All comics by ragu4u

 

by ragu4u
10-04-08
Zzzz Zzzz Zzzz
Nana nana nana nana, Nana nana nana nana...
"BATMAN"

 

by ragu4u
10-05-08
Another Sunday here already, Father. Have you come up with a solution to our low attendance?
Trust me, my son. I've invited guest speakers to discuss the waywardness of other denominations. They'll pack the place.
What's that racket in the vestibule?
Oh, they're here. Come to the front my friends and get all set up.
Thank you for inviting us to speak on the Pentacostal Church, Padre!
Yeah, that's why he brought me. Watch as I demonstrate what a "Holy Roller" does.

 

by ragu4u
10-05-08
La dee da dee da.
This little piggy went to market.
Oh what a beautiful morning...
This little piggy stayed home.
But THIS little piggy...well, as you can see, he didn't fare so well!
I hope you choke on me!

 

by ragu4u
10-05-08
In the ER
Are you kiddin doc?
Ok, so I mess up nose. Gimme shot at arm. Maybe I do better.
Well, at least you already got my co-pay and I don't owe another.
Ha! Wrong you are, Sir!

 

by ragu4u
10-05-08
Ha. You call THAT a gun you big hillbilly? I'm a REAL fighting man. I've shot off M-16's, AK-47's, Bazookas....
...50 cals, Mortars and flame throwers. Not to mention RPG's, Tasers, Claymore's and every kind of hand gun you can think...
Enough already!
Sure nuff looks, to this hillbilly, like the biggest thing he EVER shot off was his mouth.

 

I uh....
Say one thing abouts me skivies n I'll cut yer bloody tongue out mate!
by ragu4u, 10-05-08

 

by ragu4u
10-05-08
I reading book called "Underneath the Grandstand" by...
"Seymour"
"Butts"

 

by ragu4u
10-06-08
Today we mourn the loss of a television icon.."Mr. Clean" who, at 93, died, apparantly, from old age.
That's pure hog wash. He was poisoned by his son Oxy Clean, otherwise known as Billy Mays.
But Wait! There's more. If you call within the next 5 minutes we'll send you an autographed picture of Mr. Clean for only $2.95 (plus $15.00 S & H)
That proves it. I'm calling the cops. I can't let him get away with THAT! Also, $15.00 for shipping & handling is a rip off.
Officer I've got info on the Mr. Clean murder and shipping scam.
Murder? Murder you say? You wouldn't be "SHINING" me on, would you? You get it? Mr. Clean? Shining? Aw, forget about it.

 

by ragu4u
10-06-08
"To unclog toilet, take plunger and plunge rapidly until clog breaks free."
That sound simple enough.
Me sure hope this right size plunger.

 

by ragu4u
10-06-08
Yo, Shylock! I may not be all "John Holmes" and whatnot, but what exactly you be lookin fo?
I was looking to see if that's a gun stuck down there or if you're just glad to see me.
Well it ain't no gun, Mr. CSI, it's pure man-sausage, so you best be on your god damned way unless ya'll want a taste. You feel me?
No gun, huh? Well, Oscar Meyer, this just ain't your lucky day. Stick em up!
%&$#@

 

by ragu4u
10-06-08
Holy crap!
????
You shoulda been there. I almost hit him. There he stood in the middle of the road. Eyes glazed over...just like a human in the headlights.

 

by ragu4u
10-07-08
Geneva Switzerland
We spend 50 million dollars on this particle collider and it fails due to a $1.00 soldering job & you smile?
Hey c'mon. There are only 10,000 possible soldering connections to check. It's no biggy.
Geneva Switzerland
We must be able to recreate the "Big Bang" theory or we fail miserably.
Don't worry doctor for I, and my team, work every evening long into the night on that very problem.
Geneva Switzerland 2am
Look doc, Im freezing but night after night I give you the "BANG". You just never provide the "BIG"!
The equiptment in here dictates that the temp must be a constant 60 degrees...ergo, my "shrinkage". What a bummer.

 

by ragu4u
10-07-08
The Dow fell another 500 points today, Chen.
You no botha me now, Satchmo.
Why I'll "Satchmo" you, you slanty eyed rice eater.
I cleate plan to make Dow fall illelevent.
How'd yo dumb ass plan work out, Charlie Chan?
Plan need tweaking. Next time I try jump, I jump influnt of Cadirac instead of Mini-Cooper!

