All comics by Brady

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by Brady
1-31-04
*sings* o'er the land of the freeeeeeeeeeee!!!!
*sings* and the home of the braaaaaaaaave!!!!!!!
Oh my God! I am NOT voting for her!
Well...she'd be better than the president we have now...

 

by Brady
1-31-04
And the winner of the presidential race is...
This is it!
WE INTERRUPT THIS BROADCAST ABOUT THE ENDANGERED MARMOSET POPULATION!
What the fuck!
NOW BACK TO YOUR ORIGINAL PROGRAMMING! ...congratulations to our new President of the United States!
WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!

 

by Brady
1-31-04
The day after the presidential announcement.
*whispers* hey, look! There she is!
*cleaning*
*whispers* what?! I'm not going to TALK to her! Are you crazy?!
*cleaning* Hmm?
Hey, Tom, people have been pointing at me and whispering today. What's going on?
You mean, you don't know?! YOU'RE THE FREAKIN' PRESIDENT!!!

 

by Brady
1-31-04
Our Aunt Beatrice is the President of the United States!
Yeah! So that means we're the First Nieces!
Hey! I never thought of that!
You never think! But I get to be the First First Niece since you're so stupid!
Fine then! I get to be the First First First Niece!
Hey! That's not fair!

 

by Brady
2-01-04
Ok, as the President of the United States, I have to make many international trips. This one's to France!
I just love these cultural experiences!
I love the food here!
I love the national monuments!
Well, almost all the national monuments...
They sure named it right when they called it the Awful Tower!

 

by Brady
2-05-04
Hey, President Beatrice!
I really should outlaw those shorts!
But they're for Valentine's Day!
I forgot that was coming up...
Do you wanna touch 'em?
You see those guys back there that weigh about 300 lbs. (136 kg) back there? Yeah, well, they're my Secret Service agents...they're about to tear your limbs off...

 

by Brady
2-08-04
Bonjour, M. Chirac.
Bonjour, Mme. Président. Comment allez-vous?
Bien, merci. Et vous?
Mon pays est completement consacré a votre effort d'alimenter le sans-abri dans l'Afrique. Si vous avez besoin de la France de quelque façon, appelez-moi, s'il vous plaît!
I'm sorry. The people on the plane just told me that I would have to say hello and they'd take care of the rest!
Américaine Typique...

 

by Brady
2-10-04
Why, Ms. Beatrice! I thought you were elected president?!
Well, I'm taking a month off...
A month off?! Who's running the country?!
Hey! If Bush can take a month off, so can I!
Bush took a month off?
Yeah...if he hadn't come back, MY job as president wouldn't be so damn fucked up...

 

by Brady
2-10-04
In a shocking news update, President Beatrice took a month off. She also said the word "fuck" to a priest!
Here's what an average American has to say about the ordeal...Tom?
Thank you, Bob...we're here outside of the City Café where we have an average American...tell me, sir. What do you think of Beatrice's behavior?
Well, it's not as titillating as Janet Jackson's performance, but I believe that it's important to be abreast of the latest world issues. I like a president that doesn't make a boob of herself!

 

by Brady
2-14-04
I have passed a bill through Congress officially changing the name of a favorite national holiday.
Valentine's Day...
Valentine's Day will henceforth be known as Singles' Awareness Day. Thank you.

 

by Brady
2-14-04
...and I present to you my nephew who has a very important announcement! He says that it's sure to change history forever!
I'm gay.
...
...
Yeah, so what's the history-changing part?

 

by Brady
3-04-04
...three hours later
...and about all the upset about gay marriages: I fully support them!
...six hours later
...it is ridiculous to say that one says that they want to protect the sanctity of marriage! After all, what the fuck is divorce?!
...six hours and thirty seconds later
...I now declare all legal marriages between ANYBODY to be hereby nullified and all marriage licenses will be considered BULLSHIT until gays can legally be married too!

 

by Brady
3-19-04
And in political news, President Beatrice has declared her support for the Constitutional Amendment ALLOWING gay marriage!
As you know, George, this is a heated debate all over the country!
Yes, Fran, there have been riots all over the country PROTESTING this amendment. Personally, if they've found happiness, I don't think I have a right to stop them.
And on a personal note from me, I am finally glad to say that I am a lesbian!...and now to the guy that looks amazingly like John Kerry.
President Beatrice, why have you announced you support of gay marriage?
Well, Mr. Guy That Looks Amazingly Like John Kerry, I do believe that it was Sofia Loren that said, "Let them eat cake!" I say, "Let them eat dick!"

