All comics by Commander_t

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by Commander_t
10-02-05
HAHA!! At last vile creature, I catch you!!
Now, NOW WE MUST FIGHT TO THE DEATH IN THE BULL RING!! COME, SO I MAY SMITE YOU QUICKLY!!
Dude, Frosty the Snowman here... In the middle of freaking summer!!
BULLSHIT!!!

 

by Commander_t
10-03-05
HOLY GOD!! YOUR HEAD IS FREAKING HUGE!!
Stop drop and roll Fat Head!! HAHAHA!!

 

by Commander_t
10-03-05
Frozen with fear the alien visitor quivered at the sight of the strange earth creature ready to swipe a deathblow the visitor seemingly helpless its thoughts literally millions of miles away
thoughts of home peace and its lifetime soon to be corrupted by this strange earth creature but the alien found solace in the fact that it would soon be home not in a physical body but an eternal body
for that was their belief the alien visitor was shocked back into its reality when the would be murderer raised its arm to the zenith point and uttered two brief words:
Tobor cornhole?
Wh-what is this 'Cornhole'? You must show me the ways of 'Cornhole', I implore you!

 

by Commander_t
10-15-05
Of the Comic I Never Wrote: It was a masterpice to be made so great not even I could understand; for it was out of my hands, my purpose, to write such a comic...
But alas, here I am wondering: What of the comics I will never write? Do they trump the importance of the comic I never wrote? If I were so enabled to write these comics...
What then would my future hold? No one knows, only the Lord...Of the Comics I Will Never Write: They are hidden from view, never to be written by mine or anothers hand. They are unnamed and unreal:
...and so shall they never be. *sigh*

 

by Commander_t
10-16-05
YOU SICK FREAK!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO THAT FISH?!
Don't worry man, he likes it...
HE LIKES IT?!
Well, he has to... the doctors screwed up my hand transplant and gave me the fish instead.
Can you swim underwater like a fish?
Maybe.

 

by Commander_t
10-16-05
Are you sure its safe? What about that guy in the security hut?
Captain Stupid will be fine, he's just a little boozed up this time of day. Come on, the pool is out back.
What end is the deep end?
It's a sha- freaking deep pool the depth of the pacific ocean, you wont give yourself brain damage.
Hey, did you hit your head? Looks like it. That's a kiddie pool, because Mr. President can't swim!
FAT HEAD!! GET OVER HERE SO I CAN USE YOU AS A HUMAN FLOATATION DEVICE!!!

 

by Commander_t
10-16-05
*hurl*
...So you see officer, that's when I did what I did.
Hey, you gonna eat that? It smells mighty tasty.

 

by Commander_t
10-16-05
ROBOT ELOHNROC!!
What?! Get outta here man!
ROBOT ELOHNROC!!
Aww, shut it! Here you go, your mom's all free!
ROBOT ELOHNROC!!

 

by Commander_t
10-16-05
...So I was like: 'Yeah, you just go gulping down that chocolate banana!'
And she was like: 'I don't know if I should. It looks brown and gooey.' So she gulped it down...
And what happened?
She died of some flesh eating disease from eating my shit or whatever...
I-I'm compelled to at least try some. Can I?

 

by Commander_t
10-16-05
Somewhere deep within the white House, Mr. President is holding a conference with the League of Senators that Hate Mr. President...
I'm too heavy!! Can't get into orbit!! Can you hear me, Major Tom?!
I'll tell you right away why I hate Mr. President. He still owes me a million bucks for the fifty dwarf chicks!! Pay up bitch!
Brother, that is no way to talk to our president, Mr. President! Now though, we must pray... for the quick death of this evil man!
TOBOR CORNHOLE!!
ECH!!
MR. SENATOR!! Quit cornholing Ms. Senator from New York! You know she's a lesbian!!

