All comics by UnknownEric

Profile

 

by UnknownEric
8-12-03
At Graham Nash's house.
Just a minute...
*knock knock*
David... why'd you cut off all your hair?
I did it for world peace, man.
World peace?!?!
Yeah, I figure each strand of hair can now go and save a fucking WHALE, man.

 

by UnknownEric
8-12-03
So why are you here, David?
Well, I wuz hopin' you could help me come up with new plans for world peace.
Okay. How about we initiate a letter writing campaign to the UN protesting nuclear weapons.
Ehhh...
Or we could hold concerts to raise money to help developing nations.
I was kinda hoping for something involving Gina Lollobrigida and a wicked acid trip...

 

by UnknownEric
8-12-03
Just then, Stephen Stills drops by.
Oh, hey Steven... can you help me create a plan for world peace?
We could play "Suite: Judy Blue Eyes."
Will that create world peace?
No, I just really want more royalties.
Fuck you, man.

 

by UnknownEric
8-16-03
Wow! Stephen Stills! You're my hero!
Really?
No.

 

by UnknownEric
8-16-03
You're beautiful. Sleep with me.
Okay.
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
Thanks.

 

by UnknownEric
8-18-03
Where have all the cowboys gaw-aw-awwwwwwn!
We're right here, you dumb bitch.

 

by UnknownEric
8-20-03
RAAR! TOBOR WI...
RAAAR! XER-T WILL CORNHOLE YOU!
RAAR! YOU OWE TOBOR SOME SERIOUS FUCKING ROYALTIES!

 

by UnknownEric
8-21-03
RAAR! TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE YOU!
GRRR! GNILKNAPS WOULD LIKE TO BE CORNHOLED!
I DON'T KNOW... WOULD THAT BE CONSIDERED "FAIR USE" OR PROTECTED PARODY?

 

by UnknownEric
8-21-03
You forgot my spackle!

 

by UnknownEric
8-22-03
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO A GREAT COUPLE!
Aren't you glad I never told your wife about that whore in Korea?
Love, your old army buddy.
Suckied, suckied, for fie dollah.

 

by UnknownEric
8-22-03
So your girlfriend is having a baby!
Ever hear of a condom, you little shit?

 

by UnknownEric
8-22-03
So you knocked up my daughter.
Love, Mr. Roberts.
I'm coming for you.

 

by UnknownEric
8-26-03
Right at this very moment...
Ohmigod ohmigod ohmigod, we hit an iceberg. We're gonna die!
Quick, everybody! Get in line for the lifeboats!
someone... somewhere...
...is waiting in the wrong line.
Dude, is this the line for Dave Matthews tickets?

 

by UnknownEric
8-26-03
So you finally got to third base...
Don't worry, Billy, wiffle ball is a hard game! You'll get that run eventually!

 

by UnknownEric
8-26-03
On the glorious occasion of your bachelor party, there's a truth you should know before you take that plunge.
Love, Joe the Best Man and Fred, his slightly retarded brother.
We totally had the bride-to-be in a three-way about six weeks before you met her.
That was awesome, man!

 

by UnknownEric
8-27-03
Thank you for coming today, Mr. Wigglesworth. We need to talk to you about your consulting job.
No prob, Bob.
Now, when we hired you to retitle our journal "American Digest of Mental Retardation" we expected a short, snappy and intriguing name.
Yeah. And...
Somehow, "Tard Digest" wasn't what we had in mind.

 

by UnknownEric
8-27-03
At the Cape Cod Baseball League Awards.
And to our 2003 Champions, the Orleans Cardinals, I would now like to present the trophy known as Mycock.
ACK!
Good lord!
Aye, it's a wee trophy, innit?
Sir, I'm gonna have to ask you to put that thing away.

 

by UnknownEric
8-28-03
Hi, Luann!
Ohmigod ohmigod ohmigod, he's talking to me.
I swallow!

 

by UnknownEric
8-29-03
Hi, Mr. Wilson!
Oh for cripes sake, Dennis. Stop scaring me like that.
Gosh, I'm sorry, Mr. Wilson.
You know what this means, Dennis, don't you?
Another game of "poke the tiger."
Get down on all fours and roar...

 

by UnknownEric
8-29-03
There's a pussy between your legs!
Yeah, I KNOW that, you pervert!
There's a pussy between your legs!
Oh my God, I'm going to go find a cop!
Damn it, would you please STOP standing between girls' legs?!?!
Meow.

