All comics by AngryAmerican

Profile

 

by AngryAmerican
10-12-06
Then I would bring up the song 'everybody wants to be a rockstar'. Ya fucked up there, Chad. That song makes me want to do CRAZY things, ya know? i hate it THAT much...
blumph mmmummmphummm, hugggnnn ahhhhhhhhmummmph!!!!
Well spoken! Next I'll stretch your scrotum over a scorpion tank then annoy the crap out of those little bastards.
AAiiiieeeee! mummpph-blargle!
Your sack will look like an albino bat wing stretched over a blood red pumpkin! Its gonna smart a bit, but I won't let it kill you. You're not allergic to scorpion venom, are you?
Arrrghhhh, kckkkk, slffffft!

 

by AngryAmerican
10-12-06
You get the idea, right?
BLEEEEEARGHHHHH!
Shoulda thought of that before you wrote those ultra-vapid lyrics.
Argh, mummph, kafffffitttt!
This is a special time for me Chad.
AAAIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEE!!!

 

by AngryAmerican
10-20-06
How do I go about obtaining a VIP champagne room for my buddy. Its his bachelor party and I'm his best man.
I can help you with that, sir. What exactly did you have in mind?
Well I was thinkin of me and him and maybe 3 or 4 str......HEY! Why'd you hit me?!?
You were about to use the "S" word. We don't have those here, we have 'adult entertainers'.
Well you didn't have to....OW! WHY THE FUCK DID YOU HIT ME AGAIN?
Because I don't like you and my floor host sense tells me you're not going to tip me.

 

by AngryAmerican
10-20-06
Did you hear about the study that says men can be straight if they 'apply themselves'?
What's 'straight' mean?
It means you only rape women.
Well, anything that is smaller than me or can't outrun me is female in my book.
That explains all the pits and snares around your steading...
Anything not smart enough to avoid a trap is female too.

 

by AngryAmerican
11-02-06
Fuck all y'all!
I beg your pardon?
Yeah, that's right. I said it. Fuck y'all. Hmmmm.
Ummm...
I'M STANDING IN PISS AND MY DICK IS IN A BAG OF WHITE CHEDDAR CHEETOS!
That's great Son. Now make Daddy proud and get him a #2, large with onion rings. That's a good boy.

 

by AngryAmerican
11-02-06
I STYLE MY PUBIC HAIR WITH THE SPECIAL SAUCE! WOULD YOU LIKE SALT WITH YOUR BRA, MUPPET?
Take your meds, Billy.
I'M WORKING HARD ON IMPROVING MY TOILET PAPER AIM SIR! I'M NOT ONE TO GET LICKED BY MY OWN ASS!
You get better everyday, too.
IF I WERE A STORMTROOPER I'D STUFF CHICKEN FINGERS IN MY CODPIECE, MOM!
That's nice Son. Now get your ole Dad some more coffee.

 

by AngryAmerican
11-02-06
MR. DAWES THE MANAGER SAID ITS OK FOR ME TO TOUCH MY BAD PLACE AS LONG AS HE'S WATCHING, RIGHT MR. DAWES?
That's nice Billy....
HIWELCOMETOTHE BEEFBINHOWCANIHELP YOUTODAYBROWNSKINNED PERSON?
ummmmm...
HOW ABOUT A OPEN FACED CHEESE SPECIAL WITH A DETAILED IMPRINT OF MY EXTERIOR SCROTAL ANOMALIES?

 

by AngryAmerican
11-04-06
I LIKE BLINKY RED LIGHTS!
I like german altar boys with smooth, sour balls.
I like Kevin Sorbo in a thong woven from clam shells and human hair.
I like it when my aardvark Sally licks fire ants off the opening of my abdominal shunt.
Sometimes i throw myself down flights of stairs and fanatasize that Al Pacino beat my skank ass cuz i've been a bad hooker.
I often flog my naughty bits thinking about rocket ships and android women in silver helmets. Want some jello?

 

by AngryAmerican
12-07-06
Oi mate, your kangaroo has the worst case of priapism I've ever seen!
Crikey! What's priapism?
Its the most painful, persistent and diabolical erection you've evah had mate! And your 'roo's got it in spades!
Do everything ya can doc! Money's not an issue!
Nurse! I'll need some meth amphetamine, a case of crackers, some peanut butter and four nursing basset hounds! Stat!
I'd like to watch....if that's OK....?