 

by Brady
3-22-04
I'm afraid that this comic is revealing too many secrets about this nation.
Greetings, Earthling!
For your information, this is NOT an alien!
Of course not! I am from the planet Gurkefß.
Anyway, I feel that I should retire from the comic...at least until I am no longer President of the United States.
But we have come in peace!

 

by Brady
3-22-04
Hey, I'm Brady!
Hi, I'm Renée! I'm Brady's fag hag...one of the many!
Renée, hon...
What?
I love you.
Sorry, I'm not "equipped" to handle oversize loads...

 

by Brady
3-26-04
Queer!
Oh, for the love of Madonna!
Fag!
*sigh* It's the lack of creativity that really insults me..
Butt Baron!
Hahahaha!!!! Butt baron?!?! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Oh, I can't BREATHE!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

 

by Brady
3-26-04
Do you consider yourself a fag hag, Ms. President?
Of course! I have been instrumental in the conversion of many straight men to homosexuality!
Umm, you can't really "convert" anybody, Ms. President. We're kinda born that way...
Don't you think you would turn gay after dating me?
Umm, Ms. President, I already AM gay...
Really? No wonder you dress better than I do!

 

by Brady
3-26-04
And then...*sob*...and then...*sniffle*...he told me that I don't have any fashion sense! *continues loud crying*
It's not that you don't have any fashion sense...
*stops crying* Then what the hell is it?!
You just don't take a gay man shopping with you.
But you're an interior decorator!
All gay men are born with a natural sense to be gods in everything that has anything to do with anything...accept it, Renée...accept it and move on...

 

by Brady
3-28-04
Oh, look at that cute guy over there!
Wonder what his name is...
Oh!! He's coming over here!
OMG!! What am I going to say?! What...
Hey, I saw you at the mall the other day.
Oh, really...

 

by Brady
3-28-04
*sigh* I'm so fat...
*reads book*
?
*reads book*
I SAID "I'M FAT!" DAMNIT!!!!
Shh, I'm reading...

 

by Brady
3-28-04
So you're saying I'm fat?
No...
Then what the hell are you saying?!?!
I'm saying it's old news...
Which would you prefer on your sandwich, dear Brady? Arsenic of Belladonna?
*goes back to reading*

 

by Brady
3-28-04
Hi...I...uh...got this letter saying that I was drafted?
Yes...name? Age? Sexual orientation?
Can you ask me whether or not I'm gay?
Of course!
I though Bill Clinton instated that "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" Policy.
Ok, well, let me put it this way: Can I have your phone number?

 

by Brady
3-28-04
Have you seen the new Queer Eye for the Straight Guy?
Oh, yeah, can you imagine what they would do if the Fab Five came to this house?
Oh, they could never do that...
Why not?
Well, you're not straight and only two people can fit in a frame at a time...
Oh...I forgot about that...

 

by Brady
3-28-04
And this just in, Christina Aguilera's wedding was absolutely beautiful thanks to the internationally acclaimed interior designer Brady.
Also, Brady just proposed to his lover of three years! Ah, feel the love in the air!
Congratulations, Brady!
*throwing the popcorn bowl across the room* WHAT?!?! And that bitch didn't tell me FIRST?!?!?!?!

 

by Brady
3-29-04
I bought you a surprise! *pulls surprise from paper bag*
OH MY GOD!!!! *squeals* ORANGE SHOELACES!!!
I don't even know why I bought them for you because they don't match a THING you wear, but I suppose it's just a fashion statement with you which is fine with me if you...
Brady?
...huh?
Shut up and help me lace the damn shoes...

 

by Brady
3-29-04
What on earth...?
*looking over paint and fabric samples*
Brady? Whose house is this?
Renée! I thought I toldyou that you just can't visit me at work unannounced! And my contract specifically forbids me to mention my employer...
Ok...I didn't really want to know anyway...*whistles*
*looking over paint and fabric samples* *sigh* *cough* Jennifer Lopez *cough* I hate you...

