All comics by wirthling

Profile

 

by wirthling
1-29-02
We need to talk. While it's great that Stripcreator isn't in the red anymore, I'm not sure I'm comfortable with the price.
Can we continue this in my office? Let's walk an talk...
It's not that I'm ungrateful or anything, but I--
BUT NOTHING! You signed in blood in return for financial stability! Hell if I'll let you out of the deal now!
But the banner ads you're making me run are so lame.
Hey! My minions slaved away in a laboratory for weeks to make that x10 ad!

 

by wirthling
2-01-02
I'm a bit fuzzy and unsure about the plan, sir. Why are the Corporal and I both eliminating the dangerously armed guards while you and the Colonel both nap?
That's a fantastic question, Captain! The astoundingly clever Colonel can help explain things for you.
So by what method or manner shall the Corporal and I, without any weapons or arms of any sort or kind, offensively attack the dangerously armed guards?
I have given that quite a bit of thought, and I think that a hammer and nail should be sufficient. I have complete confidence in you!
Well, I am not assuredly certain that we can take out dangerously armed guards with a hammer and nail. Do you agree or disagree, Corporal Apathy?
Taxi!

 

by wirthling
2-01-02
We at PetroCo care about you and the environment. I'm here at our Lexington refinery to talk to you about Gammaline® irradiated gasoline.
We know that some so-called environmentalists have doubts that Gammaline® is truly eco-friendly. Well, we just, uh, we wanted to, um...
Um, I mean, uh, we know that, uh--ok, what the hell is that thing?!
Hi, mom! I'm on TV! Whooooooooo!!!

 

by wirthling
2-01-02
Hi, Jon here again to talk about Gammaline® and the environment. Reports of giant, mutated bugs have been greatly exaggerated.
I'm here to say that--ah, fuck. I'm outta here!
GAMMALINE® !!!! GAAAAAHHHH!!!!

 

by wirthling
2-01-02
OK, so we've had some problems with Gammaline®. We think we've figured out the problem. Look, see? That squirrel is fine.
*chitter*
It's our guarantee to you that--what's wrong with the squirrel? Why is it running away? Oh, I see. Damn.
*skreeeeee!*
That does it! I quit!
That does it! I quit!

 

by wirthling
2-04-02
I'm much better looking than you.
That's only because you're wearing my jacket.

 

by wirthling
2-05-02
I just want to let you kids know that if you buy drugs, you are helping finance the terrorists!
Um, excuse me, Mr. President...
Yes, li'l feller?
Aren't the terrorists also largely funded by oil money? Should we stop using foreign oil, too?
HELP! TERRORIST! GET'M, BOYS!

 

by wirthling
2-05-02
My fellow Americans, I am here again to talk to you about drugs and how evil they are.
And the Anti-Smoking Federation sent me to help out. Did you know tobacco kills several times more people than all illegal drugs combined?
Uh...
And I know our President, despite his many supporters in tobacco country, is going to support the war on tobacco! Right, George? George?
Ignore it and it'll go away! It must be a pretzel-induced hallucination! Ignore it and it'll go away!

 

by wirthling
2-05-02
Excuse me, are those Bugle Boy jeans you're wearing?
Why, yes. They are.

 

by wirthling
2-07-02
Tell ya what, Death: How 'bout you let me live a while longer and, in return, I'll give you a tour of the material world. Plus, you'll look like Brad Pitt. Deal?
Shit yeah!
Aren't you that hunk that I saw get splattered across downtown earlier?
I... like... peanut... butter.
Eighteen hours of movie watching later...
I'm... sorry... Susan... but... I... am... not... of... your... world.
No kidding.

 

by wirthling
2-10-02
Humm, c nicht schön das!!
Hey Sadd!! Dich den Schnellhaken berührt hat?!?
Ben meine Mutter hatte Grundben!!

 

by wirthling
2-11-02
I'm sorry, Mr. Post-Modern, but I need you to go over this "2-dimensional representation" thing again, please.
I wouldn't expect such a rudimentarily drawn and conceived character as you to understand, but I can prove it to you.
Really?
Yeah. Just stay there for a moment, and I'll demonstrate our limited dimensionality. Wirthling, fire up the splitter background, please.
Hey! Where'd you go?! And where did this wall come from?! And who is wirthling? Hello?
Ah, peace at last.

