All comics by Hatrix

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Xmas at wallyworld HQ
So we'll hire more people and let them work less hours thus cutting benefits even more. If they pass laws to force us to give benefits, we'll just claim corporate poverty and leave.
Oh can I hand out the pink slips on xmas this year? Can I? Please???
by Hatrix, 1-02-07

 

by Hatrix
1-25-07
Well the executive meeting was a success.
And a bit of a mess.
Yeah. But you can take care of that. *wink*
Uh, no I can't. I'm a senior department head. Not a janitor.
Yeah but chicks are good at cleaning things. Oh and don't forget to check the garbage.
I'm looking at it right now.

 

by Hatrix
1-25-07
Forsooth my Wizard companion tis the cave of the evil Blarg Beast who has bested us in the past!
Not this time...
!!!KABLAMO!!! "Raaaarrrrgghh...."
Aww c'mon Clancy you can't use cheat codes.
That's more like it.

 

by Hatrix
1-25-07
In the spirit of HCRoyal's "Why I Hate The Power Company"... Why I loathe the cable company.
Hi cable co.? I'd like to get connected.
No problem at all! If you pay an extra fee and go with direct payment we can even turn it on without any home visit so no worrying about being home when the cable guy shows up.
Three days later ...
Hi cable co? I was supposed to be hooked up today on your VIP premium advanced service. Yet I arrived home from work to discover a "sorry we missed you" note and no cable.
Oh really? I don't see you listed for that anywhere.
Why does that not surprise me? So do I get a refund on that extra fee I paid for the convenience of not having to wait for a cable guy?
Oh did you want to sign up for service then?

 

I guess I'm as real as you are fat boy.
by Hatrix, 1-29-07

 

Things were never the same between them after Santa sued Jack for screwing with his Holiday.
Fuck you fat boy!
by Hatrix, 1-29-07

 

purrrrrrrrrrr
Fluffy! Goddamnit! BAD Kitty BAD KITTY! Shit. She was SUPPOSED to die in her SLEEP! She's 96! How am I going to explain this?
by Hatrix, 1-29-07

 

Why aliens are bastards
No one believes you, dork. Where's the cheetos?
Someone help the aliens are holding me hostage, eating all my food and randomly probing me!!
by Hatrix, 1-29-07

 

What a tampon sees
by Hatrix, 1-29-07

 

by Hatrix
1-30-07
Hi there father. Remember me?
Not really. Are you a member of the church?
Nope. I'm a gay pagan you threw feces at during my life partner's funeral. It seems your act of evil has prompted god to grant me the power to enforce his law.
Oh don't be ridiculous. Now get out of my church before I call the police you aids spreading...
GOD: Now put a live weazel in his colon!
Kewl.
AAAAAAHHHAAh AHHAAAAAHAAAAAa!!! AAAHHAAHAAaa!! Why can't I DIE??!!!! AAAHHHH the PAIN!!!!!!

 

You were told... one more breach of the laws of gravity and you're done.
Wait.. WAIT! That's not FAIR! It's what I'm SUPPOSED to do!! Come ON!
by Hatrix, 1-30-07

 

by Hatrix
1-30-07
Greetings George. This morning while you were napping I was given broad legal powers. I'm using that power to go after our greatest threat.
Well that's great uh.. sparky. Does that mean I can keep on playing war?
Oh my no. It means I've enacted a law making you and your war profiteering family enemies of the state.
Wh..What? You can't do that!! Where the hell is Cheney?
Possibly loading his guns. I also made hunting war criminals a legal blood sport. Tell you what, I'll even give you a ten minute head start.
Wait! You can have the twins! How's that? They're young. They'd be a lot more fun to hunt! how about it?!? C'mon cut me a break here!

 

by Hatrix
1-30-07
So last week we talked about some of the horrible events of your childhood and what you could do to give yourself some closure.
Yeah.
And did you think of anything that might help you put some of it behind you?
Yeah. I burned down my old catholic school.
I see. And did that help?
Not until I was sure there were employees inside.

