All comics by ObiJo

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by ObiJo
9-17-03
Teach me the ways of gay with it.
Ah, grasshopper. One cannot be taught gay with it, one must become the thing itself.
Teach me how to become gay with it.
You ask the impossible.
Then give me my check back.
Congratulations! You're gay with it!

 

by ObiJo
9-17-03
I gay wif it!
You gay wif it!
You've... made... me... ANGRY!
Lou Frigno gay wif it!
RAR?

 

by ObiJo
9-17-03
You gay wif it!
Lou Frigno teach me trick.
Oh?
You... make... me... ANGER!
meep

 

by ObiJo
9-17-03
You see muskelman Lou Frigno? I want him teach me trick.
I turn into him whenever someone makes me angry.
You gay wif it!
You've... made... me... UPSET!
So?
Doesn't work with upset.

 

by ObiJo
9-17-03
Monkey, monkey, monkey. You disappoint me.
Sorry, talking chair.
Time for a new monkey.

 

by ObiJo
9-17-03
Monkey, monkey, monkey. You disappoint me.
Sorry, talking chair.
Hmmm...
I think it might be time for a new monkey.

 

by ObiJo
9-17-03
I am the monkey. I can go anywhere.
I am the monkey. I can go anywhere.
I am the monkey. I can go anywhere.
Including here.
And here.
And here.

 

by ObiJo
9-19-03
I burped so hard I forgot my phone number.
Hashbrowns are Jesus saying hello.
In a pinch, beer makes a pretty good hairspray.
Pants?? We don't need no stinking PANTS!!
Threes Company + marijuana = I'M BECOMING A MINISTER!
Working at Target isn't so bad as long as I keep my eyes shut.

 

by ObiJo
9-19-03
Yarr! It be Talk Like a Pirate Day, 2003!
Yarr! So avast ye lubbers and learn to parley like a hearty Jack Tar!
Lest we be thinkin' ye a Scallywag and Hornswaggle your booty!
And we be splicing the mainbrace righ' o'er your dandy dead body!
http://www.puzzlepirates.com/docs/vocabulary.html
Get movin' ye squiffy bilge rat!

 

by ObiJo
9-22-03
I'm homeless.
You're doing the best you can.
Condescending fuck!
No, I mean, we all have competing wants, and we deal with what the world hands us - both externally and internally - the best we can so as to try to satisfy those competing wants.
Competing wants?
To seek pleasure and avoid pain. Unfortunately, they often conflict, and, unfortunately, the world doesn't always cooperate, and, unfortunately, our ideation processes can be our own worst enemy.

 

by ObiJo
9-22-03
One day at the ranch...
So I says "Well, them rotor turbines ain't gonna generate gravitons by themself!"
HaHa!
What the fuck are you talking about?
Whether truth can predate human experience, and whether truth is an invented thing or a discovered thing.
Oh.

 

by ObiJo
9-23-03
Clango teaches Rube how to masturbate.
Pinch it ...
Like this?
Wrong hand...
oh.
You got it.
I am so happy...

 

by ObiJo
9-23-03
Clango teaches Rube how to masturbate.
Pinch it ...
Like this?
Wrong hand...
oh.
You got it.
I am so happy...

 

by ObiJo
9-23-03
Do you mind if I search your car?
Just not the trunk.

 

by ObiJo
9-25-03
Welcome to the Church of Truth
Father, I need some counselling...
YOU SUCK!
ALL PEOPLE SUCK!!
That'll be 10%, my child.

 

by ObiJo
9-25-03
Eastern religion often talks in silly circles...
God is unknown to those who know him, and is known to those who do not know him at all.
Sadly, so too does Western religion...
If you want to find yourself, you must lose yourself. To find your life, you must lose it.
But I expected more from you, Church of Truth.
To stop your suck you must start to suck. To end sucking, you must first suckle.

 

by ObiJo
9-25-03
I like chicken.
I too like chicken.
mmm... chicken.
mmm... chicken.
Drumstick?
YOU INSULT ME, SIR!

