All comics by Boritom

Profile

 

by Boritom
7-29-03
Well, my friend, it looks like I have good news and bad news for you.
What's the bad news?
Your assistant, Linda, and her accomplice, have been found, and she was shot!
Oh my God... You bastard! What's your good news?
I just saved a ton of money by switching to Geico!
You are an asshole!

 

by Boritom
7-29-03
God... I'm so sorry, Baby... Please, try to get some rest.
*sob* This is all my fault... I never should have... Oooowww!
Don't excite yourself, Linda. I think the bullet went straight through your shoulder, but you've still lost a lot of blood.
uuuhhhhh... Oh God, it hurts...
Just lay still, try to get some sleep. Hopefully, Bor got to safety, and is working out a way to get us out of here.

 

by Boritom
7-29-03
Well, this unequivically sucks! Linda's hurt, Adam's been captured with her, and I'm alone out here with a busted ship.
Okay, Bor, don't lose your head. You've been in tougher scrapes before...
What am I talking about? The toughest scrape before this was trying to get Milo to let me watch the Discovery channel while the Super Bowl was on... and I failed at THAT!

 

by Boritom
7-29-03
Cool... there's the compound where Adam and Linda are being held!
Psst... Adam, you in there?
Bor? Is that you?
Yeah... It's me... How's Linda?
She's been out for a few hours now, and... Oh God, Bor... She's awfully pale!

 

by Boritom
7-29-03
Adam... Can you feel a pulse?
Yes, but it's faint, and her skin is awfully cold. Her pupils are dilated, too.
Crap on a stick... I've got to get you guys out of there now!
How? If you use your laser gun, it'll draw too much attention!
I can handle attention! Get down and cover Linda!
Aye-aye, Captain!

 

by Boritom
7-29-03
KABLAAAAMMM!
Okay, for the next few strips, just pretend you see Adam carrying Linda!
Hurry! They'll be right on our tail!
We're coming... Hold on, Baby, I've got you!
What in the name of Allah was that?
Sounded to me like a sizeable portion of shit hitting one helluva huge fan!

 

by Boritom
7-29-03
After Them!
Dat is the infidel woman who hobbled my bollocks! Kill Her!
Adam's still carrying Linda.
Crap, Bor... They're gaining on us! What do we do now?
Damn my stubby little legs! You head back to the ship! I'll try to slow them down with a little cowboy diplomacy!
There goes one brave little... whatever-he-is!
Allright, you Iraqi assholes! Eat Accelerated Protons!

 

by Boritom
7-30-03
Distant sounds of explosions and yelling...
What the Hell is going on out there?
Just some minor difficulties. Nothing to be concerned about.
Look, Jerk, you haven't even told me what you want from me! What is all this about?
Revenge, my friend. Simple revenge.
On who?
I will reveal all soon enough.

 

by Boritom
7-30-03
Reveal it now, or I'm outta here!
Do you remember Kurt Foster?
Well, sort of. He was a bully in grade school. I never saw him again after 6th Grade, though.
I did... I saw a lot of him. He married my sister, then destroyed her life.
What the... What does all this have to do with me, and why are we in Iraq? What, do you huff glue or something?
Well, sometimes... but that's beside the point...

 

by Boritom
7-30-03
Bob: "Shortly after graduating high school, Kurt enlisted in the Army. He was already dating my sister, and the silly girl couldn't stand to be away from him..."
Kurt... what about us? Do you really love me?
Of course I do. In fact, I have something to ask you...
"He proposed to her, and they were married shortly after he got out of basic training..."
I love you so much...
I love you too...
"But he didn't love her. In fact, he was having an affair with another woman behind her back!"
How could you...
Baby, it was just one of those things...

