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My right side is definitely more photogenic.

 

Living the Dream by JoeBlough 6-03-19
What's on yer mind, d-bacon? JoeBlough, I was wondering if you mind being called a "water-headed, beta dork"?	A WHAT? Or even a, "WEAK pathetic example of a Pedophile's diseased piss-puddle"?	Somebody actually called me those things? I'm totally honored! I knew you'd enjoy hearing that. In fact, 9 out of every 10 bags of your fan mail read like that!

 

Dickering by JoeBlough 6-03-19
The Dynamic Uno in Japan..... Why did I let you talk me into coming here? C'mon Rags, the Japanese culture is exqcuisite! The art, the FOOD!	The food? Really? I ain't seen ONE stinkin' Cannoli here yet! Aha! Here comes a local street vendor now. See what he's selling.	If this wierdo thinks I'm eatin' THAT, he's got another "think" comin'! Sushi? Fi dollah? ONE dollah? Fitty Sen, maybe?

 

The Going Rate by JoeBlough 6-03-19
Inside a Suite in Las Vegas, Nevada.... Will that be all, sir? Send me up an escort, if ya get my drift! hehehe	1/2 hour later.... Me? I'm only $1000 an hour. Why? Whoa! That's too rich for MY blood! Find me somebody for $50 and be quick about it!	1/4 hour later... C'mon in! Now yer more like it, baby! Clocks tickin', buster! For $50, ya got 5 more minutes TOPS!

 

"West(wing)Side Story" by JoeBlough 6-03-19
I want to be in America... Everything FREE in America...	OK by me in America... For a small fee in America!	I want to go back to San Juan! I know a boat you can get, bye bye!

 

That's Show Biz by JoeBlough 6-03-19
I hear ya wanna pitch me a new "Musical Sit-Com"! Yeah C.B.! We'll call it..."The Trouble With Cliff". Get it?	??*cricket...cricket*?? Trouble=Treble & Cliff=Clef! Treble Clef? Yes? NO?	Now maybe if you pitched me them "popsicle girls" from the old Gong Show, then maybe... Gotcha C.B.! I'm all over it!

 

Show Some Respect by JoeBlough 6-04-19
Wondering why I called you up here, Brad? I musta screwed up, eh?	Yes, but not beyond repair. People are saying there is way too much "pork" in what you're alllowing to be served up! Hey now...don't get all "holier than thou" on me, buster! I just provide a service.	God frowns on being called "BUSTER" Brad? At your service!

 

Lousy Postal Service by JoeBlough 6-04-19
I hear you're unhappy with my delivery methods, Mr. ragu4u. Don't be ridiculous. I love having $5000 worth of Irish Crystal THROWN up on my porch!	I'm so sorry. Is there ANYTHING I can do to make up for my lack of professionalism? Absolutely NOTHING! Hey d-Bacon! Get the Postamaster on the phone, ASAP!	FYI....d_bacon is STILL on "HOLD"! Good luck getting through, assholes! "Get comfy! All our lines are currently NOT busy. It's just that your call is unimportant to us. Please hold..."

 

Fickled by JoeBlough 6-04-19
Can ya spare a buck so an old man can eat? Buzz off, gramps!	How about YOU, young fella? Any spare change? I'm starving. Get a job, derelict!	Don't even ask! I give blow jobs, dude, not money! Who said I was hungry?

 

Pink Slipped by JoeBlough 6-04-19
Oh no! I'm being fired so they can hire a young black girl. A girl like... oh oh...	...YOU!? Alrighty then...	What? Scared of a little Crucifiction, are ya? Aiyeeeeeee......

 

The Tense Interview by JoeBlough 6-05-19
St. Louis reporter vs. Tuukka Rask I'm here with Tuukka Rask of the Boston Bruins. Puhalkaa minua!	Blow you? Why? The "Blues" not showin' you enough love? Haluatko nukkua perseesi?	No! I do NOT want a puck up my ass, you dim witted Finnish, ogre-like OAF! I hope the Blues just pound your "5-Hole"! Tuukka hope to pound YOUR A-hole!

