All comics by LuckyGuess

Profile

 

by LuckyGuess
1-27-06
Hello, who's speaking?
Mrs. Newhart of the Newhart residence.
Let me ask you something: What are you wearing?
I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to hang up. Bye bye.
Oh, this is not the end of me, Mrs. Newhart. This is only the beginning.

 

by LuckyGuess
1-27-06
Hello, is this the Newhart Residence? Can I speak with your mother?
She's in the shower now. Can I take a message?
Tell her that this is the health services lab. We've examined the DNA sample, and she was right. Her child is not her husband's. Well, goodbye.
But... mommy?
Galapagos turtle my fucking ass.

 

by LuckyGuess
1-27-06
This is for Mrs. Newhart... hehe. Sorry, I'm used to calling her "Sweet Honey Ass."
The number in my sister's pocket was for this house, and she told me to tell Mr. Newhart that the baby is fine and that he can visit his new son whenever he wants.
In later news, a family of three was found brutally slaughtered in their home. Reports say the Mr. and Mrs. Newhart brutally assaulted eachother, becoming fatally wounded before reaching their son...
Fucking Galapagos fucking turtle.

 

by LuckyGuess
1-28-06
In many cultures, Beelzebub is believed to be the ruler of Hell.
Incorrect. The name was coined when a demon named Beelzebub was exorcised from a young girl in the mid 1820's.
Historically, the name has always existed as a lesser servant of Lucifer, one that means "Lord of the Flies."
A book was later written by William Golding that shared the name. It was about the innate evil in all humans.
His influence can still be seen today.
This book they assigned for summer reading is a peice of shit.
AP English can go fuck itself. The only thing I want to read is the heating instructions on my Hot Pockets.

 

by LuckyGuess
1-29-06
So we spin the Dradle and bet on the side we think it'll land on with Gelt.
Gelt?
Chocolate coins.
Why don't you just call them "chocolate coins?"
Don't question your faith.
I never said I was Jewish!

 

by LuckyGuess
1-29-06
Jared, can we dance after the show?
Sure.
On stage.
Absolutely not.
He said we can dance for stage bows!
Must resist... killing urges... until after performance...

 

by LuckyGuess
1-29-06
Can we hook arms and bow in a revolving circle?
No.
Why not?
Because it's retarded, and most importantly doesn't fit in with the show.
You're no fun.
You have bad acne. Get on stage.

 

by LuckyGuess
1-30-06
Valentine's day is coming up. Any special women you gonna bang?
I usually spend Valentine's day curled up in the corner of my room playing video games and wishing I was dead.
I assume you'll be doing the same thing, Pennywise.
Yeah.

 

by LuckyGuess
1-30-06
Will you be joining "Herd 4 Him?"
"Herd 4 Him?" What the hell is that?
Don't take the lord's name in vain!
I said "Hell." Is the lord's name "Hell?"
You're gonna GO to hell!
This was certainly productive.

 

by LuckyGuess
1-30-06
Join the "Elk Grove Rednecks!"
Why?
You live in Elk Grove, so you must be a redneck! Sign up!
I actually consider myself an intellectual rather than a so-called 'redneck.'
We shoot things every Saturday!
I think we're done here.

 

by LuckyGuess
1-30-06
Join the Junior EPA! We help protect local wildlife and save the planet!
That sounds admirable. Tell me more.
Why would you need me to tell you more? We save helpless animals and Mother Earth.
I... uh...
How about I burn down your fucking house with some homemade napalm? Will that convince you, you fucking dick?
I have to go to the bathroom and clean the inside of my pants. If you'll excuse me.

 

by LuckyGuess
1-30-06
Join the Black Student Union!
Nevermind.
That's what I thought.

 

by LuckyGuess
1-30-06
Join the Robotics club!
Sorry, but I'm not very skilled with software design.
WHERE - DO - YOU - THINK - YOU - ARE - GOING?
Tell me more.

 

by LuckyGuess
1-31-06
Would you like to join our Satan Circle?
What?!
We're making T-Shirts next Tuesday.
Sorry, but I'm going to have to pass.
Now I'm going to cut "Failure" into my arm with a fork.

 

by LuckyGuess
1-31-06
Why not join the Asian Pacific Islander Club?
I'm not Asian or Pacific Islander.
It's okay as long as you can breakdance.
You CAN breakdance, right?
I'd probably snap my scapula if I tried.

