All comics by brycekain

Profile

 

by brycekain
6-26-15
Good afternoon. I am God's butthole.
And I am God's pubic hair.
Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow......

 

by brycekain
6-26-15
Wanna give me a hand? HA HA! Get it?
Seriously. Jerk me off?

 

by brycekain
6-27-15
HA HA! In space no one can hear you...
*GAWK*
Fart ninja.

 

by brycekain
6-27-15
What to do....?
Hmmm...
Guess I'll just shove these giant black anal beads up my ass.

 

by brycekain
6-27-15
Where you goin'?
To put this flag back where it belongs.
You do realize that if you put that flag back up, me and an entire city full of angry black folk are going to fuck you up, right?
uh..... What I meant to say was "up my own ass."
That's what I thought you said.

 

by brycekain
6-27-15
May as well try out the zombie gloryhole.

 

by brycekain
6-27-15
I am TAMPON MAN!
Groovy?
Nah, they say I'm pretty smooth.
*RALPH!*

 

by brycekain
7-03-15
Well, this is awkward....
Ok, I had my eyes closed. Did it fall off?
What the fuck do you think is on your face?!?

 

by brycekain
7-03-15
I will not allow you to stake your claim to this property.
You've had long enough to get your affairs in order. Enough is enough.
So what do you have to say for yourself?
Dude, I've got a boner.

 

by brycekain
7-03-15
I can't believe he's doing it. I heard rumors, but damn, dude.
The way his mouth moves... his lips curling and tensing... his voice calling out the words like an erotic angel....
What are you watching?
Ted Cruz doing Simpsons impressions.
***RALPH!!!!***

 

by brycekain
7-05-15
Dude, I just came up with a great idea for a restaurant that caters to health nuts! We can serve tuna, shrimp, or crab in a tortilla shell, and we'll call it Wahoo's Fish Taco!
You're fucking with me, right?

 

by brycekain
7-13-15
Heard you got back on your meds.
Yup.
So..........
ROADHOUSE, MOTHERFUCKER!!!

 

by brycekain
7-21-15
Did you hear that Crabby...
No.
But Crabby said...
No.
But.... but.....
I'm not 4 years old anymore.

 

by brycekain
7-22-15
Loathe the great day, but be forewarned, fellow buttplug! I am particle spit and the great happening will neither be here nor at Taco Bell! For it has been...
HOLD IT!
What?
Why is it every time you try to break writer's block with a meta/existential rambling, you sound like you're buttfucking a William Shakespear wanna be?
Roadhouse?
Jesus christ. Even panty waste wrote better lines than this vag-tard.

 

by brycekain
7-22-15
UNGH!
UNGH!
Only five more miles and I can recycle Justin Bieber's tampon!

 

by brycekain
7-22-15
I know my cat took a dump around here somewhere.
Are you sure Whiskers was even over here?
Look, lady. If there's one thing I know, it's how to sniff out a whisker biscuit.

 

by brycekain
7-24-15
I can't believe you guys want 15 bucks just to get me a burger and fries! When I was your age, they paid me only FOUR bucks an hour and I was greatful for it!
Ma'am, I'm 19 years old, have three kids at home, one with autism, and going to college to get my degree. I have no family. I can barely support myself, let alone my three kids.
And, let's see, the only type of job that will hire me, because I haven't finished college, pays less than it takes to live in a single bedroom apartment. By the way, what do YOU DO?
I'm... I'm a housewife...
Then you need to sit down and shut the fuck up before you forget how to breathe.

 

by brycekain
7-25-15
Remember, kids! If you smoke cigarettes, you'll shit blood from your baloon knot for 30 years until you die!
Brought to you by #TheTruth
TheTruth totally doesn't get it's funding from tobacco companies. Totally.
Totally!

 

by brycekain
7-25-15
"Starry, starry night... Flaming flowers that brightly blaze. Swirling clouds in violet haze. Reflect in Vincent's eyes of china blue..."
I swear to fuck, if you sing one more verse of that gawd damn song, I will serial ass-rape you with that toilet wine mug.

