All comics by brycekain

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by brycekain
3-04-13
I don't care how hot they say she is. I'm not fisting Kim Kardashian.

 

by brycekain
3-06-13
So today is National "Spread the Word to End the Word" day, so people will stop saying the "R" word.
You mean "Republican?"
Um, no...
"Racist?" "Rape?" "Religion?" "Rimjob?" "Rectum?"
"RETARD!" The WORD is "RETARD!" You FUCKING IDIOT!
Do these people have jobs?

 

by brycekain
3-12-13
Ok, to become my disciple you gotta go into the barn, suck on a cow's tit, and film it for my youtube page.
Are you sure you're the messiah?
Get in the barn, bukkaki breath.

 

by brycekain
3-21-13
What do you mean don't go in that door?
I've had a change of heart.
There's a dead hooker in there, isn't there?
If by dead you mean "sodomized" and by hooker you mean "the mangled corpse of a coked-up Casey Anthony look-alike" then.... maybe?

 

by brycekain
3-24-13
I just pooped a baby!

 

by brycekain
3-28-13
I thought Choadwarrior was going to judge this thing a couple of days ago?
He had a change of heart.
You ready to go back in there?
I thought Joan Rivers was past menopause.

 

by brycekain
4-20-13
... an unusual American tradition in the US Senate allows a senator to hold the floor unless 2/3 of the other senators vote to end the debate...
...in the past, this meant that a senator could stand on the floor and hold up a vote by talking endlessly (these days, all they do is threaten to filibuster and that is enough to stall)...
Some guys would read the phone book, others would tell long, boring stories from their childhood. If enough senators conspired together, they could talk continually for days and days to block...
WOULD YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LET ME DO A COMIC ALREADY?!?

 

by brycekain
4-24-13
Hey, PC1-1...?
Yes, PC1-2?
Ragu4u just started a new comic competition called "MCC" where inanimate objects are supposed to talk to eachother. But I don't even know what the MCC stands for, do you?
M stands for "Matrimonial," which has to do with the marriage of the next two words. The next words are "Comic" and "Contest." But come on. Freud would deduce that they are completely self explanatory
What?
I fucked your sister.

 

by brycekain
4-26-13
Good afternoon, sister. I am going door to door collecting for the victims in Boston.
Oh yes, I saw that on the news. I'll be praying for them.
Or you could do something that'll actually HELP them and donate a dollar to the Red Cross...?
Mr. Christ, your followers are selfish, lazy cunts.

 

by brycekain
5-25-13
I am the Prophet Mohammed! I am here to spread the homosexual agenda with bacon-flavored atheist buttplugs!
I wonder if I'll get any hate mail for this one?

 

by brycekain
6-05-13
I'd like to get a new cell phone. This Samsung locks up on me all the time. What can I get to replace it?
I would recommend getting the new Samsung 2.0
But I don't want a Samsung. This piece of crap hasn't worked right since day one and I'll be damned if I buy another Samsung ever again.
In that case I would recommend getting this Sprint home phone line installed for only $299. It works for all your phones and gadgets.
You've just stopped trying, haven't you?
I gave up the day they hired me.

 

by brycekain
6-19-13
I can't believe you got us stuck in this!
I can't believe we booked this damn trip to Alaska.
Wait, what happened to the rest of the car?
I farted.
This isn't snow!?!
You, sir, squirt a lot of man juice when I call you Bob Sagget.

 

by brycekain
6-20-13
...and then you want to add a little hot sauce and a dash of bourbon.
Sir, I think I already know how to get the taste of your mother's vagina out of my mouth.

 

by brycekain
6-22-13
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
UUUUUUUUUUUUUU
UUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!
Yup. Told you someday you'd have kids like you. Suck it up, ya pussy.

 

by brycekain
7-11-13
(sung to the tune of Those Were the Days)
♫ Bend right over, you fat fuck... ♫
♫ HE'S GUNNA LUBE YOUR ASS RIGHT UP... ♫
♫ Harry has a hard on for... ♫
♫ Sopranos actors he adores... ♫
Ok, let me get this straight. You have Edith Bunker, Jeff Hanneman, Chris Kelly, and Roger Ebert serenading me with a song about butt rape...? I thought this was supposed to be HEAVEN?!
No no, sorry. This is heaven for porn star Harry Reems. Better grease up, Tony boy.