 

by Brady
3-29-04
*carrying popcorn* Hey, where's the TV?
In the next panel...
And now, back to The Golden Girls.
Oh, so do we have to turn the other way?
No...then we would be watching the back of the last panel.

 

by Brady
3-30-04
Ok, let me get this straight...I mean, even...you got invited to a bachelor party by a coworker?
Yeah...
And this coworker is an interior decorating lesbian...?
Uhh...yeah...
Uh-huh...
Hey, her garages have been featured in Popular Mechanics...twice!

 

by Brady
3-30-04
Aren't you so glad that you came on this cruise?
Brady, all the people on this boat are gay.
I know! Isn't it great?!
Actually, no...I'm straight!
Oh, look! There's Rosie O'Donnell!
Really? Umm, no, Brady, honey, that's Roseanne Barr in a setting with very low light...

 

by Brady
3-30-04
Look, Renée! I bought the new Céline Dion CD!
Une Fille et 4 Types?
Hey, I didn't know you speak French!
Bien sûr! Est-ce que tu ne te rappeles pas que j'ai fait le français une semestre dans l'école?
You are so much better at German.
Ja, du hast recht...

 

by Brady
3-31-04
Please tell me which of the following you consider "Family."
Ok...
Heterosexual couple? Heterosexual couple with kids? Heterosexual couple with kids who don't live at home? Homosexual couple? Homosexual couple with kids? Single parent? Divorced parent with kids?
Family to the sixth power.
Ok. How about a group of three or more people living together who may or may not be romantically involved with or without kids who consider themselves a family?
Oh, like the Golden Girls?!

 

by Brady
4-01-04
Hey, Brady! Whatcha writing?
A poem...
About...?
My boyfriend...
Hey, your boyfriend doesn't wear glasses! He also didn't go to high school with us!
Ok, I admit it! It's about Alex!

 

by Brady
4-01-04
You're still not over Alex?
He was the first guy that I ever loved.
Oh please! He was SO not right for you! He led you on forever and used you!
I know, I know! You're right, O Mighty Fag Hag!
So what was it about Alex that you liked?
He was a guy...and he was gay...other than that...well, he's an ass now...damn...what the hell did I see in him?! Screw this poem!

 

by Brady
4-02-04
Brady's at it again...dancing and singing...he doesn't even know I'm here!
*dancing and singing* Depuis qu'il m'aime le septième ciel n'est plus le même...
Oh, it's in French!
*dancing and singing* Je sais la magie de ses mains sur moi...depuis que mes nuits sont à ses bras...
*taps Brady on the shoulder* "I know the magic of his hands on me..."??
Hey, feel the magic...taste the rainbow...I take what I can get...

 

by Brady
4-02-04
Hey, I'm here to sweep your chimney...
Whoa, Mister, you could at least take me out to dinner first!
WHAT?!
Don't feign innocence with me! You're the one who came on to me!
Look, I got a call from a woman wanting me to sweep out her chimney! That's all I'm here to do!
Damn...and I was hungry...

 

by Brady
4-02-04
Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.
What is your sin, my child?
I just had sex in your confessional...
Oh, dear God!
...with the choirboy...
Don't feel bad, my child. I did the same thing at your age...though mine was with that new postulent...she was quite the freak...would you excuse me for a minute?

 

by Brady
4-03-04
Hey, Brady! What are you doing?
...Orlando Bloom, Robert Downey Jr., Ben Affleck, J.P. Pitoc...Oh, I'm putting my DVDs in order according to the actors' hotness...
Really?
Yeah! It makes it easier to find a movie depending on what mood I'm in!...umm...Ashton Kutcher, Freddie Prinze Jr., Sean Williams Scott, Brendan Fraser...
Well, I can't WAIT to see what you do with this PeeWee Herman DVD...
Are you up for a friendly game of Frisbee?

 

by Brady
4-03-04
Jesus, why do You hate gay people?
I don't hate gay people! Who told you that?!
The Bible...You know...the book Your Father sent to guide all of mankind?
Look, My Father has more important things to do than worry about whether or not you're putting it in the space He meant it for!
Could you please not be so graphic?
After the Passion of the...well, Me...haha...I can be as graphic as I please! Now run along, My little homo...go gay it up!

