All comics by Debaser

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by Debaser
12-14-03
Voting day!
Vote da Cat, ma'am. For a better future!
Yeah sure, asshole!
Vote da Cat, sir. For a better future!
Yeah, sure, asshole!
Vote da Cat, sir. For a better future!
Yeah, sure, asshole!

 

by Debaser
12-14-03
The votes have been counted and the president of Kennya is....
Hehehe!
*Reading* Willie....
Well, who is it? I think we all know the winner, already, hehehe!
The President of Kennya is.... KEEEEEEEEENNNNYYYYY DAAA CAAAAAT!!!!
What the fuck? RE-VOTE, RE-VOTE!!!!!

 

by Debaser
12-14-03
Well, Willie. The best man won.
YOU SON OF A BITCH! YOU DAMN CHEATER! EVERYONE KNOWS THAT I WON!
It's sad that some people are such bad losers.
CHEATER, CHEATER!
You're just pathetic!
I'LL KILL YOU!

 

by Debaser
12-16-03
The head-cripple of the United Cripple's Foundation, UCF, is talking to the members....
Yaay!!!! HOWIE, HOWIE, HOWIE!
Cripples, friends! We are going to fight the fascistic president da Cat. We need more members and I suggest that we should try to get un-crippled members! Start the searching!
Hello, I am Howie Dean, head-cripple of UCF. I wonder if you want to follow us and crush da Cat?
AAAAAAAAAAAHH!!!!
OLÉ! AY-AY-AY-AY-AAAAH!!

 

by Debaser
12-16-03
Da Pimp
Eyy yo, are yah feeling for some fine bitch? FEMALE!!
Oh, I think I owe you an apologize. I've always thought that you were gay.
Yeah, gimme an apologize.
I'm sorry for calling you gay when you the whole time have been a woman. You're a transvestite!
Hehehe
NO!!!! I'M NOT GAY AND I'M NOT A TRANSVESTITE!!!! I'M A PIMP, GOD DAMN IT!!!!

 

by Debaser
12-16-03
Hello there my little girl, what do you want for christmas?
Like I am no little, girl, right? I am just like, shopping at the mall. Like please could'ya like talk like that to some 5 like years old kids, like, okay?
HO-HO-HO! Don't you want any presents for christmas?
Like I am like too old for like telling Santa what I like want for like christmas, mkay? I like know that Santa is like sumthin' that dad dresses up for christmas, mmkay.
So your dad is the one that gives you your presents?
Like NO WAY, man. It's like the Tori Spelling-fairy that flies in through the windows and puts like good looking presents under the pine! Like dah!

 

by Debaser
12-16-03
Oh my god, Shannon is outside wearing almost nothing!
Oh man! It's -40 celsius, outside, darlin'!
Like oh my god. It's like my mother, she's like SOO impossible.
SHANNON!!!! COME OVER HERE AND PUT ON SOMETHING!!!!
M-Mom, y-you're l-like embarrasing m-me! I-I've g-got l-like enough c-clothes. It-it's n-not like co-cold.

 

by Debaser
12-16-03
Welcome to your PC. The first you're going to do is to create a new user.
Mmkay....
Username: Cool_cat
Welcome to Windows XXXP. What do you want to do now?
*Writing* www.hornyhotties.com

 

by Debaser
12-16-03
WARNING: Can't download more porn! No memory on disk. 100% full. 0 kb of 120 gb full.
What the fuck??
Preparing memory-saving maneuvers, please wait......
Okay.....
Deleating files from folder: Absolute XXX!!!! Deleatin 119 Gigabytes.....
NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

 

by Debaser
12-16-03
Granny's got a new PC and needs help using it so she calls customer-service....
Computer-corp. Customer-service, can I help you?
Hello. I've bought a new computer and I need help with using it. First, how do you start it?
45 minutes later....
NO! The start-button is NOT on your television, I told you.
What is the button on the television that came with the computer guys for then?
*Sigh* You must mean the SCREEN!
Ohh!

 

by Debaser
12-16-03
Computer corp. Customer Service
.... so this old granny have been calling me and asking for help to use the computer the whole month. It took 2½ hour for her to find the start-button. I've just taught her how to use the internet.
Tough.
Granny on the phone....
Hello, It's me again. I've seen on the internet that lots of people have got own websites. Normal peoples too!
Soo....
I want to make an own homepage. Please help me with it!
WHOMP!!!!!!

 

by Debaser
12-17-03
Have YOU got a computer?
Yeah. To download porn for. But it's some fuckin' shit about the "memory". I've only got 120 gigabytes and have filled it.....
.... With porn??
Yeah.
Oh, I forgot who I was talkin' to.