 

by wirthling
2-11-02
I still don't get it, Mr. Post-Modern.
Look, it's fairly simple. A computer user is utilizing a nifty web application to generate 3-panel comics. He selects characters and backgrounds and adds dialogue.
Are you still speaking English?
*sigh* Wirthling, can you help explain this to our friend here? Wirthling?
What do you want? Can't you see I'm busy making a comic here?
Oh my god! Who was that?
Sorry to interrupt, sir. Can you either explain to Mr. Oblivious our special reality or just replace him with Asiangirl1 or something?

 

by wirthling
2-11-02
Hello, Mr. Oblivious. It is a monumental honor to meet you. [/sarcasm]
What was that, Mr. Post-Modern?
What was what?
That "[/sarcasm]" thing. Is that Russian or something?
No, it's meant to convey a nonverbal intonation to this comic's readers. It's a hip way of injecting added meaning into plain text.
Comic? Readers? Plain text? Methinks Mr. Post-Modern's airbag did not fully deploy.

 

by wirthling
2-12-02
The time of this story is around 2170 B.C. The earth once had ten suns circling over it, each took its turn to illuminate the earth. But one day all ten suns appeared together, scorching the earth.
The earth was saved by a strong and tyrannical archer Hou Yi. He succeeded in shooting down nine of the suns. One day, Hou Yi stole the elixir of life from a goddess and hid it in his house.
However his beautiful wife Chang Er drank the elixir of life in order to save the people from her husband's tyrannical rule. After drinking it, she found herself floating and flew to the moon where--
Zzzzzzzzzzzzz
Dude, this story is so not going to fit in three panels.

 

by wirthling
2-12-02
Zongdabbarabbablingo linkavukablabadaboop adinglelinglegagapoot falababoobulatinkadink oogscoobagrabanagaah!
What the hell is wrong with you?!
Oh, we Pentecostals celebrate the Pentecost by speaking in tongues. It shows we are receiving the Holy Spirit.
Does "speaking in tongues" mean "babbling like an idiot"? How annoying! Buh-bye...
She's not a Chosen One like me. I shall pray for her soul... Dinglidibbitychoopa whoopaloopajizzleby ziparippani--
RECEIVE THIS: THE HOLY SPIRIT WOULD LIKE YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP NOW!

 

by wirthling
2-13-02
I've had it, Slow Joe! I'm leaving you!
Wait.

 

by wirthling
3-04-02
Bongo was convictd arly today of prptrating a numbr of nfarious vil-doings, ranging from murdr to aiding and abtting Kvin Costnr.
Judg Bzrkvski, xprssing outrag at Bongo's thft of a crtain vowl from th nglish languag during an arlir court rcss, handd out harsh justic.
Bongo has bn sntncd to appar in 1,000 comics by Bazilla.
That's gotta hurt!

 

by wirthling
3-07-02
Can I use a wish to get an answer to a question, oh wise genie?
Do you doubt my powers? What's your question?
If I roll-over my post-margin adjusted depreciation allowance from my revised capital valuation index into compensated credit, can I claim the amortized negative annuity on my taxes?
You don't know, do you?!
Don't you want money or power or a pony or some shit like that?

 

by wirthling
3-13-02
Ya know, I've often fantasized about having a buxom woman pour champagne all over my young, supple, naked body and then licking it all off.
I have Zima.
Whoa! Sorry, folks! Seems a series from an alternate universe slipped in while I prepared the tequila moat for my grand finale. And now, I will, uh... Oh, fuck it.
Who the hell are you?! I don't recall asking for Scotch! And I wanted to have sex with a WOMAN!
My maw says I kiss like a girl.

 

by wirthling
3-25-02
Oh look! There's wirthling! I should go say hi.
Quitting smoking sucks! One cigarette won't kill me, right?!

 

by wirthling
3-25-02
Husband #1
Say, babe, what do you think about spicing up our sex life by having a threesome with my secretary?
Husband #2
Jeez! Why are you so cranky?! Is it your time of the month or something?
Husband #3
No, honey, that dress doesn't make you look fat. The fact that YOU'RE FAT makes you look fat!

 

by wirthling
3-25-02
I'm unarmed.