 

by Boritom
7-30-03
Bob: "She was devastated, but she desperately wanted to work things out. While he was stationed out of the country, however, she ended up in an affair herself."
I really shouldn't be doing this.
It's a little late to second guess now... your pants are already on the floor!
"Kurt had hired a private detective to watch her. He said it was to make sure she was faithful, but I know better..."
I swear, that guy's watching me or something...
By the time his first tour of duty was over, he had enough photographic evidence to screw her in the divorce!
Gee... Why does that tactic sound so familiar?

 

by Boritom
7-30-03
What has this got to do with me. I run a business that makes flavored mouthguards for hockey and football equipment outlets!
But your degree is in chemical engineering, right?
Well, yes...
And you have the expertise to design an undetectable chemical compound, right?
I really don't like where this is going.
I could give a rat's left nut what you Like!

 

by Boritom
7-30-03
I... I gotta rest for a moment, sweetheart...
It's... okay... I can stand for a moment.
Not much farther... about half a mile or so to the ship... You look awfully pale.
Yeah, well bleeding a lot has a tendancy to do that.
Okay... I think I got my second wind...
You don't have to carry me... I think I can walk...

 

by Boritom
7-30-03
Ooohh... oh boy... I think I spoke too... too soon...
I'm right here, Baby. Just relax, I've got you.
Time to use your imaginations again...
I'm sorry you have to carry me like this... I just... I feel soo...
Relax, Babe. I've got you. Not very far now. Just stay awake, okay? Keep talking to me!
...sooo weak... I...
Linda? Linda?!? Please, Sweetheart... Wake Up!

 

by Boritom
7-30-03
All I need from you is the formula. I already have a way to deploy it and destroy his headquarters.
You're off your nut! I'm not going to help you kill somebody with chemical weapons!
You don't understand! I can make it look like Saddam's people did it, and that the WMD's are real. It'll be a huge boost for the U.S., and I'll rid myself of a total asshat!
Forget it! I'd rather die than help you.
That can be arranged!
Why did I know he would say something like that?

 

by Boritom
7-30-03
Whew... gave 'em the slip... finally! Give them a few minutes before I get out of this cave, and circle back to my ship.
Dang... It stinks in here. Smells like somebody's been holed up in here a...
FREEZE!
(Not supposed to be same guy as earlier... and he's supposed to be holding a gun!)
While?
Who are you? What are you doing in my cave!

 

by Boritom
7-30-03
Okay, look, friend. I'm not going to hurt you, but I need you to put down your weapon.
I'm sorry, friend, but it is you who will put down de weapon.
Look, pal. I'm in no mood to play "Who's On First" with you. Put down the pop gun now, or you're ashes!
It would appear we have what you would call, a "Mexican Standoff."
ironic, given the fact that neither of us is even remotely Mexican.
No kidding. You aren't from around here, are you, Boy?

 

by Boritom
7-30-03
You know, you look awfully damn... Oh Crap! OSAMA!
Yes, it is I.
But I don't understand... You're hiding in a cave in Iraq? Why?
What better place to hide from one's pursuers than the most dangerous place in the world for one to hide from one's pursuers?
I gotta admit, there is a sort of demented, creepy logic to that!
I am honored!

 

by Boritom
7-30-03
Dammit... I don't know what to do to help Linda. I got her to the infirmary bay, and she's resting, but now I'm stuck here waiting for Boritom.
Wait... he's got an onboard computer thing on this ship. Maybe I can get it to help me...
Ahem... Uhh, Computer? Computer, respond, please!
What do you want?

 

by Boritom
7-30-03
Uhhh... sorry?
Yeah, yeah, yeah... everybody's sorry, but I'll bet that won't stop you from asking me to do something!
Well, it's just that my girlfriend has been injured, and I...
Oh, Great. Your girlfriend breaks a nail, and you want me to go all 911 all of the sudden!
Well, it's a little worse than a broken nail, but...
Dammit, Jim, I'm an onboard computer, not a doctor!

