All comics by niteowl

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by niteowl
8-05-03
For years, cigarette companies have commited the most heinous crimes on the citizens of this planet.
Selling a product which is addictive, and DEADLY. From secret documents regarding targeting children in their ads, to putting in chemicals to get people hooked.
Remember...they are responsible for you starting and continuing to smoke! It's not your fault! YOU ARE THE VICTIM!

 

by niteowl
8-05-03
Brad gets the bill for SC.
"You are 76 GB over the monthly bandwidth alloted on your account. Total additional charges : $380."
Ah, fuck.
Brad takes action, zapping newbies who waste the bandwidth with chatspeak comics.
SC IS TEH SUCK :)
Next month...
"You are 2 GB over the monthly bandwidth alloted on your account. Total additional charges : $10."
Much better.

 

by niteowl
8-07-03
Sir, you just caused a 17 car accident. Are you drunk? How did this happen?
Well, there was this hot girl in a Camaro next to me with her top off and...

 

by niteowl
8-07-03
Jaws V. Or VI. Or something. Opening in theaters in the Summer of 2004.
You know, I am the last human being on Earth...once you eat me, then what?
They're cooking up some new movie ideas as we speak.
Jaws vs. The Fly! Coming in the Summer of 2005!
You're pretty fly for a white guy, Jeff.
Jaws in Space! Has he finally met his match? Find out in the Summer of 2006!
Prepare to be my dinner, puny alien.
Eat this.

 

by niteowl
8-07-03
Honey, we've been together for 3 years now. The 3 best years of my life. I love you so much.
Aw, I love you too baby!
I've been thinking a lot about our future. I want to be with you for the rest of my life, so I need to ask you something.
OH MY GOD! He's gonna ask me to marry him!
Are we ever going to have sex?

 

by niteowl
8-07-03
Hi Jerry, I'm here today to tell my boyfriend that I really have a penis and that I like to screw women and...
...I...I saw an alien once, and he came out of his spaceship and I... uh...gave him an anal probe...
...but then I ran out of K-Y and uh...um...Shit, I forgot the next line.
CUT! Take it from the top. AGAIN.

 

by niteowl
8-07-03
Hi! It appears you are trying to surf to sites at work with objectionable content. Click Here to close Internet Explorer and go back to work like a good little soldier.
Hi! It appears that you didn't close Internet Explorer before your boss got to your cubicle. Click Here to view a list of options for getting out of this jam.
Hi! It appears that your boss doesn't believe that you surfed to bigjugs.com by accident. Click Here to prepare for hari kari.

 

by niteowl
8-09-03
Hi! It appears that you are downloading mp3s illegally. Click Here for possible repercussions if you are caught.
Although...if you do not download songs and burn them, the companies who make blank CDs could lose a lot of money...
...and if you download one song from a CD and decide you'd like to buy the whole CD...hmm. Click Here to continue download!

 

by niteowl
8-09-03
Hi! It appears that you are about to experience a fatal program error. Hit any key to continue.
Just kidding! Click Here to continue.

 

by niteowl
8-09-03
Hi! It appears that it is a beautiful day outside, yet you are wasting the day away at this computer.
C'mon. Take a walk, or maybe a bike ride. Play some golf. Go fishing.
Shit...do have to?
Have you ever seen fire come shooting out of a monitor before? It's pretty impressive.

 

by niteowl
8-09-03
Hi It appears that the last comic you made at stripcreator.com was missing an "I" in the last panel.
You really do need to unplug, you know.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know.
Click Here to donate to SC so you can delete that comic!

 

by niteowl
8-09-03
Mr. President, what happened to all the flags that Americans were displaying on their cars and homes during the war?
That is a dumb question. Next...
But sir, it seems that Americans only fly the flag in times of "crisis" or when it is popular to do so.
What news outlet are you reporting for? I bet you're from CBS. You know, I have the power to shut you down for such un-american remarks.
We're from The Onion, an online satire site.
Hmmm. I heard you guys are funny, but I don't understand any of the jokes there.

