All comics by NastyPope

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by NastyPope
3-18-05
Howdy there pardners! This is Dubya wanting to speak to y'all about the blessings of having Jesus guiding and controlling yer life.
Jesus Christ there he goes again.
Why, I'm so full of faith I can't even wipe my own ass without consulting the good book. In fact God himself that told me to invade Iraq.
Great, another asshole who thinks God speaks to him directly. Might as well worship Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny.
I think the church is so important in our lives that we should turn over the goverment to the truly faithful and trust in their righteous ways.
Oh, right, I remember the last time the church held absolute power and it caused the FUCKING DARK AGES!!!

 

by NastyPope
5-07-05
I will fuck and suck every man in this bar if someone can tell me how much this bird weighs!
Ummmm.... 500 pounds?
Close enough mister!!!

 

Heeeeeeere Kitty Kitty....
by NastyPope, 5-07-05

 

Who was that on the phone, Mama?
That was just Tony Blair, Georgie-boy, he wants his yellow silk panties back.
by NastyPope, 5-12-05

 

by NastyPope
5-13-05
Gerald Ford
"A government big enough to give you everything_you_want is a government big enough to take from you everything you have."
Jimmy Carter
"If the misery of others leaves you indifferent and with no feeling of sorrow, then you cannot be called a human being."
Bill Clinton
I like fat chicks.

 

by NastyPope
5-15-05
Good ewening eweone, dis is Bawbawa Wawa wepoting wive fwom an undagwound nucweaw test site in nowth kowea. I am hewe with Ter Wi, spokespewson fow the People's Ministwy_of_Defense.
Coujou wepeat dat pwease.
Miss. Ter Wi, I must confess to being quite supwised at youw govewments invitation to come hewe.
Pawdon?
Hewe, in dis pwace where you pwan on iwwegawwy testing weal nucweaw weapons of incwedibwe destwuction.
Do you actuawwy speak engwish or is dis some sowt of cwuel joke?

 

by NastyPope
5-16-05
Wadda ya want, Chris?
Uh, heh, umm, Hi Butch, can I talk to you?
Alright, but make it quick.
Umm, well, uhh, I just thought that, being twin brothers and all, that maybe if I gave you these flowers you might, I dunno, be nicer.
Are you queer or are you just fucking with me?
*whimper* wuh - wuh -whichever answer won't get me mutilated.

 

by NastyPope
5-16-05
For ten years this dog has stayed by the grave of his long dead master. Why does he do this? Is it Karma or perhaps it is love that keeps him here?
What can such dedication_&_loyalty teach us of Buddah's ways? If only he could speak and enlighten me. It tears at me that I may die and never understand!
You really like tormenting that monk, don't you
Yup.

 

....tries daycare standup comedy.
... so I sez to em, "Only bad thing about eatin pussy here is the diaper rash."
by NastyPope, 5-16-05

 

by NastyPope
5-16-05
Don't look at the dog on the ball, Don't look at the dog on the ball, Don't look at the dog on the ball, Don't look at the dog on the ball,....
Hi Ruprict, I represent your grip on reality sliiiiiiipping awaaaaay.
Great, now it'll take forever to get over those five hits of acid.

 

by NastyPope
5-17-05
So, like, can I see it now? I'm gettin a bit woosey.
Sure, It's almost done.
Cool, daddy-o, nice 'like'ness. But whose the cat behind me?
Oh, that's the guy who paid me to spike your drink so he can rape you after you passout.

 

So Britney, how is being host to my spawn_progressing? Have they squirmed yet?
by NastyPope, 5-17-05

 
by NastyPope, 5-17-05

 

by NastyPope
5-17-05
Make allusions toward her girlfriends and family.
Perhaps mention that that blouse would look better on her roommate.
Mention her eating habits
I could let her know that a size 18 seems a little small...
Comment on Feminine Hygine.
Maybe I should tell her I can see the string...

 

by NastyPope
5-17-05
Scene One: Erectile Introduction
Now then Pants, just pretend it's a big piece of candy.
Scene Two: Graphite Violence
Not the Face, NOT THE FACE!!!!
Scene Three: Irritable Ballista Syndrome
Forsooth! I let fly my load too hastily.

