All comics by MaxPayne

Profile

 

by MaxPayne
3-30-03
Well, figure I might as well do it before anyone else does.
Out here in the middle of the desrt it's rough to survive.
Sweet rabid baby Jayzus!
There's no Creosote OR uranium-enriched cheese, and I need a martini like President Bush needs an 8 Ball!
Bah! Would that I could reign flaming meteors on those soul-less bastards! BAAAHHH!
Oh, you're such a haddock shite!
Who's DoubleNutz?

 

by MaxPayne
3-30-03
T-Minus 5....4....
Well, I hope you're proud of yourself. "Gee, I wonder what this flashing red button does?" Jesus Christ, and you call yourself a Mission Commander!
Well, I didn't design Space Station Renton 47!!! How was I supposed to know it would just decompress all the compartments like that?
3...2...
?
1... Sucky Comic!
Lt. DoubleNutz? Lt. DoubleNutz, where did you go?
I have destroyed him! Now enough talk, Granny, commence probing!

 

by MaxPayne
4-01-03
The following events are real, the names have been changed to protect the innocent
Oh, sweet jumping snapping turtles, dude, our planes goin' down!
Fuck me, and just after I got done de-icing the flux capacitor.
Man, am I glad we crash landed so close to Bouvetoya. I wonder what that means, anyway?
Hang on, lemme check..........uh, dude, I'm not sure how to tell you this, but all I can say is don't bend over...
TOBOR WELCOME STRANGERS TO BOUVETOYA, OTHERWISE KNOWN AS CORNHOLE ISLAND! I HOPE YOU BOTH EAT PLENTY FIBER!
I KNEW I shouldn't have had those peanut right before the plane crashed..

 

by MaxPayne
4-01-03
Mars like the planet...
Mars like the candy...
?????
?????
Oh, screw it.
Well, I feel stupid We drove all the way here and I don't see a single fucking chocolate bar anywhere!

 

by MaxPayne
4-03-03
In chat.
Oh, bicth, you're such a faggitr. If I weren't in Austrailia rigt now Id beet yor ass.
In forums.
What? I never said anything of the type. That guy's lying! He's the one that said that!
In reality.
Oy! Though EE tol joo to take out dee trashcans!
But, Mooooo-ooooooom, I'm busy trying to look cool!!

 

by MaxPayne
4-03-03
I'm so hungry. We haven't eaten anything for days.
Me too...too bad we didn't think to bring any food with us when our humanitarian transport for UNICEF crashed in the middle of nowhere.
I could really go for some Chinese Food right about now...
MMMM, that hit the spot.

 

by MaxPayne
4-04-03
Finally...at long last...after all my searching...I've found you! The All-Knowing Christmas Tree!
Yes, my son. What is the answer you seek?
Well......I'm sure you probably get this alot, but...What Is The Meaning Of Life?
Fuck if I know.
???
What the fuck do you want from me, I'm a tree with pieces of plastic slapped on it. Go ask your parents.

 

by MaxPayne
4-07-03
Pointless Cameo
Hey kaufman, I thought you went home for the day?
Yeah, I was just looking for my cat....oh, here it is.

 

by MaxPayne
4-07-03
One pill, makes you larger...
Hey, hippie-1-L, what's shakin'?
Not much, kaufsterino, I just got this killer shit. You gotta try it!
One pill makes you small...
Now if only I could find a pill to make me funny...
*giggle* Pussy...
*giggle* ............. what?

 

by MaxPayne
4-10-03
Warning:
Sweet! My new StripCreator Peek-A-Boo Tobor © finally got here! It says I just have to hit this switch and......
Objects in comic
are much less funny than they appear
PEEK-A-BOO! INITIATE CORNHOLE!
Where's that damn instruction manual?

 

by MaxPayne
4-11-03
Yes, that's right, now you too can have your very own StripCreator (C) Sleep With The Fishies Sneakers!
Impress your family! Amaze your friends! And never have to go to work again!
Call now, large-knuckled thugs with names like Vinnie & Paulie are standing by!
I'm not just a body dumped by the mafia, I'm also a client!

 

by MaxPayne
4-12-03
Tape 47: Eugene Stephenson

 

by MaxPayne
4-15-03
Congratulations! You've won a beauty contest! Collect $10
So....the Apocalypse IS upon us...
Oh no! You've landed in the SC IRC room and find the room contains only yourself and mAAk. Lose one cock.
JES JES RIGHT OVER EER BY DEE BIG SAW
*BigEvilDan runs
Lazy comic artist. Lose a turn.

 

by MaxPayne
4-15-03
Go to jail. Do no pass GO. Do not collect lube.
RAAR! *insert reason here* CORNHOLE YOU!

 

by MaxPayne
4-16-03
So I says, "Well, them American Marines aren't going to suck them selves!"
Completely rape and pillage a classic "One Hit Wonder" comic, go back to start.
What the fuck are you talking about?

 

by MaxPayne
4-28-03
I'm matter!
I'm anti-matter!
I wonder what would happen if...
I wonder what would happen if...