 

by Boritom
7-30-03
Will the little alien Boritom Zap Osama?
Can Adam get the computer to help Linda before she dies of blood loss?
Why does Bob want Mr. Carleson's help so bad? Well, if I post the answers here, there'll be no reason to read the story at www.boritom.com, now will there! Boritom returns Aug. 18, 2003... Tune in!

 

by Boritom
7-31-03
Welcome to stripcreator News. Our Top Story tonight...
Bob Hope is still valiantly holding on in his fight to remain dead!
Stupid bitch, you ripped that off from Chevy Chase.
I did not! His joke was about Francisco Franco! It's Totally different!
Face it, you're a lame ass plagarist!
Oh yeah? Well... TOBOR CORNHOLE YOU NOW! RARRRR!

 

by Boritom
7-31-03
Johnny Depp, you are... by far... one of the most talented, bemusing, eccentric actor-geniuses of our time.
Thank's, Mr. Lipton. I am underwhelmed.
You began your career as the bloody mess left by Freddie Krueger in the original Elm Street film... Then you did 21 Jump Street...
Uh... yes, I suppose I did.
What prompted the move from Elm Street to Jump Street?
U-Haul! Wheee-heeeee! I've always wanted to use that joke! He he he he he eheee... you asshat!

 

by Boritom
7-31-03
I eat you now... You prey, me predator!
Now, why would you want to do such a dipicably dreadful thing to me?
Huuunnngryyy! Must chew you up... taste blood... rip flesh...
My goodness, that sounds perfectly reprehensible. My good friend, allow me to point out that there are several alternate sources of nourishment available to you. Why, the sea is a vast cornucopia...
Forget it, Asshat... I'll order a fucking pizza!
Goodness!

 

by Boritom
7-31-03
Yuki, what is an asshat, anyway?
Well, Emiko, an asshat is... uhhh, well...
You don't know either, do you.
It's either a hat made out of ass... uh, or an ass that looks like someone's hat... or... uhhh, Yeah!
You asshat!

 

by Boritom
7-31-03
"Liberate the Walnuts?"
uhhh...
Screw it... It's funny to me, that's all that matters! I'm gonna go get drunk now, and grope chicks!
What a fuckstick!

 

by Boritom
8-04-03
You take one part intimate body part or curse word...
Asshat!
Fuckstick!
...Add a household appliance or inanimate object...
Buttdumpster!
Vaginashoe!
...Voila! You have an insult that's both humorous and repulsive... sometimes...
Colonblender!
Testiclelathe!

 

by Boritom
8-04-03
Hey, TOBOR! How ya doin', buddy?
Not so good. I haven't been feeling like myself lately?
Tragically emmersed in a malaise of ennui, eh?
Something like that.
I know what'll cheer you up! I'll cornhole you for a change!
*perk!*

 

by Boritom
8-05-03
Can you hear me now?
Bzzkkkvvve iau8euuuai
What? Pizza? No, can you... I don't know where your dog is, lady... is this... ?
BGjewmsiia ehheduzued
Waddya mean, "Thank you for your payment to Gaybeef.com????" No, I don't want... Pepperoni? WHAT?!?
YUhdzhbnau2 iurusnmewq

 

by Boritom
8-05-03
Hey Larry.
Hey Ray.
I just did a poopy!
I hate you, Ray.

 

by Boritom
8-05-03
Hiya, Barncat.
Hi Ray.
Did you ever feel like life was just a big, convoluted mess, and that there was no sense trying to figure it out?
I eat mice and bugs, you asshole!

 

by Boritom
8-05-03
Hi, Chicken.
Hi, Cow.
I'm not a cow, I'm a bull!
Shit... I'm in the wrong cartoon!

 

by Boritom
8-05-03
Hi, Duck.
Hi, Ray.
What's up?
Not much.
Quick quiz... What Pink Floyd album am I thinking of?
Atom Heart Mother, you asshat!

 

by Boritom
8-05-03
Hi, Sharkey!
Hiya, Ray.
Aren't you having trouble breathing?
Now that you mention it, Yes!

