stripcreator archive (2001-2026)

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All comics by BigEvilDan

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Not nearly as big or evil as you'd think.

 

Defeated!! by BigEvilDan 10-21-01
Well, you only managed to get 40001. At least Andy didn't get it.	Who would have know that Gabe would stoop so low in the name of geekdom?	Don't even start, Captain Obvious... But--!

 

CC 75 - Remaking a classic - That's a wrap! by BigEvilDan 10-23-01
Oh yes! Yes! I'm your road, babe! I'm your road! Walk across me! WALK ALL OVER ME!!!	I like what I see. I think we're ready to distribute it. Absolutely. We need to beat Jason Bigg's teen hardcore sadomasochistic beastio-porn parody to the theaters this summer.	I'm SO going back to hell for this waste of good film. Could things get any worse? C'mon, sweetie. We've got a big Hollywood premiere to get ready for!

 

CC 75: Serial Comic - Do the Doo! by BigEvilDan 10-23-01
Jesus! What are you doing here? I came here to explain everything that's happened to you. The alien abductions. The strange celebrity romances....	Why thank you Je--wait, you're not Jesus! ...the squid you're fellating. The--hey! What are you doing? Get those tenticles away from me!	I knew it! You're the creepy old doctor from comic one! Why did you do it? I just wanted to give this serial comic an actual ending. And I would have gotten away with it if it weren't for that meddling squid!

 

CC 75: Badger += 2; by BigEvilDan 10-26-01
I tried squeezing a badger like you suggested.	It just ended up scratching me and running away. Why?	Uh...I'm sure there will be a patch for that soon enough.

 

CC 75: Cowboy Parody by BigEvilDan 10-26-01
One day at the ranch... So I says, "Well, them rotor turbines ain't gonna generate gravitons by themselves!" Ha, ha!		Does it make sense yet? Maybe in another hundred Cowboy Physics parodies or so.

 

CC 75: The Risk-Free, Money-Back Guarantee Life by BigEvilDan 10-26-01
~~ RrrRRrring ~~ It's Mom! God bless Caller ID. *click* Hello?	Hi Petey! How's my favourite son? I'm great Mom. It's nice to get a call from someone who isn't a telemarketer.	That's nice, honey. Say, what long distance company are you using? Because if you switched to BS&S I could get you a great deal on... Now I remember why she sold me that caller ID in the first place.

 

Shoot Skeeting by BigEvilDan 10-27-01
Pull!	Okay, zap it!	(*ZAP*) The reconstitution ray works! Excellent!

 

CC 75: Female Fantasy -- Part 3 by BigEvilDan 10-27-01
Wow, I wished for a man who isn't an idiot, and you suddenly appeared. That's right, ma'am.	So, where are we going for our first date?	Me, date you? Look lady, I'm not an idiot.

 

Big Game Skeet Shooting by BigEvilDan 10-27-01
Pull!!!	(*Whoooosh!!!*)	Moh!

 

A Sequel To Almost Every Comic On Stripcreator by BigEvilDan 10-27-01
Shit, the rotor turbines in every 'zig' are overloading. This is worse than that time I rounded up that anti-cornholing posse. Blast, now Captain Plowass will be able to find us. I should launch you into the air and shoot you, but I need you to shut Tobor down.	RARR!! TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE YOU LIKE MARY WORTH!!! DO YOU WANT SOME MOH? TOBOR GIVE YOU SOME MOH!!!! I believe the you mean to ask "Do you want some more?". I'd point out your other grammatical errors, but I have to go point out continuity errors in the "Why did the chicken cross the road" film.	Most of the strips on this site don't have a coherent punchline... ...so why should we let this comic have one?

 

A Sequel To Stripcreator by BigEvilDan 10-27-01
Well, Stripcreator was a big success. What's your next project? Strippercreator. It's like those sim games, but you work in the porn industry.		That's either the best or the worst idea I've ever heard. Thanks. I try my best.

 

CC 6.1 - Now it all makes sense! Part 3 by BigEvilDan 10-31-01
I know Commander Riker is covering for our little "beam Jesus into deep space" incident, but what are we doing here? The Romans have managed to steal some of our technology, and are using it to maintain their empire. Data, it's up to you to destroy the Roman empire.	I assume I have the Enterprise's resources at my disposal, Captain? All we can spare are the PickMaster 3000 electric nosepicker, some dryer lint, and Counsellor Troi.	You expect me to destroy an entire empire with just the three most useless items on the ship? It could be worse. Worf is supposed to cure cancer with only a rubber band and Wesley Crusher. I wish we hadn't used up our budget on that epic space battle.