 

by ObiJo
9-25-03
Listen, miss, I'd know whether or not I have a frozen pizza at home, and I'm telling you they forgot to bag it.
Well, okay, sir. Let me go get you another one.
She bought it!
I mean thank you.

 

by ObiJo
9-27-03
CUBS WIN!
Excuse me?
CUBS WIN!
HOLY COW!

 

by ObiJo
10-01-03
I am a potato.
No you're not. You're a donkey.
!!GASP!! You are right! I am a donkey!
No you're not. You're a potato.
Quit toying with my emotions! Which am I - a potato or a donkey???
You're a potato donkey.

 

by ObiJo
10-01-03
I am a potato donkey.
I am not.
Yes, I know.
No, you don't.
Oh I do.
Don't test me, donkey.

 

by ObiJo
10-01-03
I am Potato Donkey.
I am Potato Durden.
The first rule of being Potato Donkey is YOU DO NOT TALK ABOUT POTATO DONKEY!
The first rule of being Potato Durden is to taste like potato.
Hmmm... come to think of it, I think that's the first rule of Potato Donkey.
Dibbies!

 

by ObiJo
10-01-03
The two-hundred-and-thirty-seventh rule of Potato Donkey is to season the fries with just a *pinch* of cumin.
The two-hundred-and-thirty-eighth rule of Potato Donkey - no shirts, no shoes, no service.
The two-hundred-and-thirty-nin... fucking FINALLY.

 

by ObiJo
10-01-03
How much for that ass, trick?
Nine-hundred and ninety-nine thousand, nine-hundred and ninety nine.
I'll give you four dollars.
Deal!
*

 

by ObiJo
10-01-03
I'd like to apologize for that last comic. Using an asterick for "ass, trick" was a horrendous verbal and visual pun and really the lowest form of humor.
I hope you see my point.

 

by ObiJo
10-01-03
I'd like to apologize for the last two comics. Using an asterick for "ass, trick" and a pointing gesture for "my point" was really horrendous verbal and visual punning.
I doubt I'll ever sink to such depths again.
*

 

by ObiJo
10-01-03
I'd like to apologize for the last three comics.
I'd like to, but I can't.
For I am a potato. And as such, I know no compromise.

 

by ObiJo
10-01-03
Greetings, tiny simian. I am Potato Durden.
gook gook
YOU WATCH YOUR GODDAMN MOUTH!
gook racecar gook
Racecar?
gook gook

 

by ObiJo
10-02-03
Three years later, Potato Durden and Moon Monkey having fallen madly in love, they open up a Lunar Taco Stand.
gook gook
gook
gook racecar gook
racecar gook racecar
I'm leaving you for Potato Donkey.
GOOK!

 

by ObiJo
10-02-03
I think the NFL boosted McNabb's image because they wanted a black quarterback to succeed.
YOU RACIST FUCK!
Are you saying it's impossible the NFL would do something like that?
I'M SAYING YOU'RE A RACIST FUCK!
You're not going to address the issue I raised in the least, are you?
Negatory. I hear the word "black" and all my logic functions go out the window, YOU RACIST RACIST FUCK!

 

by ObiJo
10-03-03
Because you're a cunt.
What??
Don't ask the question if you can't handle the answer.
I didn't ask a question!

 

by ObiJo
10-03-03
Good evening and welcome to Channel 3 news.
Coming up, the story we've been ceaselessly advertising and the only reason you've tuned in.
But first, 50 minutes of drivel.

 

by ObiJo
10-03-03
Good evening and welcome to Channel Tree news.
I mean Channel Three news.
Very funny guys.

 

by ObiJo
10-03-03
Goddamnit, it had taken her two hours to get to the front of the line at the DMV, and bomb or no bomb, she was getting a new license.

 

by ObiJo
10-03-03
Good evening and welcome to Channel 3 News - the only news program broadcast directly from the moon.
Leading off our stories tonight - the moon has no breathable atmosphere.
CLUNK

 

by ObiJo
10-03-03
Good evening and welcome to Channel 3 News, the only news program broadcast directly from the fiery pits of Hades.
And now for weather...