 

by ragu4u
10-07-08
"Midnight Cowboy"
My name is Joe Buck and I'm one hell of a stud.
I'm Enrico Salvatore Rizzo but you can call me Ratso. ALL my friends call me Ratso.
Jon Voight & Dustin Hoffman
Ok Ratso, how's about you showin me around this har New York City?
Alright, but it'll cost ya, ya cowboy...ya big dumb cowboy. Walk this way....
SCREECH!!!
Hey! I'm walkin here...I'm walkin here! You son of a bitch! These god damn cabbies will try to kill ya, Joe. But, actually, it's a great way to collect on the insurance.

 

by ragu4u
10-07-08
I'm broke. Totally wiped out.
I tried to tell you to "squirrel" away your cash (hehe) but NOOOO!
Nobody likes a smartass rodent.
So I guess you didn't bury your nuts like I told you to do, either, huh?
Would you slam your little pecker with a hammer if I told you to do it? I thought not!

 

by ragu4u
10-07-08
The 2nd Debate Begins
Finance, blah, blah...War, blah, blah...Unemployment, blah, blah...Global Warming, blah, blah
Hey...Where the hell is "Sponge Bob"?
The 2nd Debate Begins
Greed, blah, blah..Big oil, blah, blah...Taxes, blah, blah
Debate on EVERY damn channel. I can't even watch "Flava Flave".
The 2nd Debate Begins
It's sad that more folks watched the last episode of "The Sopranos" than will watch us tonight.
Bitch, bitch. If you's guys debated at "The Bada Bing" ya'd get more viewers and we'd be more a-"breast" of yer policies. Ba dum bump!

 

by ragu4u
10-07-08
Since you asked, I'd fix our economy this way, Barack. The rich guys only buy their stuff from the poor guys
And how do the poor guys get stuff to sell to the rich guys, Senator McCain?
Like they always have...they steal it. The more they steal the more stuff the rich need to buy from them.
Why not GIVE poor people things instead of making them steal?
Don't you listen, Sambo? If they have no need to steal, they won't. Then rich guys will never need to replace their stolen property, thus no economic flow, ya dumb spear chucker.
Man, am I sorry I asked. Then again, maybe I'm not.

 

by ragu4u
10-07-08
Ok, Mr. Peabody, get me back, pronto. I'm expected at a wedding feast.
Whoa!
Let's go...chop, chop! My mom is there and has promised that I'd bring the vino.
Uh...shouldn't you be able to handle this time travel thing better and faster than I did?
Ok, you're off the hook but only because I have 250 pissed off guests looking for the "Ripple" to start flowing. Now it's 3-2-1- BLAST OFF!
Awesome man! He does work in mysterious ways!

 

by ragu4u
10-08-08
Me want new leather. Need make new mask.
Well, Im sure we can custom tailor something for you.
Gee, you skin look in good shape. How bout I take some and...?
Take some? Take some what? I haven't shown you any leather samples yet.
You no need custom tailor. I like what's on rack.
Alrighty then. Just grab what you like, but I must say I still don't recommend "Oil of Olay" to care for your new mask.

 

by ragu4u
10-08-08
Todd and I won a free trip to Cancun, Ben.
Figures.
Golf, skin diving, umbrellas in those cute little drinks, all white sandy beaches, shopping, romance.....
Whoa there little mama. Let's just back it on up, a tad.
Why? What's wrong?
I'm down with mosta dat shit you be talkin cept dat, racist, "ALL WHITE" beaches part. Ya dig? "Black Power"!!!

 

by ragu4u
10-08-08
Due to my bad decisions, all my railroads, real estate and utilities are worthless.
So?
I rolled the dice and they came up snake-eyes. What's my next move?
You have no choice..."Go to jail, go directly to jail. Do not pass GO, do not collect $200.00

 

by ragu4u
10-08-08
You shouldn't be out here young fella. This is an Army Training area.
What zat, Beatle Baily? Ain't no Sad Sack bossin me around.
So listen up, Rambo. You just follow MY orders and beat it out of MY woods.
Ok, but first take a couple steps back. You're about to fall into a pit I dug earlier and I wouldn't want THAT to happen.
Oops! Now I remember. A couple steps back was where I planted the land mine. No biggy...that kid had it comin.

 

by ragu4u
10-09-08
The coffee machine ate my dollar. Can you loan me a buck?
What kind of collateral are we talkin here?
COLLATERAL?? Why I can buy and sell you 100 times over, you pion.
Oh really? Have you checked the stock market yet this morning?
...After Chuck Checks the Market...
Well Dave, the best I can offer is my wedding ring as collateral.
Ha! There's still "Cracker Jack" stuck to it. You'll have to do better that THAT!

