Ayesha Danawala: When you look at me, I get scared.
Chester: Oh, um, sorry... ....... .. ...... ................. .. .. ........... ........... ...... ... .... .. ............... .......can I teabag your tonsils while you jackhammer my rod in baby oil?
The Real Chuck or an Unreasonable Facsimile: ...I see.
Chuckaluffa: So as such, me and the furball would kindly request you reinstate the robot so that we can continue in our attempts to gain control of Chuckdom.
The Real Chuck or an Unreasonable Facsimile: Uh huh. I will of course take your request into some consideration. Note however it's highly unlikely to be approved.
Chuckaluffa: You know you're not the be all just because your the voice-over, right?
The Real Chuck or an Unreasonable Facsimile: You sound edgy. Maybe you need a vacation too.
Chuckaluffa: Don't try that crap with me pally. Snap my fingers, snap your neck. Get it?
The Real Chuck or an Unreasonable Facsimile: Okay, Robohusband's gone, Alientated Chuckles, White Chocolate Chuck, and Too Much Acid Chuck are in limbo because of no idea on how to use them..
Chester: Stickboy and Burrito Chuck are MIA. Luffa's locked up. So that just leaves you, me, and the wookie. Right?
The Real Chuck or an Unreasonable Facsimile: There's a couple of others but yeah, for the mostpart. I did go ahead and approve a new Chuck though. Look behind you.
8 Year Old Chucky: Hey mister! Are you gunna start cussin' n'stuff? HEY! I know! We could go eat pizza and infect the world with dysentery and then save them from it and be all like the good guys!
Chester: Um..
8 Year Old Chucky: You look kind of creepy like a big old male school counselor that gets drunk and thinks nobody knows about it but really everyone knows and laughs at him behind his back.
Chester: Okay.
Chester: Dude, what the fuck is this?
The Real Chuck or an Unreasonable Facsimile: What's the matter? No te gusta?
8 Year Old Chucky: So where are we going mister? Are there going to be balloons there? Will the balloons be made from condoms? Have you ever used a condom? Do people creepy like you have sex?
Chester: *Sigh*
8 Year Old Chucky: What was that Iranian girl doing to your genitals? Are we where we're going yet? Do you have herpes because of what that Iranian girl was doing? She looked sad.
8 Year Old Chucky: Why did we stop? Are we here? What are we doing here? You look funny. Are you okay? Is it the herpes? Are you going to die now? Do you itch because of your inflammed case of herpes?
8 Year Old Chucky: Wow mister, your forehead looks veiny. It's all pulsating like a pile of sleeping kittens or something. Do you like kittens? Can weirdos like you feel affection?
8 Year Old Chucky: I bet your lonely at night huh? Do other people run from you in fear? You know, like you're Michael Jackson or something? I know I would run from him. Crazy white bitch he is....
Chester: Hey kid! Look at that over there!
8 Year Old Chucky: Huh? Where? I don't see anything mister. Haha, you're deceptive. Maybe your herpes is clouding your judgement.
8 Year Old Chucky: Whoa, hey mister, is that car over there what you were talking about? Isn't that a gremlin? Is that your car? You look like the type of unsuccessful shite that would drive that.
Chester: Little fuck...
HEY! Chester! Knock that shit off!
8 Year Old Chucky: Hey! He said shit! Teehee. Shit.
Chester: What!?! This little brat's getting on my fucking nerves man!
Suck it up dipshit. The kid stays. He's got potential.
8 Year Old Chucky: Whoa, were you going to try to whack me off? That's ballsy. Go ahead. I dare you! Whack me off, go ahead, you can whack me off right now, here in front of everyone! Hehehehe.
Chester: Please stop calling it "whack me off" kid. I was trying to "kill" you. Don't slander me.
Typical Catholic Priest: Thucks the Pope's gone huh? He did great things huh?
Devout Catholic Follower: He sure did... ...mostly thanks to that whole doctrine is good as God's word thing we came up with, but yeah. Great guy.
Typical Catholic Priest: Man, first the DaVinci Code and now this. Good thing folks lump us in with other religions when talking about "problems with religion".
Devout Catholic Follower: Yeah, we don't want exclusive rights to most of the problems catholocism has caused.
*Actual sincere comment made by devoted Catholic woman in my office the moment that Italian Press paper wrongly reported the Pope's death last week.
Typical Catholic Priest: Yeah... ...maybe this isn't a good conversation for us. Let's get back to the Pope..
Devout Catholic Follower: Yeah, it's bad. I guess they'll just have to get a new one, yeah?*
8 Year Old Chucky: So, are you gunna try to "kill me" again? Are you gunna to do it with your knife? I hope not. Afterall, only pussies use weapons to kill people. Real guys use their bare hands.
Chester: *Sigh* No you infernal "oops, sorry hun, I didn't pull out in time", I'm not going to kill you.
8 Year Old Chucky: Why? Is it because you can't use your knife because I said you'd be a pussy? Cause you would be... ...pussy.
