All comics by TheElPaso

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by TheElPaso
3-29-02
Attention: All people boarding flights are subject to Rapiscan search.
Just step in here, Gabe.
Hold on just a second, according to the scan there's metal around your genitals!
Attention: All people boarding flights are subject to Rapiscan search.
What do you mean? I didn't put any metal near my penis!
Well, the scan sure isn't picking up any genitalia...

 

by TheElPaso
3-29-02
Hey Easter Rabbit, why are you only hiding black eggs this year?
It's... umm... part of the Afro-American Heritage Celebration Dealie!
Psst... what do the demonic subliminal messages hidden inside of us have to do with black people?

 

by TheElPaso
3-29-02
Oh my god, I'm stuck in this forest, I sure hope someone useful can help me!
Meesa Jar Jar!
The only way off this planet is to gamble, let's see who can we bet on (and subsequently lose the war should the racer lose)?
Hi, I'm a slave with a podracer that's been proven crappy. Hope everyone else crashes to their ultimate doom!
Holy shit, a double-sided lightsaber! Let's just hope nobody will realize it's just two lightsabers stuck together.
Lord, I'm dead! Maybe I shouldn't have wasted five minutes parrying.

 

by TheElPaso
3-29-02
After a second scan, it seems you also have no posterior.
Wait just a second! I know I have an ass!
Attention: All people boarding flights are subject to Rapiscan search.
Perhaps there's actual metal there this time?
But why would there be metal in my ass?
THE DOCTOR IS IN
So how long has Tobor's cornholer been falling apart?
Ever since you tried to cornhole the President, but it turned out to be a statue.

 

by TheElPaso
3-31-02
A Lame Visual Sight Gag
As you all can see, I put all my Easter eggs that I found in this floating bubble. The floating bubble is attached to my stick, as you can also see. Any questions?
If your bubble floats, why is it attached to a stick?
It's because I want it to be something that floats, yet attached to a stick. That way, it could be more like Jesus. (who also does both of the above)
I told you it was lame.

 

by TheElPaso
4-02-02
In a world that probably has nothing on it...
a spaceman paperclip finds...
NOTHING!

 

by TheElPaso
4-02-02
In a world attacked by killer alien mutant bees, horror is common.
Only one superhero can stop these foul murderers.
FLYSWATTER HEAD MAN - coming to theaters.
How's that feel, bitch?

 

by TheElPaso
4-05-02
In a world run by monsters, where terror runs rampant and nothing remains the same...
Oh dear god, don't shoot!
In a world where you can run out of tequila...
What's happening to me?
It's a disease known as sobriety, quick, to the...
HISPANIC ROOM! Opening tomorrow.
Ay chihuahua, you made it in time, essa.

 

by TheElPaso
4-05-02
Let's see... nope, replacing rabit ears with a penis doesn't cause any cool physical mutations.
Time to go home. *flick*

 

by TheElPaso
4-05-02
SUCKY SUCKY
JUST HIVE DOLLA!

 

by TheElPaso
4-11-02

 

by TheElPaso
4-12-02

 

by TheElPaso
4-14-02
If you look closely, you can see my panties.

 

by TheElPaso
4-17-02
I think I'm becoming an author!

 

by TheElPaso
4-17-02
Writing a book is tough... I don't even know where to begin.
Perhaps I should call up the book writing expert and ask him how to write.
First you move the pencil up then down, then connect the lines, and you have an "A"!
This is harder than I thought.

 

by TheElPaso
4-17-02
So, I was wondering what kind of book I should write. Any suggestions?
I always liked fantasy.
Which sounds better, "My_Night_With_Monica_Lewinsky" or "Janet Reno Sucked My Cock"?

 

by TheElPaso
4-17-02
I thought I'd write a novel, because it sounds easy.
Yes.... but what to call it? It does need a name that convinces people to buy your book.
"Buy This Book And I'll Be Your Friend!" sound good?
No... bribes aren't the way.
I see... how about "Buy My Book Or I'll Rip Your Fucking Lungs Off!"?

 

by TheElPaso
4-17-02
I got a title... now what do I need?
You should get a good plot.
This is not what I meant.

 

by TheElPaso
4-17-02
Got a plot, now what?
You should develop the setting for your book.
I was thinking it would be set in a Barnes & Noble in the "Fiction" section.
Please... somebody make me die.

