All comics by Pandeist

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before I went fishing, I had to "master bait" *snicker*
by Pandeist, 11-23-14

 

by Pandeist
11-23-14
If only you knew the power of the Dark Side. Obi-Wan never told you what happened to your father.
He told me enough!! He told me you killed him!!
No, *I* am your father.
No.... No!! That's not true!! That's impossible!!
Join me, and together, we can rule the galaxy as father and son!!
Okay, buh-bye now.

 

by Pandeist
11-23-14
Simba, you have forgotten me.
No. How could I?
You have forgotten who you are, and so forgotten me. Look inside yourself, Simba. You are more than what you have become. You must take your place in the Circle of Life.
How can I go back? I'm not who I used to be.
Remember who you are. You are my son, and the one true King. Remember who you are.
Okay, buh-bye now.

 

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by Pandeist, 11-26-14

 

PAC-MAN FART!!
by Pandeist, 11-26-14

 

Whoosh!!
A magically summoned boxcutter appears above you and falls, stabbing you in the head!!
↓
by Pandeist, 11-26-14

 

♪♫Laaaa♪-laaaa♫-laaaa♪♫
Holy crap, Pandeist has *musical* talent as well!!
by Pandeist, 11-30-14

 

just need to finish drawing this bed....
by Pandeist, 11-30-14

 

by Pandeist
12-02-14
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24 panels for sale. And a goat.
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by Pandeist
12-02-14
Hey, have you seen Fred? I haven't seen 'im for days....
Uh oh. Better put out an Amber Alert.
Alas, it was too late.
Can't.... move.... What is this stuff?

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pandeism
To learn more about Pandeism, visit https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pandeism
I'm a Pandeist!!
by Pandeist, 12-03-14

 

by Pandeist
12-05-14
Hey man, why you squirming around so much?
Ahhhh, I was swimming in the ocean and a fish swam straight up my asshole. I'm just trying to shake the bastard out!!
Ooooh, I knew I shouldn't have made that left at Albuquerque....
Tell me about it!!

 

by Pandeist
12-06-14
Hey brycecain, why you squirming around so much?
Ahhhh, I was swimming in the ocean and a fish swam straight up my asshole.
So you're just trying to shake the bastard out?
No, I lured him in there on purpose. Now I'm trying to make him dance!!
Ooooh, I knew I shouldn't have made that left at Albuquerque....
Tell me about it!!

 

by Pandeist
12-08-14
The revolutionary evolutionary theological theory of Pandeism proposes that the Creator of our Universe wholly became our entire Universe.
Holy crap!! Well that's got me beat. I can barely become one person, much less all of 'em.
PANDEISM!!
PANDEISM!!

 

The roots of Pandeism have been traced to the Milesians of Ancient Greece, and especially to Heraclitus of Ephesus, in the 6th Century BCE....
Panta rhei -- everything flows!! There is exchange of all things for fire, and of fire for all things. The Logos -- the creative mind -- is an ever-becoming fire!!
by Pandeist, 12-08-14

 

by Pandeist
12-08-14
Is it over now that I've destroyed the One Ring?
Looks like it -- no, wait, there's 45 more minutes of false endings and prolonged farewell scenes.
.........................................................................................................
Is it over now?
No.

 

Talk to me Goose!!
by Pandeist, 12-08-14

 

by Pandeist
12-09-14
Let's play "statue" -- first one who moves loses!!
The next day....
2000 years later....
I. So. Fucking. Win!!

 

by Pandeist
12-11-14
GODDAMMIT, who replaced the water cooler with an exact replica of a water cooler!?!?
People around here spend too much time drinking water anyway.
Later....
HEY, who took my statue, "black guy and white guy arguing in front of a water cooler"?

 

by Pandeist
12-18-14
Comic Contest 598: Christmas Panties!!
'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house, everybody was fucking (except for the mouse)....
....who was sitting in the corner jerking off with relish.
When all of a sudden there arose such a clatter.... 'twas a Pandeist making Christmas Comic Contest chatter.
Go fuck yourself squirrel. Go fuck yourself.
Anyway, the theme of this contest is Christmas panties. Who doesn't like panties for Christmas?
Your winning comic must cleverly associate Christmas with panties (or the wasting thereof).
Judgment shall be handed down CHRISTMAS MORNING.
The best comic winner will be heralded as a hero of Stripcreator for all time. Who submits the worst comic, will be executed by buggery.

 

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
What the fuck is going on in the apartment upstairs?
by Pandeist, 12-18-14

 

by Pandeist
12-18-14
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FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
Well I still don't know what the fuck is going on upstairs.