 

The song of "I need to get laid" in the key of LOUD as performed by my horny, unfixed cat every night at 3:00am
Meeeeeeooooooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrroooooowwwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!
by Hatrix, 1-30-07

 

Yeah hi. It's your time Dick Crapperson. Oh, I found this letter in the mail box. Wanna read it before you go?
Congratulations! You have won fifty million dollars.
by Hatrix, 1-30-07

 

by Hatrix
1-31-07
So what seems to be the problem miss...?
Um Smith, ...Mary Smith. You've been my doctor for ten years... ?
Of course, sure. So what's wrong?
Well I feel horribly sad all the time, I cry for no reason and honestly I've lost the will to live. Life seems pointless. and.. and.. I have been seriously thinking about suicide.
PMS. You chicks sure complain about that a lot. Why not have some chocolate and a hot bath? That'll fix you right up.

 

by Hatrix
1-31-07
So you're suffering from some PMS blues and a mid life crisis?
NO! Is that what the referral from my doctor says??
Yes. Is that not accurate?
NO! I'm severely depressed! I'm having suicidal ideation and I've lost the will to live. I feel like life has no mneaning.
It says here you're single with no kids. You're under 40 you know so there's still time.
Why didn't I think of that? I'm ready to slash my wrists so I should drop a kid in the hopes it might make me feel better? Are you high?

 

by Hatrix
1-31-07
Anti-depressants? No. I don't like to give perscriptions to women who are pre-pregnant.
I'm not PRE anything! I'm single for fucks sake. I don't even LIKE kids! I'm not having any. EVER.
I'm sorry but we classify all women of child bearing years as 'pre-pregnant' now. You can't be too careful.
Oh I'm sure. So how do you help a depressed "pre-pregnant" woman if you refuse to perscribe anything?
Well I try to help them understand that the depression is just hormonal. I encourage them to get hobbies and then of course there's prayer.
I can see why your patients would need to pray.

 

by Hatrix
1-31-07
Have you considered your lack of trust in Jesus may be the cause of your depression?
I'm not christian.
Hmmm. I'm not sure I can help you Ms. Smith. You're resistant to all my theraputic efforts.
Suggesting hobbies or prayer to a sucidal person is not theraputic. It's insulting and inane. Do you even have a PhD?
It's clear you don't want any help. Your doctor was right. A bad attitude is your only problem.
That and several thousand years of culturally ingrained misogyny.

 

by Hatrix
1-31-07
I did two tours and spent most of my time in the line of fire. I can't sleep I can't eat and I'm seeing visions of the dead all the time now.
Umm hmmm.
Please. I'm desperate. Isn't there anything you can do for me?
It says here you got your discharge. So you're no longer elligible for help from the army but I can recommend some excellent private psychiatrists.
I don't have health insurance. I can't keep a job. If it weren't for my family I'd be homeless.
Oh. Well you could re-enlist. They need fresh meat.. uh I mean men for the cause.

 

by Hatrix
1-31-07
Hey You! Is there anyone else in that building?
No. It was just me and my mom.
That's her in the box isn't it?
I think she's getting better.

 

by Hatrix
1-31-07
Disqualified! WHY?
Because you're cheating.
!@*%$!
You cannot win the dead pool by killing everyone on your list!

 

by Hatrix
1-31-07
It's not that I'm unfriendly.
I just really hate people.
So do I get the job?
Absolutely. Welcome to customer service!

 

by Hatrix
1-31-07
stripcreator.com
I got nothing.

 

I told you it's not a hive it's a boil!
And that's probably not honey...
by Hatrix, 1-31-07

 

by Hatrix
1-31-07
Ok I'm sorry I knocked your papers over but I stacked most of it up again.
What is all this junk anyway?
*sob* Three minutes of hand drawn animation.

 

by Hatrix
1-31-07
Hey! I saw you cut that woman off back there asshole! You need a lesson in courtesy!
What the fuck are you supposed to be?
I'm the Bitch Fairy, jackass. I'm here to dole out a little curbside karma.
Arrrrgh!
Isn't this a little excessive?
Maybe if you hadn't been driving a hummer.

 

You're kidding, right?
Don't push me boy.
by Hatrix, 2-01-07

 

Worst religious experience EVER.
It's traditional to kneel...
by Hatrix, 2-01-07

 

ATHF Publicity Blitz Apocalypse Drill.. The Aftermath
Yes the horror has been averted thanks to our vigilance. The perpetrators of this hoax are criminals and possibly terrorists!
People everywhere are safe from the vulgar cartoon illuminations! Rejoice!
by Hatrix, 2-01-07

 

by Hatrix
2-02-07
The new midseason hit...
I'm here in line with the hopefuls waiting to audition. How about it... are you nervous?
Gnaw.
I should have worn the top hat too....
Groundhog season... groundhog season...
"Ground Hog Idol"
Groundhogs are rodents right?
I thought they said ground beef.