 

by niteowl
8-09-03
God, I don't understand all this war stuff.
Me either. I wish you humans would just chill out.
Do you really talk to the President? He says you do.
NO.

 

by niteowl
8-10-03
Hi Doc. Glad you could see me today.
No problem Mike. So what's wrong?
I'm having a hard time falling asleep, but I don't want to use any kind of sleep aid, like Nytol or anything like that.
Hmm...you could try watching TV. Make sure you pick a really boring show to watch though. That seems to work for me.
Monday morning.
Wow, 8 hours of sleep! I just wish "The Restaurant" was on 7 days a week.

 

by niteowl
8-12-03
Hi dear.
Hi honey, guess what! They had a raffle at work and I won tickets to the Twins game tonight!
Really? Awesome!
Yeah, they're 5th row, I forget what section though. There's just one problem...
What?
I gave 'em away.

 

by niteowl
8-12-03
Hi! It appears that you are trying to play a CD using RealPlayer. Do you really want to use a subpar CD player? Might I suggest using Microsoft's Media Player?
Now close RealPlayer, and open Media Player. Do it. DO IT. What's that? You say you're not going to use Media Player? Fine you bitch.

 

by niteowl
8-13-03
"Philosophy...is a walk on the slippery rocks..."
Is that Edie Brickell? Whatever happened to her? She was kind of cute for a hippie.
Yeah it's her. She married Paul Simon and hasn't been heard from since.
Wow. Did she lose a bet?

 

by niteowl
8-14-03
And now, the nominees for "Most Destructive Prop To Humans". Contestants, why should you receive this award?
I'm fire. I burn and kill. A LOT.
Yo, I'm da BOMB. I have the capability to kill hundreds of thousands of people in one fell swoop! Recognize!
Hello. I'm a computer. Computers have destroyed 100,000 marriages by way of online dating services, and caused 300,000 men to lose their hair via tearing it out when they received a virus.
I'm a TV. I have 4 words for you. The Anna Nicole Show.
I think we have a winner!

 

by niteowl
8-14-03
Hey man, wanna go to Taco Bell? You can win free gas when you buy a drink.
Don't you think Taco Bell gives us enough gas already?

 

by niteowl
8-14-03
...the blackout on the East Coast has forced NYC mayor Michael Bloomberg to offer this advice in a statement about an hour ago...
"If you see a stranger stranded, offer them a ride."
In a totally un-related story, there have been 42 murders in New York City in the last hour.
Damn, this Bloomberg guy is good.

 

by niteowl
8-15-03
*cough*
*cough*
*cough* Ok, first question. *cough*
Mr. President, have you been eating pretzels?

 

by niteowl
8-15-03
Time for the magic word?
Yep.
Supercalifragalisticexpealidocious!
Supercalifragalisticexpealidocious! Yay! It worked! There's the stairs!

 

by niteowl
8-15-03
I'm done saying those 4 magic words.
You priss.
I'll say 'em for 10 dolla.

 

by niteowl
8-16-03
15 words or less?
Ha! I'm Dr. Pedantic and I'll babble incessantly if I...
HEY!

 

by niteowl
8-16-03
Trolls.
I SHOULD DONATE
ALL MY STRIPS WOULD BE COMPLIANT WITH CC205
:(
LOL

 

by niteowl
8-17-03
God, are you there? I need to talk to you. I have sinned. It has to do with an altar boy of mine.
Ok...what exactly did you do to him? Be honest now.
Nothing. I had sex with his mother. In the confessional booth.
Hello? Are you there?

 

by niteowl
8-17-03
Wow, Madden 2004 is a great game!
Yeah it is.
How far have you gotten in Mini-Camp mode? All I have left is the All-Madden level of Precision Passing!
Well, I just got it last week so I'm not very far.
So? I got it yesterday! So how many have you completed?
Only the Clutch Kicking. Pro level. And you can kiss my ass.