 

by Commander_t
10-16-05
Later, Mr. President holds a conference with the League of Senators That Like Mr. President...
I like Mr. President because it'll make me look like I'm not a loser.
I like Mr. President because... like, you know... uh, can I answer later, because... like, you know...
I like Mr. President because I was told to do so by Mr. Secretary of Defense.
I like Mr. President decause we fell at the same time... DAMNATION UNIVERSITY ROCKS!!
I like Mr. President because people can get what they want from him, like that time with the dwarf chicks!!
Thank you, all!! This makes me wonder: Why isn't my approval rating 73% instead of 37%? I tell you, its a crazy world out there, and sometimes I think I'm the only sane person left!

 

by Commander_t
10-16-05
After private conferences, Mr. President invites members to a news conference...
I'd like to thank my colleague; we have come to an agreement; Congress has unanimously voted to pay the million dollars owed to my esteemed counterpart. Are we cool?
Thank you, Mr. President. We're cool.
Now, another delegate steps forward...
I'd like to thank my colleague. How long have we known each other Senny?, ten, twenty, thirty years? Gosh!, it's been since I was Mr. Governor down south! Senny is like a brother. Want to comment?
Uh... yes... can't see que card... with determination we... will get the job done... *sob*
Now as an added bonus: Mr. Secretary of Defense!!
Mr. Sec-
DO YOU PEOPLE HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY TO ME?! BECAUSE IF YOU DO, I'LL SHOVE THIS GUN STRAIGHT UP YOUR ASS AND PULL THE TRIGGER!!!

 

by Commander_t
10-17-05
...So that's why the cat had to kill the guy.
I don't get it. Are you trying to tell me this cat shoved a full-sized man, not to mention a full-sized school bus, up its ass and killed him?
Yes?

 

by Commander_t
10-17-05
I keep telling you dude: every time I see this fish hand, I cry on the inside.
I'm no crybaby! I lived through 'Nam to get this fishhand! It's my battle scar!
Maybe it was me who was born yesterday man?

 

by Commander_t
10-17-05
I'm going to give you an anal probe.
Ok?

 

by Commander_t
10-21-05
Work, you silly Abe Vigoda Robot!!
No?

 

by Commander_t
10-21-05
Well, Mr. Press Secretary, its that time of year again: Halloween. Haha...! I get to scare kids again!
*sigh* No, sir, those teenage girls didn't enjoy that peepshow you gave them. Fortunately for you, we were able to keep it under wraps.
Ah, but what about that first Halloween?
*sigh* Threatening to nuke those kids that teepee'd the White House was not right, not after they were all children of foreign diplomats.
Well, none of that compares to this years plan! See that? Its toxic waste. This year, I'm creating an army of zombies.
*sigh* Sir, zombies aren't- AHHH!!!

 

by Commander_t
10-21-05
WOW, I'VE GOT CRABS!!

 

by Commander_t
10-21-05
Later that night, at Kennedy Bar and Grill...
*sob* Why doesn't anybody like me?! I mean, I go around shaking babies and kissing hands...
Surr, wid el duh repek, eem druunk, en dun wen tuu heer diz enemur...!!
I thought my troubles couldn't get any worse!! *sob*
Bikk uup Miztur Prizidunt!! Em heer tu heelp yu!
Really? How?
Det giy een da niic suut sed tu poot dis pil en yur driink. I deed. Whoa Miztur Prizidunt, git ewe ferm der!!!

 

by Commander_t
10-21-05
Dammit!! I gave Army Guy the wrong pill...
Then what did I give that woman five minutes ago...?

 

by Commander_t
10-21-05
Anything?
Nothing. I don't think anything is going to happen tonight. Let's go back to the precinct.
HAHAHA!!! This pot is killing me!!
I know! The Chief said it was some new blend!! Wait a minute, my radio is going off...
What's it say, man?
Aw, nothin! Just some bar got blown to smithereens and something about Kennedy... Hey man, don't be a pig!! Pass it here!!

 

by Commander_t
10-21-05
So, what happened here?
An explosion?

 

by Commander_t
10-21-05
I just can't get enough of these new images, they're just so great! Especially Fishhand.
Fishhand is crap, and your strips with Fishhand are crap.
Yeah, the Stupid Comic with Fishhand was crap. Milk and Serial was awesome.
HAHAHA!! That WAS awesome.
Hey, do you think if I cut off your hand and replace it with a fish or anything else, that you would become awesome?
HA Ha... ha... you're not joking, are you...?