 

by wirthling
3-28-02
Cross Traffic Ahead
What's yer friggin' problem, ya moron?! Move it!
What's MY problem?! What's yer problem, ya punk?! I have the right of way!
Hey! What the hold up up there?!

 

by wirthling
3-29-02
OBJECTS IN MIRROR ARE CLOSER THAN THEY MAY APPEAR
Um...
OBJECTS IN MIRROR ARE CLOSER THAN THEY MAY APPEAR
Uh, excuse me!
OBJECTS IN MIRROR ARE CLOSER THAN THEY MAY APPEAR
Ow.
Appears pretty damn close, if ya ask me.

 

by wirthling
4-16-02
OK, wirthbert, I want you to spread the word to the staff about our new Surrounded With Love Technical Support Project.
Surrounded With Love?!
Yes, Surrounded With Love. You got a problem with that, wirthbert?
Are you high?
Am I to understand that you are mocking this company's attempt to leverage partnership synergy via proactive client-bond empowerment?
I'm sorry. I'm too Surrounded With Nausea right now to process what you just said.

 

by wirthling
4-22-02
The glory of nature beckons us to revel in its wondrous simplicity. It is a masterpiece of pure aesthetic beauty painted by basic physical forces.
There is naught that the hand of man can create that rivals this splendor. We, the grateful audience, can only wonder at the--
Hot damn! Stripcreator is back up!

 

by wirthling
4-24-02
The battle's not going well. Our weapons of mass deconstruction are no use against his suicide comic-aussie pilots.
What the hell is a com--
INCOMING!
G'day, Mate! Kaufman sent me to see if we Canberra the hatchet! KAUFMAN AKBARRRR!

 

by wirthling
4-30-02
Hi. You're new around here, aren't you? My name's Jon. What's yours?
Nggggghhhhh!
Thank fuck that's over with.

 

by wirthling
5-01-02
ass

 

by wirthling
5-23-02
I'll be back in a minute. I gotta go "drop anchor at Porcelain Harbor."
What?
You know--" It's time to drop the kids off at the pool"..."Gotta abort the baby"..."Mao Ze-Dung wants to take a swim in the Yellow River"...
What's the matter?
Sorry, but I'm "leaving you."

 

by wirthling
5-28-02
The future, and only two have survived the Nuclear Holocaust...
Knock, Knock...
Knock, Knock...
Correction: The future, and only ONE has survived the Nuclear Holocaust...

 

by wirthling
5-30-02
...And so I says, well those turbines-- *sniff* you smell sum'n burnin'?
Whooo!!!!
GRaaaK!
Ahhh! I'm dieing!!!
The Day After...
Jeez, fuzzyman! What happened here last night?! And what happened to you?!
I...don't...know...

 

by wirthling
6-07-02

 

by wirthling
6-10-02

 

by wirthling
6-11-02

 

by wirthling
6-13-02

 

by wirthling
6-14-02
RAAARRR!!! TOBOR CORNHOLED TOLEDO!!! TOBOR CORNHOLE CLEVELAND NEXT!!! AND THEN--
Whoopsie!
CUT!!!
Dreadfully sorry. Tobor had chicken curry etouffee for lunch. Shall we try that scene again?

 

by wirthling
6-16-02

 

by wirthling
6-21-02

 

by wirthling
6-24-02
...And so, for chances left, I have none, and so I am fucked. Am I?
In chances, you are fucked. This is true. And thus the game is played.
And this, the game, is it like this then? Is this the way it ends? Has the game ended?
Or perhaps the game has just begun. This, the fucking game, it is a game we all must play.
Hold it a sec--what the hell kind of dialogue is this? Do you understand any of what we just said.
No clue whatsoever.

 

by wirthling
6-25-02

 

by wirthling
6-29-02

 

by wirthling
7-03-02

 

by wirthling
7-04-02

 

by wirthling
7-09-02

 

by wirthling
7-13-02

 

by wirthling
7-15-02

 

by wirthling
7-16-02
B
O
O

 

by wirthling
7-16-02
The tribunal will decide your fate.
But I'm just sitting here minding my own business!
The Attorney General says you're a terrorist.
Isn't the Constitution supposed to protect me from this kind of abuse? Don't I have rights?
No.
Would it help if I were to recite the Pledge of Allegiance?

Showing page 5.

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