 

Serial Comic IV - Every cloud.... by BigEvilDan 11-02-01
I can't believe my husband is a woman.	Does this mean you'll stop leaving the toilet seat up?	Your sympathy here is just overwhelming, Laura. Does this mean we can start seeing movies that don't feature explosions?

 

CC 76: Bright Idea by BigEvilDan 11-02-01
Ha, ha. You can't see me!	Yeah, well now you can't see me!	I'm so glad we found the brightness and contrast knobs for this comic.

 

CC 76: Loophole by BigEvilDan 11-02-01
	Look! I can use colour and I'm not even breaking the rules!

 

CC 76: Two Chickens Walk Into a Bar... by BigEvilDan 11-02-01
So you're sure this bar serves animals? Positive. I asked the bartender myself.		I think I'll have a chicken sandwich. Excellent choice. They're half price today.

 

Jael in Jail by BigEvilDan 11-04-01
How the hell did you get all these old timers into this cage? It's amazing what a convinent trail of breadcrumbs and beer will do. These folks won't be leaving again any time soon.	Geez, my thumb is still on the wrong side...	Got any beer for me? I'm all out. Hey! I've been back for a while! Let me out!

 

CC 77: Quantum Loop by BigEvilDan 11-05-01
**RING RING** Who the hell would have this number? It's the prototype temporal phone, and it's completely classified.	**RING RING** I swear, those damn telemarketers get more daring all the time.	Ahh, it stopped. Now to test it out by sending a call back in time. I hope someone answers this time.

 

CC 77: Nothing to do... by BigEvilDan 11-05-01
I spy, with my little eye--	Destroying the universe was easy. Dealing with having completed their programming was much harder for the warbots.	Infinite nothingness. Okay, we're tied at 6,035,214,021 points each. My turn...

 

CC 77 - I can break the rules even better than Crabby by BigEvilDan 11-05-01
In the future, major stripcreator characters will be replaced by robots.		SUCKY SUCKY 00000101 DOLLAR! RARR!!! TOBOR WOULD CORNHOLE YOU IF HIS CODE HADN'T BEEN RECYCLED INTO THIS BODY!!!!

 

CC 77: Light Meal by BigEvilDan 11-06-01
These creatures must be the dominant life form on this planet. I will activate my holoprojectors to blend in. Yub yub.	Yub yu-yu YUB, bye!	Ah, my lunch is here. With this disguise, I should be perfectly safe.

 

Another FAQing Question by BigEvilDan 11-06-01
Why can you not edit/delete bad comics that are without the Talent Comic? Ha, ha!		What the fuck are you talking about?

 

CC 78: Everything IS the kitchen sink... by BigEvilDan 11-08-01
Each "very enjoyable" reward you toss here is nearly garbage! Buy Ukrainian tea..	Television, how evil... ...kettles. I think Christmas hassles end now.	The Home Shopping Network: Important public service, or tool of the devil? Shop... I need kettle... Purchase everyhing, robot! Immediately, or die!

 

CC 78: Five times in one comic! by BigEvilDan 11-08-01
Everything seemed to be going okay... Cool, a hall of mirrors! This carnival has everything but the kitchen sink! Cool, a hall of mirrors! This carnival has everything but the kitchen sink!	...but considering that this was supposed to be a haunted carnival... Cool, a hall of mirrors! This carnival has everything but the kitchen sink! Cool, a hall of mirrors! This carnival has everything but the kitchen sink!	...I was getting a sinking feeling. Cool, a hall of mirrors! This carnival has everything but the kitchen sink! Cool, a kid who's brains I can eat! This carnival has everything but the kitchen sink!

 

CC 78: Five times in one comic REDUX by BigEvilDan 11-08-01
Everything seemed to be going okay... Cool, a hall of mirrors! This carnival has everything but the kitchen sink! Cool, a hall of mirrors! This carnival has everything but the kitchen sink!	...but this was the haunted carnival... Cool, a hall of mirrors! This carnival has everything but the kitchen sink! Cool, a hall of mirrors! This carnival has everything but the kitchen sink!	...and I was getting a sinking feeling. Cool, a hall of mirrors! This carnival has everything but the kitchen sink! Cool, a kid who's brains I can eat! This carnival has everything but the kitchen sink!