 

by AngryAmerican
12-07-06
I'm sorry to mate, but yer koala didn't make it.
Dear God, wha happened to it?
Well, i had woven a jockstrap from eucalyptus leaves, OK, and the bloody thing just LEAPED INTO MY MAKESHIFT MAN-SLING....
I don't like where this's goin....
....and it somehow got accidentally impaled on my INSANELY HARD manhood.
Goddamn city doctors...

 

by AngryAmerican
12-10-06
The Human Race Will Be Quite Sophisticated In The Year 2007 With The Creation Of Vast COM-PUT-ER Networks Containing The Collected Knowledge Of All Mankind!
Google search: double fisted slut nuns.
Yes! With Just A Click Of A Button, The Entirety Of Man's Learnings Will Be At Your Fingertips!
Wow. That's sick. Dude, try german pyro-necro-beastiality!
"a...l...i...t...y.......Whoa. That's fucked up.
And Everyone Will Have A Hover-Car!
Try: Clown, Marmoset, Anal.
c.....l.....o.....w.....

 

by AngryAmerican
12-17-06
i love the new backgrounds.
as do i!
with so many new wonderful backgrounds we can go anywhere in the world we want to!
its a new magical journey with every comic! Yay!
Ooooh! here we can make believe we're filthy Thai hookers who may or may not have razor blades in our vaginas! Yay!
Hee-hee! we might cut your wang!

 

by AngryAmerican
12-27-06
IN THE AMAZING FUTURE, PEOPLE WILL LIVE IN COLONIES ON THE MOON!
Basketball's still around, and every player is a clone of Michael Jordan.
Earthling live in peace and harmony with alien races, like mexicans!
VIRTUAL REALITY GEAR WILL BE SMALL ENOUGH TO PLACE IN CONTACT LENSES!
Video games will be so realistic, kids will no longer be able to tell the real world from fantasy.
Leading to catastrophic death tolls.
AND EVERYONE WILL DRIVE A HOVERCRAFT!
Mine's a Dodge, the only american auto maker left.
I have a hyundai.

 

by AngryAmerican
1-29-07
I still don't understand why you pulled me over officer.
I have reason to believe you're sober maam.
Since when is driving sober against the law young man?
Since about 10 yesterday morning maam. Please blow into this for me.
I'm confused.....
Is officer Brady gonna have to choke a bitch?

 

by AngryAmerican
2-03-07
I think its really cool the boss let us dress up like our WoW characters for 'creative casual Friday'.
Yeah it totally rocks! I feel more comfortable in my costume than i do in regular clothes!
I was contemplating doing a difficult mission during lunch break.
Really? Which one?
I was thinking about storming the 'dark' Mcdonalds across the street, and ordering a Mcnigger burger.
Ooh, can i go along? I can heal you!

 

by AngryAmerican
2-03-07
Oh god. Don't look now but there's a family of humans moving in next door.
Christ, you just can't move far enough away, ya know? They're the whole reason we moved out of the volcano district.
Tell me about it. We used to live in this nice neighborhood with clean, neat little caves and a great school system, and the next thing you know there's pictures of antelopes all over everything!
Fucking savages.
Really makes you wish you were a carnivore, ya know?
I'll still trample the fuck out of them if they walk on my lawn.

 

by AngryAmerican
4-05-07
How insulting! I will commence to lob manure post haste!
Oh do give a chap a moment...
Jolly good. Carry on.

 

by AngryAmerican
4-25-07
Wow Leroy! You can take a piss no handed huh?
Yup. My johnson's large and dangly. Just got to free it and pee it ya know.
should i say it? Will he take it the wrong way?
I just know this idiot's gonna make some kinda remark about my dick.
So i guess its true that black men do have enormous penises.
I'm black?

 

by AngryAmerican
4-25-07
So we're dead huh?
Yup. Those English longbows really suck.
Well at least we made it into Vahalla. I was a bit worried about that with us being killed from a distance and all.
Well, it WAS a battle. I've always been told you have to be killed in battle, no one ever said how you got killed in battle...
Ha! That's the last time I'll try to rape a wench while the battle's still raging.
I think thats the last time you'll rape anything.