Chester: I'm going to refer to you as "Busted Condom" from here on out.
8 Year Old Chucky: It's okay mister, that won't hurt my feelings. But I wonder where these insults are comin from. Maybe your the result of semen dribbling from your mom's ass to her humongoid vagina?
Chester: AHA! Dumbass! Considering we came from the same... ..no, wait...... ...that won't work. Fuck.
The Real Chuck or an Unreasonable Facsimile: We watched him grumble all the way to death. Sat flipping through the channels after he'd taken his last breath.
Farmer Chuck: Every channel had a program about how the Pope died, and were forced to watch as a bunch of people that rank him with real holiness bawled and cried.
The Real Chuck or an Unreasonable Facsimile: I'm sure he was a great dude, and did some cool things in his life. But he was Catholic for fucksake, a religion where blasphemy and contradiction are rife
Farmer Chuck: Not to get mean or have the religion more defaced, just saying he's like a blue toilet tablet for them, he will be replaced.
The Real Chuck or an Unreasonable Facsimile: Sorry to you if he meant a whole bunch, just forgive me like you folks do and let's say I owe you lunch.
Farmer Chuck: We wish you well with your doctrines of convenience and worship of statues & images. But FYI, when I jump in that casket and knab his hat, fuck you all with any scrimmages!
The Real Chuck or an Unreasonable Facsimile: So, you want yet ANOTHER quarter.
Ayesha Danawala: Yes. And do you think it would be at all possible to get it WITHOUT slobbing your knob and demeaning myself further? I do have some dignity left afterall.
The Real Chuck or an Unreasonable Facsimile: HAHAHAHAHAHA!
News Anchor: And in light of his actual death, this new revelation is truly surprising.
Overpaid Teleprompter Reader: NA: And in light of his actual death, this new revelation is truly surprising. OTR: Yes, it really is. NA: The Vatican...
News Anchor: Stop! That's my part you hack! The Vatican has just released this new information after deciding it would be in the public's best interests.
Overpaid Teleprompter Reader: OTR: [Just sit quietly and collect your check you moron]... ........I don't get it.
News Anchor: Who, as people in today's society, could have known the Pope's death was an April Fool's joke that had gone horribly wrong simply by passing midnight?
Mrs. Chuck: Amor, you okay? Why you here for mucho tiempo? I worried.
Married Autobot Chuck: ....c......corn........... ...hole..
Mrs. Chuck: Amor!
Married Autobot Chuck: Huh!? What? What?! What were we talking about? I'm sorry honey, I think I lost myself for a second. I suddenly have a hankerin' for a whole bowl of corn... ...flakes?
The Real Chuck or an Unreasonable Facsimile: I've got a new angle for you.
Ayesha Danawala: I TOLD you. You can't fit it in my ear.
The Real Chuck or an Unreasonable Facsimile: No no, not that. Besides, I did that last night when you were sleeping. Your ears are surprisingly elastic. Anyway, I want a few strips of you and the kid.
Ayesha Danawala: Um. That would be ILLEGAL.
Ayesha Danawala: You know I can't touch you right?
8 Year Old Chucky: It's okay. I already testdrove your other ear last night. Your the first whore I've met! Do you cry? Is it while your taking a cock up your ass? Do you have a std? What's that like?
Ayesha Danawala: Hello. My name is Ayesha. I've been granted a small amount of time to talk to you, the reader, directly.
Ayesha Danawala: I'm a tool for this strip used for sexual humor and demeaning blowjob jokes. However, sexual misconduct is not a laughing matter mind you.
Ayesha Danawala: For example, if you're going down on a guy and he decides to grab the back of your head and tickle the furthest reaches of your throat, it's bad form to puke on his dick.
Ayesha Danawala: One tip when slobbing a knob is to make sounds when doing it. Also, try to pierce your inner cheek while he watches. Soon your man will start to appreciate... ....I can,t...
Ayesha Danawala: ...I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE! It's too much! I'm not this much of a whore.
The Real Chuck or an Unreasonable Facsimile: HA! Good one. Keep going or you will be replaced and then you won't even be good for head and comedy.
Ayesha Danawala: *Gasp* You wouldn't dare!
Ayesha Clonahoa: Hi! I'm a little goody-two-shoes that in reality loves to plunge the inside of my neck with manmeat! I once sucked off and screwed three guys at once in the Alt. School library.
Ayesha Danawala: *Sigh* So fine. What do you want to do little boy?
8 Year Old Chucky: I want to go to Six Flags and ride the water rides! The water rides are the best because everyone gets wet and the big titted teenage girls don't wear bras! And that rocks!
Ayesha Danawala: Why do you care so much about the water rides and wet tits? If you're going to Six Flags, shouldn't you be into roller coasters?
8 Year Old Chucky: Hey hooker! You really want to know why? Because fuck you that's why!
Ayesha Danawala: You're charming.