 

by Debaser
12-22-03
Howard 2 L8
Welcome to Howard - 2 L8. Our first guest fought in the first world war! Eeeeeaaaarrrrnnnniiiieee Doooouggglaaaaassss!!!!
HEAYAAYYAAA!!!!
Were you ever afraid, during the war?
Wheaawwhaa.
....
Owwaawwaawaa.... I dink I peed me pants!

 

by Debaser
12-25-03
A christmas carol
There he goes. The mean Ebeneser Scrooge!
The richest man in this town. Doesn't know what sharing is and he hates everything. But the thing he hates most is christmas.
GRR!
And it's christmas-time NOW! So in the interest of my own health, I should get the hell outta here!
I am hungry. Some corned beef would be just fine by now!

 

by Debaser
12-25-03
Now we're in Ebenezer Scrooge's work-building. This is his hard-working minimum-payed co-worker Bob Cratchit. He's got a big family to support. He's about to try and get the christmas-day off.
Excuse me, Mr. Scrooge. I wonder if I can get the day off, tomorrow.... It's christmas-day.
So....
Ya know, ehm, christmas-day....
OKAY!!!!!!!! But then you better come earlier the day after that!

 

by Debaser
12-25-03
After work, Ebenezer went home to his house. He walked up the stairs to his living-room where he drank tea by a fire.
This is cozy!
EBENEEEEEZER!!!!!
What the....!
EBENEEEEEZER!!!!!
B-BOB MARLEY?!? No.... I mean, JACOB MARLEY?!?

 

by Debaser
12-25-03
Jacob Marley is Ebenezer Scrooge's old partner that died in an accident.
Ebenezer, buddy!
Yo, Jacob. What the hell did ya come here for?
To tell yo that because I was dead I must wear these chains. And I was gonna tell ya that yo must wear chains too if you keep on being bad and that three ghosts will come later and tell ya to be nice.
Uhu....
Was there anything more to say.... Oh yeah, the first ghost will come at 1 tonight. See ya!
Scary shit.

 

by Debaser
12-29-03
There are no such thing as ghosts. That I saw Jacob must have been hallucinations from the beer!
Or wait.... I haven't drunk any beer!
I HAVEN'T DRUNK ANY BEER?!? What the fuck is happening to me?!?

 

by Debaser
12-29-03
Yeah, yeah, whatever. There are no ghosts. Now am I going to get some sleep and tomorrow everything will be like before.
ZZZ
Later, 0:55 AM.
ZZZ
5 minutes left!

 

by Debaser
12-29-03
1:00 AM!!!!
ZZZ
DONGG!!!!
Hah! It's 1 o' clock and no ghost! But just to be sure, I will turn on the light!
Oh, fuck. Couldn't get the ghost in here either.
Hah! Nobody here! But.... What is behind the curtain?
*chomp* I just love turkey!

 

by Debaser
12-29-03
I will look behind the curtain on three. One.... two....
....Three! AAAAAAAAHH!!!!!
Oh my god, a christmas tree! What the fuck is that doing there?? And a.... baby. What the hell!
Me the ghost of christmas past!

 

by Debaser
12-29-03
I HATE CHRISTMAS!!!!
You didn't before....
Fuck you!
Take my hand and I'll show you!
Never!
I see that, this guy won't do as the script tells him.

 

by Debaser
12-29-03
I won't follow you to my past!
Sigh.... If you don't follow the script then I don't have to either!
What? Hey, what are you doing?!?
I am taking you to your past and I don't care if you don't want to!
Where are we now?
We are in the bathroom of a big christmas-party from your youth! Outside that door, your younger self is having a great time!

 

by Debaser
12-29-03
Look! This shy fella is me as young!
Hey!
Hola beautiful! I wanna do you.... BIG TIME!!!!
Look! Now my younger self is getting laid for the first time in front of all the others!
Not very shy.... Eww, I am just a kid, ya know! Let's move on!

 

by Debaser
12-29-03
I really liked her! What happened with her and me next, ghost?
You'll see....
This is my office! I don't---
---Look over there! You learned how to love something more than that wonderful creature, your money!
Ebenezer! We are not doing anything together any more! I thought we were going to get married!
Marriage? HAH! Gimme a blow-job or leave for good!! I am earning money! I love money! I LOOOOOVE MONEY!!!!! WAHAHAHAHA!!!!

 

by Debaser
12-29-03
I were so cruel to her.
Yes, indeed.
I.... We are back at my home now. Back in the present!
I've showed you everything I were supposed to show you. The ghost of present will be here at 2:00 AM.
DON'T GO!
Fuck you!

