All comics by NastyPope

Profile

 

by NastyPope
3-02-01
Hiya Folks, I'm the official Public Relations Bug of Microsoft's Operating Systems
I am here to inform the public that since windows 3.1, we have not been the cause of any crashes you may have experienced. In all likelyhood, it was bad third party software or faulty overclocking.
Oh really, and whats your name ?
Fatal Exception
AHA, so your the one that made me loose first place in the CounterStrike Tournament!!!!!!!!!!

 

by NastyPope
3-02-01
Necrophillia... for all its horror, for all its depraved sinking into the utter depths of sexual perversion is not unlike living relationships.....

 

by NastyPope
3-02-01
The Great Tiki God has finally come forward to reveal the true meaning to Temptation Island
I, the almighty Tiki God shall bless you, the incorrigable fools who have wasted prescious hours of your lives watching this drivil...
The Tiki God's voice booms over the awating crowd and into the homes of millions of viewers...
I shall give you the true meaning of your endless facination with watching others destroy their lives for your viewing pleasure....
The World collectively holds its breath, for fear of missing the truth they had been searching for...

 

by NastyPope
3-02-01
Once the murmur of the crowd has passed the Tiki God speaks once more....
I alone can tell you why you stood there naked, smeared in peanut butter and chanting "Arugela is a vegetable" over and over...
...for in your masturbatory fantasies, you thought of yourself on my Island, you dreamed yourself beautiful and desireable like the cretens from the show. Now you shall know why you watched....
Rising to a fevered pitch, the wrath of the Tiki God is made known to all!!!!
YOU HAVE NO LIFE!!!!!! STOP LIVING VICARIOUSLY THROUGH TV SHOWS AND GET LAID FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!!!
Yeah, LOSERS, do something worthwhile with your lives, like making internet comics!!!

 

by NastyPope
3-02-01
Hey Monty, Whats in that bag you always bring to the park ???
I'm ashamed to tell you.... its birdseed for the pigeons.
Whats to be ashamed about feeding pigeons ?
Because I like to get naked, cover myself in butter, then roll in the bird seed and let the pigeons pick it off.
Oh Joy, and I bet you also love to wrap squirrels in cellophane and stuff them up your ass!!!!

 

by NastyPope
3-05-01
*SIGH* I just got fired from my job at the women's health clinic
They said I was deviant, perverted, morally reprehensible, a threat to Females everywhere, and that I smell like cheese.
Maybe I should'nt have told them I'm easily arroused by maxipad commercials.

 

by NastyPope
3-05-01
My Mother always told me that tellng the truth was the best thing for a relationship and that my constant deceit keeps me lonely.
Perhaps she is right. Maybe I should be honest with them. Perhaps by being myself, they will love me for who I am, accepting my faults and loving me despite my failings....
On the other hand, when was the last time you got laid by telling the truth ?

 

by NastyPope
3-07-01
That's right, Steimy, with our 'Do it yourself' cholostomy bag your days of anal distress are over, no more Piles, Hemmeroids, Constipation, Rectal Polyps and your days of cleaning the toilet are OVER
What the hell is up with all these damn Austrailians selling useless brickabrack on late night TV ? I dont need a Natural Hair Removing hand cranked julian fry tappit lite
...but wait, there's more!!!! Order within the next 20 minutes and we will double the amount of useless product and we STILL make a hefty profit from your ignorant self!!!
Thank God im already in a trash can, I dont have to get up to vomit... *HORPHHH* ....what the hell is that ??!!?! I dont remember eating that!!!
Now back to "Elvira, Mistress of the Dark's Early Morning Fright Flicks"
Thats my Boy, Basketcase!!!! Give that Betty some Mutant Shoe!!!!

 

by NastyPope
3-07-01
Howdy Folks, This is Roy Rogers, back from the dead thanks to the wonderful world of reincarnation.
Now some of you folks may be wondering what ever happened to my faithful horse, Trigger, since I'm standing here holdin' his saddle.
Unfortunatly, Trigger got reincarnated as a Tape Worm.

