All comics by Dapf

Profile

 

by Dapf
5-16-01
You are an inventor! Does this mean that you invent various things?
No.
Aside from their normal income, the family also receives regular payments of ch

 

by Dapf
5-16-01
Here comes the bug.
You've still got it, Mr. Jac
Hello. I am a bug. I am crawling through a cave.
Graphical glitches are a part of everyday life. You just have to get used to th

 

by Dapf
5-16-01
You have stumbled into The Zone!
This makes me feel fear, good sir!
Some of these files may require the DivX codec in order to play. We suggest downloading the codec available at htt
The Zone is magical, because fruit grows on trees!
If that is the case, then bees must be able to swim to Jamaica!
The Zone is gone!
Truly, I did not notice, good sir!

 

by Dapf
5-17-01
Comic funded by the EPA
What are you doing with that SCIENTIFIC LASER?
I am going to use it to burn holes in clouds!
The EPA is a national corporation which allows th
Fool! The clouds are not your enemies...the blue skies are!
Oh, no! It is too late, for I have already shot many clouds!
Aluminum is the enemy of the EPA, and it should be destr
It is jail time for you, good sir!
The thought of this makes me want t

 

by Dapf
5-17-01
What is in the news today?
There is a fire. It burns on the roads.
Order the limited edition John Tesh CD today, and receive a free box of raisi
The fire, it burns.
Yes, the fire burns, indeed. Do not fear the fire, though.
The television is a true figure of intelligence, much like the microwa
I will fear the fire.
That's the spirit, good sir!

 

by Dapf
5-17-01
The chicken and the dog on a ball are walking to Mexi
We are leaving town!
Yes, let us walk all the way to Mexico.
Today's lesson: drinking water makes you gain weight.
In Mexico, we can drink the water!
Tomorrow's lesson: gaining weight makes people hate y
I hate you, much like water hates rice. Please do not speak to me ever ag

 

by Dapf
5-18-01
I am a clown! I will entertain you, here in this canyon lair!
Hello, clown! Entertain me, or feel my wrath!
ories, low in fat, and also low in cholester
But I am really SunLairMan!
Oh, but how I am surprised at this turn of events!
The sweet smell of a great sorrow lies over th
s

 

by Dapf
5-18-01
Sand Scarab hits you for 928 HP! You have fal
Hello. We are here to tell you about our latest product: the Astro-Buff 2008!
It continues to buff your floors until the year 2008!
Let me demonstrate how it works!
Wow! Do you see how it buffs the floors?
Sand Scarab hits you fo
I do see how it buffs the floors.
If that is the case, then you are fired, because nobody likes a show-off. Clean out your desk by the end of th

 

by Dapf
5-18-01
I am eating popcorn!
Is it Blast-O-Butter?
Nope.
Blast-O-Butter makes you die.
Good morning starshine, the earth says h

 

by Dapf
5-18-01
It is the wall!
Berlin or Pink Floyd?
Haw! Humor.
All in all it was all just a brick in th
Yes it is, good sir! For humor makes the world go rou

 

by Dapf
5-19-01
Not SunLairMan
Hello, Mr. Computer!
Hello, good sir!
Buy the Garden Weasel at an ACO near y
Time for Internet access!
On my 56k modem, we can ride the wind!
Time to get cable, says Dapf.
The 56k modem has exploded due to it's crappiness!
Yup.

 

by Dapf
5-19-01
InfantryMan vs. SunLairMan IX
You will not defeat me, InfantryMan!
But I have beaten you SunLairMan, for you see, you are already in jail!
The prison does not exist, for you see, the prison is nonexista
Oh, but this is just my Prison Lair!
Indeed you do not fib, SunLairMan!
I never cut off my sentences at the end. That's just bad narrati
And you are also in jail!
Such a misfortune, this is! I must speak with the warden for a cup of coffee!

 

by Dapf
5-19-01
Today's comic is sponsored by cherry-flavored swill, now in bottl
"Dear Sanchez: You drank all the Pepsi at my party last week. I expect to be repaid."
Incoming pink donkey
Hmm...should I repay?
No.
The mysterious pink donkey has vanished! Where could it have g
Okay.