 

He Just Couldn't Say No by JoeBlough 6-05-19
Late 1968...... The book is almost done and I still got no book-cover in mind. Really? Well you better come up with something, Mario.	I'm drawin' a freakin' blank here. You got any bright ideas? Let me see if I can find any inspiration in my briefcase.	What the hell? It'll be perfect, Mr. Puzo, I promise you!

 

Summer Jobs Can Suck! by JoeBlough 6-06-19
Especially some "Lifeguard" jobs! Oh great!	NOW HEAR THIS! Everybody O-U-T of the pool!	Thanks to Maura's loose bowels we gotta drain this bitch!

 

It's "Nike's" Fault by JoeBlough 6-06-19
In the jungles of Thailand.... Time to go to work at "Nike" factory, Sis It's only every day for 16 cents a day!	Maybe we should find us other jobs! Good idea, Sis! What are eight year olds good at?	In Bangkok, one week later... Hey sailor...You looky fo nooky? We sooo hawny. We ruv you rong time!

 

Senors & Senoritas... by JoeBlough 6-06-19
...let's get ready to R-U-M-B-L-E! I'm sorry Ferdinand but it no work like that. It just seems so darned unfair.	Maybe if you had an agent. That's IT! I'll hire Hulk Hogan's old agent.	You mean I'm gonna have to...? Yup! Every other day YOU get to be the "HEEL" and get gored by ME!

 

Old Dog, Old Tricks by JoeBlough 6-07-19
Wow! Looks like "Bigworm" is back with a vengance! "What am I supposed to do up here?"	I sure hope he's got all his "heavenly bases" covered. "How about suffering?"	Looky here, Pops. "Bigworm" is back and he's bullying me again! Ya gotta suck it up, Son! It's not like it's CRUCIFIXTION!

 

The Let Down by JoeBlough 6-07-19
Ya look tired, Gabe! I couldn't stay asleep. I dreamed that my wishes came true, sorta!	Really? Did ya get just what ya wished for? Not exactly!	Inside Gabe's dream...... What's wrong? You asked for a huge cock & here I am!

 

Spike is Pissed! by JoeBlough 6-08-19
So, Mr. Spike Lee, why should no more films be made in Georgia? Cuz the whole damn honky state be a bunch o racists!	I see! So they all treat your people like 2nd class citizens, do they? You got dat right, Cracker. Why just today they took my new leading man to jail!	They did? But why? Them bigotted, back-ward, inbred Mo-Fo's just don't understand that R. Kelly NEEDS eight, 13 yr. old masseuse bitches to "chill" him.

 

Sticks n' Stones... by JoeBlough 6-08-19
*Cheep!* Huh?	*Cheep! Cheep-Cheep-Cheeeep!* Really? How dare you?	I'm NOT cheap! I'm frugal! Yum!

 

Inquiring Minds.... by JoeBlough 6-09-19
...may NEVER know! Got a History question, Lucy? Teacher, it CAN'T be true what my mama says about black men! Can it?	Well, what does she say, Holly? I mean if it really WAS true then all you guys would be dead. Right?	Dead? Why would we be dead? What the heck is she telling you? She says you guys are all "HUNG"! So I guess that makes Robin Williams a black guy too, eh?

 

MV in the W by JoeBlough 6-10-19
Mighty Vent in the Wall I've heard there is a way to get "sex" advice down here!	So, you tubby eunuch, whatcha wanna know? Yikes! A talking vent?	My name is Masters and to my left is my partner, Johnson! How about THAT? Mastering one's Johnson IS actually sound advice!

 

Know Your Acronyms by JoeBlough 6-10-19
Inside the office of Dr. Chen, D.D.S. Mr. ragu4u, your wife will be out momentarily. Is everything OK? Is she good to go?	I must admit that she has a couple of huge cavities but after many attempts, I filled them both to her satisfaction! Did you hear what I heard?	Later that evening at Chen's home... I'm afraid to even ask! Some lunatic mistook me for an O.B.G.Y.N.!