 

by niteowl
8-17-03
Hello, I'm from RIAA. We have received word that you currently have illegal mp3's on your computer. I'm here to check on this.
Ok, come on in.
You only have mp3's by 8 Seconds, Bourgeois Tagg, and Johnny Hates Jazz? I never heard of any of those bands.
They're semi-obscure one-hit wonder bands from the late 80's. Sadly, none of them are around anymore.
So am I going to be arrested?!?!?
No sir. We only prosecute those who have illegal mp3's of popular and current bands. Sorry to have bothered you.

 

by niteowl
8-17-03
RAARRR! I WOULD LIKE TO TALK ABOUT METALLICA. BACK IN THE OLD DAYS, THEY WROTE SONGS ABOUT GREED, CORRUPTION AND HOW "JUSTICE WAS CORNHOLED"...ER RAPED.
THEY LET PEOPLE TAPE THEIR LIVE SHOWS. THEY MADE A EP AND VIDEO WITH SET PRICES SO THEIR FANS WOULDN'T HAVE TO OVERPAY. NOW THEY'RE ONLY IN IT FOR THE MONEY.
ZAPPA IS ROLLING OVER IN HIS GRAVE RIGHT NOW.

 

by niteowl
8-17-03
"Hi! I'm Psycho from Totally Awesome Tattoos! Are you tired of those bare arms? Are you lacking in the piercing department?"
"Then it's time for you to express your INDIVIDUALITY by getting the barbed wire tat or eyebrow piercing that everyone else has!"
"Remember kids, normal people are boring. You don't want to be BORING, do you?"
Hell no!

 

by niteowl
8-19-03
How the blackout started.
We need gravitons generated.
Yes. Let's turn on the rotor turbines.

 

by niteowl
8-21-03
RAARRRR! SO YOU GRADUATED FROM COLLEGE, HUH PUNY HU-MAN?
HOW MANY PROFESSORS DID YOU LET CORNHOLE YOU TO GET THAT DEGREE?

 

by niteowl
8-24-03
1988.
So what did you think of Ray?
I hoped that you would've picked a boyfriend who didn't have all kinds of tattoos. He's a troublemaker isn't he?
1995.
So what did you think of Mike?
Too many tattoos. He's trouble. I don't like him.
Today.
So what did you think of Chad?
No tattoos? No piercings? What kind of freak is he?

 

by niteowl
8-24-03
1984.
Oh man, I just got the gnarliest computer yesterday, a Commodore 64! It's so awesome!
You totally suck! Only nerds use computers!
1996.
I finally got online!
Online? What's that?
Today.
So what are you doing after school?
I've got cheerleader practice, then gonna hit the mall and work on my website after that. Is your website up yet?

 

by niteowl
8-24-03
1985.
I'm a Dungeon Master!
HAHA! You geek!
1993.
Ever read The Hobbit?
Get away from me dork. Only dorks read books.
Today.
OMG! I can't wait for Lord of the Rings to come out on Tuesday!
I'm going to Best Buy at midnight Monday and wait in line to buy it!

 

by niteowl
8-24-03
1976.
So I was talking to this hottie on my CB radio. She sounded really sexy.
CB radio? HAHA!
1983.
So did you go to the bar last night?
Yeah, picked up this little tramp. She wanted breakfast this morning too, but I wasn't having any of that!
Today.
OMG! I met this really cool guy in Teen Chat last night!
Awesome! Did he email you a pic yet?

 

by niteowl
8-24-03
1990.
I bought one of those Geo Metros yesterday.
Cool, I bet it gets awesome gas mileage.
1995.
Dude. Just got a VW.
Sweet. Good gas mileage.
Today.
Fuck man, I just got a Range Rover with ALL the options! The gas mileage sucks too!
Excellent! Gas mileage is overrated anyways.

 

by niteowl
8-24-03
1984.
OMG! I love Duran Duran!
John is so hot!
1990.
OMG! I love New Kids On The Block!
Jordan is so hot!
Today.
OMG! I love Korn and Slipknot!
OMG! They're all so cute!

 

by niteowl
8-24-03
1980.
Welcome to Real People! Today we'll be featuring the woman who set the world record for eating the most hotdogs in 1 minute!
She's crazy!
1990.
And now it's time for Stupid Human Tricks! Our first contestant will attempt to drink 50 cans of Pepsi in 2 minutes!
How dumb can people be?
Today.
Next on Fear Factor. Sarah must drink the piss of all the other contestants to move on to the next round!
Awesome!

