All comics by JoeBlough

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by JoeBlough
6-22-19
...Porky dinner!
Crappola! Hey d_bacon, it's true! You just won WW:120.
I DID? Holy Moley, Rags...that was a year ago! Back when I was SOMEBODY!
Always the classic "Narcissist" with delusions of grandure, to boot!

 

by JoeBlough
6-22-19
Somewhere in Tibet.....
Hi gang! Just wanted ya'll to check out my WW:121.
Yeah, he had JoeBlough set it all up! But it looks like we gotta run!
I told you two dead-beats, you no can crash in Sacred Temple.
The Monk's last resort....
But you promised to make them leave!
Look, those two are harder to get rid of than New Jersey Jock Mites!

 

by JoeBlough
6-23-19
Doc, I want more of that new drug "Lyveesi" to up my sex drive!
MORE? You've been on it for months already!
I know, but I still can't get in the mood.
OK, I'll give you one more month but if it still hasn't worked, we'll go to Plan B!
One Month later....
Doc, I'm Phreaky's hubby and she STILL ain't givin' up dat pussy to me!
Duh-uh! No friggin' shit? I wonder why?

 

by JoeBlough
6-23-19
Oh crap! Another beggar at the "Off Ramp"!
...plus, my wife left me, my dog died, my kids are addicts, my mom's in an insane asylum and my ride broke down in the drive-way!
Your "ride"? You mean that 2019 Bentley parked over in front of that mansion over there?
Uh......yup! One in the same! Why?

 

by JoeBlough
6-23-19
Son, it's 4:50am and you're STILL awake?
No worries mom. I been out jogging. I need a shower.
I'll say! Your face is dripping in sticky sweat but you still smell strangely fresh!
Funny, ain't it Ma? I'm going to my room.
But he had a guest upstairs.
I hope she fell for it! Oh baby, I just love going commando on that tongue of yours.
I love it too but that "Summers Eve" smell almost gave us away & yer cum left my face lookin' like a glazed donut.

 

by JoeBlough
6-23-19
Is Deacon ragu4u reading Scripture today Sister?
I'm afraid so, Father!
You sound a bit pensive, Sister! What's wrong?
I just keep recalling him as a boy, years ago, reading Scripture in my Catechism Class!
Really Sister, how bad could he have been?
AWFUL! Once he tried to convince the class that "Hustler" was a lost book of the Bible.

 

by JoeBlough
6-23-19
At My Local "Burger King".....
Would you like to try an "Impossible Whopper" today?
You mean that meatless burger? Sure. May as well!
Excuse me, Sir? SIR? Come back. You can't pay with "Monopoly" money!
Why not? You just gave me a burger with zero meat...
Yes, but...
...so I paid you with money that has zero value! Makes perfect sense to me.

 

by JoeBlough
6-24-19
With Brad, Somewhere in Canada.......
Hmmm...still no entries for JoeBlough's WW:121.
I sure hope he doesn't take offense and quit the site!
Nah....only an ass-hole would ever do THAT!

 

by JoeBlough
6-24-19
1950
Where the devil have you been with my daily newspaper, boy?
Sorry sir. I'll try to get it here earlier tomorrow.
2000
Listen kid, cancel my daily subscription. All I need is the Sunday paper!
What? How's a kid supposed to earn any extra cash?
2050
The Internet is down AGAIN? I wish we had newspapers like 100 years ago!
"Dummy Error 404" Bwahahahaha

 

by JoeBlough
6-25-19
So...they want us to BEG!
OK then, we're beggin'!
Someone PLEASE enter WW:121...
Not ONE...FIVE! We need 5 different people to enter.
We may have to just settle for one!
If THAT were even allowed then "I" would enter but I bet I STILL wouldn't win!

 

by JoeBlough
6-25-19
I swear, everytime I'm here I lose my balls.
I can help!
Wow...you sure got here quick!
I'm the...uh..."ball locator" around here!
I think we should begin looking over here!
Screw THAT! I already got my eye on the best ones right NOW!

 

by JoeBlough
6-25-19
...The Early Days
So we got us another "redrum" murder, eh Hutch?
Ya think, Starsky?
You being sarcastic?
Me? Do cops eat donuts?
I want my partner Cagny back!
Why did Lacy ever transfer?

