All comics by boorite

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by boorite
8-17-01
I got you a little present, dear. It's in your room.
Cool!
WHAT? You've gotta be shitting me!
Button up, Junior. C'mere and lemme tell your fortune.
Mom, what's pederast, and why would I do it to my cereal?

 

by boorite
8-17-01
MAKE A WISH
I wish I was BIG!
HOW BIG?
Real, REAL big!
IT IS DONE
Uh... you didn't call "no take-backs," did you?

 

by boorite
8-20-01
Whatcha gonna do when you get outta jail?
I'm gonna have some fun!
What do you consider fun?
Fun, nasty fun!
Bohannon Bohannon Bohannon Bohannon Bohannon Bohannon Bohannon Bohannon Bohannon Bohannon
And you may tell yourself, "This is not my entire backing band!" Haw haw haw!

 

by boorite
8-23-01
I CAN'T HEAR YOU! SOME IDIOT IS YELLING INTO HER CELL PHONE!
I CAN'T HEAR YOU! SOME IDIOT IS YELLING INTO HER CELL PHONE!

 

by boorite
9-06-01
Gabe, you just won't cooperate with your costars.
What are you going to do about it?
I'd at least like an explanation why.
Well, I think I got it from Dad. He's got some anger management problems...
That kid of mine is causing trouble again. Good for him.

 

by boorite
9-06-01
Descolada, why aren't you feeding the pigeons again today?
Too broke for breadcrumbs. Oh, and fuck you for asking.
Your ex-employer is a whopping tool for axing everyone on short notice.
He didn't need us. Said he'd buy a manual and run the machines himself.
This piece of shit doesn't even HAVE an ANY key!

 

by boorite
9-10-01
Watcha doin'?
Playin' car. VROOOM! VROOOOOOM!
When was the last time you changed your oil?
I dunno. VROOOOOOOM SCREEECH VRRRR
BOOM! CLACKITA CLACKITA CLACKITA CLACKITA

 

by boorite
9-10-01
So y'see officer, I was talkin' to this john when all of a sudden--

 

by boorite
9-17-01
Welcome to the Church of Arse. Reverend Boorite is with us, on sabbatical from the Academie des Beaux Arse.
Unfortunately, the sanctuary has burned to the ground. We suspect arson.
Yes, and to catch the perpetrators, we shall employ our full arsenal.
Because we arse the champions, my friends.
Damn, these jokes are a BIG pile of arse.
I'm about to take arsenic.

 

by boorite
9-17-01
Gimme a C, a bouncy C.
Iiiiiiiiif YOU knew newbies like WE knew newbies, oh oh, I'm gonna hurl!
There's none so sassy and pain-in-the-assy! "Please read my comics"-- how very classy!
They go trolling, they needn't wait. Wired for cornholing, Tobor loves to take the bait.
If you knew newbies like we knew newbies
Oh oh, I'm gonna huuuuuuuuuuurl!

 

by boorite
9-17-01
So I wonder what this Church of Arse is all ab-- GAH!
Do not fear. This is the Reformed Church of Arse.
Reformed?
Yes, you'll find us quite liberal. Would you like to discuss theology? Go ahead. Ask Tobor a question.
Ok. Umm... if God is all-loving and all-knowing, then why does He--
RAAAAAAAR! TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE YOU!

 

by boorite
9-17-01
Lester Bangs shows IndyPete around Rock n Roll Heaven
And over here we have the commissary...
Hey, Bono's not dead yet. What's he doing here?
What? Where?
Right there, leaning against the Funyuns display.
Oh, that's Jesus. He just THINKS he's Bono.
Funyuns rock.

 

by boorite
9-17-01
I'd like to be a rock musician, but I'm too smart. I'd like a brain transplant, please.
Ah, yes. We have bass player brains for a hundred, guitarist brains for fifty, and vocalist brains for thirty-five.
Gee, that seems cheap. How much for a drummer's brain?
Cost you a million.
What? Why so much?
Never been used.

 

by boorite
9-17-01
Hey, Doc. We've been worried sick about you since your brain surgery. We heard they removed twice as much cerebrum as they intended.
So how you feeling, Doc?
Doc?
GO REDSKINS!

