All comics by Ender2300

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by Ender2300
3-15-03
Will she really do it? Gharbad would sooo get elllected if she does! Pleeease god! Pleeeeease!
Well, I guess if it'll get me into office, then why not?
Wow.
Incredible.
Calm down Gharbad! Thiiiink of baseball! Think of mom! Think of something!!!
Well, looks like I'm in touch with the voting public. God bless America.

 

by Ender2300
3-15-03
Excuse me young man. I'm with a youth organization called "Truth". Here I have two pictures of babies. Would you tell me which baby you prefer?
Sure, I don't mind. Let me take a look.
As you can see, Baby A is a normal healthy baby. Baby B has a low birth weight because its mother smoked during her pregnancy.
Hmmm.... Well, Baby A definitely has more meat on it. It’s perfect for stewing, but I could also broil it slowly after seasoning it with herbs.
So you oppose smoking by supporting Baby A, right?
Huh? I have no problem with smoking. I just think that baby A looks tastier.

 

by Ender2300
3-17-03
Mwahahahaha! Now Saddam, in forty-eight hours I will invade your country and destroy your weapons of mass destruction!
B-but sir, what about the UN opposition?
Screw that! They'll all jump on the bandwagon eventually. Australia and Great Britain are already with us. Soon the other nations will bend to our will.
I... I see, sir.
That reminds me. I'm damn horny. Get me Cheney... and dress him up like a globe.
Dear God, we're all gonna die.

 

by Ender2300
3-24-03
*Sigh*
What's the matter, robot?
Well doc, I just can't seem to score with the ladies. Its getting depressing.
Ladies? You don't need them. When I created you, I put in a "magic happy button". Don't ask me why, I'm just sick that way.
You mean that I can...
Yup! You can get off with the touch of a button. All day if you feel like it. God, I'm a sicko!

 

by Ender2300
3-24-03
Press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press.
Oh god! Oh god, yeah! Oh GOD!
Press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press.
Oh god! Oh god, yeah! Oh GOD!
Press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press.
Oh god! Oh god, yeah! Oh GOD!

 

by Ender2300
3-24-03
Press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press.
Oh god! Yes! Oh God, YES!
Press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press.
Oh god! Yes! Oh God, YES!
Mommy, what's that robot doing?
Cover your eyes Billy! COVER THEM RIGHT NOW!

 

by Ender2300
3-24-03
Press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press.
Oh god! Yes! Oh God, YES!
Press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press.
Oh god! Yes! Oh God, YES!
Hmmm... Yeah.....

 

by Ender2300
3-24-03
Press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press.
Oh god! Yes! Oh God, YEEEEES!
Press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press press...
AHHHH!!! NOOO!!!! AAHHHH!!!
.... press....

 

by Ender2300
3-27-03
Ugh. Where am I?
You can get up now.
Hi.
OH SHIT!
Apparently robots DO have souls.

 

by Ender2300
3-27-03
So I guess you're gonna torture me now, right?
Torture? Haahaahaa! No there's no torture here. Thats just the bad PR that we get from the competition.
So, how do you punish the wicked? Isn't that what you do?
No, no. Hell is for independent thinkers and rebellious souls.
So.... what do you do down here?
Well... mostly we have sex with supermodels.

 

by Ender2300
3-27-03
So, these supermodels....
Oh yeah, they're right over there. Did you want to have sex with them. They're not picky.
Oh thank you Satan. This is the best day of my life, er, death, er, whatever.
Don't mention it lad. Enjoy yourself.
Here I co...
Huh. What the...

 

by Ender2300
3-27-03
There you go my boy! Good as new!
Wh-what happened?
Oh, I found you all burnt up and I fixed you. Aren't you happy? I brought you back from the dead? Isn't that great?
*whimper*
Somewhere high above the Earth.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

 

by Ender2300
3-27-03
Well, at least I still have my happy button.
Oh that? I had to get rid of that. You were abusing it.
Well, what did you replace it with?
Uh, actually, I forgot. Press it and find out.
Press.
AHHHHHHH!!!!
Oh, that's right. Its a self destruct button!

 

by Ender2300
3-27-03
Wh-where am I?
Open your eyes.
Who are you?
Welcome to heaven. I'm an angel, of course.
Like Michael Landon?
No.

 

by Ender2300
3-27-03
So, what's the deal with heaven.
Oh, you know. Bliss. Happiness. Extacy.
So can I buy some of this "extacy"?
Sure. $25.

 

by Ender2300
3-27-03
So, where are all the female angels. Like in those commercials for collect calling. Or like in that porno movie I sa... uh, heard about
Huh? Oh, there are no female angels here.
Why not?
Heaven is completely segregated. God wouldn't want you to be doing naughty things here, now would he?
NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
Poor guy must've gone to heaven.

 

by Ender2300
3-27-03
I demand to see God! I can't believe in a heaven with no lovin'!
OK, but it won't do any good. Follow me.
Oh man am I gonna give God a piece of my mind. Just you wait! *mumble mumble*.
Sir. You have a visitor.
.........
YEA! WELCOME AND WORSHIP ME, MY SON!

 

by Ender2300
3-27-03
So God, why are there no...
NO SEX IN MY KINGDOM! GET OUT! NOW!
I can't believe that this is what heaven is like. What a bummer.
Hey man. Don't take it too hard.
JESUS!

 

by Ender2300
3-27-03
Jesus, why is God so uptight about sex?
Well, he had a bad "experience" after he created the dinosaurs. Hey, wanna get high?
Sure. *puff puff*
*puff puff*

 

by Ender2300
3-27-03
So then I said, "What did you replace it with?" Hahaha
Hahaha, yeah.
And he said, "I forgot. Press it and find out." Hahaha.
Hahaha, yeah.
And then I blew up! Man I'm wasted! Hahaha.
Hahaha, yeah. Let's get some snack cakes.