 

by Boritom
8-05-03
Hey, TOBOR.
Hi, Ray.
What... no cornholing today?
Nahh... I just don't feel "in the moment," today.

 

by Boritom
8-05-03
Crap... I'm hungry!
Wanna cheeseburger?
You are a sick fuck!
Yes! Yes I am!

 

by Boritom
8-05-03
Ray? Do you still find me attractive?
Yes, Dear.
Ray, do you still love me?
Yes, Dear.
The how come you won't go down on me for more than a couple minutes at a time?
Somebody... please, slaughter me now!

 

by Boritom
8-05-03
Ray... I'm waiting... Why only short licks?
...well...
Would it kill you to douche once in a while?

 

by Boritom
8-05-03
Hi, Psychotic Asswipe!
Hi, Ray.
Has anyon ever told you that you look a tad bit untrustworthy?
Not and lived to tell about it.

 

by Boritom
8-05-03
Hi, Hadrosaur!
Hi, Stegasaurus!
I'm not a stegasaurus, I'm a triceratops!
Shit! I'm in the wrong cave drawing!

 

by Boritom
8-06-03
We at stripcreator.com would like to announce some fantastic new backgrounds and characters for you to have fun creating your strips with!
Yes... we very much would!
Unfortunately, we can't. Nothing new... we got nada!
Yeah, so fuck off, you goddamn whiners!

 

by Boritom
8-06-03
Greetings, Earthling... I am from a distant planet, and...
Space aliens can have my penis when they pry it from my cold, lifeless hand.
We don't want it!

 

by Boritom
8-06-03
I have frightening dreams about the fate of life on this blue-green world.
As do I. I am often consumed by apprehension about what will become of us in the coming years.
All of the hatred... suffering... pain and sorrow... people scrambling about, trying to scrape up what little happiness they can before it's all over!
I just don't wanna be fried... is that so much to ask?
Okay... steamed with vegitables, then.

 

by Boritom
8-06-03
At last, Cthuhlu, we meet to battle for ultimate supremacy!
Yes, Mephistopheles! Now we shall see who will rule the underworld for all eternity!
Rock-Paper-Scissors?
I was hoping for a coin toss, myself.

 

by Boritom
8-06-03
STONE!
Paper covers stone!
SCISSORS!
Stone blunts scissors!
ANVIL!
Damn! That one always gets me... best two out of three?

 

by Boritom
8-19-03
Hey, everybody... I'm Back... Hope y'all weathered the RPC Virus scare okay... Hello...?
Uhhh... hello...?
Fuck!

 

by Boritom
8-19-03
I was hungry for some cuisine from my homeland today, so I went into town and found a Chinese resturaunt.
Did you have a good meal.
Not so much good as interesting. It was run entirely by Hispanic and White people. Not a single Asian on the payroll...
That's a little weird.
...and my eggroll tasted just like a Big Mac with Bacon.
*Ulp!*

 

by Boritom
8-20-03
So, what do you say to the idea that people primarily use this site to make comic strips with vulgar language and sexual overtness?
Shut your fucking pie-hole, or I'll bite you on the cunt!
Poop shitter!

 

by Boritom
8-21-03
Oh... Hi Fucktard... Haven't seen you around much lately. How are things going?
Terrible! I have Loin cancer and Ass-phesema. My butthole keeps hacking up blood and phlegm.
Eww! That's absolutely disgusting! How did you get so sick?
I think I opened a dirty can with my sphincter.
Okay... you know what? This strip isn't funny at all! In fact, it's stupid as fuck!
Okay, I admit it... I've been writing for Conan O'Brien!

 

by Boritom
8-21-03
What... you're back for more?
Yeah, Asshole... There's no "Anvil" in "Stone-Paper-Scissors!"
So...?
You're a dirty cheater, Mephistopheles

Showing page 7.

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