 

by Dapf
5-20-01
For years, people dreamed of the possibilities of outer sp
You are an exceptional worker! I give you my respect!
I will take the cash value of that respect, good sir!
Here is $14.95! Use it wisely, like you use the force!
I make toasters and other various appliances fly through the air with the force!
My mouse is made by Memorex.
The force is not with you!
Humor!

 

by Dapf
5-20-01
The best part of waking up is coffee beans.
I would like a tour of your lab, Mr. Scientist!
This is not a lab, this is a cooking show set!
This dish costs over 12 dollars in Pakistan, and over 14 francs in Great Britain. It it quite expens
I desire sustenance!
Take this serving...of pain!
Truly, he is a king among kings that like to cook! Let us give him a medal for his brav
It is tasty and good!
That is because I made it with extra relish!

 

by Dapf
5-21-01
When making a cake, always remember to never frost it with paste. Paste tastes b
Why are you are in jail, good sir?
For eating flea collars!
Confound it, Seymour!
I am in for buying flea collars!
THAT IS THE JOKE
I am bored.

 

by Dapf
5-23-01
InfantryMan vs. SunLairMan X
Harg! You have found my lair on this star!
That I did, though it looks surprisingly like your sun lair!
Fun fact of the day: the universe contains over 17 stars, and over 12 aster
This is my sun lair!
Oh, no! I have once again been tricked!
SunLairMan runs away! So does InfantryMan! SunLairMan and InfantryMan are runn
This is a fierce battle!
Truth!

 

by Dapf
5-24-01
"Dear Sanchez: You are illegally parked in a no-park zone. Please move your car."
Time to move my car.
But you already moved your car!
Narration is key!
Then this story is over!
Time for a drink, courtesy of our good friends at

 

by Dapf
6-07-01
GIH News I
"Today on GIH news: Can the president forgive his cousin for beating him at a game of poker?"
Yes, he sure can!
"More at 11"
It is 11:05 now! I will have to wait (approximately) 12 hours for the next newscast!
5 now! I will have to wait (approxi
"More at
GIH news: your number one source for the greatest news known to m

 

by Dapf
7-17-01
There is an accident somewhere off in the distance. Accidents cause traffic, which causes headac
I daresay you caused this accident, good sir.
And I daresay that you are incorrect.
Enjoy Dapf's wonderful use of graphics
I must say that I believe you, for that is the real criminal over there!
Yes, over there, where I am pointing.
MAGNET MADE OF IRON, LOBSTER MADE OF MEAT
Stop pointing, else you feel the wrath of the sun beating down on your shriveled ears.
Only when you stop doing things that involve various maths and

 

by Dapf
6-02-03
Crispy pizza crusts with a zesty pepperoni and ch
It's not every day I get to spend time on an airplane
Truth
The famous Fat Man's Squeeze is loca
It's also not every day I get to take a v
Hey are you going to talk or are you going to dance
The stop sign is not pleased.
I think I am going to take some f
nd time on an airplane

 

by Dapf
6-02-03
oment for Bush, as he began a seven-day diplomatic trip to smooth over relations in Eur
My stocks have plummeted
Oh no
Pouf
That means I am now very wealthy and possibly ri
See, the thing about that is, nobody likes a winner or a w
WORST COMIC EVER
You should do the sensible thing and light yourself on fire
More like light myself on fir, ho ho what a clever joke that was well-received by the masses, I th

 

by Dapf
6-02-03
InfantryMan vs. SunLairMan XI
Oh so, InfantryMan, you have returned!
That does seem to be the case, SunLairMan!
w do you solve a problem like Maria? With a dash of salt and some pepp
My field lair is impervious to gunfire!
And so it is, and thusly I flee from the field lair, for it is a dark and sc
Been dazed and confused for so long it's not tr
Fool, it is really my desert lair, which is really my sun lair!
My mind cannot work around this probl

 

by Dapf
6-02-03
I don't use words like canon becau
"Dear Sanchez: We regret to inform you that since you cannot spell the word 'lair' correctly, you must be jailed immediately."
Fortunately, every box of Cheerios comes with a free st
This is very bad news, and I've heard some really bad news before.
I do not believe you will survive this mess, and I haven't seen any m
A bird in the cage is worth two in the cage. At least that's what my psychiatrist told me, and he never lies, even when h
Yes.