 

by niteowl
8-25-03
The 80's.
"Taking this medication may cause slight stomach upset."
The 90's.
"Taking this medication may cause nosebleeds and dizzyness."
Today.
"Taking this medication may cause cancer, internal bleeding, and heart disease."
At least my allergies will be under control.

 

by niteowl
8-25-03
The 70's.
"Today the Surgeon General issued a warning that smoking can cause cancer."
The 80's.
"Today the Surgeon General issued a warning that foods that are high in cholesterol can cause heart disease."
Today.
"Everything is bad for you. In fact, you'll probably die tomorrow. Sincerely Yours, The Surgeon General of the United States."

 

by niteowl
8-25-03
2001.
"Your payment for the month of April is 7 days late. We're sure it's just an oversight on your part. Please send payment as soon as possible. Sincerely Yours, Jane Doe, Account Manager."
2002.
"Your account is 5 days past due. If we do not receive payment within 3 days, you will receive a black mark on your credit record. Sincerely Yours, Jane Doe, Account Manager."
2003.
"YOU ARE 2 DAYS LATE! IF YOU DO NOT PAY UP WE WILL RAPE YOUR WIFE, EAT YOUR CHILDREN, AND BURN DOWN YOUR HOUSE! Sincerely Yours, Jane Doe, Account Manager."

 

by niteowl
8-27-03
Ok Doc, here's what you do...
Get yourself an ordinary carrot, like this one...
Then you open your mouth and suck on that bad boy. Be careful of the gag reflex though...
CUT! Mel, that was funny, but you are not Phoebe Cates...Ok?

 

by niteowl
9-05-03
Mr. President, with everything that's going on in the world today, I think it would be a good idea to lighten things up and ask what your favorite things are...
Well shoot, go ahead and ask then!
What is your favorite musical group?
The Spin Doctors.
Favorite movie?
Wag The Dog. Or Wall Street. That there Gordon Geico, or Geeko, whatever his name is...I'd love to have a drink with that guy.

 

by niteowl
9-05-03
March 2003.
The U. N. inspection team has requested that inspections continue for evidence of Weapons of Mass Destruction.
Unfortunately, we do not have time to continue inspections. The threat to world peace is too great and we must act now.
Today.
We need more time to look for the Weapons of Mass Destruction. Iraq is a big country, y'know.

 

by niteowl
9-05-03
Whoa.
What?
Look at the backgrounds of this comic...it looks like a French Flag!
HEY! You're supposed to substitute "Freedom" for "French"! It's called a FREEDOM FL...shit.
Flag?
Fuck you.

 

by niteowl
9-05-03
I'm sorry sir, but you cannot rent any more movies until you've returned the ones you already have checked out.
I just brought them back now. Go look in your drop box.
Um sir, those are movies from Hollywood video. We are Blockbuster. I can't rent to you until you bring OUR movies back.
Listen you cunt...I brought back movies, I don't care where they're from. Now give me my movies or I'll call your corporate office!

 

by niteowl
9-05-03
So Rush Limbaugh is going deaf...
Yep.
You know things are bad when your own ears start rejecting the bullshit you spew out.
Funny, I was thinking that he sure uses that voice box of his pretty liberally.

 

by niteowl
9-06-03
What did you do last night?
I watched Squirrels Gone Wild. Hot babes man, hot babes.
WOOOOOOOOO!
You know, that looks like...HOLY SHIT!
How could you? My own daughter in a Girls Gone Wild video!
Why are you so mad, Dad? Do I look fat in it?

 

by niteowl
9-14-03
Alright low life, what's your name?
I'm the King Of Pain, I'm Demolition Man!
Very funny. Are you the one who wrecked Miss Gradenko's mailbox?
Bombs Away!
Ok kid, I'm taking you in and calling your mother.
No officer...please don't! She'll just give me a sermon!

Showing page 3.

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