 

by NastyPope
3-08-01
The chimes of the Celestial gates ring as Gabe finds himself amongst the Seraphim and looks down to the world of men to ponder what was his mortal existence.
It is hard to believe we died. Both of us were too young to die. Life is simply too fragile.
True, we were cut down in our prime, yet here we are, in the eternal bliss of Heaven. Don't grieve the passing of your mortal shell, instead celebrate your newfound immortality!
Gabe heaves a heavy hearted sigh but Squirrel is not yet finished pontificating the virtues of the Higher Planes
You have been freed of the flesh. No longer are you slave to its pains, its demands, the wracking necessities of life that kept you from your dreams. You will want for nothing, & know everything.
With a resolute sigh, Gabe turns his eyes towards the Light of Creation
Perhaps you are right, maybe I am being too morose considering where we could have ended up. Yet somehow I still feel cheated of Life....
At least they let you keep your pacman shirt.

 

by NastyPope
3-08-01
I bow before thee ancient gods and offer thee a sacrifice.
*bwak?*
Let the blood of this chicken flow into thine sacred challace. Let the Ancients return and thy desciple reap the wealth of the ages
*BWAK?!?!?!?*
A LIFETIME SUPPLY OF GORDITAS!!! YOU TRULY ARE GREAT!!!!!
¿Lo Quero Taco Hell ?

 

by NastyPope
3-11-01
There once was a Quitch, who needed a switch to scratch away a most terrible itch. With horrendous pitch, sang the Quitch, of the bitch with a facial twitch from whom he contracted this virulent itch.
The Quitch sang 'La' the Quitch sang 'Di' the Quitch asked God why it hurts to pee. The Quitch being humble droped to one knee, he voiced a plee, he whined "why me" & continued to wail his bad melody
The Quitch finished his song. It took him not long to proclaim the wrong inflamming his dong.
"My weakness for thongs is so very strong. I should have used a condom to cover my schlong."

 

by NastyPope
3-13-01
Lawd in Tarnations!!!!! What did you do to my horse ?
I ate it.
What about the other goats, the sheep dogs, my ranchhand Billy ???
I ate em.
Say, want to meet my wife ?

 

by NastyPope
3-14-01
Lying in his bed *cough* dying of a wasting illness and gasping the last breaths of his life. Norton decides to come clean about his nefarious conduct to his wife.
Lynda, my wife, I have betrayed you.
No, dear, dont speak, rest, save your strength.
Not to be disuaded from telling the truth, Norton continues to speak his guilt
No, Lynda, you must listen to me, ..I ... I have wronged you. You must hear me confess my sins.
Oh my darling, do not fear, your time is soon to end, make it last and be with me.
Finally finding the courage that comes when one is faced with death, Norton declares his sin to his wife.
My dear, I am so sorry... I slept with your sister.... and your Mom, your aunt, the babysitter, and Grandma Lucy.
Yes dear, I know, thats why I poisoned you.

 

by NastyPope
3-14-01
Oh yeah, yeah thats great, keep going, keep going, oh yeah, a little to the left now...
ok... wait..... back to the right....there, thats the ticket....oh..oh my, thats great, you are incredible!
OH MY GOD, THATS IT!!!!! YES.... YES... YES.....
Damn, dude, chill out, all I did was straighten your Brittney Speares poster.

 

by NastyPope
3-16-01
Today I went to the employment agency to look for work.
The nice lady had me fill out a form on a computer to determine where my skills are most employable.
They said I was perfectly suited for the position of testing new psychotropic medicines or .com executive.

 

by NastyPope
3-16-01
Lately I haven't been sleeping well. I keep having these horrible reaccuring nightmares of these hideous creatures.
They are dressed in green & every where I go they are there.... they want me to do terrible things. If I don't, I am filled with terrible guilt.
Excuse me Sir, would you like to buy some Girl Scout Cookies ?
SEE!!! See what I MEAN!!! Please... make the pain stop...

 

by NastyPope
3-16-01
So, how did you like your first day in prison, New Meat?
I don't belong here... I... I was set up. Why is everyone staring at me like that?
Don't worry 'bout it kid, I've got station here, I'll take care of ya.
You can ? That would be great. What can I do to repay you ?
Ever hear of Tossin Salad ?
*gulp*

 

by NastyPope
3-27-01
Ja, okie dokie Herrrrrrr Doperrman, I feel dat dis session is going quite vell. I vant you to look at dis Rrrrrrrorschach test und tell me vat you see.
Oh, you mean one of them inkblot tests? Damn, I don't know Doc, I don't do well with tests.
Good, I vant you to tell me the first thought dat came into your brrrrain.
Well doc, looks to me like two octopussies fuckin, and I don't take checks of my mental health too kindly, can't you see I'm perfectly normal ?