8 Year Old Chucky: And you're a tired plot device.
Ayesha Danawala: I don't understand you all! I don't understand why you make fun of me and demean me so much for laughs!
The Real Chuck or an Unreasonable Facsimile: *Ahem* Once again. I went for smoke break. You came to give head. I accepted. Got busted. You told them I raped you. Bitch.
Ayesha Danawala: If I blow you, will this end?
The Real Chuck or an Unreasonable Facsimile: Asked the hooker to the client. Look, you're apologizing to the wrong Chuck. I'm just hear to give folks giggles.
Ayesha Danawala: *Cough* *Gag* *Whew* Sorry, pubic hair in my throat.
Ayesha Danawala: Hey Chuck. I just want to sincerely apologize for what I said about you to the cops that day. I just said it to appease my father and it's not like anyone else believed me so no harm.
Ayesha Danawala: So just forgive me for my actions and lets get on with our lives. This demeaning attack of my whoreness has to end. Can we call a truce and just live our lives?
The Real Chuck or an Unreasonable Facsimile: THERE you are. Where the hell have you been?
Depressed Stick Chuck: Out reading messages and getting in touch with the people. I have a list of items here.
The Real Chuck or an Unreasonable Facsimile: And?
Depressed Stick Chuck: Good move with Ayesha dropping, they said it would best be saved for later. More Nate humor. The kid is cool. More cow bell. Married man is missed a bit. Chester's god.
The Real Chuck or an Unreasonable Facsimile: Assholes. Not a fucking thing about me.
The Real Chuck or an Unreasonable Facsimile: You're skewing my fucking data you little bitch.
Chester: I said I was sorry.
The Real Chuck or an Unreasonable Facsimile: I think I just thought of a way you can make it up to me.
Chester: What.
8 Year Old Chucky: Wow! You're the creepiest little punk I've ever seen! Do your parents beat you? Is it with a board? Are you one of those kids that picks your ass then smells your finger? Huh?
8 Year Old Chucky: You look like that wierd old guy that was a big pussy and didn't like me because he was a shitsucker and watched The View on a regular basis.
Kid Chester: I don't see why you're so popular all of a sudden. You're hardly amusing.
8 Year Old Chucky: Maybe I'm liked because I'm not such a jackass you spunktonguer! You're just mad because you woke up with sand in your vagina and...and....
Kid Chester: Didn't I see you jerkin' off behind a mannequin in the women's department at Dillards last month?
Typical Catholic Priest: Can I join the conversation?
The Real Chuck or an Unreasonable Facsimile: Well, I'm happy you answered our ad.
Nice Lady: I'm just happy for this opportunity. Thank you for seeing me so quickly.
The Real Chuck or an Unreasonable Facsimile: Hey, we should be thanking you.
Nice Lady: Oh my, how sweet you are. Um, I was looking around on my way in... ..is this really a special care facility for mentally handicapped children.
The Real Chuck or an Unreasonable Facsimile: Why yes. Yes it is.
The Real Chuck or an Unreasonable Facsimile: So, before you meet your special little guy, do you have any questions?
Nice Lady: One? Just one? I thought I'd be taking care of and teaching multiple children.
The Real Chuck or an Unreasonable Facsimile: Well, the thing is, this one's high on the 'needs care o'meter' so we want someone to focus on just him. Up for it?
Nice Lady: Of course! I never back down for the care of a special boy.
8 Year Old Chucky: Wow! You look just like this one lady in this porno that was fucking the shit out of this one guy while another dude was all poking her in the mouth with his thingy and she was...
8 Year Old Chucky: Was that you getting porked in that porn movie? What's it feel like to be nothing but a fuckdoll? Does is suck living without dignity? Do you wash your hair a lot becuz of jizz?
Nice Lady: That's very inappropriate talk young man. You shouldn't say such nasty things.
8 Year Old Chucky: Wanna hear a joke? What goes up when the rain comes down?
Nice Lady: That's better. And it's an umbrella, haha.
8 Year Old Chucky: Actually it's the price for "around the world" the prostitute that's peeing on you charges.
8 Year Old Chucky: Rita fuckin' book you illiterate shite then maybe you wouldn't be standing here with your thumb up your wellfucked asshole, ya bitch!
The Real Chuck or an Unreasonable Facsimile: I've been told there's a problem.
Nice Lady: YES! I can't go back into that room with that.. ..that THING! That boy has the foulest mouth I've ever heard! What kind of place is this?!
The Real Chuck or an Unreasonable Facsimile: Look, little Chucky is just working through some issues. He has been recently removed from an unstable home and we're hoping you can help deprogram him.
Nice Lady: Oh. Well, I had no idea. That's horrible. Is a parent available for me to speak with by chance?
The Real Chuck or an Unreasonable Facsimile: *laughing* Please? Pretty please? It's suuuuch an easy setup!
Chester: Hmm, I don't know if I'm ready for fatherhood. But I can give it a shot, ha!