All comics by SassyOphelia

Profile

 

by SassyOphelia
9-03-05
Ever since I got a tatto, I've had all these wild urges
Like getting more tattoos, kinky sex, violence?
I want to get my eyes pierced!

 

by SassyOphelia
9-11-05
I'm Sassy from High School.
And I'm Tim from High School.
In High School, Tim wore sweaters and played video games.
In High School, Sassy cheated on people and ate babies.

 

by SassyOphelia
9-16-05
Now that we're engaged, I'm allowed to get really fat and complain about the ring, right?
Cause I know some skinny people with GIANT rocks.
You don't like the ring?

 

by SassyOphelia
9-16-05
I loved you once. I just miss you kinda.
That's sweet.
I don't want to lose touch with you, and lose everything wonderful we have that's more important than anything else in life.
Why are we on stage?
I'm getting $5,000 to say this crap.
I loved you too.

 

by SassyOphelia
9-16-05
Aw, a sweet little kitty.
I love sweet little kitties!
I bet my dog would love to pee on you!
Mew.

 

by SassyOphelia
9-20-05
If I was a collector of Aesop's Fables, I would be Babe-rius.
People in my evening folklore class would think that was funny.

 

by SassyOphelia
9-20-05
But I don't remember that one.
I like my men like I like my butter: whipped.
I like my husbands like I like my eggs: beaten.
I like my boyfriends like I like my cream:
You already used that one.

 

by SassyOphelia
10-03-05
At work today, I had to give change from my own wallet because we ran out of singles
Now my wallet has ten bucks worth of dimes in it
Let's go hit people with my wallet/

 

by SassyOphelia
10-03-05
I don't know how to tell you this, but I'm kind of a big deal.
You're Matt, right, the kid with the brain damage?
Yeah, I was drunk and fell off my balcony. Thankfully I only damaged my frontal lobe, so only my memory's bad.
Where am I?
Put the beer down, Matt.

 

by SassyOphelia
10-03-05
So, Matt, I heard you gave up drinking after you fell three stories.
Yeah totally.
What's with the beer in your hand then?
Oh, yeah, I only drink like, 3 beers at a time now.
I'm totally safe now.

 

by SassyOphelia
10-03-05
So, my major advisor is being suspected of plagerism.
I guess we should cancel our meeting.
Why?
I was going to ask her about taking an ethics course.

 

by SassyOphelia
10-10-05
If I got all kinds of tattoos and shit, would you stop lovng me?
Yes.
This isn't even fun anymore.

 

by SassyOphelia
10-13-05
How do you like my new fruit drink?
It's awesome, what flavor is it?
Statuatory Grape.

 

by SassyOphelia
10-28-05
My girlfriend just ruined my night
This party is just going to suck because I know she's mad at me.
Cheer up, emo Jesus.

 

by SassyOphelia
10-28-05
I wish I had a girlfriend like you, Sassy.
That's sweet, Emo Jesus.
How'd a guy like Tim get you?
He hasn't died for ANYONE'S sins.

 

by SassyOphelia
11-08-05
What's that song I made up the other day? About poetry?
Prufrockin' the Suburbs.
Prufrockin' the suburbs, just like TS Eliot did
that was like, a week ago...

 

by SassyOphelia
11-08-05
So, that porn I bought the other day.
Was your favorite part the part where the girls do it with a flute, or when the guy gets a horse penis surgeically attatched?
I'm fond of the part where all the servants beat them with whips. That seemed overly complicated.

 

by SassyOphelia
11-08-05
So, Tim's busy all the freakin' time and I get really lonely and bored because I don't get enough attention.
Have you talked to him about your feelings?
Look, do you want to pity-nail me or not?

 

by SassyOphelia
11-08-05
Emo Jesus! Please don't be mad. I didn't realize that the word "nail" might be hurtful to you.
I'm not exactly scotch-taped onto this thing, you know.
I'm a good girl! I would never let you scotch tape me.
:-(

 

by SassyOphelia
11-18-05
I noticed that you were only wearing one glove today.
My socks don't match, either.
What are you, the symmetry police?

 

by SassyOphelia
11-28-05
So, I was dating this guy, and was friends with an ex. Now that we've broken up about three years ago, it's backfired on me.
What happened?
He thought people with allergies should die, and I disagreed.
Okay...
And then she went a freakin' tattled.

 

by SassyOphelia
12-02-05
Bacon, I love you but you make me sick.
Because I over indulge, and you're too greasy to eat too much of.
But I love your little red mittens!

 

by SassyOphelia
12-05-05
I know this conversation is just taking place inside my head, but I need to tell you something.
You're the reason I'm so fat.
I give in. Can I lick you?

 

by SassyOphelia
1-03-06
PATRICK SWAYZE!!!!!!!!!!
STOP PUTTING BABIES IN THE CORNER!
I think you missed the point of that movie...

 

by SassyOphelia
1-25-06
The world today has become focused on making us all feel shitty about ourselves.
I know exactly what you mean.
Shut up fatty.