 

Help!! This candy cane is going right through my eyeball!!
Oh that's just Santa's forced perspective security system. Nothing to worry about. Some elves will come lick it away.
by Pandeist, 12-19-14

 

by Pandeist
12-20-14
I can't believe you're flunking my daughter in third grade math.
Well Mrs. McCrandonaucht, the problem is that Darleen refuses to learn any math. Watch this.
Darleen, what is six times three?
My parents told me that the answer to every question is Jesus!! So six times three is Jesus!!
And that's why you're hiring me to sue the school system?
I tell you, it's straight up religious discrimination!!

 

by Pandeist
12-20-14
So you're really a sex robot?
That is correct, I am a T985 sexual pleasure-giving automaton.
I don't know -- I think I'd rather have the love of a real woman than meaningless sex with a heartless machine.
It is true, I have no heart. Instead, I am equipped with an extra vagina between my boobs.
Sold!!
Shall I wrap myself in paper or plastic?

 

by Pandeist
12-28-14
Sir, I am conducting a study for the US government. Please tell me, have you ever been pregnant?
Not insofar as I recall, sonny.
Have you ever known *any* men who've gotten pregnant? ....
?
....
Nope. Now, I may be a ignorant farmer, but I never seen a pregnant bull or rooster either. So, is this how the gub'mint goes about learning biology?

 

by Pandeist
12-29-14
zwókou bezz b'fnapata pw�k i mkwobi dodou?
�vevk� todyosko bl�urken svipple twóótr fóó��óó��óó!!
Sveet!! HAHAHAHAHA!!
HAHAHAHA!!

 

by Pandeist
1-01-15
2014
....
Maybe you humans'll do better in 2015....
*cough* ------- *gasp*----*wheeze* Doubt it.... but I won't be.... around to..... *GLRRK*

 

Aaaand it's 2015....
Hey grandma, what's that bulky red machine sitting on the table? What does that ring of numbers do?
by Pandeist, 1-01-15

 

by Pandeist
1-06-15
Hello. I'm Jesus Christ. In tonight's episode we made some jokes regarding a very serious issue. But it's no laughing matter.
#fuckthehomeless
That's right folks. Homeless people have unlawful carnal needs, just like the rest of us.
Go fuck a homeless person today -- it's tax deductable!!
Wait, what part of fucking a homeless person is tax deductible?
600 cc's of rabies shots!!

 

by Pandeist
1-07-15
....so that's how I ended up becoming a mathematical topologist. But enough about my boring work. Let's FUCK!!
Oh yeah, let's do it!!
Mmmm, yeah, touch me like that.... okay now, stick it right in my A-hole!!
We're starting with that? Uh, okay, sure!!
YOW!! Hey, what the hell!! Why are you sticking it in my B-hole?
(sigh) topologists......

 

Pandeismus bezeichnet eine Auffassung von Gott, die den metaphysisch gepragten Pantheismus (Gott ist das Universum) und den Deismus (Gott schuf das Universum) kombiniert. wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
Die erste umfassende Darstellung des Pandeismus stammt von Max Bernhard Weinstein in Welt- und Lebensanschauungen hervorgegangen aus Religion, Philosophie und Naturerkenntnis (Leipzig 1910).
Zu den Pandeisten in der Literatur gehoren Alfred Tennyson, Fernando Pessoa, Carlos Nejar, und Robert A. Heinlein, der schrieb: "Gott spaltete sich in Myriaden von Teilen, um Freunde zu bekommen!!"
by Pandeist, 1-07-15

 

by Pandeist
1-15-15
If somebody doesn't make an R. Kelly joke soon...
I belieeeeve I can fly....
This has not ended well....

 

by Pandeist
1-25-15
"There is a great, basic contradiction in the teachings of Jesus. He preaches the inviolate sanctity of man's soul, and at the same time the subordination of one's soul to the wishes of others."
Uh-oh, it's Ayn Rand, gearing up another one of her rants against Christianity....
"This is why men have never succeeded in applying Christianity in practice, while they have preached it in theory for two thousand years."
Well, I guess I'll just have to forgive her....again....
And another thing, Jesus doesn't have the balls to take me sexually, forcefully and against my will, the way I believe all women secretly like it!!
Or maybe I'll just donkey-punch her, for the benefit of all mankind.

 

by Pandeist
2-06-15
If you think of the year 2015 like a computer program downloading into your life, it has now completed about 10% of the download.
Source code for the passage of time.... compiling.
Yeah, unless the world self-destructs on October 21, 2015, when it realizes Back To the Future Day has arrived and we still don't have flying cars.
Oh, for fuck's sake. We don't have flying cars because Marty and Doc Brown went to 1975 and accidentally convinced Steve Jobs to focus on handheld computers.
Besides, if the world was that different, maybe other things would be different -- like I wouldn't be legally married to you today.
Awwww, Happy Valentine's Day!! Let's go do gay sex behind the books!!