 

by NastyPope
4-19-01
We join Peckerneck John at the wedding
.....whosoever finds just cause why these two should not be wed, speak now or forever hold your peace
I have a reason they shouldn't be wed, yer honor!
With horror, Betty Behemoth realizes a dark chapter of her past is here to destroy her future with Jumbo.
Betty, who is that, and why have you gone so pale ?
Oh Jumbo, my darling, I am so sorry I never told you.....
And what would that reason be ? Speak now.
Betty is really Bartholomew, my gay lover and frat brother!!!! Bart, you bastard, did you really think you could cut your balls off and escape me!?!?!

 

by NastyPope
4-22-01
Good evening folks and welcome back to Reality Bites, the reality show about reality shows. I'm your host, I.P. Freely. We get alot of fan mail every week ....
this letter came in that touched all our hearts. A little girl wanted to say thank you to the donkey that saved her life. Whats his name honey ?
Penis Wrinkle

 

by NastyPope
4-25-01
RAAAAR!!!!!!! TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE YOU!!!!!
Holy shit, put that thing away, someone could hurt!!!
No talking, assume the position or Tobor will not use the Cherry Flavored Anal Ease!!
Wait a sec, why would ya want me, when you can let me show you the area where we bury celebrities ass up.
Ooooooooo, Tobor wants a piece of the Rock.

 

by NastyPope
4-25-01
Tobor, we need to talk. I have to come right out and say it.... I don't love you anymore, I love another gay sodomizing robot. I am leaving you for Robby the Robot.
You....You......You are leaving Tobor ? You no longer love Tobor, you no longer want Tobor to cornhole you ?
That's right, Tobor, I don't want to be cruel but you just dont excite me anymore. It's always the same thing.. 'Tobor Cornhole this, Tobor cornhole that.'
But Tobor loves little grey alien hermaphrodite with tight bung. Tobor can change, Tobor can become exciting again.
I'm sorry Tobor, I really am. Robby listens to me and cares about my emotions, he understands mutal anal probing.
Tobor can change, give Tobor another chance, from now on Tobor will not cornhole. Instead Tobor will poke your spokes.

 

by NastyPope
4-25-01
Ya Know, I was young and pretty once.
Men, even cathartic stick figures desired me, wanted me, and would sell their souls to be with me.
Maybe if I don't look up she wont ask me for change.
Now I have to blow pink mutant donkeys in Tiajuana just to make a buck.
*WOOF*

 

by NastyPope
4-28-01
My job can be so depressing. Through eternity I have been the object of every person's greatest fear. I don't want to people to be afraid.
So to help overcome their fear of Me I have decided to improve my image
The next evening in the graveyard.....
Apparently a pair of pink bunny slippers was not enough. Maybe imagening me in my underwear would help.

 

by NastyPope
4-30-01
Hey Bro, what are you doing back at registration and why are you shredding your class schedule into confetti?
Well, last night I was freebasing some cloves ground up into toothpaste when I had an epiphany
Really? Like, you saw God and were given divine inspiration and guidance?
Sorta. Basically I realized that I would corrupt my essence if I got my Business degree and then went on to Law School. So I am changing my degree to Woman's Studies.
Woman's Studies?!?!? Are you out of your mind? The difference between that and government cheese eating social worker is minute!
Well....I wanted to become a gynecologist, but I couldn't find an interstice.

 

by NastyPope
4-30-01
Woe to thee oh mortal who hast awaken me from my great slumber and summoned me away from the city of the Ancients.
The Bane of Sendati has been wrought, the passage opened. Obey the covenant struck between you and my ancestors
IMPUTENT MAGGOT, thine ignorance has condemned thee. For thine transgressions shalt thou know torment undreamt of. My servant thou shall be eternal, doomed to be One of the Deep.
Great Master, I spoke the incantations true. The Bane has been enforced, the rites of Shub-Ygrasln obeyed. The calling of the Deep Voice uttered unerring!!! Grant my request. One question answered
Thou hast passed my judgements, the Bane has been true, the calling upheld, speak now and ask thy question, for thy hour draws nigh
Oh Wise and Immortal Ancient by your blessing do I ask the one question to bestow wisdom....... If a woman eats octopuss, does that make her a lesbian ?