 

Know Your Acronyms II by JoeBlough 6-10-19
Inside the office of Dr. Chen, D.D.S. Mr. ragu4u, your wife will be out momentarily. Is everything OK? Is she good to go?	I must admit that she has a couple of huge cavities but after many attempts, I filled them both to her satisfaction! Did you hear what I heard?	At chez ragu/d_bacon & Deb's.... Hi Rags! I saw Dr. Chen today! He's really fabulous. Wanna hear what... Save it, woman! I packed a bag & I'll be staying at the Y.M.C.A! That bastard EATS at the "Y" and now I gotta SLEEP there.

 

Origins by JoeBlough 6-10-19
In the beginning..... You certainly ARE my most beautiful Angel! Don't I know it! But YOU? You're just fat and dumpy lookin'!	Fat? Dumpy lookin? ME? Too bad, too! This place needs a "GQ" figure head! One like....ME!	Then, after several iterations... How's THIS place & new "GQ" look for ya? At least it's a dry heat. Now lemme see that outfit with horns & a pitchfork again!

 

Nuthin' But a Hound Dog by JoeBlough 6-11-19
Listen Yeller, I hear there's a sex pervert hidin' down here someplace. Sniff him out , Yeller! *sniff, sniff sniff*	Find em' & get em', Yeller!	He found the perv, alright! Bwahaha Hey! Quit chewin' my cuffs!

 

Honestly, Abe! by JoeBlough 6-11-19
I've come 6000 miles & wanna pay my respects to Abe Vigoda! That thar is gonna be kinda tough as he taint dead yet!	He's NOT? Then I better leave! Good idea. Just follow this here road.	Days later...... You've screwed up my whole trip, ass-hole, but now I'm gonna make it right! Sorry to hear it. How can I help?

 

Recalling His Roots by JoeBlough 6-12-19
Folks, I'm joined by Keanu Reeves, who plays Duke Caboom in "Toy Story 4". S'up, dude?	This must be quite a change for you, from your "John Wick" personna! True. True. But I've learned one interesting fact.	And what might that be, Duke? "PIXAR" pussy is totally excellent!

 

Ya Never Know by JoeBlough 6-12-19
I know they all live here. So where are they?	Shhhh! I hear him in the next room lookin' for us! Why is "Death" so interested in US?	Maybe he just wants to chill with the "Cream of the Crop", so to speak? More like "Cream of the Crap" doofus!

 

Las Vegas: 2022 by JoeBlough 6-12-19
Future Casinos & Resorts in Vegas... I expect you cocktail waitress/ escorts to earn upwards of $10,000.00 per night! Really?	Serving drinks...and what else? Wake up, you dumb red-head! We gotta go that "EXTRA" mile and "put out"!	Ooooh ...my intake ports ache just thinking about it! Don't forget plenty of "3 in One Oil" cuz some "Johns" like to utilize the old elimination port, as well. Ka-CHING!

 

Game Night by JoeBlough 6-13-19
8am...June 12, 2019: The Offer Rags, get your family together and come to my house to watch game 7 for the Stanley Cup! You sure? But you live way out in the boonies.	The Stakes are Monumental Yeah, but I don't live in a cave. I got cable, ya know. OK then. We'll all be there tonight at 7pm sharp! This is definitely "Must See" TV, dude so don't "F" it up!	8am...June 13th, 2019: The Aftermath Wow! Looks like the Blues victory party last night did you in, Chen! Victory, eh? I wouldn't know. I forgot to pay my cable bill.

 

On Edge by JoeBlough 6-13-19
Look at all those darned kids wreckin' our lawn! Chill, Rags. Be nice to the kids. They're just playin'!	They got no respect, d_bacon! They're damned, little hooligans! I say, leave em' alone. They probably already have a horrible opinion of us!	...and STAY off our lawn, you little gangsters!

