All comics by BigEvilDan

Profile

 

by BigEvilDan
2-05-01
So I'm Jon, but I'm on fire...
And I'm Diablo, but I'm dressed as a penguin.
And I'm Spigot, being punished for suggesting that "Three Guys Walk Into a Bar" film.
Satan, how could you let things get so confused down here? I thought you were good at tormenting people.
Actually, I'm not Satan. I'm Garfield.

 

by BigEvilDan
2-05-01
This comic has a crazy looking scientist and a chicken in it.
So I says to Mabel, I says...
Wait, what is that?
For some reason, they're standing on the moon. The moon comes out at night.
What is what?
That big yellow thing above us. The one with the words in it.
Chicken is yummy. I like chicken.
Oh, that. It appears this comic has a Rambling Narrator.
I thought we sprayed for those already...

 

by BigEvilDan
2-05-01
And now a word from Big Evil Dan...
The comic strip creator is the coolest. Johnny should be very proud.
The only problem is sometimes I miss the shift key and hit the ent--

 

by BigEvilDan
2-05-01
Clango, may I ask you a question?
Why is it that the humans view me as a crazed killer machine while you are seen as a caring machine?
Maybe destroying Tokyo wasn't the best first impression...

 

by BigEvilDan
2-05-01
It is commonly believed that the media is destroying the imagination of todays youth. To hold back this trend, I will allow you to imagine the remaining panels...

 

by BigEvilDan
2-05-01
Told you so.

 

by BigEvilDan
2-06-01
*sigh* The mad scientist business has been slow lately, and I can no longer afford to maintain my secret underground base.
I'm a repo man from the Bank of Lowpass, and I'm here to let you know that all your base are belong to us.
Ahh, it's nice to get my collection of priceless model bases out for some fresh air.
I'm a mugger here to steal your collection. All your base are belong to us.
How could you steal my math processing unit? Now I can no longer convert to binary or hexidecimal.
All your base are belong to us!

 

by BigEvilDan
2-06-01
Hey! Why are you stealing my chemicals? I need those to neutralize this acid spill!
All your base are belong to us.
Hey! You look exactly like me. What's going on?
All your face are belong to us.
Hey! That's my spot!
All your place are belong to us.

 

by BigEvilDan
2-06-01
You're right. This *is* a better view.

 

by BigEvilDan
2-06-01
Hmm...I wonder if the cartoonist is going to change from the defaults.
I mean, it shows a total lack of creativity on his part, and that reflects badly on us.
I know asiangirl2 is as deeply concerned about this as I am.
I wonder if that cowboy would go out with me...

 

by BigEvilDan
2-07-01
That's it! I'm sick of being an asian girl! I'm going to talk with Satan!
Really?
Yeah. I'm gonna march up to him and say "I want out of this role right now, and I demand my body back!"
Go for it!
Later...
Is that you, Jon? What happened?
He said "I can do the first part, but the last bit may take some time..."

 

by BigEvilDan
2-08-01
I will wipe out the humans for you, Dr. Badnik. I will prove that I am the most dangerous thing on the planet.
Actually, KRR-42, there are things that are much more dangerous than you.
What could possibly be more dangerous than me? A nuclear mail bomb? Planet-destroying death ray? Killer mutant donkeys?
No, no. Something far more subtle and corrupting...
....Television!
I wish I was on that show...
Today on Jerry Springer: I cheated on Jesus with a dog on a ball!

 

by BigEvilDan
2-10-01
Hmm, why such a gloomy backdrop?
This is the first comic contest. It's the only allowable backdrop.
Is that why I'm talking to a bug as opposed to a real character?
Yup. But you may want to lay off the fourth-wall breaking stuff. The idea is to test the creativity of the artist by working within certain limits...
Don't worry, gabe_billings is such a brilliant and caring person that he won't mind a little self-reference.
Hmm..I guess shameless brown-nosing is an excellent substitute for creativity.

 

by BigEvilDan
2-13-01
When I was growing up, my mom always always told me to eat my broccoli...
But vegetables have minerals like iron in them....
And just ask my friend Tim here what happens when you eat too much iron...
I've got two words for you: pissed robot.

 

by BigEvilDan
2-15-01
So I was trying to write a Lowpass strip the other day, one that could be considered truly weird. At first I though Jesus would be nice, but it turns out he'd been used too much already...
SEXXX!
No.
Then I tried to do an acid trip strip, but got sued for copyright infringement by some Lowpass pothead...
SEXXX!
No.
...and that's when I knew we'd need the wooden badger.
Where do ya want this thing?
Just leave it between the giant cucumber and the neon "All Your Base" sign...

 

by BigEvilDan
2-19-01
Hi there, comic strip readers. As you can see, Dan is in the middle of a nervous breakdown, and is thus unable to enter Comic Contest #5...
I like chicken!
We knew something was wrong when he started talking like Ice Cube, but we really got worried when he dressed up like Ronald McDonald and attacked the local Burger King with a fork.
Wheee! I can taste the colours!
I apologize for the poor quality of this strip. We're getting him the best medication money can buy.
I am the Lizard Queen!