 

by TheElPaso
4-17-02
I want my book to break the "World's Biggest Book" record.
I dunno... the record stands high. Look outside... see what I mean.
List Of Reasons Why Wirthling Sucks _________________________________ By Gabe Billings _________________________________ (........ .......)
Wow... a book that causes an eclipse... say, I can't read what the third line says... What did it say?
"Abridged Version".

 

by TheElPaso
4-17-02
Wow... that's just an abridged version? How big is the regular one?
It's so big, it's actually the current stairway dead Christians use to go to Heaven.
Nothing says "the_afterlife_of_paradise" like looking down and seeing "Because his mom isn't hot."

 

by TheElPaso
4-19-02
I thought the story would end with the axe-murderer vowing not to move from his couch until he programmed his VCR.
You didn't have to tell me the ending, you bastard!
Thanks for pretending like you were actually gonna read it.
Welcome.

 

by TheElPaso
4-24-02
I declare a War on Lack of Soldiers!
Oh yeah, you and what army?

 

by TheElPaso
4-30-02
Moh!

 

by TheElPaso
5-06-02
I thought I'd replace StripCreator with a gay porn site.

 

by TheElPaso
5-06-02
I thought I'd replace StripCreator with a gay porn site.
Ew! Fags should be shot twice in the face using bullets (not cum)!
No way! I'm not gonna let you shoot my visitors!
Maybe we can make a deal?
OK, how about instead of shooting all the visitors twice, could you just shoot Dan a lot?

 

by TheElPaso
5-24-02
Africa
We ko ki kee ga?
Damn! I live two blocks from this guy, so I don't speak his language.
Australia
G'day, mate! Today, I'll be hunting some bloomin' crocs and...
Blimey! I forgot that I'm not Steve Irwin, I'm Russell Crowe!
Eurasia
Ya mean it's illegal to masturbate in front of a mirror in public?

 

by TheElPaso
5-24-02
South America
Tectatirzatl, you wrote here "The Incans discovered the number zero." That's incorrect!
Maya bad!
North America
President Bush would like to do something good on behalf of the Government by repaying Enron employees their money!
That's right, each former employee gets four dollars and one cent! Say, what does that letter K mean?
Antarctica
For today's weather forecast, we're gonna take a wild guess and say cold.

 

by TheElPaso
5-30-02
We have free beer! We have free beer! We have free beer! For all the girls!
We drank it all!
We drank it all!
And we're not talking about the beer.

 

by TheElPaso
6-04-02
Joy, the newspaper... Fighting in the middle east continues, nobody still knows whether or not Osama's alive, Ashcroft debates nude statues, bla bla bla bla bla.....
In local news, the debate of using a public funds for skating parks or public pools is over after three months of voting after someone turned out to vote, also taxes now at 86 percent...
Sports... Tyson uses George Foreman grill to grill George Foreman, heterosexual male joins singles figure skating team, NFL player found guilty of not committing any crimes...
Forecast predicts non-acidic rain tomorrow, Miss Manners advises not going to funerals nude, and a crossword puzzle that only Kenny Kaufman could have inspired...
My horoscope says to beware of sudden world endings, Garfield does something to piss off John, still nobody offering a classified job for a "full-time professional slacker"...
Hmm.... in section 335-ZZ, somebody kidnapped every Canadian.

 

by TheElPaso
6-13-02
o/`
o/`
Some things just aren't worth cornholing.

 

by TheElPaso
6-13-02
hey larra 7 remmber how yuo statred a "tribut to fuck" thred?
Yes.
good, caus i wantid to mak a thred with a tribut to yuo in retern.
You do? That's so nice!
good im glad where boht hapy now on youre nee's bithc!

 

by TheElPaso
6-14-02
Just cause I dress funny doesn't mean I'm a bad father, does it?

 

by TheElPaso
6-18-02

 

by TheElPaso
6-18-02

 

by TheElPaso
6-27-02
Dear, we're out camping. Could you please not watch television for a moment?
Stop bothering me.
John, if all you do is watch television, your brain will rot, and then something bad might happen to you.
Stop bothering me.
Oh my god, dear, you just...
FOR PETE'S SAKE STOP BOTHERING ME!!!!!

 

by TheElPaso
7-12-02
Hey, lookie what I learned! If you set the MouseKeys feature on, you can click the mouse twice as fast!
Uh, Butch? How can you be learning Windows from a book entitled "Ritual Mutilation for Dummies"?
Oh yeah, I forgot they were the same thing.

