All comics by NastyPope

Profile

 

by NastyPope
8-11-01
Grandpa, why did the family get out of farming?
Cause farming can be dangerous.
Dangerous? I thought ranchers had all the dangers with stampedes, wolves, rustlers, and such.
nope, nothing more dangerous than farming. Harvesting lettuce is the worst.
Harvesting lettuce can be dangerous ?
Yup, most dangerous kind is Iceberg lettuce. Sunk the Titanic getting my last crop.

 

by NastyPope
8-14-01
A paid advertisement.
Hello and welcome to the Virtual Asian Online Dating service. I'm Asia Carrera, porn queen, computer geek, and member of MENSA.
And I'm Michelle Yeoh, reknowned for such martial arts action movies such as 'Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon' and I was a Bond Slut.
Have you ever wanted to date a beautiful Asian woman like us but were too shy to ask? Do cultural and language differences intimidate you? If so you need VAOD.
That's right, Asia. Here at VAOD we know that the fact that you are uglier than Yak Ass, makes it hard to follow your fetish dreams of having sex with beautiful subserviant asian woman.
We can help you forge a personality and investment profile that any Asian woman will love even if she will never love or respect you until you help bring her family to the U.S.
Don't worry that you will have 13 people living in your 2 bedroom apartment. Once you've had finger lickin good sideways snatch, you'll never go back.

 

by NastyPope
8-16-01
Hey Craig, did you bring your pokemon cards ?
No, pokemon is for kids, I found something much cooler.
Cooler than pokemon ? No Way!!! What is it ?
It's Felchimon, where fantastic creatures and robots try to sodomize each other or be felched.
Wow, that sounds cool, show me how it works!!!!
Allright, if you insist, but since you dont have a Felchimon to protect you, this is going to burn a bit. TOBOR

 

by NastyPope
8-27-01
Incoming priority call, Sir.
I thought you were supposed to be a smart phone. I'm busy...SEND IT TO VOICE MAIL!!!
This really is a rather important phone call, Sir, you really should accept it.
LOOK, Phonie!!!! I've been preparing for this night for three weeks. No one is coming between me, a gallon of Cherry_Flavored_Anal_Eaze, & my hand puppets. *sigh* Who is it?
It is your mother, Sir.
Great, there goes my hardon.

 

by NastyPope
8-28-01
*BZZZZ* this is it *BZZZZ* my last chance to regain my *BZZZZ* humanity. Computer *BZZZZ* initialize voice command interface.
Voice command interface initialized. Telepods set to active standby. Recombinant DNA resequencing pattern loaded.
Seth Brundellfly enters the telepod, his hopes residing in the same technology that tore his humanity from him.
Computer, start teleportation sequence Brundellfly Gamma!!!!
Initiating teleportation sequence Brundellfly Gamma. Good luck Seth.
My God, I think it worked, I feel almost normal....oh no, I have fur, and big feet, what have I done?!?!!?!?
Look at it this way, Doc, instead of eating other peoples feces, you'll be happy with your own.

 

by NastyPope
8-30-01
What the Hell?!?!?!?! I'm dead. How did I end up in the grave with a diamond studded collar in my ass?
What the Hell?!?!?! I'm falling to my inevitable death & I dont remember jumping from a building. Was it a bad episode of Friends? Oooo maybe I can take out that rich lady and her poodle...
What the Hell!?!?!?! I'm flying on a jet, maybe if I pull this handle the flight attendent will heeEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLp.....