 

by AngryAmerican
4-25-07
Dammit Olaf! Those pillage reports were due on my desk two hours ago! And where is the raiding season prospectus i asked for last Friday?
Cmon Olaf, think happy thoughts. You promised Ana you wouldn't kill any more supervisors...
Come to think of it I never got the cost benefit analysis for the proposed sack of Dublin either! WHY ARE YOU HERE!? YOU BRING NOTHING TO THE TEAM!! NOTHING!!
I am an ocean of calm. I am a gentle breeze caressing the fjords on a perfect summer day.
GOD DAMMIT! I TOLD THE HEAD OFFICE NOT TO HIRE ANYMORE DAMN USELESS SWEDES! ITS LIKE WORKING WITH MONKEYS! OR TROLLS! YEAH TROLLS!!
OK then. Where DID i put that axe?

 

by AngryAmerican
4-25-07
Dr. Pembroke, the fortune of our temple is karmically linked to the life of our panda. Can you save him?
I'm not sure Master Po. He seems to be suffering from an abcessed libido. Its a very serious problem with dire consequences if the treatment doesn't prove effective.
We place our trust and the future of our temple in your venerated hands, Dr. Pembroke. May Buddha smile upon you.
And you've provided the supplies i require?
Errr...most of them. A two pound tub of KY jelly, a thong woven from bamboo fiber and twenty tablets of Ecstasy. We could not obtain any 'panda plushie' porn.
Damn! My trusty inflatable love koala will have to do then

 

by AngryAmerican
5-24-07
Captain Tetanus and Gotherella, Scourge of the Pretty Much Everything
MMfffMmm Mmuummpphfhf!
Whatever.
Professor Holstein, Bovine Supragenius, and Malodor: Combat Buttplug
I say, Moo.
DROP YOUR BUTTOCK COVERINGS. YOU HAVE 5 SECONDS TO COMPLY.
Ploosh, Tiny Robot With No Discernable Powers and, Wendall: Attorney Of Wrath
Hi!
You will pay for this.

 

by AngryAmerican
5-26-07
Le Infante: French crimefighter notorious for his ultra violent tactics, and Bodhi Prime: Angry Space Buddhist
Its slobbering time!
I hope you're reincarnated as a colon parasite.
TOBOR The Anal Avenger and Equus, The Downs Syndrome Centaur
RAWWRRRR! RAPED IN THE NICK OF TIME!
I love socks!
Cynikal the Ambivalent and The Quasi Amazing Dr. Tiki
Go ahead, rob a bank. We're all going to die anyway. Asshole.
I have exploding pineapples.

 

by AngryAmerican
5-27-07
Professor Zonkers: Intellectual Non Child Molesting Clown Crimefighter and, Captain Whippit
Break the law and you'll find the taste of this custard pie is quite bitter
WHA-WA-WA-WA-WA
La Cucaracha, Nocturnal Mexican Superhero and Omega Bulge, Gay Pornstar Turned Enemy of Evildoers Everywhere
Si.
I shall violate evil!
The Stupendous Glob and The Choirboy, Avenger of The Confessional Booths
GLOB NO LIKE BIG WORDS! GLOB SMASH STUFF!
I'll teach those evil priests to keep their hands of supple asses everywhere!

 

by AngryAmerican
6-05-07
Jesus: King of the Jews and Mr. Schizo, Defender of the Paranoid
Hey, I fucking tried OK? You try combatting evil with kind words and loaves of bread.
...and then I said f-f-f--fuck you evil dog a-a-a-a-and then it hit me like a two ton heavy thing. I like salads.
The Klansman, Lyncher of Justice and The Snail: Mucal Avenger
YEEE-HAW!! Hang em high, boys! That'll learn em not ta sleep with white wimmin!
If I could just find a criminal who doesn't know about the salt thing...
Liam and Patrick, Middle Aged Irish Alcoholic Ninjas
Go fuck yerself Patty, i told ye Mary's schmy girl!
*hic* Yer girl is she now? We'll just see about that ya great thieven scallywag!

 

by AngryAmerican
7-07-07
Hi Angry, its a pleasure to finally meet you.
Um...yeah. Why are we meeting in the basement?
Well let's just say that this is an informal meeting. You know, kind of testing the waters.
But you claim to represent a major clothing retailer that's interested in buying my shirt company. Shouldn't you have an office?
I should Angry, I really should.