 

by Dapf
6-02-03
Hey fellas, have you heard the news? Yeah, neither have I.
I am the tax collector, here to collect your taxes.
But I have no taxes to give!
I am the tax collector, here to c
Then I will be unable to collect any taxes from the likes of you!
Oh sweet irony that may not actually be irony!
Time to play FreeCell game #11982!
I am the tax collector, here to collect your taxes.
I will let you collect my taxes, and while you are doing that, you must ponder th

 

by Dapf
6-03-03
Our story begins with a
I am going to help this elderly cross the street!
But I am not an elderly!
In that case, you are a criminal, and must be p
In that case, you are a criminal, and must be punished for your crimes!
This is true, but you d
I have received a bill from the Alligators Anonymous group for $253.68, due to certain d
You have convinced me not to arrest you on this fine day!
And what a fine day it is, even though the alligators are out on patrol! Beware of the allig

 

by Dapf
6-03-03
The clock on the wall says 7:21, but I know it lies, because it is one of those lying cl
Here is the telephone.
Uh ohs, the evil telephone is evil!
Your powers of observancy are greater than those of the great General Cu
e telephone is ringi
Forkies!
wh

 

by Dapf
6-03-03
Why yes, I do believe I can provide that service.
It is time to feed the animal thing!
Oh boy, I sure do enjoy foodstuffs!
Safety first, kids! Always remember to wear your m
Oh so, the animal thing speaks! This must be a message from the Arctic!
y, I sure do enjoy fo
If you don't have money, then you're not getting anything. And no, I do not take cr
The Arctic says, "Feed the animal thing!"
You can get into the palace if you have the Hammer, but not if you don't have the c

 

by Dapf
6-04-03
Okay, but this time only. Next time, I get to ride the horse. Don't look at me like th
It's not every day I get to think about the joys of plastic bags!
You may believe that now, but will you believe it when the ghosts of Labor Day come for you in your sleep?
Hello Flaming El DonkoCRUD
Are the ghosts of Labor Day fussy and mean?
Yes, and rightfully so, I do say!
majr217 (4:31:00 PM): down ithe the sickness omrsus!
It's not every day I get to think about the joys of plastic bags!
You may believe that now, but will you b

 

by Dapf
6-04-03
The robots are in prison.
I am a robot in prison!
I am also a robot in prison!
I am also a robot in pr
I can easily escape from this prison!
I would like to see this!
The robots have escaped from prison! Oh glorious d

 

by Dapf
6-06-03
GIH News II
"Today on GIH news: do pelicans fly when the sun is upside-down?"
I don't know about that one!
ay on GIH news: the King of England will announce his r
"More news after this brief message."
I sure can't wait to view the message!
And that's the end of that ch
"Then I have tricked you, for there is no message to give!"
Well, I suppose I can't fault you for that, even though you tried to d

 

by Dapf
6-06-03
InfantryMan vs. SunLairMan XII
Greetings twin, how are you today?
I am fine, SunLairMan! I have come to see your stage lair!
Soda is nutritious and delicious! Soda is also nutr
Ah, but how did you know this was my stage lair, InfantryMan?
Curses, my disguise has failed! I am no better than the lowly can of soda rolling on the street!
Meanwhile, in the city of Denver, SunLairMan's minions are purchasing chicken with mashed po
But somehow you knew that this was my sun lair! Foiled again! I guess I cannot trick you, Infantr
Correct, SunLairMan! And if you will permit me, I shall now do the dance of sharks and buzzards! It will make you sl