 

by NastyPope
9-14-01
The Following is a paid advertisement of the Fellatian Empire Board of Tourism
Have you ever wanted to visit_other_planets but thought it would never happen in your life time ? Afraid of dangerous fuels like Plutonium?
Well now you can. Our new Interstellar_sex_drive can allow you to cross the Galaxy in mere days. Just bring a partner and a warehouse of Viagra.
Here we witness a demonstation of the awesome power of the ISD. (proffesional sodomizers on a closed course)
Dear Zobroz (Fellatian Goddess of Orgies) its a Black Hole!!! How will we ever escape ?
Did you say Hole ??!?! Bend over, we have to engage the ANAL SEX DRIVE!!!!
That is just one of the many adventures you can have with the Fellatian ISD So call 1-101-00100101 today for the nearest Fellatian Tours
Holy Sheep shaggin, that sure beats having ta git off the stump ta git around and Kiss ol' Bessie. I'm bookin a trip to Uranus right now!!!

 

by NastyPope
9-17-01
o/ A..B..C...D....
o/ E...F....G....H....
o/ I Wirthlinged a donkeyyyyyyyy & a cow toooo..../o

 

by NastyPope
9-20-01
Gurl Scouts!!!
Brownies!!!
Wall-eyed Bitch!!!
Marmoset Whore!!!
Umm...I like how you braided your hair.
Thanks....I like your bob. Let's go beat up that Camp Fire Ho.

 

by NastyPope
9-20-01
Short Hair!!!
Long Hair!!!
Boxers!!!
Briefs!!!!
Donkeys!!!
Pygmy Ponys!!!

 

by NastyPope
9-23-01
Now, let's go over this one more time. You said that you were on a street corner near the studio when this little asian girl asked you to make a balloon animal?
Yes sir, thats right. I was just trying to make a living. She offered me 20 dollers if I'd make her a poodle. But she wasnt happy with the first one, the second one. or any of them!!!!
You mean to tell me you drug that girl back to her trailer and cooked her in a microwave with two baked potatoes just because she wanted a balloon poodle?
Nothing I did made her happy, and when people arn't happy with what I give them.... HE gets mad.. so very very mad.
The D.A. frowns the suspect down, the contempt & disbelief on his face evident to the painted fat boy.....
I swear to you its the Truth!!!! The evil demon torments me constantly, he is whispering to me right now!!!! If I don't do what he says, then I suffer_unimaginable_anquish.
The other asian girl is looking at you funny... wouldnt she be happier chopped into pieces and fed through a Juicer ?

 

by NastyPope
9-23-01
There, little girl, just how you described it, will that do? It's my last balloon.
No you putrescent piece of trash. I wanted a ZEBRA POODLE
She is not a nice girl. Kill her KILLLLLLL_HERRRRRR!!! First, strangle her with the poodle, then gut her like a fish, finally, wrap her in duct tape with two baked potatoes and microwave her!!!
No, I won't do it. she is just a little primadonna girl. It's just a baloon animal, no, no no no...
You leave me no choice, you must suffer until you do as I ask.... WASH AT THE MILLENIUM WASH & WASH, WASH AT THE MILLENIUM WASH & WASH, WASH &.....
DAMN YOU, YOU MAGNIFICENT BASTARD DAAAAMNNN YOOOOUUUU!!!!!!

 

by NastyPope
9-24-01
Heya, Biznatch.
Hold it right there, alien, This One does not recognize You.
Biznatch, its me, Murry.
This One is perplexed, Murry is Human. You are... not.
It's a long story, pal. My hands are really killing me, lets get a couple Endorian Ales and I'll tell you why you should never get mixed up with a Wookie Prostitute.
Wookie Prostitute ??!?!?

 

by NastyPope
9-24-01
Allright, thats better, now let me see where to start......................You remember those two clowns from Galaxy 713 who were so stoned they grabbed the wrong wormhole and nearly crashed into us ?
Yes, This One remembers, they offered us a full bag of Plutonian Nyborg for the right directions home.
Those are the guys. Well, Biznatch, last week I decided to take a hit of that stuff and thats when all hell broke loose.
This One is thinking "Uh Oh"
"heh, you got that right, One hit of that & I was ready to Gnarfle a Garthak bare handed... then SHE walked by"
Heya Baby, you can call me Murry and i've been lookin all over the galaxy for someone cute and fury, like you.
Rrrrrr*r Awrrr Urr-r-r-r-oooorr.