 

by MaxPayne
5-06-03
That was an odd yet extremely loud explosion. Now what am I supposed to do with five scientist1's?
We could play make-believe!
Yeah, let's make-believe we're in that movie Multiplicity!
I'm Michael Keaton! Nobody has sex with my wife, but me!
I'm Michael Keaton! I hate all you guys.
I'm Michael Keaton! I like pizza! I LIKE it!

 

by MaxPayne
5-06-03
No, that's stupid. What else can you guys do?
We could....play Telephone!
I see an asian girl, pass it on.
I pass on girl, Mavis, pass it on.
Scientist # 5 finally succumbs to the AIDS he had contracted from a young girl back in Vietnam, all those years ago...
Mavis, please pass the asian girl, pass it on!
*choke*.......... you......... bastards......

 

by MaxPayne
5-06-03
Well, that was an odd segue... I feel like we missed something...
Well, there was an old crappy comic that was made to incorporate something loud...
Don't forget the gratuitious infectious disease joke...
What was that last one?
Fuck this, I'm gonna get a job. I wonder if they still hire people to spray perfume in people's eyes at mall?

 

by MaxPayne
5-11-03
We've got to stop them, Sook Mi!
Sucky-sucky!
Damnit, haven't you been listening to a word I've been saying about The Evil Pantsless Cat Burglar?
Sucky....sucky?
Screw this, I'll go call Huge Elbow Man...
I was just kidding, Professor Ecksavier. Now, TO THE BAT CA...I mean.... the Mutant Cave!

 

by MaxPayne
5-11-03
It sure is convenient being able to fly and all. I'll get to the Evil Pantless Cat Burglar's lair in no time!
Look, it's Marie Antoinette's ghost!
Pointless Sidebar? Very. But who couldn't use a little extra head now and again?
Let them eat cake!

 

by MaxPayne
5-11-03
Cold, dingy lair. A pair of jeans left on the floor. Millions of dollars worth of stolen merchandise. Yup, this must be the place.
Hey! What're you doing in here? And what're you doing with my pants?
I've come to put a stop to your half-naked criminal ways, Pantsless Cat Burglar! But before I haul you off to jail where you'll have your pants down more than you'd like, why did you do it?
*Sniff* Well....
Oh no....

 

by MaxPayne
5-11-03
Insert wavy lines to indicate flashback sequence here.
It all started back in college.......
One day in the campus square...
So, Tracy, do you, like, like to do... stuff?
Get away from me you weirdo! And where are your damn pants?
Being an alcoholic, this wasn't the first time something like this had happened. Sadly, nor would it be the last...
I traded them for this beer. Would you like a sip?
Sure! Just let me go get my pepper spray!

 

by MaxPayne
5-11-03
So you see, I've been scarred emotionally driving me to a life of crime.
You sold your pants to buy a beer, and when a girl didn't want to share a beer with a half-naked stranger, you turned to a life of crime?
I'm gonna go get another beer out of the fridge, you want one?
You got any Dos Equis?

 

by MaxPayne
5-11-03
Here ya go.
*sip* Ahh, that hit's the spot. I'm sorry though, Pantsless Cat Burglar, I'm still going to have to bring you in.
But you haven't even used your mutant superpower yet! What is it, anyway?
Atomic Sucky-Sucky! But that's not the point....
:-)
Blah blahblah blahblahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah.

 

by MaxPayne
5-11-03
Well my willy IS kind of cold, me not wearing pants and all...
You don't really expect me to..
You have to! It's in the rules!
Ugh. Fine!
Who's your daddy?

 

by MaxPayne
5-11-03
I feel better now!
*spit*
Until we meet again, Sook Mi!
Wait a minute! I just did that and I don't even get the collar?
The rules say you have to use your power, doesn't say anywhere about actually accomplishing anything!
Damn you, punkrockskaboy! And look at my dress! It's ruined!

 

by MaxPayne
5-11-03
Well, since you're so cute, and since you've got a mouth like a Bryn Mawr cheerleader, I'll give you back everything I stole.
So....I guess I accomplished something.... thanks!
See ya!
Farewell, Pantsless Catburglar!
THE END! Thank God.
Hey, I'm lonely too!
Take a hike, Pasty Computer Nerd Man!

 

by MaxPayne
5-14-03
Goddamnit, I'm not a lesbian!

 

by MaxPayne
5-17-03
What the fuck is iambic pentameter?

 

by MaxPayne
5-17-03
I'll warrant you, Fear me not: withdraw, I hear him coming.
Nhhhhhhnnnnnn
Sorry, baby, it's too late.

 

by MaxPayne
5-18-03
Alas, poor Model 13742! I knew him, Fellatio: A robot of infinite programming, of most excellent wiring.
?
Here lay that USB port that I have connect to I know not how oft.
E'en so.
Where be your circuits now? Your diodes? Your capacitors?

 

by MaxPayne
5-18-03
n00bmaster: Hi Im new her so reda my comis and tell me what you tink? I think they r beter than most on hir. lol :)
Yay! One persn said they likd y comic! <3 U!
Ummm....
Now, how do I edit/delete comics, why can't I change that thing under my name, and how do I start a comic competition?
He ees not ready!