 

CC 78: I should be PUNished for this by BigEvilDan 11-08-01
My name is Mr. Ting, and I'd like you to meet my five daugthers. I had to raise them by myself, and they mean everything to me. My name is Blender, but you can call me Belinda if you're not into appliances.	My name is Dishwasher. I run the Wash and Wash Millenium Wash here in Toronto. My name is Amy. I'm the black sheep of the family, not being named after something you'd find in a kitchen and everything.	My name is Oven and--hey, where's Kitchen Sink? I swear, if you guys are doing another goddamn pun, I'm moving out...

 

CC 78: Puncore by BigEvilDan 11-09-01
Is everything arranged for the boy band tour? More or less, but we've got a problem with one of the bands.	Come on, spill it. What's the problem? You might want to get a drink from the kitchen sir. You'll need it. One of the bands has switched to a "polkacore" style.	That's terrible! It would sink our sales for sure. I'll drop them from the list, sir. We'll make do with everything but that kitsch N'Sync.

 

CC 78: Housecleaning by BigEvilDan 11-09-01
Well ma'am, everything is just about finished. Just one room left. Thanks a lot. I like animals, but having a skunk run around the house was too much for me.	We've done the bedrooms, the bathrooms, the living room...	In fact, we've removed everything but the kitchen stink. I had a sinking feeling you'd say that.

 

CC 78: In AD 2101.. by BigEvilDan 11-10-01
EVERYTHING IS BAD SENTENCE!!!! I AM ON THE WAY TO CONFUSION!!!! WE GET SYNTAX. FOR GRE--Ah, there we go. I fixed the translator, but your orders may have been misunderstood, Captain.	Was the order to launch fighters carried out? It seems that way, but we're short on pilots. The kitchen staff we were training as replacements were killed in the blast.	So how many pilots were we able to get out there? Enough to launch every zig but the "Kitchen Sink", sir.

 

CC79: Laziness is it's own reward... by BigEvilDan 11-12-01
Did you hear about that time lara7, armed with only a sponge, stopped the aliens from destroying San Fancisco?		You just made that up, didn't you? If she thinks I'm going to do actual research for a comic contest...

 

Serial Comic IV: Morning Pick-me-up by BigEvilDan 11-12-01
The next morning... Honey, this coffee tastes funny. It's a special blend.	What ki--HEY! What's wrong?	Care to explain this? Oops. I guess I slipped some Femoxidil into that "Sweet Revenge" blend coffee.

 

They're Unstoppable! by BigEvilDan 11-13-01
The Canadians are invading, you say? Yes, Mr. President. They've developed a new weapon.	What kind of weapon. A super-nuke? A mutant beaver? Celine Dion clones? Worse, sir...	WHOOSH! What's this cold, white stuff falling from the sky? Those bastards have harnessed the power of the Canadian sun!

 

TTCC1: Time Flies When You're Having Fun by BigEvilDan 11-15-01
Bill, while it was a most excellent idea to grab sporting results a decade ahead, we need to get back and finish our history report. Good point, Ted. Shady gambling just won't be the same if you're sent off to military school. Everyone is still in the phone booth, right?		I don't know, Jesse. If my Dad caught me doing that kind of thing... Fine. I don't need your help. I could rob a bank with both hands tied behind my back.

 

CC 80: Three blind mice...and two ducks, and a dog... by BigEvilDan 11-18-01
What the--!?	Ow! Come back here you little punks!!!	You realize that the Disneyland staff is eventually going to follow the trail of fallen mascots, right? Hey, there's a third Mickey. This time, you duct tape over his eyes, and I'll push him in the fountain.

 

Parallel President - Part I by BigEvilDan 11-22-01
Come here, Neal. I need you to test out this invention. This isn't like that assraping robot, is it Professor? I hate this fucking job.	No, no. This isn't designed to hurt, kill or cornhole. It's a device that lets you view yourself in parallel universes. So I could see what my life might be like if I wasn't a janitor to a mad scientist. I've got to try this!	Just step into the booth. Oh, and if it feels like your molecules are destabilizing, just ignore it. You should be fine. Wait...should be?

 

Parallel President - Part II by BigEvilDan 11-22-01
Are you all set, Neal? Okay, Professor. Let's do it.	I've just got to set the frequency to a specific universe. We'll start with just a minor deviation from our own world. I think it's working.	Well Neal, what do you see? Good evening, Mr. President. How minor did you say this change was?