 

by brycekain
8-03-13
Kiss me, ya wench!
I'd rather not...
Pray tell, my fair maiden. Why do you withhold the greatest of treasure in all the lands?
If you must pry, I have a reason dwelling deep within me that I can not fully let go.....
Sadly, the Captain would never have his question answered. Mere moments later, Lady Gwendolen shit her pants. The End.

 

by brycekain
8-09-13
Kiss me, ya wench!
I'd rather not...
THEN I SHALL TAKE WHAT I WANT!
DEAR GOD!! NOOOOOOOO!!! WHERE ARE YOU STICKING THAT THING?!? HOLY FUCK!! AAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!
And that, sir, is where abortions come from.
Why do I keep coming back to Chick-fil-A?

 

by brycekain
8-11-13
What happened?
I have good news and I have bad news...

 

by brycekain
8-17-13
"It is what it is!"
What are you doing?
RCLG started a Comic Contest where we have to say "It is what it is" somewhere in the comic. BryceKain wanted to do a comic for the contest, but he's drunk right now. So this is as good as it gets.
Nice contest idea, but this comic is fucking lame.
Stop being an evil_d.
YOU SON OF A BITCH!

 

by brycekain
11-23-13
Bryce! Where have you been?
Having a life.
No really. Where have you been?
Having a life.
If you don't fuckin' tell me where you've been...
I have 3 boys. A 13 year old juvenile delinquent, an autistic 11 year old, and a hyperactive 8 year old. The opportunity to scare the shit out of me has long passed, fucko.

 

by brycekain
12-06-13
I hate you.
Um, who are you again?
I said I hate you. That is my name. I fucking hate you.
So your name is I. Fucking Hateyou?
The I stands for Issac. I hope you die.
Funny. That's what your mom told me her name was after I plowed her colon.

 

by brycekain
12-06-13
I just died in your arms tonight. It must have been something you said. Broken hearts lie all around me and I don't see an easy way to get out of this.
?
Her diary it sits on the bedside table. The curtains are closed. The cats in the cradle. Who would've thought that a boy like me could come to this?
But the curtains aren't closed.
KHANNNNN!!!!

 

by brycekain
12-06-13
Dolby 3D (formerly known as Dolby 3D Digital Cinema) is a marketing name for a system from Dolby Laboratories, Inc. to show three-dimensional motion pictures in a digital cinema.
Are you kidding me? In computing, the delete character (sometimes also called rubout) is the last character in the ASCII repertoire, with the code 127 (decimal).
Look, whatever. Slavgorodsky (Russian: Славгородский; masculine), Slavgorodskaya (Славгородская; feminine), or Slavgorodskoye (Славгородское; neuter) is the name
AHA! But if you think about it, the Arctic Satellite Composite Project, is a grant funded by the Arctic Sciences division of the National Science Foundation (NSF), and it is a project dedicated to...
Wait wait wait... Ceded Districts is the name of an area in the Deccan, India that was 'ceded' to the British East India Company by the Nizam in 1800. The name is still in sparse current use.
Fuck you! This is bullshit!

 

by brycekain
12-06-13
Like a good neighbor.......
OH GOD, I HATE YOU! GET IT OUT OF MY HEAD!!

 

by brycekain
12-10-13
Right Guard, my ass.

 

by brycekain
12-18-13
Lester, it's good to see that you are becoming more culturally sensitive towards others.
Thank you. In fact, I'm about to go with some friends to celebrate one of the most important festivals celebrated by the Chinese and other East Asians.
Traditionally, the festival is a time for families to get together to make rice, dumplings, and other food and enjoy spending time with one another.
That's wonderful! What's the festival called?
I dunnow. Something about dongs.

 

by brycekain
12-20-13
So, I'm very excited about being here for open mic night. Let's start out with a "knock, knock" joke. Knock, knock!
Fuck you.
Excuse me?
I'm here to talk about MY feelings! Not your damn knock knock jokes! Which, might I add, my mother HATES! She knew you'd never amount to anything! I should've listened to her and married Bob instead!
Maybe I should come back when it's not-so-open mic night...
Oh THAT'S right! Go ahead! Run away from your problems like your father always did. Lousy good for nothing! And would it kill you to put the toilet seat down every now and then??