 

by NastyPope
9-25-01
I'm telling you Biznatch, she was a dream come true. Long legs, huge hairy breasts, that tight leather corset. You know what I'm talkin' bout, right ?
Actually, This One does not understand attraction. This One's species reproduces asexually by rectal polyp, but please continue amusing annecdote.
"Uh, yeah, sure.....anyhow, I see some hot action, & I have a pocket full of credits, and a galactic buzz..."
You, my dear, are something special. You have what I need in the worst way. How much to let me ride you til both suns set? I'll even pick the lice off_your_ass_when_I'm_done.
Rrrrrr*r Awrrr 50 Crrdtts Urr-r-r-r-oooorr.
She was one smoooooth talker. She had game and she new it, that haughty wench. But 50 credits? Shit, I only paid 5 for a night with that slave of Jabba's.... what was her name...?
If This One's memory is correct, the name was Leia...

 

by NastyPope
9-26-01
Leia... yeah, that's the one. What a piece of ass. Imagine finding a gorgeous human woman without a mark on her in Jabba's shithole. She swallowed too, seemed to dig it. What a woman!
Swallowed???
"heh, nevermind about the Mangoo. Point is, exotic whore or not, The wookie was asking waaay to much.
Whoa there beautiful, 50 credits is a bit steep, even for some hot hairy ass like yourself.
Rrrrrr*r Awrrr Urr-r-r-r-oooorr. R-r-r-rrrrrou, Har-rr-ur errrmrr rrr......
See described sexual acts the likes of which would have made a Siith blush. The_Tied_Tounge_Fighter, Light Saber Loving, Feel the Force, Millenium Fuckin, & others. I gave her every credit.
This One is intrigued.

 

by NastyPope
9-26-01
Hiya Jon, how's it going?
Heya Phil, Whoa, whats in all the little baggies?
Oh, these are the new Palm Pilots, all the staff get one.
Sweet!!! I've always wanted one of those things.
Yeah, its great, you can file addresses, phone numbers, dates, email, accounts, to do lists and all sorts of productive stuff.
Right on, i've always wanted to play Tetris when im on the crapper.

 

by NastyPope
9-29-01
So there I am, stoned out of my mind, hairy hooker on my arm, bookin it back to her place for some interspecies_relations..
This One thinks you must have had a great time.
Well, yes and no. When we got there I took another hit of the Nyborg and the Fuzzy Fornicator wanted one too. I figured WTF and let her have a toot. BIG MISTAKE!!!!
There is a reason why Wookies are not allowed into Pharmacies.
I found out the hard way. At first she seemed fine, so we got to business and man oh man, let me tell you, she was the best oral sex I ever got, amazing tounge....
Too much information, making this One queezy, need to lay down.

 

by NastyPope
10-01-01
So, Mr... Tobor is it? yes? good. Tell us a little why you want to be a drama major.
For as long as Tobor remembers, Tobor has had difficulty expressing true feelings. Tobor wants world to see true self.
Days and Nights become blurred as Tobor works tirelessly to become a true Shakespearian actor.
How now, spirit! Wither wander you?
Over Hill, Over grass, Tobor will cornhole Puck's ASS!!!! Over park, over... LINE!!!
Several months have passed...
To Cornhole or not to Cornhole, that is the question. Wether tis nobler to suffer the violent_anal_dialations, or by putting sand in the vaseline, end them.

 

by NastyPope
10-01-01
Blue Fish, Red Fish....
Two Fish...
Dead Fish.

 

by NastyPope
10-01-01
Ya Know, Margret, your pussy kinda tastes like.....
Don't you say another word.