 

by NastyPope
5-01-01
Detention
Calamari
Transexual

 

by NastyPope
5-08-01
Welcome friends to Howard's House of Pussy. We have too much inventory of pussy from 2000 so we are having a sale!!!! Thats right folks, we are slashing the price of pussy in half!
Come on down today, say the password "Gabba Gabba Hey" and you can get your first pussy for the low low price of $50
Hey there Howard, I'm smitten with English chicks with bad teeth. How much for that British pussy ?
Oh... about a buck.

 

by NastyPope
5-11-01
Merle, tell me why I bother ta stay with ya?
That'd be that yer last man have a tiny love tool this big. Whiles my foot long can still stretch yer Rosanne Barr sized hole and make ya prance like a shetland mare.
Ya got me there, can't hold a candle to yer logic. I reckon thats one good thing of yer selective inbreedin.
Speakin a holes , I finally be knowin whys some call a woman's Holier than Holy a 'snatch'
Why's that ya grimey ol' bastard ?
When we t'wernt so old and incontinent, I wanted ta eat it. Now it looks like it wants to snatch my face off and eat me!!!

 

by NastyPope
5-15-01
..something that makes you feel empty inside.
...a biological reaction that encourages reproduction.
...does not make you a unique and special as a snowflake.
...an excellent excuse to prey upon consumers to spend more money on goods.
...something that I have an abundance of but will never have anyone to share with.
...what I lived to teach and died to protect for the cup of thy Lord shall never be empty of Love from which to drink.

 

by NastyPope
6-08-01
Greetings Guildenstern has thou beheld the news of the wedding of that painted convert and the sweet Desdemona ?
Aye, even yet they make the beast with two backs. The General Othello doest corrupt the purity of the Senators daughter.
What can we do but witness and remain silent, staring up at the window where the lovers couple.
The old ram doest stretch the pure lamb with his three stone member and in so doing he maketh a cukold of us all.
Forsooth do those white boys disrespect me and my ho. Iago, you may sodomize them then busteth a cap in both their asses..
Of course sir.....what the fuck ? I'm a bird again? Wasn't this old in Aladdin ? I'm so ticked off I'm molting...

 

by NastyPope
7-11-01
WHAT THE FUCK IS LOWPASS COMING TO WHEN FUDGEPACKING LITTLE SNATCH MAGGOTS WIN A COMIC CONTEST WITH AN ENTRY LIMPER THAN BOB DOLES COCK!!!!
PERHAPS IT IS THE SPIRIT OF FRIENDLY COMPETITION THAT LED GABE TO CHOOSE THE NEWBIE OVER MORE QUALIFIED ENTRIES.
NOT ONLY DOES THE NEWBIE SHIT-EATER WIN, HE DECIDES TO MAKE A SET OF RULES SPECIFICALLY DESIGNED TO PISS OFF EVERYONE AND FEED HIS NARCISSISTIC MASTURBATION!!!
WELL...HE DID WIN THE CONTEST, ITS ONLY NATURAL TO MAKE SOME POOR CHOICES OVER THE EXCITEMENT OF THE SITUATION.
WHY, THESE RULES COULD HAVE BEEN CONCEIVED OF BY A SMALL GROUP OF CHIMPS FUCKING ON A TYPEWRITER. HOW DOES THAT MAKE YOU FEEL DR. PEDANTIC?
I HOPE GABE GETS GANG RAPED BY A PACK OF RABID MARMOSETS!!!!!!

 

by NastyPope
7-13-01
Whoa dude, that freakin ROCKED!!! ......does that hurt?
The shit I'll do to cheer up a depressed friend.....

 

by NastyPope
7-13-01
...and for the punchline, Zegron breaks the telepathic link and finishes in monotonous speech
...so I tell the human "Anal Probing ? I just wanted you to orally stimulate my repoductive organs. It's only our first date."
Hahahah, almost as funny as the time Saaslich sucked out Bush's brains and no one noticed any difference.