 

by Pandeist
2-06-15
Butterfly talk.
whwwhwhzhzhwwzh?
fshhwhshhhhh!!
....interrupted.
AAAAIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!
FSHHWHSHHHH!!

 

by Pandeist
2-06-15
Go away, you smelly hobo.
Actually, I only look like a hobo. Well, and smell like one. In reality, I'm a magical genie!! Polish my knob and I'll grant you three wishes!!
Later....
Okay, I've polished your nob, tossed your salad, and taken your mustache ride. Now I tell you my three wishes, right?
Aren't you a little old to believe in genies?

 

by Pandeist
2-06-15
Hey Zoozoo. Notice anything different about me?
Uh, yeah, you've got a big gray alien under your butt. WWHSSHSHFSHSH!!
No, you jerk, I got my wings polished!! FFFFSHSHWFF!!

 

Mah penus!!
by Pandeist, 2-08-15

 

by Pandeist
2-19-15
Hiyeeee!! I'm here for the comic contest!!
Oh, for cryin' out loud, the theme is "memories" -- that's with a "mem," not a "mam."
Look, you wanna squeeze 'em or not?
Oh hells yeah!!

 

by Pandeist
2-19-15
Pandeism ar inom religionsfilosofi en kombination av panteism och deism.
Pandeism ar tron att hela naturen, varlden eller universum ar skapat av en opersonlig, andlig entitet, allt ar ett, samt att inget existerar utanfor den verkligheten.
Detta kan vid forsta anblicken verka vara samma sak som panteism, men det som skiljer de bada at ar att inom pandeismen ar inte gudomen medveten om sitt nuvarande tillstand som ett manifesterat....
https://sv.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pandeism
....fysiskt universum!!
Ja!!

 

by Pandeist
3-08-15
Here on Mars I feel like an inverse "Stranger in a Strange Land"....
Heinlein........ get it?
Doesn't anybody read anymore?

 

by Pandeist
3-08-15
Jesus!! What are you doing here on Mars?
Oh, I'm not Earth Jesus, I'm Martian Jesus.
So you died for Martian sins?
Yep. And believe me, it's a weird bag. Like, on Mars, it's a sin to frottage your neighbor's cerebellum. Or to contemplate cottage cheese.
Wow, you were crucified here for shit like that?
Oh, there's no crucifiction on Mars. Only death by oonga-boonga.

 

by Pandeist
3-16-15
Yes, actually, I *am* a vegetarian, why do you--
'Cause I like MEAT!! I kill, eat it, and wear it!! Nothing I like more than eating meat and pissing off vegetarians!!
Well then I better tell you, I *really* hate when people eat meat and wash it down by drinking gasoline.
HA!! Just watch me, now I'm gonna chug half a gallon straight out of pump No. 7.

 

by Pandeist
3-17-15
Kiss Me!! I'm Irish!!
Okay, well then Suck My Cock All The Way Down To The Ballsack 'Til You've Swallowed Every Last Drop While Knuckle-Massaging My Taint.... I'm Irish.
Five dollars.... That's half-off for St. Patrick's Day.

 

by Pandeist
3-18-15
I've come to this St. Patrick's Day Party as a Pint of Guinness.
Okay, well then Suck My Cock All The Way Down To The Ballsack 'Til You've Swallowed Every Last Drop While Knuckle-Massaging My Taint.... I'm Irish.
Take that back or I'll pull out my ninja sai and gut you.
Ninja sai? Fuck that shit, I've got a sword right here. Come at me, bro.
That escalated quickly.

 

Your ninja outfit is impressively black.
Spooky.
by Pandeist, 3-18-15

 

by Pandeist
3-22-15
I'm obviously just here to accommodate "The Male Gaze"
What in the hell are you talking about?
"The Male Gaze" is a concept in feminist theory that the way women are framed in media is designed to satisfy male sexual desires, and so is oppression of women by men.
That sounds an awful lot like original sin -- you want to classify men as oppressors for being born men, and having the desires men are born with?
I just want to put on some pants and a shirt, it's fucking freezing in here.
That's not an accident. Why don't you try and Pray Away The Gaze?

 

by Pandeist
3-27-15
Great Scott!!
Why do you keep calling me that? My name is Marty -- Marty McFly.
Whoops!! I mean, Great Marty!!
you gonna finish soon? My mouth is getting tired, Doc.
That's what *she* said!!

 

'scuse me
by Pandeist, 5-03-15

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