 

Holly GoLightly by JoeBlough 6-14-19
Ok Father Handzy, I'm ready to learn that new ritual. Fine, Holly! But it's not a ritual. It's called "genuflecting"!	"Genuflecting"? What's THAT all about? Just begin by getting down on one knee...	So "genuflecting" ain't nuthin' but me givin' head, huh Padre? Clever girl..."hunga, hunga, hunga"....

 

True Dat by JoeBlough 6-14-19
Looks like "Stripcreator.com" is froze up to everyone but JoeBlough!	Hey d_bacon, maybe now is a good time to try for page domination again!	What's he yellin' about NOW? I've told ya 1000 times Rags, "If you're alone, you're not dominating SHIT!"

 

The World's Foremost Authority by JoeBlough 6-14-19
What am I gonna do? Sarah Sanders is quittin'! Don't worry Daddy. You'll find somebody!	I need someone who thinks just like me & can convey my message! No problem. I heard of a guy on YouTube...	Really? Who? His name is Prof. Irwin Corey!

 

Movin' On Up... by JoeBlough 6-15-19
Daddy, you've got an applicant waiting to be interviewed for the Press Secretary job!	I don't have time for all these wanna be's trying to... It's Heather Nauert! The former FNC news babe!	Well then, have her march that tight little ass right in here! Ms. Nauert, the lech...I mean the President will see you now.

 

Movin' On Up: Pt.2 by JoeBlough 6-15-19
POTUS fantasizes..... So Ms. Nauert, are you surprised that I've given you an interview? With THESE tits and my sculpted ass? No surprise at all, Horn Dog!	Hey there, are you trying to dominate ME, woman? That doesn't start till you don the cherry red latex body suit & I strap that ball in yer mouth!	Ooooh...in THAT case, I better get Ivanka to hold my balls, I mean CALLS... She can do BOTH! You'd like that, wouldn't you? We'll have a real "menage a trois"! I bet she calls you "Big Dick Daddy From Cincinatti", right?

 

Price Increase by JoeBlough 6-15-19
Hello in there! I got yer Girl Scout Cookies. You get 6 boxes of Thin Mints. That'll be only $100!	$100 friggen dollars? *WTF*	That comes to about $16.75 per box! You better run, you theivin', little para-military. cookie skank! Maaaaaaamma!

 

In the Pink by JoeBlough 6-16-19
Would ya just look at THIS lil perv! Man, I'm horny as a hoot owl! Where IS my foxy kitty?	My pecker is gettin' harder than Chinese Math! Whew! We're safe! Here comes Romeo's, Juliet now!	I'm supposed to screw YOU? Fuck THAT, you twerp! Oooh! A "Furry" with an attitude. I'm gonna plow dat pussy like it ain't never been plowed before!

 

Another Sunday by JoeBlough 6-16-19
Are you takin' me to Church today, Grandpa Rags? You bet yer sweet bippy, Layci. I'm a big man around Church!	You ARE? How do ya know? When you're truely a big-shot ya just know this stuff from people's faces.	Later, At Church I see the big, fat, tub o lard has brought a friend! Now look at Father Handzy, Layci. See the admiration on his face?

 

Break Time by JoeBlough 6-17-19
Rags, did you see that new show "Euphoria" on HBO? You mean the one filled with over-sexed, nubile nymphettes running rampant with drug filled orgies of lesbian lust & depravity?	Yeah! That's the one! Ain't if GREAT? How dare you think I'd ever lower myself to indulge in such filth & debauchery!	A short time later.... Hey Abe, have you seen ragu4u? I'd say that right about now he's at his desk watching TIVO, while he rubs one out!

 

Office Art by JoeBlough 6-17-19
So Phreaky, is today the day?	What day is THAT, Pete? The day you photo-copy your pussy for me! C'mon...ya promised! I'll give ya $1000!	For THAT, you'll get the butt-hole as well! Make it an 11X14. I'm gonna frame it!