 

by brycekain
7-25-15
Nope. Didn't work.
Well how in the hell is she still alive?
I tried all I could to stop the bleeding, but she just kept hurling this axe at me!
What's going on in there?!
Nothing, honey. Our monkey just got her first period.

 

by brycekain
7-25-15
Over here is where you will be working. When you answer the phone, you will use a gentle voice and be sure to take pleasure in their requests, no matter how big or small.
If you make a mistake: apologize. Never forget to apologize. You get down on your knees and beg for their forgiveness. Let them drip their every word all over your slutty face, you filthy whore!
What job is this again?
Customer service.

 

by brycekain
7-25-15
What are you doing?
Waiting for the next comic.
How long you been waiting?
Five minutes. It usually takes about ten minutes if he's got a really good idea. If not, it could be a while.
Are you... are you happy with how your life turned out?
Could be worse. Could be Justin Bieber's tampon.

 

by brycekain
7-25-15
A robot, a zombie, and an asshole walk into a bar.
The bar tender asks the robot and the zombie what they want.
Anything with oil!
Anything with brains.
Then the bartender turns to the asshole and asks, "And what will YOU have, sir?"
Nothing! And this joke isn't fucking funny!

 

by brycekain
7-30-15
Go to your iTunes app store and look up the game "Evil Apples." It's like Cards Against Humanity, but on your cell phone. It's funny and awesome as shit!
Not getting enough blow jobs at home?
There's no time!

 

by brycekain
8-01-15
Dog on Ball wanted desperately for the play to go well. We'd rehearsed, practiced for days, but alas... no one showed...
It's also not a coincidence that Dog on Ball had recently been arrested on dog fighting charges.

 

by brycekain
8-01-15
So this is your invisible plane?
Yes, I like to fly around in it once a week to clear my head. I usually do it after work.
Ever join the Mile High Club?
Frequently. And I must warn you that I am a Power Top with a fetish for pegging.
Groovy.

 

by brycekain
8-01-15
Now that I've smuggled you down here, I have an important mission for you.
Smuggled? You SMUGGLED me alright! In y'er butt!
Can we not focus on the past? We're here for a very important mission!
............................. ............................. ........BUT I WAS IN Y'ER BUTT!
I am sooooooooo deleting my profile on SeniorMidgetDating.com

 

by brycekain
8-01-15
*nom nom nom*
*nom nom nom*
What are you doing?
Roadhouse!

 

by brycekain
8-01-15
My dearest congregation: Let us welcome our newest member... Brother Dick.
Brother Dick has agoraphobia, but he's been gracious enough to come to our church so long as he gets to hide behind his own fence.
How did you dig this thing out of the ground, anyway?
The Power of JESUS, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! We dug it up with a bulldozer, ya stupid cunt. Jesus Christ!

 

by brycekain
8-02-15
According to new law, Dog on Ball must go door to door and notify neighbors that Dog on Ball was arrested for cruelty to animals and dog fighting.
Are you fucking shitting me right now?

 

by brycekain
8-02-15
Daddy? Is this where dreams come from?
No, son.
This is where mommy's buttplug is made.
Congratulations! This is the SECOND time we've used a variation of this joke!
Daddy, is he stoned?
Yes, son. Off his fucking knickers.

 

by brycekain
8-02-15
Who needs a fly swatter?! For only 19.95, plus shipping and handling, YOU can own your very own BUG ASSAULT! Just place your table salt in the gun and BLAST THEM AWAY!
Are you fucking shitting me right now?

 

by brycekain
8-02-15
You're FIRED!
God DAMN I love this Fart Gun!

 

by brycekain
8-02-15
Can I open my eyes yet?
Not yet....
But I've been closing them forever.
When is the big surprise?
Tell him I knocked his mother up.... or punch to the dick...?