 

by NastyPope
7-17-01
Greetings everyone I'm Maura Oberlund, I'd like to welcome you all to the 5th anal, haha, I meant, ANNUAL Xtreme Felching World Championships
Our first event is the harrowing yet strangely fullfilling 'Meat_in_your_Seat' Competition. Our first competitor is Ivan Yakanov from Russia
Oh my LORD I can't believe what i've just witnessed. I've not seen that much Kielbasa disappear into a person since that Japanese kid ate all those hotdogs.
I'd have to agree Maura, that was a singularly impressive display of rectal fortitude. While the judges tally the scores, let's get a word from our sponsors.
Raaaaar, if there is one thing Tobor knows, its Manrape, and when Tobor is about to cornhole you, Tobor recommends a fistful of Cherry_Flavored_Anal_Eaze®

 

by NastyPope
7-20-01
Arise my faithful friend Amorphis, be ready to carry your mistress afar and into glorious combat against the foul wizard P.J. Harvey!
Make haste, mighty steed, for My Father, Sir Mix a'Lot cannot know his only daughter doth take his place in battle.
We must now commit. The left hand solution of war must save us where the right hand solution of diplomacy failed. Um, why are your eyes glazed ?
Black Lotus, Stygian, the BEST!!!!!

 

by NastyPope
7-22-01
L-L-Little B-B-Beatnik L-L-Little B-B-Beatnik L-L-Let m-m-me in. I smell j-j-jerky of b-b-beef r-r-residing therein.
No way Kool Kat whose teeth are so big, try brushing those canines and floss with a twig.
L-L-Little B-B-Beatnik L-L-Little B-B-Beatnik you m-m-maloderous clown. G-G-Give m-m-me the j-j-jerky I c-c-crave or I'll b-b-blow your p-p-pad down.
No way daddy-o, puff away if you must, It's not that I dislike you it's a matter of trust.
Allright L-L-Little B-B-Beatnik I've had it, you've w-w-won, M-M-My stutter is w-w-worse and this m-m-mask ways a t-t-ton.
What the heck, come inside, here's some jerky on which to nip, your face may be horrid but your peech inspediment's a trip.

 

by NastyPope
7-24-01
Knock Knock
Who is there ?
Manrape.
Manrape?!?!?!.... but... but... but Tobor is one who does cornholing.
Not any more. There is a new sodomizer in town & yer as good as recycled.

 

by NastyPope
7-29-01
Wow, Gina, you look like you're in pain. What seems to be the problem ?
If you really must know, Paliacci, its that time of the month and I'm out of tampons.
Oh, I see. Well in my home country of Italy, our women are a bit more... how shall I say it... robust. So they roll their own.
Oh, wonderful, and where am I to get the material, fat boy ?
You could use an old shirt, a stack of bandaids, Mittens the Cat, or my shoe. Pretty much anything with a string or tail should work.

 

by NastyPope
7-31-01
I could never figure out why my parents kicked me out of the house when I was a kid.
I did my chores on time. Helped old lady Witherspooge take out the garbage & even did jog-a-thons for Jerry's Kids.
Maybe it was the endless hours of masturbating with baby oil in mom's pantyhose while watching 'Faces of Death'

 

by NastyPope
8-03-01
The night was sultry, so sultry I coulda licked the sweat off my own balls. If only I was that flexible. My name is Richard Cranium, I'm a ballet instructor... I'm also an Isolated Phallus
I was hired by some ninny to locate a special donut. A chocolate one with sprinkles on it. Go figure.
'scuse me, Dollface. You would'nt know where I could locate a special donut would you ?
Ya know, questions like that really chap my lips. Why dontcha try a donut shop. Regular frickin Dr Watson here.
Salty Bitch, she'd go good on pretzels and a beer, but I didnt have time for fun.
Hmmmm, a donut shop. Maybe the scabby wench was onto something. Did I happen to mention it was a Sultry Night ?

 

by NastyPope
8-05-01
I hate these old_style_movie theaters. They don't even have previews. Just a giant red curtain listening to crying babies & God knows what that confectionary jism is making the floor sticky
Cruel cruel Fates you act mercilessly against the weary heart who believeth the malignent tristadictadectaphobias
Man, knock that off, its depressing. Just because you have 13 toes doesnt mean you caused the Big One. Superstitious nonsense I tell ya. Oooo, a heads up penny.
Ladies and Gentlemen, due to the recent earthquake & resultant_Nuclear_accident we have no electricity. Fortunately for us the radiation has already given us some really groovy freaks!
Good evening ladies and germs. I just got in from Chernobyl and boy is my pseudopod tired.
Thats right folks, got here by the skin of my teeth, ha ha, but seriously, is it cold in here or is it just me ?