 

by brycekain
12-20-13
Phil Robertson of Duck Dynasty has come out strongly in a recent GQ interview calling homosexuality a sin and likening it to beastiality and so on. As a representative of GLAAD, how do you respond?
We are calling for a boycott of the show, a boycott of the show's sponsors, and for the removal of Phil Robertson from the network.
But he's just expressing what he believes, which is protected by the first amendment. No matter how asinine that opinion may be to some people, it's still just one person's opinion.
It's not about the first amendment. It�s more about the America we live in today. Where Americans, gay and straight, are able to speak out when people in the public eye make anti-gay remarks.
Do you realize how hypocritical and contradictory that statement is?
I WILL BOYCOTT YOU!!!

 

by brycekain
12-22-13
I heard you playing "Yo mama so fat" with your brother the other day. Just so you know, you don't want to play against me. There is no way you can win.
Oh please, dad, I bet you I can beat you any day of the week!
Ok then, you go first.
A'ight! Yo mama so fat, when she sits around the house, she really sits AROUND THE HOUSE!
Ok, my turn. I'm going to tell your grandmother what you said about her weight and she'll be so upset with you that she'll throw all your Christmas presents away.
AAAHHH!!!!!!

 

by brycekain
1-02-14
As your lawyer, I would advise that you let me hold on to the secrets of Cowboy Physics from here on out.
Agreed. I also have a New Years resolution.
This year I promise not kill anybody over the secrets of Cowboy Physics.
By the way, did you know that I'm on my period?

 

by brycekain
1-03-14
Oooooh.... I am the ghost of Christmas past. You gave gifts this year but don't believe in Jesus..... you must repent..... ooooooh.....
So?
You are spreading the war in Christmas. You're doing everything you can to keep the Christ out of Christmas. Oooooh.....
It's not that hard to do seeing as Jesus never existed and all.
I hate atheists...
And for my next trick, I'll wait four months, not lie to my kids about Easter, and paint hard boiled eggs anyway to propagate the Pagan religion. Ooooohhh.....

 

by brycekain
1-03-14
Follow my comics! Follow my comics! They are the bomb! Like Viet Nam! Yeah, follow my comics!
That's not going to work.
Why not?
You don't have big tits! You don't have big tits! You're like Dan Quayle... Because you're a male... Yeah, you don't have big jugs.
You're right. Maybe Ragu4u will follow me.
He already is. You still suck.

 

by brycekain
1-06-14
The kids went back to school!!!
What should we do?!?
Let's celebrate!!!
YEAH!!!
zzzzzzzzzz
zzzzzzzzzzz

 

by brycekain
1-13-14
Nov. 21, 2013: Scientists have collected bacteria samples from noses, toes, mouths, and belly-buttons and created unique cheeses with them.
BBRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWW *cough cough*

 

by brycekain
1-15-14
Dear Jesus. You created Justin Beiber, so if you could find it in your heart to cause him to overdose on cocai--
Sorry, dude. I didn't create him, so not my department.
Damn...
Dear Satan...
Oh HELL NO!

 

by brycekain
1-17-14
As your lawyer, I am advising that you stop breaking into people's houses.
But... I'm Santa Claus!
Yeah, well, it's the 21st century and nobody believes in that crap anymore.
How will I get all those toys to the good girls and boys?
Ever heard of FedEx?
You mean those guys who deliver my gay porn every month?

 

by brycekain
1-20-14
I don't think marijuana is more dangerous than alcohol. But it's a slippery slope. Who's to say that we shouldn't legalize cocaine?
BECAUSE IT'S FUCKING COCAINE, YOU SPINELESS DICKHOLE! WHO THE FUCK EVER OVERDOSED ON POT?!
Michelle, stick a tampon in it. You know I have to keep being an uncommitted pussy for a few more years.

 

by brycekain
1-23-14
January 24th, 1971: Bill W, the founder of Alcoholics Anonymous passed away at the age of 75.
To this day Bill's AA program continues to help many people who have hardcore addiction problems.
So how did he die?
Funny story...