 

by BigEvilDan
2-20-01
wirthling, you are a complete and utter fool who has feet for ears!
Sorry, that doesn't really bother me. I mean, I don't have feet for ears in real life.
Hmmm...in that case...your mother was a hampster! And all your base are belong to me!
Now that just doesn't make any sense, Dan. Surely you can be more evil than that! Look at your nickname, dammit!
Well, you asked for it, wirthling. You can come down when you judge the winner or appeared in 20 crappy strips.
Hey! This isn't what I meant when I said you should be evil! Let me down! Please? .......This sucks.

 

by BigEvilDan
2-22-01
Hey kids! One of these items is different from the others. Can YOU guess which one?

 

by BigEvilDan
2-22-01
We here at the LSA are concerned with the safety of children, which is why we are announcing several new mascots.
Hi kids, I'm Psammy the Psycho Psquirrel! Don't be like me and grow up to be an axe murderer!
And to teach the dangers of whip misuse, Paula the Penguin...
Whips can be fun, but you have to be very careful...
And of course, Harry the Horsehead...
Nobody likes a tattletale, kids. Especially the mafia.

 

by BigEvilDan
2-22-01
Well Maura, I'd like to tell you how that fucking went earlier. Thankfully I'm Canadian and thus the IRS couldn't do anything to me...
My grandmother really appreciated the pictures. She said that it was nice I was getting so much use out of that whip.
And once I gave those Navy guys a few beers, we really got along well. So basically, you're a lousy fucker.

 

by BigEvilDan
2-22-01
Can YOU identify which of these two is a robot?
Damn, this costume is hot...
You guessed wrong, human! AsianBot will destroy you now!!

 

by BigEvilDan
2-22-01
Okay readers, here's the million dollar question: Why is Dan making this comic?
Is it A) He's just really really bored.
B) He's drunk, or on some sort of drug.
C) He's up too late and is in the right state of mind to find anything funny.
D) He's finally completely lost it.
E) All of the above.

 

by BigEvilDan
2-23-01
I am a PhD grad of Smarty U., I mix with guys and girls and I was working for many months in this kind of job.
But you also fuck goats at night.
What?! How could you possibly know that?
Giant Corp. is a big-ass multinational corporation. It knows all.
Thanks, man. I'm glad Giant Corp. got you to work at this job.
Oh, and your 10:30 is wirthling, who sucks ass. wirthling should not work at this company.

 

by BigEvilDan
2-23-01
Rough day, Dan?
Well, lets see. I got half the US Navy drunk, subscribed bunnerabb to $250 worth of magazines, fight my way through panicky crowds to get to Mandy's "Nuclear Apocolypse" party (I never made it)...
...I had to convince Dubya that my offer of some poutine was not a sicko come-on, and then tried to convince the WIGU hooker that the smell was the donkey, not me.
Sounds tough...
Are you kidding? This birthday kicked ass!

 

by BigEvilDan
2-23-01
Hey Maura, did you notice that the ad banners are no longer on Lowpass. I never liked those ads anyway.
You realize that if there are no ads, there's a good chance we're all out of a job.
Um, when I say "never liked", that's because I loved the ad people. I loved them very much. Come back ads, we miss you.
Okay Clango, now would be a good time to shut up.

 

by BigEvilDan
2-25-01
Who...who are you?
Amazed Porno Bunny, I am the ghost of comics past.
Why have you come here?
Because you are an annoying jerk and I thought I'd show you the way you used to be.
But wasn't I always an annoying jerk?
Yeah, this is one of those "scared straight" type lessons.

 

by BigEvilDan
2-27-01
Right now, the government could be watching you. To put a stop to their relenless monitoring of the internet, this comic is using state of the art encryption.
Dw egvDS @#fde W1 AYbAB2u FgJ
SDEghHJgggh13 sfdW2#2 ee34xE
DEcD2##@f^ DEN3fF%*deO
Take that, you government bastards!
CDG#6^feVR...
...DFE3%h7!

 

by BigEvilDan
2-27-01
This background is background3
I'm squirrel1-1 from pennyarcade
I'm gabe1-2 from pennyarcade
There is no background to this panel
I'm big-gabe2 from pennyarcade, although you may use any biggabe
I'm asiangirl1-2 from threereasons
This background is desert3
I'm asiangirl1 from threereasons
I'm cowboy2 from threereasons

 

by BigEvilDan
2-27-01
This background is whitehouse
I'm cowboy1 from threereasons!
I'm deuce1-2 from jerkcity!
This background is odd1
I'm deuce1-1 from jerkcity
I'm letter1-2 from explodingdog
This background is grassy
I'm letter1-1 from explodingdog
I'm squirrel2-2 from pennyarcade

 

by BigEvilDan
2-27-01
Hey, I just heard that Johnny updated the forums.
Yeah, now you can preview posts and make links that contain text other than the URL.
Oh, and *whisper whisper*
I didn't know forums could even have a vibrate mode! My God, Johnny must be some sort of genius!
Yup, a sick, lonely genius. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to do some more "beta testing."