 

by ObiJo
10-03-03
........WHITE HOUSE STILL THERE........
Good evening and welcome to Channel 3 News, the only news program solely dedicated to the status of the White House.
........WHITE HOUSE STILL THERE........
It's still there.
........WHITE HOUSE STILL THERE........
We now return you to your regularly scheduled program, but will leave the news ticker in place for your convenience.

 

by ObiJo
10-03-03
Good evening and welcome to Jettisoned News.
I wasn't THAT yappy.

 

by ObiJo
10-03-03

 

by ObiJo
10-03-03
Good evening and welcome to The Love Boat News.
Leading off our stories tonight - passengers boatwide regale in backslapping and high-fiving joviality.
Happy to have jettisoned that yappy bitch.

 

by ObiJo
10-03-03
Good evening and welcome to Channel 3 News. Leading off our stories tonight - boorite sucks miles and miles of cock.
He sucks so much cock in fact that scientists are using the semen he imbibes to refine the mass conservation laws down to four decimal places.
P.S. Absinth, monkey on moon.

 

by ObiJo
10-03-03
*GWACK* Eagle one to base - I've landed successfully and found life! It's some kind of cute fairy lifeform.
Cute fairy lifeform? You COCK. You FESTERING BOIL ON A MUSTY COCK! I'm the rugged male version of my species and you call me CUTE? YOU COCK-LICKING TERDMERCHER!
It's some kind of foul-mouthed fairy lifeform.
Who you calling fairy, you COW-TONGUED SCROTUM MUNG?
It's some kind of foul-mouthed... aw fuck it... initiating air strike.
Now that's more like it!

 

by ObiJo
10-03-03
The extension to this comic contest has presented us American stripcreators with a FASCINATING opportunity.
We have set up a live video feed to Britain!
To communicate with our fellows over there - to observe their subtle cultural differences, to drink in their belief systems, to know the minutia of their country - it's truly awe inspiring.
And now, with no further adieu, we present to you - Stripcreator Britain on Live Video Feed!
Good evening, America! Leading off our news tonight - boorite sucks kilometers and kilometers of cock.

 

by ObiJo
10-03-03
I'm Cubby, the mascot for the 2003 Chicago Cubs!
I'm Fairy Boy, the mascot for the 2003 Atlanta Braves!
I ate him and shat him out on an anthill.

 

by ObiJo
10-04-03
Greetings, Moon Monkey. I have travelled these 240,000 miles to tell you something of the utmost importance.
Boorite sucks miles and miles of cock?
Oh no. I assume that's universal knowledge.
Yes.
I've come to tell you about our lord and savior Jesus Christ, who, coincidentally, does not partake in the cock.
No cock, no thanks.

 

by ObiJo
10-04-03
Oh ho ho, you cannot get me with your deathray.
Deathray?
Oh ho ho, you cannot get me by pretending you don't have a deathray.
Pretending I don't have a deathray?
You really don't have a deathray?
Got you!

 

by ObiJo
10-04-03
I'm leaving you for a turkey sandwich.
What?
I'm leaving you for a turkey sandwich.
WHAT??

 

by ObiJo
10-04-03
Why can't I just make you a turkey sandwich?
I'm a one woman kind of guy.
A turkey sandwich is not a woman!
Let's not get into one of those I'm-more-woman-than-she-is kind of discussions.
A TURKEY SANDWICH IS NOT A WOMAN!!!

 

by ObiJo
10-04-03
Goodbye forever!
A TURKEY SANDWICH IS NOT
*SLAM*
Ah freedom.
Me and turkey sitting in a tree... T-U-R-K TURK TURK KEY!

 

by ObiJo
10-04-03
KNOCK KNOCK
It's me, turkey sandwich, my love!
Oh shit, it's my boyfirend! ______________ You have a boyfriend??
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK
Yes, now quick - HIDE! ______________ Screw that! Him and I are having it out!

Showing page 28.

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