 

by JoeBlough
6-26-19
Egads! These buffoons are trying to make a mockery of my WW:121!
What's JoeBlough crying about in the rumpus room?
I'll bet a dollar to a donut he's got his feelings hurt...AGAIN!
Somewhere in Canada........
Brad here! Who's callin, eh?
d-bacon here! Brad, you must stop the rampant bullying on this site. Poor J.B. is having a meltdown. There's graphite running EVERYWHERE!

 

by JoeBlough
6-26-19
So, you wanna gig here at "The Comedy Shoppe", eh?
I sure do! I'd do anything for a chance to perform here.
You're good at telling jokes, are ya?
One Liners, gags, jokes, limmericks, zingers...whatever! I do it ALL!
We'll just see about THAT! Come to my office for a quick audition to test your comedic reflexes.
He's only really interested in my "Gag" reflexes, I'll bet!

 

by JoeBlough
6-27-19
Somewhere in Russia
Igor! We've been searching for you for a month!
I've been playing "wife/bitch" to a big ass Grizzly Bear while trapped in its den.
Ha! You expect me to believe THAT?
He's been saving me like an M.R.E.! I've had to drink my own urine and HIS. He broke my spine & tore off my arm and made...
So, basically, he treated you better than you're used to. Let's hurry up & get you back home to your wife!
Fuck THAT! "Wait up, Yogi-Wogi! I'm coming back!

 

by JoeBlough
6-27-19
Jesus! What's that smell?
Oh, it's YOU! Ya been playing with Richie G. again, ain't ya?
Yeah. Gee whiz, how'd ya guess?
Cuz "Preparation H" has a very distinctive odor!
And taste! Sorry! Next time I'll shower!

 

by JoeBlough
6-27-19
I'll be darned, d_bacon! "Porter" is back!
Really, Rags? On "Stripcreator"? I just love Porter Wagoner & Dolly Parton.
No, no, no, you numb-skull! PorterNOTES, NOT Porter Wagoner!
:>(
I KNOW what yer thinkin' and don't you DARE say it!

 

by JoeBlough
6-28-19
I'm Sir Richard Branson of "Virgin Galactic"!
So it's YOU'RE fault all our virgins are gone!
What?
Your company is, obviously, gathering ALL the virgins in the Galaxy!
I'm NOT...but I do like the idea! Besides, whatcha gonna do? KILL me?
I'm NOT...but I do like the idea of zapping your pecker!

 

by JoeBlough
6-29-19
Spain is suffering from record heat.....
Pedro no can do nothing aboud dis heat, Pollo!
I'm just sayin', bad shit be on de way, Pedro!
Are you threatening Pedro with bodily harm, Pollo?
I'm just sayin', when "chicken manure" reaches a certain temp it tends to get unsta...
Aye chi hua hua....Pollo poop go "BOOM"!

 

by JoeBlough
6-29-19
Mr. President, Alaska is now the crime capital of our Country!
Fine! Fine! Have Mike Dunleavy come to my office.
I hear you can't keep those damn native Inuits in line up there, Governor! Now "I" gotta do it for ya!
But sir, I know you'll come up with a hugely great plan for the people there!
Hands up, you badass Eskimo! I been sent by POTUS to stop your crimewave & five stinkin' dollars won't buy me off!
No? Tell Donny it's been plenty enough to buy BJs from Ivanka!

 

by JoeBlough
6-29-19
Pre- Women's World Cup...
I'm Megan Rupinoe. Can we talk?
Yellow Card for attempting to bribe an Official!
But WOMEN are the Officials for our matches!
You had better stop right there, young woman, lest I assert my authority!
Well let me just bend over & hike my skirt so you can KISS my royal AUTHORITY!
THAT did it! You're OUT, you dyke! Now, if Alex Morgan wants to make that offer....

 

by JoeBlough
6-29-19
Atomiclunch scored at a "Pick-up" Bar
Are you sure you want this?
Absolutely, babe. C'mon in.
I mean we just met and you don't really know me...
Look...you wanna tap this ass or not big boy?
Later, back at the "Pick-up" Bar.....
So Lunch, what do you mean this broad was "intimidating"?
Well Rags, I guess the main thing was....she had a cock & it was way bigger than mine!