 

by ragu4u
10-09-08
Stop messin...
...with the damn...
..."Beamer" switch, Scotty!!

 

by ragu4u
10-10-08
So, it's being reported on "ecorazzi" today that I'm related to you....the famous Brad Pitt!
Yes, Barack. Apparantly, way back in my Missouri ancestory...
So it's true?
Yeah...as I was saying, our ancestors must have agreed to some capitulation in their copulation.
So that kinda makes us "Homies" right?
Yeah, but we were gonna be related anyway. Angelina wanted to adopt you just to piss off her old man.

 

by ragu4u
10-10-08
Say wabbit, I been weadin my gwampa Elmurs' diawy. You wemember him?
Can't sayz I do, doc.
Maybe dis wifle will help you wecall, you waskley wabbit!
Oh yeah, now I remember. Old Elmer Fudd would blast me with that thing...
I need the wescue wagon!
...if I didn't ALWAYS blast him foist, doc.

 

by ragu4u
10-10-08
What be yer problem matey?
I always been a wondering how ye lost the eye cap'n?
Argh! It happened years ago when I was drunk and tried to salute me skipper.
...and you've kept an eye out for him ever since, eh cap'n? hehe
Makin light of yer old cap'n, eh? Well drop them shorts mister. It's time I give ya a prostate exam.
I never thought I'd be "run through" like THIS!

 

by ragu4u
10-10-08
I've been working for five long years with no promotion, kid. A person gets forgot about down here.
That's funny. I started down here yesterday and already the boss wants to see me.
He does? That can't be good. Just plead ignorance & maybe he won't fire ya, kid.
I'm not gonna worry about it.
Moments Later
Well son, now that you've worked your way up, here's your new office.
Non too soon, pop. I was waisting away in that last spot you gave me, downstairs.

 

by ragu4u
10-11-08
It's so nice to see a yougster who still cares about the Lord and the future.
Uh...not exactly!
Father Murphy pays me a buck to stand out front 5 minutes before each Mass is over.
Crowd control, eh? I knew it was too good to be true.

 

by ragu4u
10-11-08
The decision comes after a week of fighting....
uh....
The copter is leaving and I'm leaving with it. This honeymoon sucks and so do you. If you don't get on board our marriage is over. Do you read me mister?
....many days later
Why have you chose to live in this barren wasteland?
I'm celebrating my EX-honeymoon...forever!
It's rough up here what with grizzlies and the like.
Look. I almost married "Lady Big Foot". A grizzly ain't shit to me!

 

by ragu4u
10-11-08
Now what's wrong? Why don't ya want to haunt THIS house?
"TAPS" is here. You know. "The Ghost Hunters" from the Sci-Fi Channel.
Big whoop. They're really plumbers. They don't bother me.
That one techno geek with the tattoos scares me to death.
Well good. If ya shit yer pants those boys will know how to clean it out.
OK, but I better get another clean sheet, just in case.

 

by ragu4u
10-12-08
Another Sunday and no parishoners, Father Joe. Why's that?
Sinners are uncomfortable when in the presence of GOD!
Maybe if God would wear a disguise He could reach people better.
Brilliant, my son. I'll go to work on that immediately.
Father Joe Asks......Hollywood Hears
The letter is in the mail. Now to wait for a response.
"...and then maybe you can give the show a catchy name like, "Joan of Arcadia"?

 

by ragu4u
10-12-08
I want ya'll to fix me up with a babe what never says no & kin go on forever.
No problem, sod buster.
I shoulda knowd sumthin waz up when that thar pimp done gave me "3 in 1 Oil" instead of "KY Jelly."
"Do-Me-Again....You-Big-Agri-Stud Muffin!" FOR FURTHER PLEASURE SWIPE CREDIT CARD BETWEEN EYES.

 

Damn high tech machinery! I remember when ALL robots were made by hand.
by ragu4u, 10-12-08

 

by ragu4u
10-12-08
Oh no! I knew it.
Why shouldn't I go in there, Maura?
Shhh! Because they've bugged the room, silly!

 

by ragu4u
10-12-08
Did you see all those school buses over there?
Yeah. I counted 5 of them, parked end to end.
You thinking "Stunt Jumper" like I am?
Maybe...but that's not much of a jump these days. There's gotta be a catch.
Finish your prayers, Eeyore. We got a jump to make.
What's with the "WE"? I'M doing the jumping. YOU"RE just along for the ride.