 

by LuckyGuess
1-31-06
Join the SciFi club!
Nope!
Why doesn't anyone give us a chance? We're not as bad as everyone says.
Hehe... Klingon porn.

 

by LuckyGuess
2-01-06
Come on... just wish God away. You know you want to.
No! No! I can't!
But you must!
Can you guarantee my ex husbands eternal suffering and pain?
You know it.

 

by LuckyGuess
2-01-06
You seen Brokeback Mountain yet? I heard it's not that bad.
It's pretty good, but the male love scene was tough to watch for me.
That can't be good.
Michelle! Dear God, the pain! Stop this madness!! AAAAAAAGH!
This is SO worth it.

 

by LuckyGuess
2-01-06
Join the Young Republicans Guild!
I'm an Independent.
Do you support America?
That doesn't even make sense.
Join the Young Republicans Guild!
What else are you programmed to say?

 

by LuckyGuess
2-02-06
Join the GSA!
GSA?
Gay-Straight Alliance!
Nah, I'll pass.
Aren't you gonna leave?
I'm sort of afraid to turn around.

 

by LuckyGuess
2-02-06
Join the Drama Club!
I'm already a member of Drama Club.
In fact, I do more work for the club than every council member put together.
Sir, you're holding up the line.
If I weighed more than 110 pounds I'd beat your theatrical ass.

 

by LuckyGuess
2-03-06
Would you like to join the Anime club?
No.
Would you like to join the Japanese club?
That's practically the same thing as the Anime club. Maybe you guys should merge.
4000 Years Ago
To seal the demon lord Onimaru, we must split our club in two. We shall represent the Japanese culture and history.
Then we shall represent a cheap Americanized imitation whose members dress up like animal people.

 

by LuckyGuess
2-04-06
I've always wanted to live in the big city.
I prefer the ocean.
Why?
Less ethnics.

 

by LuckyGuess
2-04-06
RARR! TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE...
RARR! TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE MAPQUEST!

 

by LuckyGuess
2-04-06
Hooray! You saved us! Thank you, Heroman!
No problem, people of Large City! All in a days work!
"BRRAAAAACK!"
H...Heroman?
Oh COME ON! I just saved you from a 200 foot tall laser shooting monster. I get flatulence priveleges.

 

by LuckyGuess
2-05-06
You watching the Super Bowl?
Nah. I always hated football.
I always hated football.... hated football.... hated football...
That probably wasn't good.
What's that noise? It sounds like hundreds of thousands of middle aged men running in this direction.

 

by LuckyGuess
2-05-06
Join the Car Club!
If you can give me one good reason to join, I will.
We like cars!
I just felt some brain cells die.

 

by LuckyGuess
2-05-06
Oh man, this poster sucks! Who's this for?
Sorry, I was just doing something very intellectual that you probably wouldn't be able to comprehend.
I can comprehend that your poster sucks.
This is GATE. Nothing we do 'sucks'.
If your poster is any indication, then yes it does.

 

by LuckyGuess
2-05-06
Would you like to join the Dungeons and Dragons Guild?
Not really.
I roll a saving throw to determine if I can convince you to stay!
A twenty-two? Technically, I just killed you. If you want, we can reroll. Just make sure the DM doesn't catch us.
Goodbye.

 

by LuckyGuess
2-05-06
If you drink 7up, beautiful women will massage your genitals.
Hey, is that a 7up?
You lied to me. YOU LIED.

 

by LuckyGuess
2-06-06
Hey Jared, just wanted to tell you that I accidentaly made a shitty comic on your account.
You did what?!
When I get back, you are SO dead.
Hey Jared, just wanted to tell you that I accidentaly sent nude baby photos of you to everyone on your mailing list.
Why? Why, God? Why?

 

by LuckyGuess
2-06-06
You bitch! I just asked one fucking question and you blow up at me? Fuck you!
Did you hear that, mom? Are you going to let him get away with that sort of language?
Jared, you're grounded for two weeks!
Might as well ground him for three. You know, make it a good, solid number.
He fell.

 

by LuckyGuess
2-06-06
Did you know that the Board of Directors decided to cut thrirty percent of the work force today?
News to me.
We could get fired, you know.
No we won't. You're a bench and I'm a penis.
Point taken.
Damn straight.