 

by Debaser
12-29-03
Oh fuck. I feel like a pussy now! Must be more masculine. I RULE WAHAHAHA!!!! I AM BAD! I LOVE MONEY!
DONGG! DONGG!
It's 2:00 AM now. The second ghost should be here now. But of course he's not, because I was just dreaming about the first ghost!
EBENEZER!!!!!
Or.... Maybe not.
Ebenezer! I am the ghost of christmas present!

 

by Debaser
12-29-03
HEY! Where have you taken me? It's cold here!
We're outside your hard working, bad paid employee, Bob Crap-shit, I mean, Cratchit's house.
Oh! So it's in to his ugly ass house I am looking in now?
Yeah.
Is that everything they are going to eat for christmas?
Yeah, a tiny steak that would barely feed a mouse and some vegetables for a family of 5 persons.... The family of Crap-shit, hahaha!

 

by Debaser
12-29-03
What lesson am I going to learn by looking in to Cratchit's house, ghost?
That.... You could give him a raise and start sharing the money you earn!
Fuck. I was afraid you were gonna say that.
If you keep being the fucking ass you are now you will be a suck-ass ghost as Jacob Marley.
Okay.
Be nice to Crap-shit, Hahaha!

 

by Debaser
12-29-03
Have you got anything more to say or.....?
Not really, just go over there, to the graveyard. The ghost of future christmas will be waiting for you there.
Gooooo theeeeere!!!!
Oakey doakey!
Creepy! To be continued!
It's scary when it gets dark so quick! Are you the ghost of future christmas?
Yes

 

by Debaser
12-29-03
What are you going to show me?
Look there!
It's Bob Cratchit and his wife and his son and daughter standing by a grave, but.... It's only one son. Where is little Tim?
Little Tim didn't survive. He was sick and Bob did not have enough money to cure his disease.
I could've given him the money!
But you wouldn't have done it, Scrooge. And I've got a surprise for you! Guess who's grave you'll see next!

 

by Debaser
12-29-03
Go over to the grave over there, Scrooge!
Okay....
Ghost.... I can't see the name on the grave. Who's eerie grave is this?
IT'S YOUR MISTER SCROOGE! THE RICHEST MAN ON THE WHOLE GRAVEYARD!!!! WA HA HA HA HA!!!!!
GASP!!!! I WILL BE BETTER, I WILL BE BETTER!!!!!

 

by Debaser
12-29-03
I WILL BE BETTER!!!! I WILL BE BETTER!!!!!
I WILL BE BETTER!!!!
It was just a dream! I've learned my lesson. Let's go out and throw away money!!!!!!

 

by Debaser
12-29-03
MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE, WOHOO!!!!
M-Mister Scrooge! I-I am sorry that I haven't payed back my loan but I promise that....
Keep the money! And here, take some thousands of gold-coins and give them to the poor!
But Mister Scrooge!
God bless you, Ebenezer Scrooge!
To Bob Crap, I mean Cratchit, and beyond!

 

by Debaser
12-29-03
DING DONG!!!!
Just a second!
BOB CRATCHIT!!!! I GIVE YOU A RAISE AND WANT YOU TO BE MY PARTNER AND HERE, TAKE SOME THOUSANDS OF GOLD-COINS!!!!
M-mister Scrooge!!!!
Merry christmas!!!!
Take it away, Tim!
Yay! Thank you Mr. Scrooge for givin' my dad money! Now I don't have to eat this shit anymore! God bless us, everyone!

 

by Debaser
12-30-03
Me and Abe have made a new boy-band called "The peach-boys".
Boy bands sucks!
Yeah but it's the only genre in these days that you can earn money in.
Yeah, cause the ones who listen to it is too fuckin' stupid to download music!
Yeah, but, MONEY!!!!
Yeah..

 

by Debaser
12-30-03
Hey girls.
Are you ready to be peached? One, two, three, four!
From outer space we gooo!
Straight in to your radiooo! Get ready to be peached, boys, cause here are the peach boys! Wee uh, uhu huh!
Oh fuck, this beats Justin Timberlake in suckin' ass!
Innnn our space-ship, we give ya your biggest trip! I'm Kennnn Y, comin' here, passin' by!
Woot, woot! Woot, woot! And this is A Be C Ool! Abe be cool, rule!! Wee hey hey!

 

by Debaser
12-30-03
I come from the record-company "Wizzity woop da poop" and I came here to offer the Peach Boys a contract!
We take it!
Your first gig on your world-tour is on the stage over there in 15 minutes!
Now I understand the posters that is everywhere.
We gave you an offer you couldn't refuse.