 

by AngryAmerican
7-07-07
So anyway, we're really pumped about your line of shirts. They're edgy and offensive and undeniably unique.
Yup. That's what i had in mind. But enough suckling of my O-ring. I know you like em or we wouldn't be having this meeting. In a basement.
Right you are! Well we kind of hoped you'd be willing to tone them down a bit. Maybe make them a tad more....mainstream.
What did you just say to me?
Um...mainstream?
If you think I'll sacrifice my integrity for some soulless corporation to exploit, then you are seriously mistaken.

 

Did I mention that we're prepared to pay you 3.5 million dollars for your company?
Is "I'm With Stupid" mainstream enough for ya?
by AngryAmerican, 7-07-07

 

by AngryAmerican
9-08-07
rrrrrrr
Holy shit man! A zombie!
Naw man, calm down, I'm just a punk...
What!? A punk!?
I'm the lonliest little punk ever.
Damn! I knew I should've brought my rape kit with me.

 

by AngryAmerican
9-19-07
Hey, how are you breating?
Well its definitely not a genetis deformation that allows me to have gills if that's what you were thinking. Stopstaringatmynonexistentfreakgillsandlookatthatsunkenship!
Jesus jumpin Christ! Is that Rosie O'Donnell being attacked by a giant squid!?
Nah. Its a narwhale. But they look remarkably similar...
Eh. What a let down. Come on, let's go Tijuana and get some blow.
Sweet. I'll suck off some cartel guys to save us some cash!

 

by AngryAmerican
9-24-07
Dude you're not gonna believe this but i woke up this morning and discovered i can fly!
Then why the hell are you still here? I woulda quit and become an international sensation.
I'm afraid of flying.
you suck.

 

by AngryAmerican
10-03-07
The celebrated SC comedy team of Ting and Ling skyrocketed to fame and fortune in the early 80's, dominating the world stage with their outrageous comedic stylings.
I are funny asian girl!
As are I!
But success came with a heavy price. Wild spending sprees, lavish lesbian orgies, month long drug binges and alcoholism took their toll.
Cmon, let's get some shit! I just need something to take the edge off...
I can't do this anymore
Tragically on May 4th, 1989, in a crack induced psychosis, Ting brutally slays Ling with a boxcutter in an NYC alley in an argument over drugs.
's my rock, bitch.

 

by AngryAmerican
10-04-07
The story of Olaf and Sven, beloved stars of the hit Stripcreator series 'Vikings!' is a sad commentary on the high price of success.
I still can't believe they canceled our show.
I can't actually think of anything because I'm dead.
Using his enormous earnings and fame from the show, Sven opened a chain of general store/taverns called Sven's Bargain Pillage and Eatery. He died from mead poisoning years later.
Olaf was discovered to be a pedophile and was driven from Norway. He settled in Finland and now herds reindeer. And occasionally fondles boys.

 

by AngryAmerican
10-12-07
Wow, Young Scot. i can't believe Brad would lure us onto a zombie infested island.
I doon't know Biped, he's in here wit teh rest of us. Do you really think he planned it all aloong?
I wouldn't put it past him. For all his seeming folky good naturedness, he's kinda an evil fuck. He already killed AngryAmerican ya know...
He did!?
Yeah, Angry arrived here drunk, declared all the booze was his once the zombies appeared, and Brad just shot him right in his stupid face. Just like that.
Bloody hell! I'd a shot too him if I'da knoown that!

 

by AngryAmerican
11-14-07
Remember how good those Girl Scout cookies were?
I masturbate thinking of microwave warmed Samoans...
HOLY FUCK! I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW LOUD THAT CHAINSAW IS! YEE-HA! CUT THEM LITTLE BITCHES UP!
Goddamn I love Thin Mints...
I love severed labia wedged between 2 Trefoils

 

by AngryAmerican
11-16-07
Why are you always so grumpy at Christmas time Grandpa?
Because Tommy, Christmas is a big crap sandwich served with a side of swollen prostrate.
Aww cmon Grandpa, Christmas is great! You get presents, a huge dinner, and Mom usually lets me have a glass of schnapps!
Soft! You kids have it soft! Christmas didn't always used to be so damn happy go lucky and have another damn cookie while you're at it.
For dramatic effect, picture the light dimming and various sinsiter shadows forming on Abe's face. thanks.
It didn't?
No Tommy it damn well didn't!

 

by AngryAmerican
11-16-07
Back in my day Christmas was the day when we were sent out into the woods at night all alone to "find our presents".
After we'd been mauled by various forest creatures, we would be forced to eat our socks and burlap underwear just to stay alive...
And we'd be lost until Spring, having lived off pinecones and our own feces, emcrusted in filth and blood...