 

by MaxPayne
5-18-03
I'm so sorry
Welcome to Jesus Burger, home of the Judas Meal! What can I create for you today, my child?
What's in a Judas Meal?
No I'm really sorry
Well, you get a Double Betrayal with a Large Cheek Kiss and a Medium Water Wine!
Cool, I'll have one to go!
God, am I sorry
That'll be $6.66!
Wow! You can really taste the betrayal!

 

by MaxPayne
5-18-03
boinky33 sucks!
He does not! boinky33 kicks ass!
What am I saying?
boinky33 sucks!

 

by MaxPayne
5-20-03
If you love Doug so much...
Boy, that Ewwwww kid sure is bitter. He used the default comic template to make a lame-ass joke about another user!
What a child.
why don't the two of you...
Yeah, how lazy can you get?
Really, he's so stupid he can't even make a link to his old SC name in his profile (which by the way those comics ALSO blow)!
go get a fucking room!
Please Brad, for the sake of everything good and wholesome...
Keep Doug banned for ever and ever and ever!

 

by MaxPayne
5-21-03
Hi, my name's Ewwwww. I'm a paint-huffing 13 year old, and because of my years of glue and highlighter sniffing am left with an almost completely useless brain stem.
I get by, though. I find a joke that works, and I stick with it. And stick with it. And stick with it. And sti... well, see for yourself..
........................drumroll........................
*clears throat*
You're a fag!
Look at that! Comedy genius, I tell ya! And all my nerdy 13 year old friends think so too!

 

by MaxPayne
5-21-03
MaxPayne's a fag!
MaxPayne's a fag!
Sadly, this is probably pretty accurate
Wait a minute.. that's not working anymore! OH NO what do I do?
I've got it!
*clears throat*
MaxPayne's fat!

 

by MaxPayne
5-21-03
Dude, Ewwwww, do us all a favor and grow the fuck up! I don't want to have to do a whole new comic about how you've got nothing to fall back on but "gay", alright?
At least Doug had a concept. Lame as it might be, he found an angle and pounded it into the ground. Your stuff is just.. well.. pointless.
Warning: Doug Moment
SIT SIT!
A H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H !

 

by MaxPayne
5-21-03
Lop eet off! Dee cock, jes!
All joor cocks are belong to *NAME REMOVED*!
Hint: It's chooby
And dee Shape Creator, jes jes dee Shape Creator!

 

by MaxPayne
5-21-03
nnnnnhnnnnnn
NNNNnnnNNNHHHNNNN
.......... oh yeah ......

 

by MaxPayne
5-22-03
Oh yeah?
Thank God I'm off tommorow, I'm gonna go pay my car insurance and then I'll drink myself into a stupor until -
Well, at least I didn't....
Yeah....
sleep with LUMBERG!
.........fuck me.........

 

by MaxPayne
5-22-03
Yeah, I'm gonna need you to go ahead and come in, tommorow. Yeah...
But -
So, if you could just, you know, DO that, that would be great...
*
Where's my fucking gun?

 

by MaxPayne
5-22-03
God DAMN that Blumberg! How does he do it?
It's like he's reading my thoughts!
Ow, getting impaled there on a paper-cutter sure would hurt!
I wish that asshole would impale himself on the paper-cutter in the office!

 

by MaxPayne
5-22-03
So can I expect to see you tommorow, Mr. Slav - er I mean Mr. Slaffe?
Must.... control...... tongue....
*grrrrr* SURE, Mr. Blumberg, I'll be here bright and early!
See that you do.
What time does Al's Ammo open on Saturday's?

 

by MaxPayne
5-22-03
*rat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat* AY, shut'er down Hoss! *cough* Al's Ammo, whut kin Ah do yeh fur?
Yeah Al, it's me.
Oh, howdo Meester Slaffe, I din aware it were you.
Yeah, listen, has my shipment of Management Piercers come in yet?
Lemme take a looksi - Yupper, they's up to the warehouse.
I'll be right there!

 

by MaxPayne
5-22-03
Howdo, Mr. Slaffe? We done got that new shipment of 20mm tank mortars in today. Wanna give one a test-run?
Sorry, Al. I'd love to, but I'm kind of in a hurry, so just my Management Piercers.
*bang slam crash rumble smash*
Here yew go.
Thanks, Al. If you hear about a shooting in an office building later today, it wasn't me!

 

by MaxPayne
5-22-03
Well, time to go to work!
>:-D

 

by MaxPayne
5-22-03
Let's see. Clock in, check. Get cup of coffee, check. Selector switch to full auto, check. See boss.....
.....check.
Yeah........

 

by MaxPayne
5-22-03
Mr. Slaffe, you're fifteen minutes la OH MY GOD an assault rifle!
That's right. I've finally snapped. Just like all those girls in high school said I would.
I don't think we can see each other any more. I'm afraid one day you're going to snap and dress up like a kangaroo before going on an blood-thirsty rampage!
If only I had listened to her...

Showing page 2.

« Previous Next »