 

"I got a hunka, hunka burnin love, I said a hunka, hunka......"
Then next time use a condom, Romeo!
by ragu4u, 10-13-08

 

by ragu4u
10-13-08
An article in the paper today reports MEN are getting throat cancer in huge numbers.
Ah...those cigarettes are leathal, sister.
No..it happens from men performing oral sex on women.
Hmm. Interesting.
I'm feeling dirty. Don't leave me now father.
Forget you. I have to go gargle with some Holy Water. And YOU better buy a douche bag.

 

by ragu4u
10-13-08
Hey, Sugar Daddy, buy little ole me some diamonds.
Diamonds, is it? I remember just last week when you were orgasmic....
...because I filled the Jacuzzi with the finest & most expensive oil from Persia.
I sure was Sugar Daddy. I was oiled up so good I took you round the world like a Ferrari.
Wwwow!! Here, take this diamond necklace, and there's more where THAT came from. Just keep that motor purring.

 

by ragu4u
10-13-08
I remember you! You were suspended from the ceiling and having sex with my wife at that dumpy bar in Tijuana.
Wait just a darned minute, Mac. I happen to be an entertainer.
Oh, so it wasn't sex...it was entertainment, was it?
Yeah! So what now? You all pissed off cause I did yer wife as part of my act, huh?
Who cares about THAT shit? I'm from the Actors Union. Now let's see that Actors Equity Card, Barrymore!

 

by ragu4u
10-14-08
You know Beverly, having nothing in my 401K during these turbulent financial times turned out to be a blessing.
Well you DO have other assets, right Roger?
If you mean my comic book collection and baseball trading cards, then yes.
Which way to the EXIT, loser?
Beverly! Oh Beverly...I just aquired a Rick Ankiel rookie card.

 

by ragu4u
10-14-08
Would you like me to order for you?
Oh, how elegant of you. Go ahead while I powder my nose.
That should do it for both of us.
Very good sir!
So what you're saying is that a corn dog and a Bud Light wasn't a good choice for you?
I might have known it would come to this when he picked me up on his tandem bicycle.

 

by ragu4u
10-15-08
I told your husband to deliver the ransom here in 20 minutes. No Cops or you're dead!
After 15 Minutes....
You know, I think when he gets here, I'll just kill you both. Bwahahah!
After 3 Hours.....
You and your old man been arguing lately, haven't ya?
I'm dead now.

 

by ragu4u
10-15-08
There are twenty, or so, days until the election. The fate of the world and the economy will be in the hands of the next president....
...and Alfred E. Neuman didn't even run. We're doomed!

 

by ragu4u
10-15-08
The gang visits the morgue....
It's gotta be a guy. NO tits.
...and goes all "Forensic."
But if it IS a dead guy, how come no "stiffy?"

 

by ragu4u
10-15-08
Oh solo mio, come hold me tight. Kiss me my darling, be mine tonight.....
What?
C'mon, you felt him sending out the vibe your way, didn't you?
Hey, how the hell should I know that fag was singing to me?
He ISN'T a fag. But I see how those silky locks and short shorts of yours could confuse him.

 

by ragu4u
10-15-08
I just photo-copied my ass 100 times in the copy room. hehehe
Really? The boss just went in there.
Sniff, Sniff....Who's been warming their "KFC" on the copy machine again?

 

by ragu4u
10-15-08
I'm Bob Schieffer, and this has been the final presidential debate. Good Night!
er...I said "Good Night"!....You can applaud now. Hello? Hello?
Well damn, "Kill the spotlight". I said...kill the damn spot!....Hello? Has ANYBODY stayed awake in here?

 

by ragu4u
10-15-08
Drexel, is that you? You finally got out?
Yeah. No thanks to you, you no good, cheating bee-atch!
But Drex, you know I love ya. The cops MADE me squeal.
And that's the problem, Zelda. Snitchin is one thing and squealin is another.
What do yo mean?
I could never make ya squeal but I hear you sure squealed like a banshee when those coppers screwed ya.

 

by ragu4u
10-16-08
I like the pants but they're way too long.
No problem sir. Take them to the room behind you and the tailor will hem them for you.
Are y-you the t-t-tailor?
Mmm hmm!
...but sir....
Long is GOOD! I'll just wear them long.

Showing page 5.

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