 

by AngryAmerican
11-16-07
That was Christmas. If it didn't kill ya, it made ya stronger.
...Um...Ohh-kaayyyy. Did you ever meet Santa?
Unfortunately for me Tommy, I did. That's why I walk funny to this day. Course he looked a lot different back then...
HO HO HO Little boy! Time to fill that stocking!

 

by AngryAmerican
12-17-07
Mummph mummff gobbff cluff?
*click click clickty-click*
Oonnnffft?
*click*
Haf haf haf haf!
*clickity!*

 

by AngryAmerican
1-28-08
Quantity Over Quality Fairy, help me! I want to make more comics! Many, many more!
Your wish is my command young stripper!
POOF
There! I have killed all your family, friends and your dog and have bonded you to your computer! You will feel excruciting pain if you fail to make a comic every 5 minutes. You're welcome!
Thanks QoQ Fairy! Now to flood some forums!

 

by AngryAmerican
2-09-08
Damn, now that's a beautiful planet!
Boy you ain't kidding. Look at that those blues and greens!
Sure wish our home planet looked like that...
Yeah, me too.
Eradication Cannon ready?
Yuuup.

 

by AngryAmerican
2-09-08
So this is oblivion?
Fuckin sweet.

 

by AngryAmerican
2-13-08
HELLO? IS THERE ANYONE OUT THERE?!
I'M NOT FUCKING DEAD!
so sleepy...

 

by AngryAmerican
2-13-08
Dude! You're never going to guess what just came over the wire!
What man, What is it!?
A Scenario One Kill Order, dude!
You're shittin me man! Tell me you're shittin me!
No fuckin way man! This is It! The planet wide Kill Order!
Dear sweet Tidy Bowl Man. I've been waiting for this day. I promised myself I wouldn't cry...

 

by AngryAmerican
2-13-08
Yes Brother, That Hallowed Day is here! Sing the War Song with me!
Lord Feecoll be Praised!
"So long we've eaten your foul turds.."
"So long we've eaten your foul turds.."
"Now We're draped in your innards."
"Now We're draped in your innards."

 

by AngryAmerican
2-19-08
(Bagpipe Music In Background)
So's all we're sayin is give us a taste man! Some lands, some Titles fall our way and we're yer niggahs!
Do you realize how fucking gay my son is! I want you to betray that bitch Wallace. I'm gonna get biblical on his ass.
(Bagpipe Music In Background)
Son, I was killed 4 minutes after you were conceived. Such is the lot of the Scot people under Longshanks rule!
I must free my people! Scotland must be free!
(Bagpipe Music In Background)
I have returned home at last. Now to live in peace, start farming and raise a family
S'ah right by me, Joe!

 

by AngryAmerican
2-19-08
(Bagpipe Music in Background)
We did it William! We destroyed their whole Northern Army and sacked York!
Our people are fiercely independent! It is they who support me not the so called "nobles"!
(Bagpipe Music in Background)
They'll torture you! you must take this potion, it will numb the pain!
No, I like to be tortured with a clear mind. It helps me think. Now what should i scream out when they pull my guts out? Hmmm...
(Really Loud Bagpipe Music in Background)
Ye betrayed us before Bruce. Why should we trust you again now that Wallace is dead?
I've got a kick ass speech.

 

by AngryAmerican
2-19-08
CUT!
CUT! How did a black guy get in with the 'Angry Scottish Villagers'?
I don't know, boss.
I mean he's just so Fucking dainty ya know? So lispy and..and..fucking queer, right? I fucking hate him so much.
CUT!

 

by AngryAmerican
2-25-08
I didn't figure she'd been dead that long.
I always look at the maturity level of the maggots. It never lies.
You don't suppose she'll get pregnant do you?
Ummmmmm...no.
You reckon I can take this here con-dom thing off then?
You wore a condom?

 

by AngryAmerican
3-03-08
Yeah, its cool. They don't suspect a thing. Operation Darwin is coming along nicely.
Are they really that stupid? They suspect nothing?
Well, we were worried at first when they started killing us, we thought they were on to us. But it turns out they just really like our tusks.
Really? That's fucked up.
Yeah we thought so too. That's why we planted fusion bombs in them. Gonna be a nasty surprise come 2009.
I can't wait. I'm gonna anal-probe SO many humans....

Showing page 4.

« Previous Next »