 

As Luck Would Have It... by JoeBlough 6-17-19
Honest to God, Rags...I was abducted by aliens! Is that so, d_bacon? Do tell!	Thus sayeth d_bacon.... Oh jeepers! What ya gonna do with THAT? Silence, Earthing or DIE! I ask the questions here!	Wait! So how did you not DIE? You squealed, didn't ya? Nope! Didn't have to. Turns out his ray gun was really a hair dryer.

 

Newbie by JoeBlough 6-18-19
I'm gonna be your WHAT? You heard me...BITCH!	You don't understand. I'm not gay! Maybe not yet, you ain't!	Honest, Officer Dave, he butt rapes me twice a day! What should I do? You should bend over & drop them drawers cuz old Dave's going for sloppy seconds.

 

Unidentified Remains by JoeBlough 6-18-19
Is Rags or the pig here? Who wants to know?	None of your business, pencil neck! None of my business? Why you little, two bit slu....	I can't tell who it is, Mr. ragu4u. The body was found at your door, knee deep in feces & pencil shavings. Poor Maura!

 

Take Only As Directed by JoeBlough 6-18-19
Monday Take this script, Gene, to help with your anger issues. Yeah, whatever Doc!	The next day.... Welcome back to Walgreen's Pharmacy. Them "HAPPY" pills you filled for me yesterday are useless. They're too big to swallow.	Those, sir, were suppositories! They weren't meant to be taken orally! OK,OK, I got it now! "Happy Time" will begin once I find that slut "Asperegus Fingers" and get her to jam em' up my ass!

 

The School Next Door by JoeBlough 6-19-19
They just peer over that fence, watching the children at recess. It's damn creepy! There's nothing illegal about THAT!	Think NOT? Go out there and check out those twins for yourself! Ok, Ok, but I'm sure it's nothing!	But as the Cop approached...... Damn, just when I was about to cum! He'll be here in a sec. Zip it up, and let's GO, bro! I grabbed the "Jergens"!

 

Kids Say the Darndest Things by JoeBlough 6-19-19
Yer a racist! Ya flunked me cuz I'm white! Huh! That would be below me!	WHAT? I'm telling the Principal! There's nothing to tell. Now go home, before I load your backpack with homework!	But later, in the Principal's Office... You're sure he said, "Blow Me!"? That WILL get him fired, I'm afraid.! Sure, I'm sure! 100%! And then he threatened to stuff a load up my backside!

 

Good Advice! by JoeBlough 6-20-19
Don't bother knockin' kid, cuz bad shit'll happen! Oh really? Well...	...I'll be the judge of...	I tried to tell him! ...tha-a-a-a-a

 

Ooops! by JoeBlough 6-20-19
Inside Chez ragu/d_bacon..... What happened to our computer? "Rent-A-Center" came & took it back.	You're kiddin'? The payments were only $1 a day, right? Well, we kinda got a tad behind!	Behind? How far? When did you pay em' last? I believe it was on May 15th of.... 1977!

 

"It's Showtime" by JoeBlough 6-21-19
A dive bar in Tijuana, Mexico I can't do this anymore! Listen here Consuela, it's showtime. Get out there & break a leg!	Ay chi hua hua, woman! You're a god damned "Legend"! They come from everywhere to see your act. GO! Maybe he's right, but I sure wish I'd get some cooperation!	And after the curtain rose.... Please tell me you finally washed that stinkin' cock, before I suck it! QUE???? You gone loco, Puta?

 

The Fall by JoeBlough 6-21-19
You seen the Market , Rags? Pork Bellies are thru the roof! So that's a good thing, eh?	Darn tootin'! They're high as a kite. Never seen em' this high before! Oh I have. A LONG time ago.	Back in the 60's If'n ya wanna keep on tokin' dat reefer, the price is goin' UP, p-p-p pork-chop!! Oooh ...look at all the nifty keeno colors...whoa! Am I grovin, or what?!

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