 

by Commander_t
10-21-05
SWEET ME!! IT'S THE MINIATURIZED GHOST OF ROBERT E LEE!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!
I've come to seek help in saving the United States.
Hold on, let me give George a call.
A few minutes later...
What did he say?
He said he doesn't believe in the Miniaturized Ghost of Robert E Lee. Oh, I've got a message though: 'Pepe says hola!' whatever that means...

 

by Commander_t
10-21-05
AS THE LORD IS MY WITNESS, I WILL GET REVENGE ON THE MINIATURIZED GHOST OF ULYSSES S. GRANTS HORSE PEPE, IF IT'S THE LAST THING I DO!!!
WHOA THERE PEPE!! YOU CAN LOVE HER LONG TIME, JUST DON'T LISTEN TO MR. LEE, HE'S JUST A BIT CRAZY RIGHT NOW!

 

by Commander_t
10-21-05
OH GOD!! Put that thing away! It's like I'm going blind a thousand times!!
This is America. I can do anything I want. If you don't like it, go back to Canada or Mexico or where ever it is you're from.
Quit staring, because its not going anywhere.

 

by Commander_t
10-22-05
Hello, my name is Honest Abe Vigoda, and I'm here to tell you all about our huge sale.
Today is your lucky day customer, because today is lucky 2-for-1 day sale.
Buy two man rapes from Bob Villa now and enter a chance to win his autograph... Bob Villa?! This is too great a deal to pass up!!!

 

by Commander_t
10-22-05
Uh... is this the right address...? 123 Bunny Trail...? Because, ah, I have a package for one 'Mister Easter Bunny'...
Um... ok... this isn't the right address... is it...?

 

by Commander_t
10-22-05
SHH!!
I'll eat you all!! Now get in my mouth!!
HOORAY!!! WOOHOO!!!

 

by Commander_t
10-22-05
Hi, I'm Abe Vigoda. I'd like you to meet my bat, Aidan...
OW!! Aidan bit me!!
I'm sorry ma'am, but you've been infected with HIV/AIDS. You're going to die...

 

by Commander_t
10-22-05
Hello, I'm Abe Vigoda, and I make life easier for people in bad situations. Come join me on adventure!!
Take this old woman and her apartment for example. She can hardly cover the aesbestos anymore. Soon she will die, but not if Abe Vigoda has something to say about it!!
HOLY GOD!! THAT WAS AN OLD FOLKS HOME!!! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!?!
I'm Abe Vigoda, and I make life easier. RUN AWAY!!

 

by Commander_t
10-22-05
Hello, I'm abe Vigoda, and I make life easier.
Take for example this little Vietnamese Girl. Cute and innocent on the outside, crazy wildcat ready to pounce inside!!
Now Vietnamese Girl, get on your hands and knees. Remember your motivation: you like every minute of it. Now guy, get on either end of her... I'm Abe Vigoda, and I make life easier.

 

by Commander_t
10-22-05
Who are you?
I'm Abe Vigoda, and I make life easier.
So you're the one eho blew up my granny?
Uh, no. That was Bob Villa, maybe even Alex Trebek. You should do to them what they did to your granny.
DAMN THEM!!! DAMN THEM TO HELL!!!
Now you go off now son, and show them your wrath!! I'm Abe Vigoda, and I make life easier.

 

by Commander_t
10-22-05
What are you?
I'M A HOPPING MAD PIECE OF BACON READY TO DRIP HOT GREASE ON YOU!!!
Really?
YES!!! AND IT SHALL BURN!!! WAIT WHERE ARE YOU GOING?! CAN I GO TOO?!

 

by Commander_t
10-22-05
I'm Abe Vigoda, and I make life easier.
Take for example this alien. He's really a nice guy, just trying to get along with a world that doesn't want too.
See, that wasn't too bad now, was it? I'm Abe Vigoda, and I make life easier. ...That's the spirit!!
ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US!!

