All comics by not_Scyess

Profile

 

by not_Scyess
3-31-03
Hello?
'allo! Is Jezus in trouble? 'ow can I 'alp?
What you should be asking is how you can help yourself, with the new-and-improved RONCO FEMUR MASSAGER --
Ach! Damned telemarketeurs! **CLICK** At least this means Jezus is steel okhay...
Meanwhile
Want to see me fire lasers from my eyes?
Um, yeah... maybe if you weren't staring at my crotch...

 

by not_Scyess
4-02-03
You know that Rolling Stones song, that country-sounding one about "the girl with the faraway eyes"?
Yeah, I think I remember that tune, haven't heard it in a while.
So, like, where are her eyes? Peru? New Guinea? And does she look like Orphan Annie, or what?
You are SUCH a friggin' racist, dude.
Oh, bite me, you... you... prime target for American militias during the Revolutionary War!

 

by not_Scyess
4-10-03
Kaufman meets with President Bush in early 2003.
Yep. I'm thinkin' we should attack Iraq.
A rack of what? A rack of lamb? That should be a pretty easy target.
Late March, 2003, Iraq
Yesterday
Haven't you ever heard of a pun?
Oh, yep. That's when they've got too much yardage to gain in the 4th down so they decide to kick.

 

by not_Scyess
4-10-03
What if he pronounced it differently?
Yep. I'm thinkin' we should attack Iraq.
Attack a rock? That sounds painful; don't use your bare hands.
Not much difference, I guess.
Haven't you ever heard of a pun?
Sure! Didn't you hear my press conference? "We unleash our righteous fury apun this ruthless dictator."

 

by not_Scyess
4-10-03
In yet another alternate reality...
Yep. I'm thinkin' we should attack France.
You probably shouldn't do that.
Moments later, in France
Wait a minute... I sense there was supposed to be a pun here somewhere...
A pun? You mean one of those things you tie around yourself so you don't get food on yourself while barbequing?

 

by not_Scyess
4-15-03
FORUMS! Take a moment and read sum of the forum messages you do not lose a turn or pay any money.
But if you felt the urge to correct the spelling and/or grammar on this square, lose a turn and pay $50.
Curses!
DONATION! Draw a Donation Card and pay Brad the indicated amount.
Yes!
NEWBIE COMIC! Loose a turn trying to understand the joke, which seems to have been written by a very stoned 14-year-old.
PWNED!
OMFG! YOU ARE ON FIER! ROFLOLOLOL

 

by not_Scyess
4-15-03
ONE NOTE CHARACTERS! Advance one square.
You are playing a board game!
That reminds me... what's the country code for Albania? I don't know what time it is.
TOBOR CORNHOLES YOU. Advance one square ahead, projected by his enormous metal phallus.
RAAAR!!
YOUR FACE HERE
INESCAPEABLE INFINITELY RECYCLED IN-JOKE CONTINUUM. Go back two squares.
SOMEBODY SET US UP THE BOMB.
YOU HAVE NO CHANCE TO SURVIVE MAKE YOUR TIME.

 

by not_Scyess
4-15-03
PRES. BUSH SAYS SOMETHING STUPID! Make an easy comic out of it and collect $10.
Mr. President, the Canadian ambassidor demands an apology for your statements today.
I don't care! I still say it's not another country.
BISCUIT GAME! Play the biscuit game with the 2 players closest to your piece. The loser rolls the die and goes back that many places.
This isn't snow; it's a very close-up view of the biscuit.
MAKE A COMIC! Remember back when you actually did that? Well, make one now or lose a turn.

 

by not_Scyess
4-15-03
CATCHPHRASE! Draw a catchphrase from the Catchphrase deck. Whenever anyone uses that phrase, collect $5.
SCROE!
DEE COCK!
NEW ART! Draw a Donation card and pay Brad the indicated amount.
DRUNKEN MEN WITHOUT PANTS! Do nothing. Unless this sort of thing excites you.
I don't know about you, but I'm excited.
Oh, aye!

 

by not_Scyess
4-15-03
COMIC COMPETITION! Draw a card from the CC deck and make a comic which complies with the rules or lose a turn.
JALE: Go her if yor caught rapping. Lose three terns.
NALED BY ESCAPED JALEBURD! Cut the value of your next die roll in half.