 

by Debaser
12-30-03
Come on Kennya are ya ready to be peached?!?
One, two, three, four!
We're sailooooors on a booooooaaat! We sail, for a livin', wee hee hey!
Weeeeeyaoohh! I am A Be C Ool and I ruuule, you can't beat me in saaaaaaiiliiiiin' a boooaaaaaaaatt!!
We sai hey heeeyyl, all day hay haaaayy.
Are ya peached allready, Kennya??

 

by Debaser
1-03-04
Aren't ya supposed to be on a tour with tha Peach-boys or somethin'?
Nah, the group split up. I'm gonna be an actor now!
An actor? Ya don't know anything 'bout actin'.
Yeah, I do! I was tha talkin' sunflower with a machine-gun that killed Alice in "Alice in Wonderland" in second grade.
I can't remembah that there was a talkin' sunflower with a machine-gun in that play. I don't remember that Alice died, either.
I improvised!

 

by Debaser
1-03-04
Casting for the role as Romeo in a new movie about Romeo and Juliet.
Juliet, oh, Juliet. Thee are so beautiful, Juliet.
Romeo, oh, Romeo, I can't marry thee.
IT'S BECAUSE I'M IN THIS WHEELCHAIR, RIGHT?!?
No, Mr. Dean. It's in the script. I don't think you're the right one for this role.
THAT'S BECAUSE I'M IN THIS WHEELCHAIR, RIGHT?!?
Yeah, and because your acting, SUCKS ASS!!!!

 

by Debaser
2-28-04
Where is all the people?
Hiding probably. I've declared war at USA.
WHAT?!? How stupid can you get?
I'm not stupid. The defence is the best thing we've got in this country and USA needs to be spanked!
But still, our defence sucks.
IT DOES NOT! Ol' Bill knows how to create a bomb out of a plastic-bag, flour and his stomach-medicine.

 

by Debaser
2-28-04
Kennya have declared war at the USA
So all the people have left the country?
Of course not, they could never do such a thing.
Yeah they could! Most of em' are bunch of chickens and the rest are smart enough to know that this country is doomed.
That's not what I meant.
Why are they still here then?
I've sent away all the boats so they can't leave.

 

by Debaser
3-02-04
I've surrended now.
Not a f*ckin' second too early, asshole! The hole country is a f*ckin' hole!
Yeah.... and we've got to get away from here now. USA have taken over the country. They are gonna test nuclear-bombs here.
Oh, f*ck! We can't go back to the USA, we're wanted in 45 states!
We're not goin' back to USA. We're gonna take over a country.

 

by Debaser
3-02-04
Kenny and Conny is escaping from Kennya.
Instead of trying to take over a country, can't we go to a country that we're not wanted in and live there in peace?
NO! They can take Kennya but they can't take, uhm....
.... your pride?
No, Germany!
Who the f*ck would like to have Germany?
I'm gonna rename it first. What's best; Kennymany or just Kennmany?

 

by Debaser
3-02-04
You can't be serious about taking over Germany.
Why not?
You haven't even got any weapons!
I brought some kind of weapon....
German in suit: Sir, a cat is throwing rocks at your castle. ************************ Upperclass german: Shut up! I'm listening to Kraftwerk.
Herr, eine Katze werfen Felsen an Ihre Burg.
Schließen Sie auf! Ich höre Kraftwerk zu.

 

by Debaser
3-02-04
What country are you going to attack now, asshole?
Sweden! They've got no good defence! They're neutral in war! Wa-ha-ha!!!! And this time I've got REAL weapons!
Little Swede: Excuse me, Your Higness. A cat is throwing kitchen-knifes at the castle. Swedish King: Send a JAS-plane at that fuckah!
Ursäkta mig, ers höghet. En katt står och kastar köksknivar på slottet.
Skicka ett JAS-plan på den fan!
Later....
That was one hell of a plane!
Crazy damn swedes.

 

by Debaser
3-02-04
I did a phone-call to George Bush.
And?
I bought Kennya back.
For how much?
I traded it for Sweden.
They deserve it.

 

by Debaser
3-02-04
Back in Kennya
Aah! I've missed you, Kennya!
Uhm, does the whole country look like this?
No. Just one fourth. One fourth are a cemetary, one fourth is a huge prison and one fourth is the good ol' Kennya that we're used to.
It will be expensive to clean this mess up.
It's a new country. We can take slaves to do that and they will probably be done by the time when the UN and shit starts to whine about the human rights and stuff.
Oh.... okay.

 

by Debaser
3-03-04
wtf?
LMAO
no, u r n0t, ffs.
fu 5147ch!
wtf?!?!?
LMAO

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