 

by UnknownEric
9-10-03
Hey, look at that sign. Fick for mayor. Let's change the "i" to a "u"!
No, no. Change the "F" to a "D".
I TO A U!
F TO A D!
LATER...
Does that sign say "Duck for mayor?"
I didn't even know I was running.

 

by UnknownEric
9-11-03
Eric, you are the sexiest man alive. I must have you! I need you in me!
Ummm, SURE!
Wait! I must be a part of this! Can I join in?
Only if we can make out first!
This is usually the point where I wake up...
Is there room for one more?
Boy, IS there!

 

by UnknownEric
9-15-03
Hey Joe.
Hey Joe.
O My God!
O My God!
Synchronicity I!
Synchronicity II!

 

by UnknownEric
9-15-03
Look! A maze!
No, Billy, we call it "corn."
Hello?

 

by UnknownEric
9-17-03
You're such a pussy.
You're such a cock.

 

by UnknownEric
9-18-03
Welcome to the 2003 Book Awards. This year we had a hard decision to make in choosing the finalists for book of the year. And the nominees are...
"Yellow River" by I.P. Freeley... "Rustling in the Bushes" by Izzy Honor...
...and "What Happened in the Back Seat?" by Betty Humpter...

 

by UnknownEric
9-19-03
Yarrrr. Me penis be risin'.

 

by UnknownEric
9-24-03
Honey! Honey! Where are you?
I'm in the other room, sweetheart. Why?
I've managed to turn myself invisible.
Invincible? Wow! So if I shoot you with this gun I'm holding...
BLAM.
Hello?

 

by UnknownEric
9-24-03
I can't believe Finkleman is dead.
I know. It's such a shock.
Wow, doesn't it seem like just yesterday he was tied up on the floor, being anally penetrated by TOBOR while you jacked off into his hair.
Umm... I never did that with him.
Me either.
Let's go have a taco.

 

by UnknownEric
9-27-03
Hello, Mr. Wigglesworth, have you come up with a snappy new title for our journal?
Sure have! It was so simple! Your current title is The Journal of the Federation of American Pedagogy. To simplify it, just abbreviate!
So it becomes...
The Journal of FAP!
Somehow I'm not sure if that will attract the right readership.
It'll help circulation though!

 

by UnknownEric
9-28-03
Mr. Knickers, you are the first chimp to land on the moon. And as President of the Unit... wait... can you pan the camera over there? What's that?!?!
Welcome to Chicka's Moon Pies. Can I take your order?
It was like that when I got here.

 

by UnknownEric
10-03-03
Hi, Ronald! What are you doing?
Yo, I pourin' out a Chocolate Shake fo' my dead homies.
Your de... Ronald, what are you talking about?
Yo, Grimace got the beat down from those BK muthafuckas last week.
McDonald's. Knamean?
Are you on crack?
Don't wizzle my kadizzle, bitch!

 

by UnknownEric
10-06-03
I have a picture of Justin Timberlake on my desktop.
I've got a sexy shirtless picture of James Marsters on mine.
What about you, Pete? What do you have on your desktop?
A picture of Uranus.
I meant the planet...

 

by UnknownEric
10-14-03
Good evening and welcome to Channel 3 Eyewitness News. I'm Hugh Jerry Olas...
...and I'm Betty Humpter. Kobe's penis. Weapon of ass destruction? More on that story later.
But first, Iraq. Sounds like IROC. Is this country trying to appeal to race fans with its name? With more on that story, here's Betty.
Actually, Hugh, breaking news out of California says that Governor Schwarzenegger was attacked with another egg. Arnold assures constituents that it's "not a tumor."

 

by UnknownEric
10-17-03
*click*
zzzzzzzzzzzz...
Hey, what were you doing sleeping in my room?
This is MY room. What are you doing in here?
Can I interest you in a copy of the Watchtower?

 

by UnknownEric
10-17-03
And so he said, "Zoom!"
Hahaha! That was great. So this comic is done now?
No! We haven't fulfilled our quota of references to Kiwi pop and old school punk rock fronted by women!
Oh crap. Here we go...
...and my new laws take effect.
The Clean! The Chills! The Jean Paul Sartre Experience!
X-Ray Spex! The Slits! "Love in a Void" by Siouxsie and the Banshees!