 

by Ender2300
3-27-03
Hey man, you're pretty cool. Listen. I'm gonna tell you the secret of life.
Really? Cool.
The secret of life is...
Welcome back my boy!
.........Eh. Oh well.

 

by Ender2300
3-29-03
Hello, I was calling because I wanted to get an estimate on how much car insurance would cost me.
Certainly. What state do you live in?
I live in New Jersey.
Oh, I'm sorry, we can't give you a quote over the phone. You'll have to fill out an extensive application and we'll get back to you in a few weeks.
Why the hell can't you just tell me how much it costs to buy your damn insurance?
Because if we told you we wouldn't be able to bend you over and rape you until you bled money.

 

by Ender2300
3-29-03
I'm a dust, mold, ragweed.
I'm a water, CO2, dirt.
I'm a hair, deoderant, soap.
I'm a heat, fire, dog urine.
I'm a water, food, air.
Zyrtec. For every absurd allergy you can think of. Warning, possible side effects may include paralysis, narcolepsy, hypertension, swelling, death and nausea.

 

by Ender2300
3-29-03
Additional side effects include swelling of the tounge, lips, eyes, testicles, liver, and feet. Dry mouth. Body rot. Fatigue. Chronic erection disorder....
Growth of additional nipples. Growth of additional testicles. Loss of testicles. Intense feelings of low self esteem. Death. Loss of eyesight. Involuntary rectal spasms. Gas. Bloating. Dizziness.
Giant growth up to 50 feet. Vaginal discomfort. Loss of motor control. Death. DUI. Inability to keep one's shirt on while on camera resulting in your parents seeing you on girl's gone wild. Sorry Mom.
Swelling of the bladder. Spontanious combustion. Fur growth. Loss of armpit hair. Congestion. Constipation. Allergic reaction. Alien abduction. Runny nose. Leprosy. Explosion of the penis. Club foot.
Loss of short term memory. Angst. Loss of short term memory. Anal bleeding. Death. Possesion. Turrets syndrome. Melting. Implosion. Hightend sensitivity to air. Bloating and loss of fecal control.
Zyrtec. It's what's for dinner.

 

by Ender2300
4-24-03
OK, I've got a great idea for a comic strip! Now I'll just...
WHAT THE HELL!!!
I knew it was a bad idea to by a monitor from "Bob's cheap ass electronics".

 

by Ender2300
5-09-03
Argh! I really have to go. When is this guy going to get out of the port-a-potty.
He may be in there a while. This is one of those new "i-loo" toliets. Its a public toliet with full internet access.
Oh. I see, that explains why...
Oh... Oh Jesus...
Watch your step in there.

 

by Ender2300
6-19-03
So how do you like the new place?
Well its pretty good I guess. Its in the middle of nowhere though.
Are there any problems with your new apartment.
Well, there is one small problem.
No, you can't borrow my chainsaw. And you keep tracking blood onto my new carpet! Get out!
Some neighbor you are!

 

by Ender2300
7-09-03
Look at all this stuff I found! Isn't it cool? Just twelve more episodes...
How long have you been on this file-sharing program?
Oh about 150 hours straight. After the first four days you stop needing sleep.
Have you actually watched any of this stuff yet?
Not yet. I'm still busy downloading it all. Ooo!I need that movie!
Oh Jesus Christ...

 

by Ender2300
7-09-03
53% finished! Only 124 hours more before I get to see Ringu 2!
You know that these things run on their own right? You don't have to be here every...
WHAT! Don't disconnect! Come back here! COME BACK HERE WITH THAT FILE YOU FAT BEARDED BITCH!!!!
There we go. All better. You were saying?
Uhhh... nevermind.

 

by Ender2300
7-20-03
I heard that Pirates of the Caribbean is the first Disney movie to ever be rated PG-13. Maybe I'll go check it out.
I dunno. I wouldn't go see it unless it was rated ARRRR!
And you wonder why you never get laid.
Actually I thought that the reason I never get laid is because its a form of PUN-ishment.
Hey, where are you going?
To the hardware store. I suddenly feel the urge to buy a giant magnet.

 

by Ender2300
7-20-03
Welcome to McBurgermiester, can I take your order?
Yes I like a cheeseburger, a coke and an order of Chesty McNuggets. Oh, and some fries.
Don't you mean "Chicken McNuggets"?
Heh heh heh. No.

 

by Ender2300
7-26-03
Did you ever wonder what would happen if you hit the "clone panel" button while still on the default screen?
Nothing, right? Well that's not exactly true.
Actually, it sends a signal to the CIA that registers you in the national "people who push buttons that shouldn't work" registry.
Afterwords, the registry is used to forcibly upload a large amount of child porn onto your hard drive while Fedral enforcement agents arrest you for the possesion of child porn.
Don't believe us?
Try it.

 

by Ender2300
8-29-03
Day one.
I can finally get around to playing Neverwinter Nights. I just hope that this game is big enough to keep me occupied while I'm on vacation.
Day two.
Day three.

 

by Ender2300
8-29-03
Day 6.
Day 10.
Day 12.
Whew! Finally beat the first chapter. Guess I won't have time to learn Starcraft after all.

 

by Ender2300
1-10-04
So, if I change the ObjectTag to match the resref blueprint, then...
How long have you been in here doing this module creation thing?
Not long. I only started in late September. Anything interesting happen in that, uh, that place, uh... What do you call it again...
You mean "outside"?
Yeah that's the one! Outside!
(sigh)

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