 

by NastyPope
5-17-05
One time ma wife told me either stop watchin football and have sex with her or she'd kick me out and I'd be suckin dick for beer money.
Can ya believe that shit? I only had one thing ta say ta dat.
Where's my toothbrush?

 

Please God, if you only grant me one prayer then let Christopher Robin get gunned down in a drive by. As a teenager he's a total dick.
Yo Bitch, I got yer tootsie pop to lick right here.
by NastyPope, 5-17-05

 

by NastyPope
5-18-05
Yo Rabbit you cross dressing freak, where the fuck's Piglette?
I got one word for you Chrissy Slobin, LUAU.
Holy Shit, you killed em?
Well, He was still alive and thrashing around when we buried him with the hot coals.
That's fucked up, he always new where to score the best chronic.
You could always get some crank from that Tigger on the east side.

 

by NastyPope
5-18-05
I really hate studying, I mean really, whats the point? We should just burn the books.
You know, it's people like you, who fear knowledge and learning, who set civilization back a 1000 years and heralded the dark ages.
Really? How so?
Well, in the 1st century A.D. the Library_of_Alexandria, the greatest accumulation of knowledge of that age, was burned to the ground and its currator skinned alive with oyster shells.
Man. Skinned alive? I wonder what that must have been like.
It shucked.

 

Hey mister carpenter guy, what's wrong?
Oh, I just finished installing the new slushee machine and I didn't even get a chance to jerk off in it like I did with the ice cream maker.
by NastyPope, 5-18-05

 

by NastyPope
5-18-05
Mr Carpenter, is it true that AIDS originally came from apes?
Hrmmm, I don't see how...
Why?
.. cause I just banged your mom and I feel great!

 

by NastyPope
5-18-05
Oh lonesome clownfish
Waiting for the return of
Your anenome

 

*ding* You have Mail
Marvelous, that Potter kid wants to return another damaged broom. *sigh* It wouldn't be so bad if the handle didnt smell like shit.
by NastyPope, 5-18-05

 

by NastyPope
5-18-05
Are you looking at the Sun, Sis?
Yeah.
Why? You'll go blind.
That's the point, now I won't have to see that face you make when you molest me again tonight.

 

by NastyPope
5-18-05
I'm sorry Bobby but I just got the results back from your tests and it's not looking good.
Really? What does it say?
I'm afraid you have Lou Gherig's Disease.
Oh, my, GOD, thats Awesome!.
How can you possibly be happy about THAT?!?!?!
Duh, it means I'm going to be a famous baseball player!

 

"A6-D7 Knight takes rook, Checkmate." ...shit, I lost AGAIN!
by NastyPope, 5-18-05

 

by NastyPope
5-18-05
Prison Marraiges
Gives a false sense of hope he
Won't have to toss salad

 

by NastyPope
5-19-05
Oh, My, Gawd, look what you've done. We are so totally lost. I can't believe you did this to me. How could you get me lost?
Not lost enough, apparently.
What do you mean?
I can still hear you bitching.

 

Somewhere in Montana...
Gollllleeeee,_you_got fanmail all the way from New Zealand. Them foreign exchange students were mighty taken with ya.
by NastyPope, 5-19-05

 

by NastyPope
5-19-05
Chickens and Cows and Pigs, Oh My!
A half-calf mocha-chick-o
Milk the meter maid and pluck the stoolie

 

Is that rust? Have they been used before?
I like to think of it as 'pre-owened'
by NastyPope, 5-19-05

 

by NastyPope
5-19-05
Oh wonderous chair.
Sat upon by my true love.
Should I smell your seat?

 

by NastyPope
5-19-05
You summoned me my Lord?
I did, Pit Fiend, the Creator has commanded us to forge a special hell for spammers, virus writers, and Simon Cowell.
Sounds delightful, who is the headlining tormentor?
Ashlee Simpson, a capella.
Ack!!! Surely they cannot be worthy of that great a suffering?
I agree it is a bit extreme but this is Hell after all.

 
by NastyPope, 5-20-05

 

by NastyPope
5-20-05
Dude, have you seen Revenge of the Sith yet?
yeah, it was allright.
Allright, ALLRIGHT?!?!?! That was totally amazing!!! It was the best work Lucas has ever done. The effects were incredible, the fights amazing, body parts flying everywhere. What more do you want?
Acting would be nice. Hayden and Portman were like two manaquins dry humping. Not to mention better writing. I mean, sheesh, the wookies had the best lines.
Well, I guess you have a point except one thing. Ian McDiarmid totally ruled as Palpatine/Sidious.
O.k. you got me there, I'll admit when he truly revealed himself and began to dominate I felt a mighty tingle in the ol' lightsaber.