 

by Dapf
6-06-03
Always remember to floss your f
"Dear Sanchez: act now and receive the latest in toothbrush technology: the SuperSpin 8079!"
Curse you, Tom Sawyer! This is less fun that previously indic
It may be time for me to invest in one of these fantastic contraptions!
But if you think about it, is it really necessary to use your hard-earned money to feed the capitalist machine?
BA-DUM CHING! Wait, no...
It sure is.
Oh. In that case, I will purchase multiple TV networks and pit them against each other in a ratings battle of the gods! And then I will buy a scoo

 

by Dapf
6-07-03
That is a good idea, but first let me bl
Hello evil alien being, are you going to blow up that planet there?
The thought had crossed my mind, other evil alien being!
The volume control for these speakers is br
But on that planet, they cook a mean dish of butter sticks!
If that is so, then the planet will be spared from my wrath!
The evil alien being may or may not be confused. I really can't tell, because I've never met an evil alien being, or any of his cousins. Actually, I believe I saw one down in Detr
Let us go to the planet below and order some butter sti
s a good idea, but first let me blow up that planet down th

 

by Dapf
6-13-03
Step 1: open IE. Step 2: hit F6 and type http://www.r
I am a character that is lacking in color!
Your correctness frightens me, good colorless sir!
Left Character choppingblock butch1-1 I am a character th
Or perhaps it is that you are colorblind!
Your incorrectness pushes me over like a fierce gale!
What? No, there's nothing random about anything I create, or have created. Not even the "Billy Goes To Bible School" carto
My incorrectness pushes me over like a fier
The joke in this comic strip is well hidden, like baskets on Easter morni

 

by Dapf
6-21-03
The clown is not pleased because he was picked on in Elementary School and
You are a clown, but you are not a happy clown!
That may be, good insect!
onClipEvent (load) { this._x=340; }
Could it be you are unhappy because you are a clown?
Perhaps it is time for me to become a lawyer, so I can help people with their legal problems!
deral judge ordered Microsoft to include Sun's unaltered version of Java in its Windows operating sy
I am being sued for breaking a lamp!
I cannot help you, for I am a simple clown! Would you like a balloon ani

 

by Dapf
6-28-03
Black Hat Guy and Black Hat Guy 2 are in prison.
See, I told you the officer would throw us in jail if you ate that spark plug!
A foolish fool of foolishness, I am!
The story's climax!
However, I did not expect the officer to steal your car!
That was very strange indeed!
THE STORY COMES TO A SCREECHING HALT. NO ONE IS SAFE FROM THE HORRORS OF
So I bought this can of peaches the other day, and I ate the peac
Peaches are evil, like plastic straws, sombreros and packets of s

 

by Dapf
7-11-03
I don't wanna go to Sunset Strip, I don't wanna feel the emptiness.
Hey, did you hear the one about the crow and the donkey heckling the goats in the shed?
You have already told this joke.
Gold marquees with stupid band names, I don't wanna go to Sunse
Error: The additional Features for working with linked Tables have been deactivated. To find out why click here. Wait, wh
So the ninth goat says, "Ice cream, don't you mean Ice Cr
Your hilarity bowls me over like a boulder rolling down a moun

 

by Dapf
8-01-03
Rent "Timecop" and make it a Blockbuster night!
So the manager went up to the customer, and he said, "Hey customer, you have to leave!"
Wow, that is a great story! I will have to share it wi--GAH MY BRAINS
Rent "The Nutty Professor" and m
Oh.
Summer to me is: sandy beaches, sunbathing, swimming in the lake, wearing cheap sunglasses and joining a cultHAIL THE GREAT VANSURVIUS WHO GIVES FORTH HIS ENERGY SO THAT WE MAY LIVE IN PEACE AND HAR

 

by Dapf
8-01-03
InfantryMan vs. SunLairMan XIII
Greetings, InfantryMan! I did not know you were aware of my great Ambulance Lair!
Of course I was aware, SunLairMan, for it is common knowledge!
Pearls and swine are delicious to feast upon, much like the sweet, sweet taste of
Perhaps I am getting too old for this evil villain business! It is time to retire!
Let us celebrate this momentous occasion with a basket of fruits and
Hey, those guys buy used cars! I have an '86 Reliant that doesn't move or st
Yes, right after I destroy the planet!
YES.