 

by UnknownEric
10-18-03
Hi, Chicka! Can I take your picture later?
Uhh, sure, I guess. What for?
For this cool project I came up with based on a Duran Duran song I heard.
Really? Which song?
"Gias on Film."
Uhh, there's something I should tell you.

 

by UnknownEric
10-22-03
I can't take anymore. I'm going to do it...
What's the hubbub, Bub? I'm God, and I'm here to tell you not to kill yourself. You have a great adventure ahead of you!
A great adventure? Maybe I should live! Maybe life is great! Maybe I should celebrate life!
Oh, and here comes the adventure now!
That wasn't God, was it?
Shut up, bitch.

 

by UnknownEric
10-22-03
Oh, thank god I survived that horrible near death drowning experience.
Actually, little girl...
Santa! What are you doing here?
Well, Christmas alone can't pay all my bills. For the rest of the year, I moonlight as the Grim Reaper.
But you're the jolly man! Mr. Ho-ho-ho and presents and mistletoe. How can you represent Death?
You know how much it costs to feed and house reindeer, babe?

 

by UnknownEric
10-24-03
Boy, how much crap do you think gets thrown in here on a daily basis?
Hard to say...
Can I interest you in a copy of the Watchtower?

 

by UnknownEric
10-24-03
Boy, how much crap do you think gets thrown in here on a daily basis?
Hard to say...
Does Nick from the Backstreet Boys count as crap or arse?

 

by UnknownEric
10-29-03
Hiya, Joe.
Howdy do, Ern.
Seen Ed around?
Not since sensitivity training.
For the last time, Ed. It's not REALLY a railroad. You can't buy a ticket.
But I wanna see Underground!

 

by UnknownEric
10-29-03
Hiya, Joe.
Howdy do, Ern.
Seen Ed around?
Not since sensitivity training.
Can I interest you in a copy of the Watchtower?
Sure, slave... I mean... DAMMIT, I'm NEVER gonna get this straight.

 

by UnknownEric
10-29-03
La la la la la... I'll just cut through this graveyard on my way ho... wait... what was that???
*snap* *crackle* *pop*
Oh my god! What do you want???
Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal savior?
AAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!
Oh man, what am I doing WRONG? Pastor Bill is going to be so angry.

 

by UnknownEric
11-01-03
I'm here reporting live with education expert Dick Hug, who has a radical plan for state college tuition.
That's right. I suggest that tuition be doubled in order to make up for the loss in state funding and to expand academic programs.
For those who cannot afford such a steep rise, the increase in tuition will also enable us to increase the amount we can give as financial aid. Wouldn't you agree with this plan?
I'm sorry, I wasn't listening. Is your name REALLY Dick Hug?

 

by UnknownEric
11-03-03
Linus, what are you doing in this deserted cemetery late at night?
I'm waiting for the Great TOBOR, Charlie Brown!
The Great TOBOR? Linus, have you been huffing your blanket?
No, No, Charlie Brown! Every year on November 8th, the Great TOBOR rises from the most sincere cemetery and cornholes all those waiting for him.
You're really fucked up, friend.
Oh, and who jacks off to pictures of the little red haired girl every night?

 

by UnknownEric
11-03-03
Man, the Great TOBOR has GOT to pick this cemetery. It's so sincere! There's no sign of hypocrisy anywhere!
Hi, I'm collecting signatures for Pro-Lifers For The Death Penalty. Will you sign please?
Sure!
Oh, goddamnit.

 

by UnknownEric
11-03-03
Linus, get your stupid ass back to our house now!
Lucy, I can't! The Great TOBOR is coming!
God, every year I have to hear about this Great TOBOR! You're the laughing stock of the neighborhood, Linus. Why can't you believe in Santa Claus like the rest of us?
Santa Claus, what does he do?
Watches you year round in your most private moments, then, if you're good, breaks into your house, eats your cookies and leaves a present or two.
Wow, where do I sign up. And in case the sarcasm wasn't evident, let me emphasize that I was being sarcastic.

 

by UnknownEric
11-03-03
So let me get this straight... the Great TOBOR will rise from a graveyard and cornhole everyone in sight.
That's right!
So you WANT to be anally raped by a robot with a huge telescoping phallus?
Uhh...
Hey, I think there's a hockey game on ESPN2, let's go check that out!

 

by UnknownEric
11-03-03
RAAAAAAR! TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE YOU!!!
*chirp chirp*
raaar. Crickets too small to cornhole...

Showing page 5.

« Previous Next »