTS = BOOBIES!!!
Pie are circular.
Meanwhile, Mike goes off to start up a relationship...
Whoa-ha-ha-ho... Hey there!
DORP!!!!11one
...the fuck?
DERPEN KLICK DER DOOP!!!11123

 

by Barf2
7-03-04
:: INTERMISSION CONTINUED ::
Radar is deflected by shiney colors and neon lights.
That dumbshit was a fuckin' moron.
He was smart. Cops DO target Iroc Camaros.
Don't be a dumbass.
SEE EPISODE #94 FOR TEH CONCLUSION TO THIS INTERMISSION!!!
I'm gonna vote for Bush.
That does it...

 

by Barf2
7-03-04
Laties and gentlemen... Sandy is no longer, uh, with us.
I'm... still... *cough* alive...
Cut back to the comic, motherfucker.

 

by Barf2
7-03-04
This amish paradise...
Intercontinental nuclear missile launch sites are hidden across this amish paradise...
Because of this, we've had to adapt to a more liberal paradise... We've had to change our way of life in result to nuclear weapons.
Sir, we're gonna need you to come with us; we're gonna take a little flight to Cuba.
Isn't that where the military hosts "special interigations"...?

 

by Barf2
7-03-04
Mam, your chest is too flat. You're going to need to spruce those up, or else you'll have to pay a $300 fine.
Pa! Pa, there's a suit on the property!
Mister, uh... Mr. Bitch? Do you know where your son, Mike, is?
I haven't heard a single word from him for a hundred trillion years.
Hmm. Well, thanks for your cooperation. Now, I'm going to give your a $300 ticket for low boobie-mass on your daughter there.
Uh... M'kay, next time you come by let's talk about those nuclear missile siloes.

Showing page 2.

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