 

by brycekain
1-24-14
Wow. This contest has gone on for 3 months now. Wonder why it's taking so long to judge?
Oh well...
Better latte than neighbor!
Who the fuck are you?

 

by brycekain
1-27-14
I think something is wrong.

 

by brycekain
2-03-14
Ok, who's next. Philip... Seymour Hoff-- Ah shit.
What?
Dammit, I told them not to send me any more actors!
But who else could entertain like me?
Your less-mongoloid cousin Matt Damon comes to mind.

 

by brycekain
2-03-14
See what's become of me?
While I look around for my possibilities...
it was so hard to see...
Oh, go Garfunkle yourself.

 

by brycekain
2-03-14
You know, this may not be the most appropriate time, but I think I'm gay.
I know.
Want to smell my finger?
Of course.

 

by brycekain
2-04-14
What is this place?
This is the Land of the Fuzzynuts.
Whoah. Is this what I see when I take that medication my doctor gave me?
No, this is what you see when you make a comic after taking said medication.
I think my balls itch.
Welcome to the Land of the Fuzzynuts. No refunds.

 

by brycekain
2-12-14
Mein name is Vernon VITLER! NOT ADOLF HITLER!
Whatever, buddy. Listen your grandma sounds like she's got a cricket up her laden struddle or something. What's going on?
oh... jes, she is feeling of the anger ever since I audition for American TV show with the singing and the dancing.
Oh no...
MY GRANDSON IS PRANCING AROUND IN LEDERHOSEN ON JEWISH HOMOSEXUAL TV SHOW?!?!
JERRY!!!!!!!!!!! JERRY!!!!!!!!!!! JERRY!!!!!!!!!!!

 

by brycekain
2-12-14
It's so beautiful and peaceful up here, looking down on my home planet.
From here I can see no wars, no hatred, no fighting.
Just the sheer majesty of...
I ONCE CHOMPED YOUR SISTER'S PENIS OFF AND ATE IT. NOW I AM GOING TO FART HER PENIS INTO YOUR BELLY BUTTON FOR SCIENCE PURPOSES! WOULD YOU CARE FOR A POPTART BEFORE I RAPE YOUR SEXY UMBILICUS?

 

by brycekain
2-13-14
Snake filled drival. You will not pass.
I didn't ask for your opinion. Hybernate quaintly or I will kill you.
You can't kill me. I am Captain Chickenpants.
AAAAAAAHHHH!!
I warned you. Now I must use your ashes for dong filler. My body is quivering something fierce tonight.

 

by brycekain
2-13-14
We have journied many days to get to this spot. Are you ready for your spirit vision?
Fuck spirit vision. You promised to pay me in fallaffal, now fork it over, Fucknuts.
But you see, that's the thing. You were already given what you asked for. Your bra is made out of the mystical fallaffal you so eagerly desired.
This... ruby red push-up bra... is the key to my salvation...?
Yes. Embrace the oneness of your funky bra. Love it. Cherish it. Fuck it like a pigeon on rampant qualudes.
Let the sperm doner tango begin!

 

by brycekain
2-13-14
You're 92 years old, Abe. How the fuck do you stay alive?? Jesus, man, you're a walking corpse.
Two words: Stem Cells.
Seriously? You're going to pull that South Park Christopher reeve bullshit on me.
Oh no, I don't suck the life force out of them through the back of their necks.
What then?
I stuff 'em up my ass and in 2 weeks, I shit out a whole plate of Ass Burgers. I'm the local vender. Oh, and I sold my soul to Oprah.

 

by brycekain
2-14-14
What is all this?
I am Millionaire Squirrel. This is how much money it costs me to feed my Rogain habit.
But you have the hair of a goddess. Your musk is a flavor rivaled only by Axe Body Spray. You are Donald Trump's worst nightmare.
Donald Trump's hair is my enemy, not the man himself. It is an entity of it's own. It weaves it's own repairs while he sleeps and tells him what to do. His hair must be crushed.
But how do you crush that which can not be crushed?
You use a flamethrower, bitch. What the fuck do I pay you for?

Showing page 5.

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