 

by Commander_t
10-24-05
Hello, I'm Abe Vigoda, and I make life easier.
Finally!! Abe Vigoda!! YOUR REIGN OF TERROR SHALL END!!
Let me introduce you to Little Vietnamese Girl. ...I'm Abe Vigoda, and I make life easier!
Oh, me likey-likey!!

 

by Commander_t
10-24-05
AWESOME!! ITS ABE VIGODA!!
Yes, its me, Abe Vigoda, and I'm about ready to make your life easier.
AWWHH!!!
JESUS CHRIST!! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!
Hello, I'm Abe Vigoda, and I make life easier.

 

by Commander_t
10-24-05
Somewhere in Florida...
Well son, I'm sorry. The New Orleans trip sucked because it was too wet. Now, it looks to be windy AND rainy!
*sigh* Even Mother Nature hates me...
Now son, You know me and your mother love you-
She tried to sell my soul to Mr. Senator for Christ sakes!
Well, ah, we needed money at the time, and mother just wasn't willing to put out anymore...
*sob*

 

by Commander_t
10-24-05
Captain's Log... hahha! I said log!! Wait, a creature...!
TOBOR CORNHOLE!!
Captain... OUCH!!
Cap- dear diary: must find way to stop skin from bleeding during transport. SWEET GOD, SKIPPY!! TRANSPORT ME NOW!!!
ELOHNROC ROBOT!!!

 

by Commander_t
10-24-05
Hey piggie! I've got a new project for you!!
Oink?
Does this look familiar?
Oink?
That's right! I'm going to turn you into bacon and eat you for breakfast! MMMM!!!
OINK!!

 

by Commander_t
10-24-05
TOBOR.... ?
ELOHNROC ROBOT!!

 

by Commander_t
10-24-05
WO! Wut yu un giy?! Wy yu su maad?
I'M HOPPING MAD!!
Yuh, buut wy?
I FOUND OUT I'M STRANDED ON THIS GODFORSAKEN PLANET BECAUSE MY COMMUNICATOR AND HOMING DEVICE ARE BROKEN!!
O men giy, I din noo. Yuh noo wut, muh comincotur iz bruk tu. My ecks wiif sed I ned tu git oof da boz. En yu noo wut, et fektud muh humeng dahviic tu, hezent wurked en yuurz... *sob*

 

by Commander_t
10-24-05
I don't want to die a virgin! I need to have sex!
We've got to find you a woman!
OK!! I GIVE IN!! QUIT HAVING SEX WITH ME, PLEASE!!
NO!!
I give in, I'm going to die now...
Ok.

 

by Commander_t
10-24-05
Let's get things straight: I'm straight. You can't have sex with me.
You can't be the captain by anal raping every alien being on the ship. You also can't be a captian just because you claim to be 'god of threeways'.
It's all in the guidebook 'Just Because You're a Space Captain in Training, That Doesn't Mean You Get Free Sex'.
Screw dis, I ned fruh sux!!

 

by Commander_t
10-24-05
A-Abe Vigoda? I heard... you make peoples lives easier. D-Do you think you can make mine easier by making me... beautiful for the first time?
Well, I am Abe Vigoda, and I do make life easier for people...
But there's simply no hope for you. Why, haven't you taken a good look at yourself in the mirror lately? I'd have to be God to fix that!
*sob*
The best thing for you would be to die. ...I'm Abe Vigoda, and I make life easier.

 

by Commander_t
10-24-05
Goth chicks are hot, but not fat, ugly ones.
How many does that leave? My guess'd be one, and she's probably a lesbian. Hey, you a lesbian by any chance?

 

by Commander_t
10-24-05
DAMMIT!! ABE VIGODA GAVE ME CRABS!!

 

by Commander_t
10-26-05
Elohnroc Robot!!!
UGH...! Ugly Americans make me sick!!
*bos*

 

by Commander_t
10-26-05
All the medications have been given, and it turned out swell sir!!
Bob Villa is waiting for you!!
TOBOR CORNHOLE!!

 

by Commander_t
10-27-05
AMISH!! I hear you're nearly to your 300th comic... *gasp*!
So?
Don't you see?! You've got to put someone else instead of yourself and myself into the comic!!
One number: 300.
DAMMIT!!!
Loser...

Showing page 6.

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