 

When you print a comic and the next day your building is on fire.
Who's laughing now, bitches?
by LuckyGuess, 2-07-06

 

When you take a bite out of a drumstick and your lips don't make the return trip.
AAAAAAAGH!
Who's laughing now, bitches?
by LuckyGuess, 2-07-06

 

by LuckyGuess
2-07-06
Mom and dad are fighting a lot.
I bet I got a better quote from them than you.
Yesterday mom told me that dad was an unfeeling prick.
Yesterday dad told me mom never wanted to have sex with him because he had a small, wrinkly penis.
You win.
No, Tommy. No I didn't.

 

by LuckyGuess
2-08-06
Mom made me breakfast today.
It was a delicious heap of scrambled eggs, four crisp slices of white toast slathered with delicious honey and jam, and a stack of fluffy golden pancakes with imported maple syrup from Canada.
Dad and I shared a tub of four month old mint ice cream and dipping Doritos.
He's still upset?
Possibly.

 

by LuckyGuess
2-08-06
RIIIIING
Class over! Bye, all!
Jared, wait.
....You. I fucking hate you. Fuck off. You're not my friend. You're just another immature little bitch. You broke my heart and took a shit on it. I hope you burn in the eighth circle for all eternity.
Are we friends or not?
You're frothing at the mouth a little. Might wanna get that.

 

by LuckyGuess
2-08-06
As it stands, I can't bear the sight, sound, or mere presence of you. It makes me very angry and I usually feel like shit the entire time.
If someone asked me to, I could make a map of you and your wino boyfriends make out spots during passing periods, all conveniently located in my walking path.
You still cause me anxiety, anxiety that was going away until you started this conversation right now. I never want to see you again. EVER.
So, are we friends?

 

by LuckyGuess
2-08-06
If you REALLY want to be friends, I ask you to at least not make out during passing periods. I know I'm asking a lot, and if you don't want to stop I won't force you.
In terms of friendship, we'll see how this arrangement works out. Last time you practically jumped his cock a foot from where I was standing, in my office, while I was working.
I'll stop.
The Next Day
Mmmmm... *smack* I love kissing you.... *smack*....
OKAY, SERIOUSLY, WHAT THE FUCK?!

 

by LuckyGuess
2-09-06
Okay Mom, click the search icon to do a search.
*click click*
You only have to click once.
*click click*
This is going to be difficult.
Why did two pages come up?

 

by LuckyGuess
2-09-06
Now click the button that says "Send."
*click click*
Okay, you just sent it twice.
*click click*
Stop clicking everything twice!
*click click*

 

by LuckyGuess
2-09-06
Now don't click this twice, because it's account information and you'll have to enter it over again.
*click click*

 

by LuckyGuess
2-09-06
Why do I have to redo my account information?
Because you clicked the accept button twice and you overrode your first entry.
This is your fault! You're grounded!
How does that justify your mistake?
*click click*

 

by LuckyGuess
2-10-06
Deep In The Argon Forest, In The Farthest Province of The Galapagos Islands, Scientists Are Making New Discoveries.
Look at this! It's a new species of snail!
With Each New Plant And Animal, The Scientists Must Take Tests To Find Out More About Each One.
Hehe. I've never seen this kind of snail get salted before.
Results Tend To Vary.
Oh shit.
Oh shit is right.

 

by LuckyGuess
2-12-06
I'm the most popular character on the site.
That's nice.
I have the highest proportion of appearences in new profiles.
I didn't use you in my first comic.
Look at this! Look what you missed out on! Gold! Gold!
Please leave.

 

by LuckyGuess
2-12-06
Oh, Mikey. You're so romantic.

 

by LuckyGuess
2-12-06
In recent news, Dick Cheney shot his lawyer on a hunting trip.
RARR! DICK CHENEY WILL CORNHOLE YOU!
We are being informed that the lawyer was hit in the face and genitals with buckshot. We have been told that the Vice-President says it was an accident.
RARR! DICK CHENEY REQUIRES BLOOD SACRIFICE!
WHERE IS DICK CHENEY'S LAWYER?! DICK CHENEY MUST FINISH WHAT DICK CHENEY BEGAN!
Oh, wow, the Vice-President! Right this way, sir.

 

by LuckyGuess
2-13-06
I don't get it. Why don't more people use us in comics?
We don't have much comedic potential.
Lies! I bet we'd be hilarious in... say... a war comic!
Are you serious?
Aim for the gunners! The gunners, private!
I'M A GOD DAMN EMU YOU STUPID SHIT!

 

by LuckyGuess
2-13-06
Whoa! I showed up in a random layout!
Cool.
It's not a glamorous as I thought it would be.
It never is.

Showing page 5.

« Previous Next »