All comics by brianvargo

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by brianvargo
2-09-23
You know, people have gotten a little judgy for my tastes. Why, just the other day, I was in line at Baskin Robins, and this woman called my scimitar “inappropriate.”
The nerve.
Needless to say, I gave her quite the disapproving look as I sliced off her left ear and used it as a spoon for my rum raisin pineapple sundae.
As one would.
So…you see a second date in our future?
As much as I enjoyed death metal karaoke, I’m a little put off by your sulfuric stench. Let’s leave it as a “maybe” for now.

 

by brianvargo
2-11-23
Lately, I’ve been having a real crisis of faith.
Chalk one up for me, then, eh?
I lie in bed, alone, staring into the void and pondering the absurdity of our fleeting existence. Was Nietzsche right? Is God dead?
You better hope so, bub.
What does it all mean? What could all this possibly mean?
I dunno. Something about changing your underwear daily, even on days when you skip a shower - if I remember the memo correctly.

 

by brianvargo
2-11-23
Caitlyn is one of the cruelest, most unfeeling people I’ve ever met. Yet, I am drawn to her in ways I find unfathomable.
Laura smells like tacos. Del Taco tacos.
With all my heart, I want to be close to her, to know her innermost thoughts, and her to know mine. To plumb each other’s emotional depths…
I don’t really care for the smell of tacos, but I could really go for a couple right now. I’m hungry as…
I want her to be my sister.
Are refried beans really fried twice?

 

by brianvargo
2-15-23
Sometimes I walk into a room and am so utterly convinced that I must be the stupidest person there that I become paralyzed with anxiety.
I think you may be missing the point of a “comic” strip, Stan.
I am but human, Satan.
Technically, you’re not. You are a crude rendering of an archetypal American cowboy comprising some not terribly cleverly arranged pixels.
Your mama.
…was bride of Belphegor and a damn fine role model for anyone aspiring to a career in evil, thank you very much. Saucebox.

 

by brianvargo
2-23-23
I’m never quite sure whether the tension between us is sexual in nature or simply, well…tension.
I’d say it’s a little from column A, a little from column B.
I fear sometimes that I am incapable of forging an emotional connection with anyone.
Sometimes I fear the same.
That’s when I climb up on ol’ Becky, shout “yeehaw,” and ride off into the unknown, in search of the new.
In lieu of the grossly irreverent punchline that was crafted for me, I’ll simply say that I pray for the courage to one day do the same.

 

by brianvargo
2-24-23
Howdy, pardner.
Stan, you old saddle sore, you. How ya doin’, buckaroo?
I’m hornier than an oryx who just underwent horn extension surgery, truth be told.
Goddamn, you make me uncomfortable.

 

by brianvargo
3-03-23
Sometimes I feel like I just wasn’t made for these times, Mackie.
I feel you, man. I’m still sorry that 8-tracks went extinct before De La Soul released their first album.
But I suppose we do live in an amazing time, in which a cowboy and a pimp can have a conversation without fear of judgment.
I prefer to think of myself as a concierge in between hotel gigs, but I get your drift.
Anyway, it’s not De La Soul on 8-track, but I do have a truck-stop cassette of Mac Davis’s greatest hits. Wanna join me for a listen?
Oh, hell, yeah.

 

by brianvargo
3-04-23
I drink to numb the pain of my failure.
And also to get drunk.

 

by brianvargo
3-17-23
My favorite thing about pornography is the quality of the acting, not to mention the storytelling, in most of the films.
Just kidding. It’s the sex.
Zing.

 

by brianvargo
3-23-23
You know, you’re kind of a narcissist.
In fairness, I am the devil.
Yes, yes, I know - but it wouldn’t kill you to think of other people’s feelings once in a while.
You are correct on that point. It wouldn’t kill ne, mainly because I’m immortal.
It also wouldn’t kill you to shave your back.
And it wouldn’t kill you to sacrifice the occasional goat, but you don’t hear me putting you down.

 

by brianvargo
3-28-23
I have often wondered, Chuckbeard - what does one do with a drunken sailor?
I cain’t tell if yer tryin’ to be funny and failin’ or if ya seriously think it’s appropriate to ask that question of a pirate.
I mean, what would ya think if I asked you if you’ve ever seen any ghost riders in the sky.
No, but I saw someone who looked like Bob Saget driving a Volvo on the 5 last week. Kind of unsettling.
Fine. We help him to his bunk and tuck him in. The next morning, we gently but firmly remind him that his choices affect not only his life but the lives of his mates. Argh.

 

by brianvargo
4-04-23
Dude, you’re old.
Well, kid, to a mayfly, you’d be considered positively ancient.
You see, a mayfly has a lifespan of just one to two days. You would have been old by mayfly standards before you came home from the hospital for the first time.
Dude, you’re boring.
Well, kid, go *%#! yourself.

 

by brianvargo
5-04-23
I am, therefore I am.
I am the cosmos.
I don’t think those brownies Jane brought to the cowboy potluck were “regular” brownies.

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