 

Just my luck, my horse just HAD to go and become the drummer for Spinal Tap.
by NastyPope, 5-20-05

 

by NastyPope
5-21-05
HOLY.....
Yes, Butch, It is I, Percival_Meriweather, and I have come back from the afterlife to avenge my death at your hands.
Wait a sec, you say I killed you, right? Well whats to stop me from killing you again? Do you have supernatural powers, a guardian like a crow or somethin?
No special abilities, just my WRATH FROM THE GRAVE!!!!
Oh Fiddlesticks.....

 

by NastyPope
5-21-05
Heil Hitler!
White Power!
Heil Hitler!
White P.... hold on, I'm Jewish!

 

... Black & White & Red all over.
by NastyPope, 5-21-05

 

by NastyPope
5-21-05
Howdy there, Cthulhu.
Greetings pathetic mortal.
I'm here to apply for the position of Deep One.
Very well. What qualifications and experience do you have?
I'm from a severely inbred family, I have a third nipple that is always oozing some sort of grayish pus, and I just had a quickie with my sister before I came down here.
Hrmmm, you sound a little over qualified.

 

President Bush continues to make an impression upon America's Minority populations.
by NastyPope, 5-21-05

 

by NastyPope
5-22-05
Good morning kids, I'm officer Freeman and this is officer Lewbowsky.
Mornin'.
We're here to talk about the dangers of illicit drug use.
That's right. Getting High can be a helluva lot of fun but you don't want to take a fist full of 'ludes and wake up next to a pre-operative transexual do you?
*whispering* Is it me or do these kids look like they're already on something?
*whispering* Perhaps they've just never seen police officers in person before.

 

by NastyPope
5-22-05
Boy with a pumpkin.
Sitting on a lighted stage.
Dreams of acting squashed.

 

Tension runs high between Russ the computer geek and Ubuntu the witch doctor.
Why are you looking at me like that?
Why you smell you finga in public?
by NastyPope, 5-22-05

 

by NastyPope
5-22-05
Oh, hello, who are you?
I'm Dr. Moreau and this is my Island paradise for special... lovely.... lovely animals like yourself.
You're a chicken fucker aren't you?
Yup

 

by NastyPope
5-23-05
Venerable Gram.
Should you quench your thirst or wait?
The answer Depends.

 

by NastyPope
5-23-05
*Knock Knock Knock*
Yeah, Who is it?
Hello sir, I'm from the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I was hoping I might share some scripture with you.
Allright, go ahead.
uhhhh, ummmm, I'm very sorry to have disturbed you sir. I didn't realize you are a midget.
The proper term is 'little person' and why should that make any difference?
Well, you see, it says right here in the book of mormon, that 'little people' can't be saved because they are really_the_devil's_imps. The stubby fingers and strange voice give it away.

 

Somewhere near the north pole...
You know, for an elf who wants to be a dentist, you've got a really hot ass.
Oh, come on Yukon Cornholeius, stop looking at my package. We have to save Adolph the Jew Hating Reindeer.
by NastyPope, 5-23-05

 

by NastyPope
5-24-05
Now then, how can I finally trap those miniature teenaged delinquents once and for all?
Ew cun gwib dem awksez
What was that? Speak up Hugo, don't talk with your mouth full.
*pop* I said you can give them access to the old communications shed and let them think they are calling for help, but in reality it will alert us!
Yes, yes, that should work well, My devious dwarf, now finish polishing my shrink ray. Ahhhhh....
Yewf matha.

 

by NastyPope
5-24-05
Mom's poodle is dead.
Dad's tire treads marked with blood.
Leg humping no more.

Showing page 3.

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