 

by Hatrix
2-04-07
Vic Wisdom...
So...
How many "puppet on my penis" jokes HAVE you been in?
...Strip Creator therapist.
*SOB*

 

Dear Henry, I'm sorry but I simply couldn't deal with your arcade obsession any longer. Hang on to those quarters you'll need to eat. Love Mom.
by Hatrix, 2-06-07

 

by Hatrix
2-26-07
Ahem...
Yeah Hi. I don't mean to break up your little conversation while you hide behind that display case but could I order please?
sigh.

 

by Hatrix
2-26-07
Hi. And thanks for finally acknowledging my presence.
Yeah. What do you... uh what can I get you?
I'd like a medium cafe mocha please.
right.
Ten minutes later...
Uh... hello?
*giggle* OMG is she still there?

 

by Hatrix
2-26-07
EXCUSE me!
Yeah?
You took my order over 15 minutes ago. Where did you go?
Oh. Uh. Yeah... I uh... So what did you want again?
The ability to start fires with my mind.
We get that a lot.

 

by Hatrix
2-26-07
So.
So.
Can I have my coffee?
Sure.
Did you order yet?

 

by Hatrix
2-26-07
Here's your coffee. That'll be $1.25.
That's a dollar twenty five please.
I'd probably be more willing to hand you my payment if you'd stop trying to nudge the cup off the counter when I reach for it.

 

by Hatrix
2-26-07
Hey you're back. Took you long enough. What'd you do pick the beans yourself? The store's only across the street.
Yeah but the employees are in outer space.
I know they're a little odd there but...
A little odd? They hid behind a glass display case and pretended not to see me AFTER I had ordered.
Did you say something to the manager?
Couldn't. In order to actually get the coffee I had to throw my change and grab the cup while the counter-troll was momentarily distracted.

 

by Hatrix
2-26-07
I posted your experience on this 'bad service' forum.
I really wish you hadn't.
Why not?
*ping* New Reply.. *ping* New Reply.. *ping* New Reply.. *ping*...
Wow.
Yeah.

 

by Hatrix
2-26-07
*ping* New Reply..*ping* New Reply.. *ping* New Reply..*ping*....
All I did was post a short summary of your bizarre coffee shop visit.
They're not deterred by logic and facts. Turn the computer off and run in the other direction.
"Maybe if your wife wasn't so busy being an entitlement whore she'd notice the service staff was busy when she walked in."
I'm impressed. They didn't even invoke Godwin's law.
*ping* New Reply
Spoke too soon.
Yeah.

 

by Hatrix
2-26-07
And after all that, my mocha is only half full and has no whipped cream.
Now I just wish I had my money back.
You should go over there and demand a refund.
Fin.
Are you high?
A little yeah.

 

by Hatrix
2-27-07
Carol! You look better every day! You make coming in to work worth while.
Oh Tad, you don't mean that! *tee hee*
No...
...but "Shut up and get my coffee bitch" isn't going to get me a blow job.

 

by Hatrix
2-27-07
What do you get when you cross a lawyer and a pig?
*oink*
Nothing. There's some things even pigs won't do.
She's cute.
!@$#%&* match dot com!

 

by Hatrix
2-27-07
What do you get when you cross a nun with a penguin?
*Quack*
An OS that won't go down on you.
God damn.
!@%*&! match dot com!

 

Things are looking up.
I don't know what the fuss is about. I'm having a great apocalypse!
When did we learn english? ... Hey I can talk!
by Hatrix, 3-13-07

 

by Hatrix
3-23-07
Meanwhile at the north pole
What's next
It's wishlist time! Ok sir, the boys are finished bringing in the "A's", I'll leave you to it.
Fuck it.

 

by Hatrix
5-17-07
Location: Hell
Date: May 15th 2007
It's going to be a hot time in the old town tonight...
Awww shit I KNEW there was going to be a line!

 

by Hatrix
5-22-07
What the hell have you been up to lately? I haven't seen you in months.
That's because I saw you first.
That joke is never funny.
What joke?

 

by Hatrix
5-26-07
What? What do you want?
Look buddy, before you say it I already know I am a worthless evil filthy bastard for hocking a deadly addictive product to young impressionable kids. OK? I'm an evil douche bag! FEEL BETTER?
I was just thinking your outfit would be more effective with tits.

Showing page 4.

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