 

by Dapf
8-01-03
Anyone who says, "What happened to Chris Cornell's voice?" is merely living in denial over the breakup of Soundgarden.
Can I view today's news?
If I let you do that, then I would have to let everyone do that.
The truth is, his latest mu
But are news broadcasts not for everyone to view?
Oh no, in that case I have been living a lie! What have I done to deserve such a life?
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I AM A VIIIRUSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Well, for starters, you went on that murderou
Today on the 11 O' Clock News: a local television set goes on another murderous ra

 

by Dapf
8-06-03
There are demons in my room. Please leave my room, demons! I am trying to sl
We are demons.
That we are.
Dogs are exploding or something, I can't really tell.
Is this a good thing?
I guess, but I guess I've never actually thought about it.
What does this have to do with anything? Well, first of all, it d
YOU WILL BURN IN THE HEATED FIRES OF THE UNDERWORLD AND BOW DOWN TO KYLE, OUR GREAT M
what

 

by Dapf
8-21-03
There's a trumpet player in a band on that one show, where that guy sits behind a desk and talks to celebrities and
I fell off an airplane and landed on a rock!
Oh no, now you are no longer alive!
Although I guess if you hit the left button five times, and the right one three times, then you would have the correct combina
This strip is the worst anything ever, even worse than mutant monkeys wearing business suits and rolex wa
Perhaps that was not such a good idea!
YES.

 

by Dapf
9-05-03
Why, I don't believe we've met before. And your name is?
I have stolen your candle.
Please return my candle! It is a very important candle.
Yeah, I suppose that name is all right, but it's no Franklimoler.
Since you asked so nicely, I will return your candle!
You have eaten my candle, so I will accept payment in the amount of said candle's worth, which is
Today's history lesson: the inventor of punk rock was Avril Lavigne. Oh, wa
Candle in th

 

by Dapf
9-08-03
One of these things does not belong.
Hello Mr. Pumpkin, may I ask you a question?
Yes, Mr. Snowman, you may.
If you guessed the tree, then you are 1000% wr
Why ar
Because you are a snowman, and therefore you cannot be inside, because you will melt. You will not melt in cold temperatures.
Price check on two grapes, price check on two gr
These warm temperatures sure are comfortable.
Oh no, I am melti

 

by Dapf
9-17-03
"Dear Sanchez: Your car was towed yesterday because your neighbor sat on it and broke it. Repairs are $2,769.96."
If you need $2,769.96, then you should pass around a collection plate like the church does!
And in the end, the power of Dargor was too much f
Say, where am I going to find $2,769.96?
I just gave you a valid suggestion. I will also suggest that you take my suggestion, or else you will n
if ((_root.map[(this.block-1)]==0 || _root.map[(this.block-1)]==2) && (_root.map[this.block]==0 || _root.map[this.block]==2) || this.block>800) {
Say, where am I going to find a collec
ecause your neighbor sat on it and br

 

by Dapf
11-25-03
"The Town" was filmed before a live studio audience of chickens and tur
It appears the town over that hill was painted red!
Do you speak the truth, you eccentric clownface?
oliday marking the end of Ramadan approached, a major United States greeting card company, for the first time, publ
I do indeed speak the truth, so that is why you should believe me.
You are a truth-speaker, so I have little choice but to believe everything that you say!
A chicken laugh track had to be added because nobody understood the joke about Billy's balding son. The writers have certainly learned a valuable lesso
The town is famous for its coffee shops and baking sto
You are a liar, and you must be severely puni

 

by Dapf
8-06-04
I am blessed with a wealth of wealth!
I sure do enjoy standing still.
Yes, it is considerably better than running!
Actually, I guess I'm really not that weal
However, it is nowhere near as enjoyable as sitting! Perhaps we should have a good sit right now!
Then a good sit is what we shall have!
So I went up to him and I said, "Hey, why didn't you take my dollar?" And he said, "Because your dollar is dusty." Soon after, he was eaten by a grizzly b
I sure do enjoy sitting.
owhere near as enjoyable as sitti

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