 

by brycekain
8-04-15
Doctor, is everything ok?
I'm afraid not, miss. The operation was not a success and you are bleeding internally.
Is it bad?
Well, I have good news and I have bad news. The bad news is that you probably will not live past the end of this sentence. I am so sorry.....
The GOOD NEWS is this isn't a rehashed joke told more than 6 times.

 

by brycekain
8-05-15
Space..... the final frontier..... These are the voyages...... of the Starship....
........Enterprise..... IT'S FIVE YEAR MISSION.............? To boldy go........... .................................................. WHERE NO MAN HAS GONE BEFORE!
Do you think we take this COS Play a little too far?
SHUT UP, I'M ABOUT TO CUM!

 

by brycekain
8-06-15
In the beginning, God created the Earth and placed man on it.
God eventually realized that he had not done something right.
Oh and I lost 618: The Rehashening...
Gay.
Gay.

 

by brycekain
8-09-15
Are you Chickity China?
What? Oh god, not this again...
HEY EVERYONE! IT'S CHICKTY CHINA!
No, sir. I'm not...
I've never gotten an autograph from a Chinese chicken before!
I fucking hate you, Barenaked Ladies.

 

by brycekain
8-09-15
You sure the coast is clear?
Yeah, but what are you doing?
It.... should.... be..... VERY.... apparent.......
Look, are you going to help me push this piece of Godzilla poop out of the way so I can engage in necrophilia or not?
I wish people would stop listening to Donald Trump...

 

by brycekain
8-09-15
All these paintings are your's?
Yup.
Dude, you suck.
Yup.
The paintings are pretty good, too.

 

by brycekain
8-09-15
What?
Relax, dude. Just because I wear a hockey mask doesn't mean I'm an axe murderer.
No no... I'm more worried about the new followers Bryce got. THOSE people fuckin' SCARE me!

 

by brycekain
8-09-15
Shoo shoo!
Back you go!
Come on, man. Just go back home.
But I don't like Paris Hilton's vagina :(

 

by brycekain
8-09-15
Ok, work's done for today?
Check.
No more responsibilities to be had?
Check.
Medical Mary?
Weeeeeeeeeeee...

 

by brycekain
8-12-15
Excuse me. Is this the line for the Tijuana abortion clinic?
Trump headquarters.
Close enough.

 

by brycekain
8-12-15
Check out the tits on THAT broad!
What broad? There's nobody here except you and me.
In the next comic, dude! Wow!
We're reduced to doing this stupid shit again?
SHHHHHHHH!!!!! YOU WANT TO GET TURNED INTO MADONNA'S VAGINA AGAIN?!?!?

 

by brycekain
8-12-15
How rude!
What are you supposed to be?
SHARKTAPENIS!

 

by brycekain
8-12-15
Excuse me, sir. Are you an asshole?
No, why?
You look like an asshole.... You smell like an asshole...
I'm French. Why do you look like a NASCAR fan?
'MERICA!!!!!!!!

 

by brycekain
8-12-15
There is NO WAY I am letting you in.
But sir, please. He's my long lost father! I have to see him!
No way. Uh uh.
I was born... alone... in a bowl full of water... flushed by society... into darkness I drown... poor.... forgotten.... poop bacon.
Look kid, you can tell me all kinds of stories all day long, but the fact of the matter is this: You're not going to see him. No matter what you say I'm not letting you in to see Rosie O'Donnell.
THIS IS WHY I VOTED FOR TRUMP!

 

by brycekain
8-14-15
Why do you use the song Vincent (Starry Night) whenever you're sad?
It's a song that usually comes to mind whenever I'm down. Not really sure why.
Oh.
Have you always been such a pussy?

 

by brycekain
8-14-15
You should try the steak. It's to die for!
Gee, Mr. Imaginary Hand Puppet, I surely will!
You should give the waiter a tip as well. He works hard to make a living for his family.
Golly, you're nice!
He also has cancer, so be sure to give him a reach around after you put the tip in. Then stab him in the jugular 27 times with a potato peeler.
Wait, you think I'm gay?

Showing page 21.

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