 

by Brady
4-04-04
The first room...
...and this is the sitting room. I was thinking about some neoclassical, maybe? I don't know. You're the designer!...
Well, this isn't bad for an amateur...
Two rooms later...
...and this is the master bedroom. I was thinking Louis XVI style...lots of gold, you know!...
Everything's blue in this house!! When I decorate, there will not be a SPECK of blue in this house! Even her blue clothes will go! I will tint the windows so there's no blue sky!!
On the third floor in the last room of the house...
So, now that you've seen the house, what do you think?
I think you used too much blue, I'm going to have to have my budget doubled, and I'll need a crew of hot sexy workmen so I don't lose my sight because of all this blue! God, woman, COLOR!!!

 

by Brady
4-06-04
Lo siento, señor, pero nunca he yo decorado una fábrica...
uh...
mas yo pienso que yo podré hacerlo a su gusta...¿preguntas?
HEY!! I DON'T SPEAK SPANISH!!
I thought your secretary said you're a Spanish businessman!
No, he probably said that I'm a Finnish businessman...

 

by Brady
4-06-04
Hey, Renée, that guy over there is checking you out! NO! Don't turn around!
So does he look nice?
Maybe if it didn't look like he takes steroids!
Steroids? What are you talking about?
Holy shit! He just pulled his pants down!!
Oh my God! He DOES take steroids!

 

by Brady
4-06-04
Ok, so if you can read minds and get so many guys, what am I thinking?
Fine! I'll prove it!
Yeah, sure! If he guesses what I'm thinking, I'll kidnap Madonna and Cher and lock them in the backyard!
If I guess what you're thinking, you'll kidnap Madonna and Cher and lock them in the backyard!
How did you do that?!?!
Well, I can read your thought bubble...

 

by Brady
4-08-04
Hey, Brady! Can I interview you for my newspaper?
Sure! I think that would be fun!
Ok, since you're gay, have you ever had sex with a girl?
Yes.
Oh my God! How come you never told me! Dish, bitch!
Well, there's nothing to tell really: it was too disgusting, so I ran to the nearest toilet and commenced to expel the contents of my stomach...

 

by Brady
4-10-04
I started the Depo shot today.
Depo shot?
Yeah, birth control!
Do you have enough sex to even be on birth control?
It also keeps me from having my monthly period.
OK, Renée, hon, the conversation ends here...

 

by Brady
4-11-04
So, Brady, what did you think of the restaurant?
I thought it was eggs-traordinary!
OK, I've had enough of the egg jokes!
What do you mean?
IT'S EASTER!! WE KNOW!! ENOUGH WITH THE DAMN EGG JOKES!!
But that, dear Renée, is eggs-actly my point!

 

by Brady
4-13-04
OK, let me get this straight...I mean, well, never mind...anyway, you and your mother have a contest to lose weight going on?
Yes. And the loser has to buy the winner lunch.
Wow! That's pretty cool! Where are you going to lunch?
Fatz Café...
Wouldn't Fatz defeat the purpose of the whole excercise?
My psychiatrist says I have an Oprah Complex...

 

by Brady
4-13-04
I just got back from Toys 'R Us and there were children EVERYWHERE!
Of course! What do you expect?
I thought there was some kind of leash laws or something...
Yeah! But those are for small animals!
Ten seconds later...
I'm not seeing any differences here...
Me either...cheesecake?

 

by Brady
4-15-04
So you see, I'm not gay. I'm a metrosexual.
And basically that's a gay guy who sleeps with women?
Well, not exactly, but you're catching on!
I think it's bullshit!
What?
Saying, "I'm a metrosexual!" is like saying, "Hey, I didn't mean to get on the express train to Homoville! What are the chances of that happening?"

 

by Brady
4-15-04
Is this a dream? I don't remember decorating anything...
Oh God! There's Orlando Bloom! And he's only 1/16th of the way clothed!
Oh wait...it is officially NOW a dream!

 

by Brady
4-16-04
Well, Brady, I must say that you have outdone yourself with this bedroom!...Is something wrong? You look a little...orgasmic.
I'm basking in my own designing greatness...it's normal. Don't worry!
What's it like?
If you took all the drugs in the world, you wouldn't even be close to this feeling.
And you would know this how?
Contrary to popular belief, Renée, hon, all gays are NOT druggies. Now, let's go to that new fabric shop and laugh at their cheap silks!! Oh, the EXCITEMENT!

Showing page 2.

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