 

Parallel President - Part III by BigEvilDan 11-22-01
Wait a second? You're the fucking President? Sir, who are you talking to? That's right. I thought you said it was a minor change.	Well even the most insignifcant choices can have profound effects on our futures. If the tabloids were to get a hold of this, your approval rating would drop like a rock. So what did I do differently in this universe?	According to my calculations, you ordered soup on Feb. 20, 1992, when in our universe you ordered the salad. But I'd bet they'd pay me a huge sum for the story. Keep talking, you crazy bastard. But the waiter recommened the soup. I'm glad I left a lousy tip!

 

Parallel President - Part IV by BigEvilDan 11-22-01
So you're my VP? That's right. I got us the bodyless vote last September.	That reminds me...are we supported by the oil companies and religious extremists? No no. We're all about the minorities. Besides, the religous folks went for the other guy...	Elsewhere... Next time I'm getting a different running mate. You scared off our key demographic! You could have just turned water into votes like I suggested, but you've always got to be Mr. Morals...

 

Parallel President - Part V by BigEvilDan 11-22-01
So you represent the group Lesbians Against Bad People? I'd like to thank you for your support during the election. Now what did you want to discuss? Well, we believe that all life, even plant life, is important, so we want to make cutting down a tree punishable by death.		I'm impressed. The depth of your insanity is enough to make me wish I was working for the guy with the assraping robot again. We're willing to settle for three hours of painful torture for mowing the lawn.

 

Parallel President - Part VI by BigEvilDan 11-22-01
Okay Neal, it's time to bring you back. Thanks Professor! That place was insane!	Well, I hoped you learned something today, Neal. I sure did! I learned that if anyone actually listened to my ideas, we'd all be screwed. I'm better off here.	Meanwhile, back in the alternate universe... CUT! That was brilliant, Neal. For a second, I actually believed you were the President. This movie is going to be a comedic hit! Thanks. Now I have to get back to my large home to spend my millions of dollars with my beautiful wife.

 

The Ghosts Of Alphabet Forest by BigEvilDan 11-25-01
Come on, those are just stories. This forest isn't haunted. I...I know, but it still feels like a pair of eyes is out there watching us.

 

Journey to the Center of the Earth by BigEvilDan 11-26-01
These projects are unacceptable! Indian burial grounds, secret underground labs, mole people?! Didn't any of you do actual research?	I did, but the book said that it was basically just rocks underground.	Where's the fun in that, Ms. Peters? These days, you've got to add something to get the audience's attention.

 

Journey to the Center of the Earth by BigEvilDan 11-26-01
I'm going up to do that curse thing. You wanna come?	Sure, sounds like fun.

 

Journey to the Center of the Earth by BigEvilDan 11-26-01
Clyde, the rotor turbines are out of alignment again! At this rate, the govenment's PHALIC-5 rocket will never be finished.

 

Journey to the Center of the Earth by BigEvilDan 11-26-01
	Sigh...I'll never find a mole-mate.	Get over it. There's like 6.02x10^23 of us to choose from.

 

Journey to the Center of the Earth by BigEvilDan 11-26-01
	Ms. Peters is supposed to be hit by a truck today. Have you prepared her personal hell? We're working on it, but we're having trouble finding something worse than the life she's currently living. I mean, she looks like a man, and teaches these smartass kids...

 

Proof That Attitudechicka Is Hot by BigEvilDan 11-26-01
I hate this desert. It's too hot.		Is there anyone who DIDN'T see that coming?

 

Oh, that Clappy! by BigEvilDan 11-27-01
It looks like you're writing a comic.		Too bad it sucks so damn much.

 

Seeing Red by BigEvilDan 11-27-01
RAAR!!! TOBOR DEMANDS THAT YOU REVEAL YOUR IDENTITY!! Relax, I'm just one of the new characters.	BUT TOBOR IS THE BIG, RED, ENFORCER OF STRIPCREATOR!! Relax, I'm not here to steal your job. My bit is totally different from this "carholing" or whatever it is that you do.	REALLY? TOBOR WOULD LIKE TO SEE. Okay. *ahem* RAAR!!! NOMED WILL PITCHFORK YOU!!! See? We're like night and day.

 

Big Evil Newbies by BigEvilDan 11-27-01
It seems like those damn newbies are everywhere now. You act like newbies are the root of all evil. You of all people should know that isn't true.	Yeah, I guess you're right...	Meanwhile, in hell... Wow, a Jesus character! Awsome!!

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