 

by TheElPaso
7-12-02

 

by TheElPaso
8-21-02
So the new SC front page has a list of the past twenty comics made, and all the comics made for the day.
Yeah, now there's no more making comics that will by and far be ignored. If I include a sodomy joke, it gets written down as recorded history.
So what? What's the worst that can happen?
Someone I know in real life might discover this site and easily discover that I rape babies on sight.
Maybe that 345 part series wasn't a good idea.

 

by TheElPaso
9-13-02
The eyewitness left us a clue.
That's great! I'll tell the rest of the investigators.
Tell Officer Corleone first, he is a man who insists on hearing bad news at once.
Bad news? How is finding a clue bad news?
The clue is that the murderer's name is embedded on Roseanne's ass.

 

by TheElPaso
9-15-02
I have a club!
The pen is mightier than the club.
Oh yeah?

 

by TheElPaso
9-17-02
Wirth: For it is not that they are Asian that we should judge them, but for their low price fo five dollars.
Gabe: Wirth, thou sucketh.
Wirth: Ah, you have outjested my head again. But whatforth be that which comes up through yonder window?
Gabe: It is the East, and Tobor is rising!
[Enter Tobor] Tobor: RAARR! The red knight of Falus ist now corn-holing you puny humans!!!!!
[Tobor begins corn-holing] Tobor: What be this behind me? It is a naked person! I must begone! [Exit, pursued by a bare.]

 

by TheElPaso
10-05-02
Whaddya mean, I have breast cancer?
Well, Ann, last week when we skipped school to have foreplay when I was groping your breasts, I noticed a lump.
Oh, well thanks for telling me.
What is it, son?
Mom has breast cancer!

 

by TheElPaso
10-11-02
It's getting to where you can't eat baked beans anymore.

 

by TheElPaso
10-20-02
Meteorologist
There'll be about half a glass of rainfall tonight.
Terrorist
If the glass is half empty, then we have already won.
Santa's Naughty List
I got a fucking glass of water for Christmas?

 

by TheElPaso
11-13-02
Today is Friday, January the 28th of 2005. This is CNN Headline News. Our top story is President Bush's increase in military in Iraq.
Bush stated that with this aid, Hussein will now fall easier than North Korean leader Kat Bunnysquirrel.
Hold the phone! What's so improbable about this comic?
The date, and the president.

 

by TheElPaso
11-13-02
My name is dcomposed, and I think I'll not rape this roo.

 

by TheElPaso
11-22-02
ring ring
Hello?
Hey, it's a real person!

 

by TheElPaso
11-22-02
At Armageddon 2002, Big Show will cream Kurt Angle, which will come as an upset after Kurt tries to weaken Show by using a blowdart to give Show ebola.
Big Show will follow that up with another win against the Undertaker at the Royal Rumble 2003, causing Undertaker to really die.
At No Way Out, Edge will take on Big Show, but is weakened by a deep inner feeling for that special girl, distracting him from the fact that he's being chokeslammed.
Then at Wrestlemania, Rey Mysterio (who won the rumble by hiding behind a rope while everyone else eliminated themselves) will upset Show by getting into his stomach and ripping him apart from inside.
At Backlash1 (there's so many backlashes that they're going to be numbered now) Rey Mysterio takes on the Hulkster, but Hollywood's Alzheimers causes him to forget what specie he is.
At Judgment Day,Rey Mysterio faces a mystery challenger, and as with all mystery challengers, the champion loses. The mystery challenger turns out to be Crash Holly.

 

by TheElPaso
11-22-02
At King of the Ring, Crash Holly takes on Kurt Angle. Like all KOTRs, rumors abound on the Internet that Goldberg will spear Angle. This time it happens.
Backlash 2 has Crash facing Brock Lesnar. This match seemed to be an easy Lesnar win, until Lesnar's throwing the match only confirmed that he and Crash were really the same guy.
Then at Summer Slam, Crash battles former WCW champion David Arquette (who won the KOTR tourney by threatening to buttrape anyone who beat him). And Crash loses because he had to play fetch with Astro
At Backlash 3, David defends against Rikishi Phatu. No buttrape threats here. Rikishi "wins", if you call being the undisputed champion "winning".
Rikishi fights the Rock at No Mercy. The Rock almost won when, in the middle of the match, he had to stop wrestling to make another movie.
Then Rikishi makes an open challenge at Survivor Series, and loses to some drunk-ass fan who calls himself the mutated ninja thingy.

Showing page 4.

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