 

by NastyPope
8-06-01
The following is a service announce ment of the U.S. Armed Services
Do you have a mentally or physically disabled member of the family or know someone who does?
Timmay!!!
If so then you have the opportunity to alleviate your financial debt and give your handicapable loved one the chance to serve their country in the upcoming war with China
Our victory over the Reds is assured with your dependents in the front lines so register today. *minorities & economically challenged also encouraged.*
Livin' a Lie Timmay!!!

 

by NastyPope
8-07-01
I'm a desperate phamacutical crack ho, DIE PIG!!!
So what if you didn't execute me, I won't learn to be a sassy elloquente assassin without Nina Simone
Dig my eurotrash accent and my mysterious eyes. Here is a present from your uncle binky, shoot that guy in the face... twice.
I can't be your assassin. I love another. Your acid bath 'Cleaner' is dead and the job is finished. I'm done, I want out. Now maybe I can afford breast implants.
I could kill her, I should kill her, but I love the nasty little crack ho. I'll tell my superiors she died in a clog dancing accident. Adieu my love... Adieu...

 

by NastyPope
8-07-01
Back in 1969, after defeating the notorious Dr Evil, Austin Powers and Fellicity Shagwell prepare to enter the time portal.
Oh Austin, thank you for saving me from Dr. Evil. I'm so sorry you lost your left nut to Mini-Me.
No worries Baby, that's why they come in pairs. When we get back to the present, I can still serve up the cream for our little 'tea party' yeah baby!!!
Back in the present, Austin and Fellicity decide to dress up and have a 'tea party' at Austin's Swingin Pad
That_was_incredible Austin, but one thing that concerns me though. Could we have affected the future from what we did in the past ?
Baby, nothin to worry about. I've got my mojo back, and Dr Evil is gone. Everything is as right as rain. Say, let's turn on the sports news & play come greasy_naked_twister.
Welcome everyone to ESPN sportcenter. I am your host, O.J. Simpson and here is your Superbowl Lowdown brought to you by Coca Cola.."Grab a Coke and a smile"
We have an incredible match up between two amazing teams. The war between the Seattle Seahawks & New South Wales looks to offer some incredible RUGBY!!!!

 

by NastyPope
8-08-01
Urethra I've DONE IT!!!!!
A new discovery Doc ?
Yes, i've created a new remote_micro_camera that I call the x10!!! I know just how to market it. We will have every porn & gaming site on the net have autopopups with my camera.
I'm not so sure about the marketing, Doc. Seems people would just get annoyed & not want to buy the camera.
You must not understand. You can plant these anywhere. Locker rooms, change rooms, toilets. Imagine, put three in a toilet and you can watch women poop from every angle in 3d !!!
I'll take a 100.

 

by NastyPope
8-09-01
Tell me, NastyPope, how will you prepare for comic cup 3 after being narrowly defeated by Drexle in the Finals?
I find being the characters I use helps me identify with them. First I like to dress up as a clown and sing italian arias by Puccini and Leoncavallo.
Next up is the school girl outfit so I can pretend I am one of the 'Girls on Trampolines' from the Man Show. Of course my tits are hairier but my package looks great in silk panties.
After all that exercise I usually try to relax by dressing up as a wino and slumming for pussy at the homeless shelter or battered wives hospice
Wearing buttless chaps and singing 'YMCA' gets me ready for some Political Satyre as President Dubya.
Last but certainly not least, I watch porn, lots and lots of porn while I dress up like a slutty rabbit and chant the mantra "Silly Rabbit, dicks are for chicks"

 

by NastyPope
8-09-01
Dear Lord it's hot. Earlier today I fainted from heat exhaustion.
That isn't so bad, at least not as bad as what I went through.
Oh really, how's that ?
I was sooooo disoriented after coming home from my jog I blew chunks.
How could vomiting possibly be worse than fainting from heat exhaustion?
You don't understand, Chunks is my Dog.

 

by NastyPope
8-11-01
Hey, Carl, I just saw you come out of the pet store. Did you buy a pet ?
uhhh....uhhh... yeah.... just thought it was time to have a pet to liven up the house.
Liven up the house ? You have got to be kidding. You hate dogs, cats, and just about every other living thing.
All right, you got me, I didnt want to buy the damn ferret but I have no other choice. I need it.
A Ferret, what the hell could you possibly need a ferret for ?
I figured it being all long and squirmy like I could use it to hunt down the family of gerbils living in my ass.

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