 

by not_Scyess
4-16-03
HAIKU! Some dork decides he / Likes haikus. Lose a turn till / This dumb fad passes.
Wet moss on the old / stone path-flat on my back, I / ponder whom to sue.
Shut up shut up SHUT UP!
BOINKY33! Make 30 comics in 30 seconds. They don't have to be funny. But gain 20 funny points in the process.
Panel 1: "Why did the chicken cross the road?" Panel 3: "You dumbass!" Haha! I love it.
GRAVITRONS! Max returns and sees everyone on the site has been worshiping his comic for years. All players pay him $10.
I am as a god!
What the fuck are you talking about?

 

by not_Scyess
4-17-03
INTERVIEW! Accidentally mention your comics on your CV. Bleed $5 each turn until you can get a real job.
So, how much of your work day do you think you dedicate to pedophilia?
Fuck.
DOWNTIME! Roll an extra turn and gain $25 for productive time you otherwise would have wasted on stripcreator.com
Hm... I guess what the server need wasn't "more coffee."
CONVENTION! Stripcreators meet in real life. Lose a turn for humiliation and every turn thereafter until you can become more interesting in real life.
TOBOR WILL... um... I have nothing to talk about.

 

by not_Scyess
6-01-03
COWER, MORTAL! For I will end the world with my powers of ULTIMATE DOOM!
Hey, cool.
Listen, I gotta go. Good luck with that doom thing.
Dang... did I forget to say the "cower, mortal" part or what?

 

by not_Scyess
6-02-03
COWER, MORTAL! For I will end the world with my powers of ULTIMATE DOOM!
Haha! That's so cute.
"cute"?!
Hey, Lenny! Come here and look at this!
It's because I'm a squirrel, isn't it?
Oh, great, rodentia. I needed to come over and see this.

 

by not_Scyess
6-02-03
COWER, MORTAL! For I will end the world with my powers of ULTIMATE DOOM!
Why can a squirrel talk?
That's IT! I'm sick of your patronizing crap. The world ends NOW!
GAH!
400 years later.
Damn am I bored...

 

by not_Scyess
6-21-03
Remember that time we got amnesia?
Nope.
So what were you saying?
Oh, was I saying something?

 

by not_Scyess
6-22-03
Dear Diary: Tonight is my 29th! I'm going to party my ass off!
What're you doing? Fuck the piledriver, hit him with the chair! THE CHAIR!!!
Oh my god, you totally knocked that putt right into the windmill.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I AM going back for fourths on the salad bar!
Dear diary: This was the most exciting night of my life. ...which is why I have decided it's long past time I put those cyanide pills to good use. That and the fact I'm 29 and keep a diary.

 

by not_Scyess
7-07-03
Hello, welcome to our instructional video on how to tell if your child is on drugs. I'm Doug, and this is my assistant, Donna.
Um, Donna?
I'm sorry Doug, I'll be with you as soon as I get my eyeballs off the ceiling.
Well, folks, it looks like Donna mistook the visual aides for hor d'oeuvres again.

 

by not_Scyess
7-07-03
Hi! I, and angel of the lord, would like to talk to you about Jesus Christ!
You know, I can tell those wings are fake even from here.
True. But the sword is real.
...not that there's anything wrong with fake wings.

 

by not_Scyess
7-09-03

 

by not_Scyess
7-09-03

 

by not_Scyess
7-09-03

 

by not_Scyess
7-09-03

 

by not_Scyess
7-09-03

 

by not_Scyess
7-09-03

 

by not_Scyess
7-09-03

 

by not_Scyess
8-17-03
I haven't seen you in a while. What've you been up to?
Well, you know that cute girl I saw across the room at the movie theater last month? I've been stalking her, trying to get a better look and more information.
You're kidding.
Nope. I've gone through her trash; I've seiged her house; I've masturbated with the panties I stole from her drawer.
Wow. I thought that was your mom.
Yeah. You couldn't've told me this last month?

 

by not_Scyess
10-02-03
I seem to have dropped my beer.

 

by not_Scyess
10-02-03
I'm not afraid of you, you know. That's just an old myth.
Global warming! North Korea and Iran with nuclear weapons! America's budget deficit will bankrupt the country in twenty years, causing international chaos!
AIDS is spreading! SARS could come back any minute! The FDA's approval process takes so long that by the time drugs are available to fight these epidemics, everyone will already be dead!
There's a lot of truth in those old myths.
Racial tensions! Urban sprawl! The Patriot Act! Love Boat Reruns! Anna Nicole Smith!

 

by not_Scyess
10-02-03
Care for a bit of a scratch?
Indubitably.
That wooden floor board looks promising.
Quite.
Perhaps next time you will be so good as to use your claws, instead of a chainsaw.
Indeed.