 

by boorite
9-19-01
Those "urgent" emails you sent out were pretty funny.
"Help, an alien brain parasite is taking over my body!" Where do you get this stuff?
Got any tuna?

 

by boorite
9-20-01
The first rule of fight club is that you do not talk about fight club.
And what if I do?
Then you and me are gonna fight.
But isn't that the whole point?

 

by boorite
9-22-01
RAAAAAR! TOBOR WILL CO-STAR IN TELETHON!
Sure, why not? Pitch me your concept.
TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE, AND WHEN THAT IS ACCOMPLISHED, TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE SOME MORE!
I see. And how does that help the recovery effort, exactly?
HELP WHAT?

 

by boorite
9-23-01
Somewhere in cyberspace, an artist straddles the boundary between the world of his experience and the world of his dreams.
He sees the intangible realities which float near us, formless and without words; realities which are excluded for lack of interpreters. The artist's purpose, then, is to act as interpreter.
But sometimes his art achieves a purpose which is not his own.

 

by boorite
9-23-01
An ordinary day in Stripworld
Hey, I picked up "Kant and the Platypus" in hardcover for ten bucks.
I'll want to borrow that when you're done. I'm about halfway through "A Theory of Semiotics."
Suddenly...
Mwuuuuhhhh. Now it begins.
Oh, Christ! Noooooooo!
i ToLD U I haVen'T GOT ANY NUTS j00 st00p1D SQURREL!!1
LOL U got NO nuts!!

 

by boorite
9-23-01
You're late.
It happened again, Maura. The strangest feeling came over me, and then I spent the next several hours cracking dick jokes with a squirrel. It's like we were possessed.
Sure you were. Anything to get out of-- *FFFRRRRAAAAAPPP*
Jesus!
Um... I'm posessed, too?
Now do you believe me?

 

by boorite
9-23-01
Maybe this is happening to lots of us, but we're too embarrassed to talk about it.
We should ask around. Hey there goes Asiangirl1...
Have you noticed anything weird going on latey? Odd behavior? Strange compulsions?
Lady, my sister and I spend at least half of every day hustling five dollar blowjobs in a jive-ass Charlie Chan accent.
So nothing weird, then?
I'll get you for that.

 

by boorite
9-23-01
We're clearly experiencing some disturbing phenomenon. If only we had some way of telling when or where it'll strike.
Yeah, like an early warning system.
Mwuuuuuuh. Now it begins.
SUCKY SUCKY FI DOLLA!
That was interesting.
What was interesting?

 

by boorite
9-23-01
Don't you see, Gabe? You've got some kind of... sensitivity. Whatever this thing is, you're somehow tuned in to it.
Yes! Only you can fight these demons! We must take you to Dr. Pedantic for advice!
Um, I'm not really into the heroism thing. And does the Doc still have that big, red robot?
You mean Tobor? Sure, he-- HEY!
He certainly runs fast for a pencil-necked geek.

 

by boorite
9-23-01
Gabe flees, but with his newfound second sight, he cannot escape the agony.
[EXPLETIVE]
Bein' Prezzdunt is faaaan-taculous!
Bet you didn't see this coming.
I can see right up your little blue ARSE.
I DO NOT SUCK DICK!
Just keeeep walking. Nothing to see here. Just minding my own business. Hm hm hm hm.

 

by boorite
10-03-01
Secretary of the Lechery
10,000 Buttfucking Jokes
Untied States of Assholia
Sodomy is the soul of wit.
E Pluribus Anum
Secretary of the Lechery
10,000 Buttfucking Jokes

 

by boorite
10-03-01
5 Smoking Manholes
John
Untied States of Assholia
Paul
George
5 Smoking Manholes
RAAAAAAAAR!

 

by boorite
10-04-01
Is that a 400-year-old sword in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?
Who is your master?
Uh...
WHO is your MASTER?
I see where this is going, and I don't like it.
WHO IS YOUR MASTER?

 

by boorite
10-05-01
Everything I say is a lie, and I'm lying now! ...We had to destroy Vietnam in order to save it! Our relationship is so secure that I think we could see other people!
* whhhhrrr * grind * CORNHOLING APPLICATION SUSPENDED. PROCESSING DATA.
Whew! Did you see that? My ability to think "outside the box" just saved my hide-- again! That red robot just came outta nowhere with its gyrating hydraulic--
It's OK! Don't try to talk.
But I'm not injured.
I know. But have you ever listened to yourself?