 

by BigEvilDan
2-28-01
Doc, I have a question.
If gabe is in the back room with Donkey, who's writing the strips?
There's a simple explanation for that. You see....um...er...hmm. Oh sh--

 

by BigEvilDan
3-07-01
How much would you pay for a product that can do this? Don't answer ye-CLICK
Sigh, TV has been pretty crappy lately. I should go out to the movies and see some real entertainment.
Coming soon to a theatre near you, it's "Zero Wing: The Movie", starring William Shatner as the Captain....
CAAAAAATTTTTTSSSS!!! For....great...justice!
Damn you, television! You've won this round...

 

by BigEvilDan
3-09-01
DexX?! Is it really you? I don't believe it!
Yup, I'm back. It's nice to know that you missed me.
I wouldn't say "missed", exactly. More pissed that I worked forever on that "DexX is gone" party, and now it's ruined.

 

by BigEvilDan
3-09-01
Miss, can you identify which of the suspects broke into your home and chopped up your family?
I'm not sure. It was dark, and I didn't really get a good look.

 

by BigEvilDan
3-09-01
All your base are belong to--
And so the Catch-phrase Vigilante claimed another victim...

 

by BigEvilDan
3-09-01
Interview with Asian Girl 1
What is your position at Lowpass?
As the resident Asain whore, it's my job to have sex with every living thing on the site.
Aren't you afraid of hurting people's feelings?
When I say every living thing, I mean it. Who could get jealous?
I wish I was a living thing. *sniff*

 

by BigEvilDan
3-10-01
I have a question.
Go ahead.
If your character is named Pants....
Why the hell aren't you wearing any?
Pretty big talk coming from a guy who's head has inspired more penis jokes than any other character.

 

by BigEvilDan
3-10-01
Hey, did you know I have telekinetic powers?
You're not going to turn me into the fire prop, are you? That's soooo uncreative.
Grrr...that's enough of your insolence!
AHHHHH!!!!!!
Creative enough for you?

 

by BigEvilDan
3-10-01
I hate you and I'm leaving!
Fine, just walk away! I don't need you!
She'll be back...

 

by BigEvilDan
3-10-01
Great! With asiangirl1 gone, I can finally take the spotlight!
This isn't nearly as good as I thought it would be...

 

by BigEvilDan
3-10-01
It feels like something is missing.
I know, I need a new partner.
Nah, this just isn't working.

 

by BigEvilDan
3-10-01
asiangirl1, you're back!
That's right. My solo career didn't go as well as I would have liked.
Really? What happened?
Well....
Hey baby, do you want to --
I'M NOT A WHORE, DAMMIT! I JUST PLAYED ONE ON THE INTERNET!

 

by BigEvilDan
3-11-01
Think Dan can do a rhyming strip? His mind's been hazy.
He'll probably do just one panel. That bastard is lazy.

 

by BigEvilDan
3-21-01
Hey Red Robot! You just won deathmatches with all of ObiJo's friends. What are you going to do now?
I'm going to Disneyworld!
After a quick stop to murder ObiJo of course.

 

by BigEvilDan
3-21-01
Sigh...stereotypes suck. I'm tired of playing a rapper in every strip, just because I'm black.
I hear ya. People take one look at me and think pothead. I'm not a pothead.
And why is it that people think all donkeys need to be sodomized? Most of us want to live quiet farm lives.
You think you guys have it bad. Why do I always get the whore strips?
It could be because you've tried to sleep with every character at Lowpass while you were off duty.
Just because I fit the stereotype, doesn't mean it isn't hurtful.

 

by BigEvilDan
3-21-01
.............................................................
........................................................................
There's been something I've been wanting to talk about for a while...
....................................................................................................................................
It's just, well, you seem rather distant recently.

 

by BigEvilDan
3-21-01
Don't you hate comics where the title doesn't match the strip?
Not as much as I hate comics with a blank frame and no punchline.

 

by BigEvilDan
3-22-01

 

by BigEvilDan
3-23-01
I know ObiJo liked the original, but I still say it loses something without the axes...
Trust me, this comic will be better than all the Mighty Ducks movies combined.

 

by BigEvilDan
3-26-01
This is a reconstruction of an earth creature known as a "dog". Dog fashions may have varied from the one shown here. As for the purpose of the ball...well we just don't get it.
This earth creature is called an "elephant". Fossil reconstructions may not be completely accurate, of course.
And look kids! It's our mascot Hugo the Human! For $5 you can give him an anal probe.
And I don't take checks.

Showing page 2.

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