 

by NastyPope
10-02-01
10 'Bill'ion======================
Please call Microsoft to activate your holo watermarked legal tender
Lead us to the Gates of Paradise great Bill
............In Microsoft We Trust............
For XP is the Light and the Way. I suffer so you may surf.
I shall keep thee from harm for I suffer the DOJ in your stead
======================10 'Bill'ion
Lead us to the Gates of Paradise, great Bill
Please call Microsoft to activate your holo watermarked legal tender

 

by NastyPope
10-03-01
One Huge Cornhole}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
This note allows you to legally tenderize all parts, Private and Public.
E Sphinctus Dominaum Distendai
IN RAAARRRR
WE TRUST
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{One Huge Cornhole
Treasury of the Imperial_Manrape_Regime

 

by NastyPope
10-05-01
The crew of the USS Tobor defend against the evil Sphinctoids
Engineering, more power to the Shields!!! Helm, defensive pattern Theta2!!!!
Aye Captain..... Damn, I can't shake them off our asses, the port Nacel has been destabilized!!!
Meanwhile on the Sphinctoid battle moon...
Muahahahaah, the Hu-mans will soon die against the mighty power of my Love Missle when it penetrates their Rear shields!!!
Captain Roger weighs the options & knows they have only one recourse.
We have no choice, Vulgor, full power to the Sodomizer 3000!!! We're gonna tear them_a_new_asshole!
Great Scott, Captain, you can't be serious!! That will violate the entire sector!

 

by NastyPope
10-05-01
The Sodomizer 3000 fails to activate...
Bloody Hell!! Those Sphinctoids are pounding_the_crap_out of us. Maura, get down to engineering and find out what they are doing.
Aye Captain.
VOLOCK!!!! I told you to get those cursed warp engines back online. What the HELL do you think you're doing?
Sorry, Commander Maura, I needed to take core offline while I depolarized the dilithium matrix with this crusty dildo I found under your pillow.
You either get that warp core back online or you can suck cock for replicator rations all the way back to EARTH!!!!
You mean this whole time I didn't have to ?

 

by NastyPope
10-08-01
In the morning I like to rest and rot a bit.
In the afternoon I like to rest and rot a bit more.
In the evening I like to rest and rot a bit...... and occasionaly watch 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer' reruns.

 

by NastyPope
10-11-01
Being stoned isn't such a bad way to spend one's life.
The world seems such a calmer and kinder place to be.
It was a wonderful day when I got a perscription to grow medicinal marijuana for my chronic hemmroids.

 

by NastyPope
10-11-01
Sex can be a really dangerous activity.
You could fall out of bed and break your neck, get your back scratched up by long fingernails....
That's why I pick up dates at the Denture Clinic.

 

by NastyPope
10-11-01
I am on my way down to the magazine/comic shop.
I heard that Starlog was doing a decontamination gel wrestling match between Seven of Nine of Voyager & T'pol of the first Enterprise.
As I understand it. That will be the first issue to sample a free 'Moist Towelette'

 

by NastyPope
10-13-01
and the Lord God said "LET THERE BE LIGHT"
And there was Light, and it was Good.
That's right, who's yer Creator. Big G in the HOOOUUUUSEEEE!

 

by NastyPope
10-13-01
Maura, I just wanted to say that you make me feel like I have a heart.
Oh, Clango, thats so sweet, you deserve a little something special tonight.
The Lights go out, and the passions are aflame.
Oh Maura, this is better than the time I was used by the Swedish Bikini Team.
Heehee, you are so cute.....WHAT!?!?!?
Unfortunately, the next morning, Clango saw Maura with her makeup off for the first time.
Clango, what's wrong?
EGADS.... so thats why your French kiss felt like a bowl of cold spaghetti.

 

by NastyPope
10-14-01
Oh come on, Biznatch, it's not that bad. Get up for the love of the Force.
No, this One has heard enough of your strange desires.
Well too bad, you asked so you are going to hear it all.
Ugh, Freeze this One in carbonite, make teach Quantum Tunneling to Gungans, anything but more Wookie Prostitute story
Hey, Frozen in Carbonite was one of the games we played! Did I tell you about her tounge? Talk about Quantum Tunneling...
AAAArrrrggghhhh!!!!