 

by boorite
10-08-01

 

by boorite
10-10-01
Honey, I think having an affair would be more trouble than it's worth.
Oh, I disagree!
I'm dead, aren't I?

 

by boorite
10-12-01
moh!
Bollocks!
moh!
Bollocks!
moh!
BOLLOCKS!

 

by boorite
10-12-01
I'd just like to kick off our friendship by saying you can forget about romance or sex with me, because there's never a chance in hell that I'd be attracted to you.
I see. Thanks for letting me know in advance.
And now our feature presentation.
I don't mind seeing movies alone because I'm comfortable with ME.

 

by boorite
10-12-01
I'm glad we can hang out. See, you're "safe."
Safe? What the FUCK?
Well, yeah. It's not like I'd ever be--
GAH! Twist the knife, why dontcha?
But you're MARRIED. And 20 years OLDER. And I'm a LESBIAN.
LET ME HAVE MY DREEEEEEAAAMS!

 

by boorite
10-15-01
I'd like to buy this sandwich and a cup of coffee, please.
You can't. I'm all out of change.
Let me get this straight. You run out of change during lunchtime, and you're not gonna go get more or call anyone or do anything.
That's pretty much it!
Next!

 

by boorite
10-15-01

 

by boorite
10-15-01

 

by boorite
10-15-01
My cerebroscope allows me to see people's thoughts. Allow me to demonstrate on this subject, Fucktard the Perpetual Newbie.
D00D!!!1
Success! I can read his mind!
RAWK!!!

 

by boorite
10-16-01
'Heineken'? Freak that stuff! Pabst Blue Ribbon! Want me to pour the beer, Frank? No, I want you to freak it!
Here's to your freak, Frank. I'll freak anything that moves!
I'll send you a love letter! Straight from my heart, freaker! You know what a love letter is? It's a bullet from a freaking gun, freaker! You receive a love letter from me, you're freaked forever!
Blue Velvet is actually more disturbing this way.

 

by boorite
10-16-01
It's your feedback from Stripcreator.
Thanks. "Dear Kevin Keegan's Perm. . ."
Oh my. . .
Bad?
I'll say. I don't even think "smegmatic" is a real word.

 

by boorite
10-19-01
Ah, the hobby shop. Doesn't that just take you back?

 

by boorite
10-19-01
The one on the left is male? How can you tell?
Plumage, stupid.

 

by boorite
10-19-01
What's to smile about, leftover hippie-boy?
I'm baked!

 

by boorite
10-21-01
Why did the farmer build his hog pen on the LEFT side of the road?
To keep his hog in?
Haw haw, right you are. Now: Why does Uncle Sam wear red, white, and blue suspenders?
To keep his pants up?
I thought it was to keep his hog in.
This is a family show, God dammit.

 

by boorite
10-21-01
Nyah nyah, I'm insulting you, and you can't do a damned thing about it because you're just a scrawny little rooster.
Cock-a-doodle-doo, you miserable chicken. Your mother was a fryer and your father--
Cut it out, Maura.
She's such a cock tease.

 

by boorite
10-21-01
Mr. President, when President Putin spoke of "certain parameters" regarding the 1972 Anti-Ballistic Missile Treaty, to what was he referring?
Huh huh... huh huh huh....
Hahahahahahaha.
Do you have some secret information up your sleeve, Mr. President?
You said "pootin'."

 

by boorite
10-25-01
Someone shot down our mothership. I'm gonna go vaporize me some humans.
Wait! They just happened to be standing nearby. Besides, you'll just give them a reason to hate you.
Did I mention that I am having a very, very bad day?
*ulp* ...Righto, carry on, then.

 

by boorite
11-02-01
I wonder why everyone hates Glaswegians.
Glass what?
Glaswegians. People from Glasgow.
Where?
Glasgow. Scotland.
Scotland has cities now?

 

by boorite
11-05-01
AIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEE!
That tears it! Either management reprimands the Lava Troll, or I quit.

 

by boorite
11-05-01
YOU WILL BE ASSIMILATED!
On second thought, you're uglier than a hatful of assholes, so forget it.

 

by boorite
11-05-01

Showing page 5.

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