 

by not_Scyess
11-11-03
Hey, Clem. Baldness cure?
Don't mind if I do!
Dagnabbit. You're not supposed to drink it all at once.
Where did this bone come from?

 

by not_Scyess
11-15-03
So, Doc... what's the diagnosis?
Well, it seems to me like it would do you good to go out and get laid.
No shit! But I think I'm destined to die a virgin.
I'm going to write you a perscription for rohypnol.

 

by not_Scyess
12-16-03
Um...
Can I help you?
You done with that?
Yeah. FOREVER.

 

by not_Scyess
12-16-03
Sir, are you trying to sneak a bag of tear gas onto the plane?
Nope. It's just scotch, I swear.
I don't think you're really a pilot.
Well, I don't think that cavity search was supposed to take 45 minutes.

 

by not_Scyess
1-21-04
Doo'! Don't be sizzlin' my drizzle, yo.
STOP RIGHT THERE!
'sup?
I'm going to have to site you for improper gang slang. "Sizzle" and "drizzle" are actually words.
Don' be dazzlin' yo' muzzle puzzle at me, fo' nozzle.
NO NO NO!

 

by not_Scyess
2-03-04
You know, there's more to life than downloading dirty pictures from the Internet.
You're not suggesting I pay for porn, are you?
Oh, hell no. But don't forget about the MP3s.
You know, it's really hard to wank it with you standing right there.

 

by not_Scyess
6-20-04
You scrawny bastard. I'm going to kick the shit out of you.
Don't make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry.
Jerk off.
GGRRRAAAAAHHHH!!!
You're right. When you're angry, your conversation goes to shit.
GGRRAAAA... aaaawwww.

 

by not_Scyess
11-06-04
I guess I could suck my toes. Or maybe try to crawl some.
Nah.

 

by not_Scyess
11-13-04
Dang... why am I always the one with the smallest pecker?

 

by not_Scyess
11-13-04
We're going to freeze you for 800 years. When you awake, the world will be a better place.
Good news. You woke up just in time for the 200th consecutive inauguration of a Bush into the white house.
Great. I think I just wasted $5000.

 

by not_Scyess
11-18-04
I have a horrible feeling of penetrating doom...
I feel that great hardship will sneak up on me from behind, and enter the very core of my being, injecting sticky complications into my life!
Look out! Don't sit on chair; there's a tack on it!
Oh! Thank you, Father O'Toole! That would've hurt!

 

by not_Scyess
11-27-04
Welcome to the moon!
My name is Ritz, and I'll be your host for the evening.
This is Lt. Reginald to base... Are you sure you know how to tell the oxygen tanks from the nitrous oxide tanks? Over.
Would you mind terribly if I knawed at your legs? Don't mind if I do!

 

by not_Scyess
11-30-04
...and I like the product so much, I bought the company!
You ass. It would've been cheaper just to buy the product.
Actually, the company was free with the mail-in rebate.
Ah.

 

by not_Scyess
12-02-04
Pie is calling me... and my stomach is answering the call!
Wow.
Do any of your other body parts talk to inanimate objects?
You are such an ass.
Hold that thought... my adrenal gland has a coaster on line 12.

 

by not_Scyess
12-06-04
Kids, always remember the advice my father gave me on his deathbed...
Whatever you do, son, never, ever procrastinate.
I only wish he'd told me sooner.

 

by not_Scyess
12-06-04
The following public service announcement is brought to you by the Rotary Club.
Hi, parents. It's already December. Do you have enough nuts stored up for the winter?
My mistake. Apparently, we are now being sponsored by the Rodentia Club.

 

by not_Scyess
12-11-04
I can't belive we're a party to this atrocity!
You're right. Soldiers or not, we should't support all this death.
I hearby declare a WALK OUT!
You couldn't've decided this fifteen fucking minutes ago?

 

by not_Scyess
12-16-04
I was a good student, until I took sex-ed in 8th grade.
I've never worked so hard in a class! But I couldn't land the top grade.
Why not?
Despite all my after-school projects, I never made anything but bees.
Yeah. I really laid an egg in that class, too.

 

by not_Scyess
12-23-04
Let's have a house party! We'll invite all our friends, and have kegs, and... and...
Why aren't you looking wildly excited?
You're forgetting something...
Ah, shit! These comics can only hold two characters per panel!
...and this is the only expression I have.

 

by not_Scyess
12-24-04
I hope you enjoyed the dinner, my dear.
Oh Neal... This has been such a romantic Christmas night. You shouldn't have!
I'm afraid I should have... Because tonight is the night I must tell you my dark secret!
Fuck. They never stick around for the dark secret.

Showing page 3.

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