 

by NastyPope
10-14-01
As I said, simply amazing. She could roll her tounge three times over. Like a meaty pup in a blanket at IHOP.
Oh yeah, thats a good Wookie, roll that tounge...
Rrrrrr*r Awrrr Urr-r-r-r-oooorr. R-r-r-rrrrrou, Har-rr-ur errrmrr rrr......
Then she knocked me back on the bed and rode me like a Tantan.
That's it, ride my Light Saber, feel the Force you Fantastic Fuzzball.
Rrrrrr*r Awrrrooooooooooooooo......
Even the Tribbles up the ass was a pleasent suprise.
OK, what are you.... oh... oh... oh my... hey, thats kinda nice. YIIIIHAAAAA!!!!
Rrrrrr*r hur hur hur hur hur rrrrram

 

by NastyPope
10-14-01
Yup, Tribbles up the ass can change your whole outlook on sex. My colon has never been clearner too.
You let her put tribbles in your rectum ?
Not much I could do about it, Wookies are three times stronger than humans and thats when they arnt high on Nyborg.
Hmmm, under the circumstances This One can see why you submitted.
Well, that and I was so stoned she could have flown an Xwing up my ass and I would have liked it.
This One wonders where the ship's mascot is.

 

by NastyPope
10-16-01
Where you been all my life?
Riding through the desert on a horse with no name. Then I stayed at the Hotel California so I could Beat It.
Hi, My Name is Luca, I usually Fly By Night to Get Around. I Touch Myself too. You sure seem like a Smooth Criminal.
I like the YMCA but I got Great Balls of Fire so I called out for the Doctor Doctor to Help Me cure my Wild Youth.
Ouch, nothing worse than the Invisible Touch. Better Be Careful or you may be catching the Stairway to Heaven.
Wow, She's Blinded me with Science. I'd Lover Her Allnight, but She's Only Seventeen

 

by NastyPope
10-26-01
Hello, Bunny, welcome to Heaven. I am the Lamb of God, his Son and Savoir of mankind, Jesus.
You mean I am dead? This can't be, yer a filthy ni...
Jesus cuts Bunny's sacrilege short
It is true. This is the form of my Flesh when I walked as a man amongst you. Be at Peace, look to the Light and see the Face of your Creator.
WTF?!?!?! He looks like James Earl Jones!!!!
Amazed Porno Bunny's wails of anguish reverberated to the depths of Hell...
Ouch, now THAT is harsh.
You have to hand it to him. No one does retribution like the Big Guy.

 

by NastyPope
11-03-01
LA - LA - LA - LA -
LA - LA - LA - LA -
LA - LA - LA - LA -
LA - LA - LA - LA -
LA - LA - LA - LA -
Okie Dokie fellas, nice rehearsal, here are you juice boxes!!!

 

by NastyPope
11-03-01
Mascot ? What mascot ?
This One got lonely in your absence so procured a pet. Like him so much made him ship mascot.
I was only gone for a week
It is a big ship. This One needs companionship.
*sigh* allright, allright. Where is your new pride and joy?
Follow This One. The Mascot is in the Living Quarters.

 

by NastyPope
11-11-01
This is the ship's mascot, Babette.
Oh....Fuck... ME!!!

 

by NastyPope
11-11-01
Do you not like Babette ?
Babette? BABETTE!?!?!?! You named a 20 meter slime covered tentacle growing out of pool of puss in my BED... BABETTE!?!?!?
It seemed appropriate. Babette is a she after all. Also, the actual length is 40 meters, the head half is coiled into the mattress.
YOU SIX LOBED, PASTY FACED, SEXLESS BANTA PUDU!!!!! ARE YOU FUCKING INSANE!?!?!!?