 

by SassyOphelia
1-25-06
So, I don't have the balls to try out for the stand up comedy group.
I'm disappointed in you, you'd be awesome at it.
Jen, I can only make fun of Tim for so long before I get boring again.

 

by SassyOphelia
1-25-06
I think I've been in a bad mood for like, 20 years.
I really hate the way I act and speak and stuff.
You know, for a chubby girl who's not good at anything, you sure have low self esteem.

 

by SassyOphelia
1-25-06
I called facilities to fix this like, a month ago. You guys suck.
Look, we've-a been really a-busy with the goombas on-a the 11th floor.
Mario?

 

by SassyOphelia
1-26-06
T-Rex, do you want to live together again next year?
Maybe.
Ok, cause I was just wondering...
Look, stop being so needy. I have other friends too.
My roommate is such a bitch.

 

by SassyOphelia
4-27-06
I haven't written a comic in a while.
Is it because you lack inspiration?
I think it's your fault.
Are we even still together?

 

by SassyOphelia
4-27-06
Hey aren't you that crab from the commercial?
I pinch.
That is the cutest commercial. I love you.
I pinch.
Seriously, this is so cool to have met you.
Celebrity sucks.

 

by SassyOphelia
5-31-06
My 21st birthday is in two days.
That's a pretty big milestone.
Now I can legally do what I've done all along!

 

by SassyOphelia
8-09-06
You haven't written a comic in a long time.
And, suspicously, that long time has coincided with you turning 21.
Have you just been unconcious until now?
Am I in Church?

 

by SassyOphelia
8-23-06
That peircer totally thought we were lesbians.
I know.
But you still called me "sweetie" and hugged me.
I just wanted some alternative street cred.

 

by SassyOphelia
8-30-06
Tim, you being away at Med school has made me re-evaluate our relationship.
There are things I want that you can't give me.
Babe, are you done talking to this loser yet? Let's go.
Sure, Bacon, I was just ready to go.

 

by SassyOphelia
8-30-06
Bacon boyfriend, you know how praying mantis females eat the males after mating?
I think I saw a special on that once, yes.

 

by SassyOphelia
8-30-06
I can't believe I've lost her...
SASSY! I'm so sorry, please give me another chance!
Calm down, he's gone.
Now, he only remains in my memories. And my microwave.

 

by SassyOphelia
8-30-06
Do you like the light green scrubs better, or the dark blue scrubs better?
Um, this is for dissection?
Yeah. Now, the blue looks good with my eyes...
Does it matter? The dead people pieces on you will make you look fat no matter what.

 

by SassyOphelia
8-31-06
Dammit! Did I hide all my stuff when I was drunk again?
I really need my sunglasses. Fuck, where could I have put them?
I think Drunk-Sassy and Sober-Sassy must be arch enemies.

 

by SassyOphelia
8-31-06
Still can't find your glasses?
No. Did you see where I put them?
You made me promise not to tell. You're devious when you're drunk.
You made me sign a suicide pact about it.
Are you sure that's coffee in your mug?

 

by SassyOphelia
9-01-06
ITS CAPSLOCK FRIDAY!!!!
THE DAY OF THE WEEK WHEN PURE BATSHIT CRAZINESS GOES
I AM SPREADING THE GOSPEL OF CAPSLOCK FRIDAYS

 

by SassyOphelia
9-11-06
This really happened.
oh shit oh shit oh shit did that door lock behind me?
I am not lying.
Why would a door to the boiler room be unlocked, but then lock behind me?
I hate you, Platt Commons.
Oh shit, I'm going to die.

 

by SassyOphelia
9-13-06
Finally! Bobby and Whitney are getting divorced!
Why do you even care?
They were beating Tim and I for weirdest relationship.
That's not all Bobby was beating.

 

by SassyOphelia
10-13-06
You havent written any comics lately.
It's called having a life. Try it.
I just accepted my dream job in New York City.

 

by SassyOphelia
10-24-06
Sober and Drunk Sassies made peace.
While drunk, I couldnt write a livejournal entry without screaming at the Caps button
Even Drunk Sassy appreciates storm windows.
but apparantly wrote an eloqent and respectful email to my landlord.

 

by SassyOphelia
10-24-06
I miss you so much already.
I know, me too.
Why do we have to be apart all the time?
I can't wait until we're married.
You haven't proposed.
I'm cheap and lazy.

 

by SassyOphelia
11-19-06
He called you twice?
Yeah, what do you think it means?
He's male. So it probably means he either wants a pizza, sex, or both.
I'm Sassy Zee, Dude Whisperer.

 

by SassyOphelia
11-19-06
Michelle told me that you whisper dudes?
Yup.
Then how come every time you're around a boy you like, you turn into a dinosaur with Downs Syndrome?
I find that offensive and derogatory.

 

by SassyOphelia
12-13-06
I have to say, Doctor Puppies, I really liked my previous physician.
You'll like me too.
Everyone likes Dr. Puppies.
I'm made out of puppies.

 

by SassyOphelia
1-04-07
If I was an animal, what animal would I be?
Easy. A kinkajou.
Because you are tiny and adorable.
And because given the chance, you would bite Paris Hilton.

Showing page 2.

« Previous Next »