 

by NastyPope
11-16-01
Peter Peter pumpkin eater, had a Ho and liked to beat her.
What do you mean Clinton only had $5 on him? Lying Bitch! Don't you be hold'n out on me!!!
I swear Petie, that's all I got...no... no..... please don't...
Imprisoned her in a pumpkin shell...
Anyone got any rock? I'm hurt'n for a fix real bad.
Til she blew that misogynist straight to HELL!
Do I smell gas ?
Nothing like the smell of a burning Meth Lab

 

by NastyPope
2-15-02
The Year is 2022, the journey has been long and the homecoming bitter sweet.
Hello! Hello? I have returned! Oh... Little Miss, there you are.
Who are you and why did you call me Little Miss?
Confusion sets in as a woman arrives and tells the little girl to go play.
Tobor.... I mean... .I don't understand.
Tobor, I'm Little Miss, this is my daughter Anna. You've been gone for 20 years.
The revelation stuns Tobor as he looks upon his former charge.
Oh, Little Miss, you look so... old, used, wornout.
Of course I'm worn out, you would be too with a cornholing exstripcreator robot for a nanny!!!

 

by NastyPope
6-25-02
Death follows the caretaker and Tobor over to the Celebrity section.
Tobor Happy, they did bury Rock ass up!!!!
.....uh..... nevermind. After watching the Red_Rump_Ranger in action I realize booty bustin the deceased is just plain wrong.
uh oh, Tobor a little too excited. Tobor needs bucket and garden weasel.

 

by NastyPope
6-29-02
...President Bush was actually intelligent.
So I says, "Well, them rotor turbines ain't gonna generate gravitons by themselves!"

 

by NastyPope
7-01-02
Whoa, Asian Lesbian Strippers and they are doin it with DILDOS and stuff!
I'd buy THAT for a dollar
If jenny catches me I am sooooo dead...
Hey, when do we get to see some Guy Strippers have sex ?

 

by NastyPope
7-01-02
The cultists of the elder god set about their chants to bring him forth from the depths.
Ph'nglui mglw'nafh
Cthulhu-Joe-Jim-Bob R'lyeh
wagn'nagl fhtagn
Cthulhu-Joe-Jim-Bob FHTAGN Cthulhu-Joe-Jim-Bob FHTAGN!!!!
And Lo' the Abomination arises anew!!!
Any of ya bring some Bud? I'm dyin fer a brew.

 

by NastyPope
7-11-02
Let us all stand and pray in reflection of God's desire for Man and Woman to be joined together in Holy Matrimony.
Oh Lord, Blessed art Thou! For in thine infinite wisdom thou hast blessed the Union of Man and Boy....
*GASP*
Oh JUDAS PRIEST!!!! I just said that out loud, didnt I?

 

by NastyPope
7-11-02
Good evening everyone, I am Dr_Schlotsky and I will be leading this session of stripcharacter group_therapy. I would like everyone to introduce themselves starting with you on my left.
Hello all, My name is Carole Chan Ing, I am not really a girl but a 24 year old wushu champion and gymnist trying to make it in Hollywood.
I'm Jenni Ohe and like my friend I am also 24, though I am working my way through French Culinary School.
Hi there, I'm Brad Pitt, I pretty much took this job cause i'm fucked in the head. Oh, and I like this robot outfit too. The anonimity allows people to see my acting skills, and not my looks.
Hi there, I'm Doug Bradley, I'm most famous for playing Pinhead in the Hellraiser movies, I later played Barney the Dinosaur and now here I am, a Dragon on Stripcreator.
A pleasure to meet you all I'm ..... ooooo... tounge depressers!

 

by NastyPope
7-12-03

 

by NastyPope
7-14-03
at Home
Well darn, stripcreator is down, guess I'll play Counterstrike, JediKnight2, Vice City, or maybe watch a movie
at Work
No No No No No No No No No, not stripcreator, its the only thing that wasnt being filtered by the proxy/firewall.... ooooo plumprumps.com still works.
in Iraq

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