 

by JoeBlough
6-30-19
I'm here at the Yulin Dog Festival in China with its organizer, Mr. Chen.
Welcome! Actually, I'm Chef Chen but you no ask Chen to give up seclet leicipe!
Recipe? Recipe for WHAT? I thought this was a DOG festival!
It IS! That's why Chen surrounded by little doggies. Come my little ones!
Meanwhile, inside the Festival Kitchens
What the hell, Chen? The Festival is running low on stew!
You tly putting a 1000 pissed off puppies into a scalding hot cauldron, bee-otch!

 

by JoeBlough
6-30-19
...History Teacher
Class, can anyone name a famous Dictator for me?
Ooh-Ooh! Me, Me,!
OK, Toby, name one!
That's EASY, Miss Beecher! I'm going with Jenna Jamison!
Why in the WORLD would you name HER? She never ran a country!
I don't know about THAT, but according to my dad, nobody takes a dick like her!

 

by JoeBlough
6-30-19
Maud, I'll be out acheckin' on the crops!
*yum*
*yum*
Damned funny lookin' "Mexican Soy Beans"!
*Eat em' up, hombres*

 

by JoeBlough
6-30-19
Hollywood: Late 1958
Rowdy Yates, huh? What kinda name is "Rowdy"?
Look here, Eastwood, just read your lines. Then you can go back to the Car-Wash where they found you.
I'm gonna be a big star one day. You just wait and see!
I won't be holding my breath.
Present day
And now, here to receive "The Lifetime Achievement in Filmaking Award" is the one & only...Clint Eastwood!
Uh...Rowdy gotta go poo poo!

 

by JoeBlough
6-30-19
*Here comes that "Clueless" skank, now.
Shall I rape her THEN kill her; or do it the other way around?
*QUEEEEF*
Oh Jesus, P-U!!! That'd knock a buzzard off a shit wagon!
Ahhhhhh...better out than in, I say!

 

by JoeBlough
6-30-19
Mass held outdoors once per month...
It's the last Sunday of the month. Do you think they'll show up?
Who? Rags & d_bacon? Why wouldn't they?
I guess you're right. God knows you've provided them with a perfect incentive.
I must admit it's rather clever but God works in mysterious ways.
"Mysterious" is one thing, but He's gone and out-did Himself, this time.
So all college girl, topless beach volley-ball played behind the altar, during Mass seems too much, does it?

 

by JoeBlough
6-30-19
We interrupt this broadcast for a "Special Bulletin"
"WW:121" is open for business.....STILL!
We now return you to our regularily scheduled programming!
WW:121? Who gives a shit?

 

by JoeBlough
6-30-19
Chen, get over to Cox's Clothier. They're having a suit sale.
I have suits. Lots of suits.
Yes, but you don't have a nice Seersucker Suit!
OK...I go now to Sears to make her happy!
Hours later.
MY god, what happened?
The gay clerk at Sears kicked my ass. He say they all out of "Cocksucker Suits"!

 

by JoeBlough
7-01-19
Psst...Joe! Hey Joe! You awake?
JoeBlough, you actually WON a CC! Joe?
You don't think he's de...?
DEAD? No way! He just naps.....a LOT! We'll wake him later!
A while later....
Hey you goofy prick, get going with the new comic contest, eh! Nobody buys this dead act of yours!
That moron Brad actually thinks I'm on that table! Bwhahahahahaha Now where did I put the "Cheeze Whiz"?

 

by JoeBlough
7-02-19
Baz Luhrmann is making a new Bio-Pic!
I know! It's about ELVIS! Who's gonna play the KING?
I understand it's between, PeeWee Herman, Wilford Brimley, Denzel Washington and Kathy Bates!
Wow! Baz sure has his work cut out for him! They're ALL pros!
But Kathy Bates? You really think she...?
Hey, her dick may not be the biggest but she does sing a mean "Hound Dog"!

 

by JoeBlough
7-02-19
Auditions to play "Elvis" in a BioPic.
Who ees next, boy?!
His name is Jimmy, Mr. Luhrmann!
"Thank you...thank ya very much! I'm gonna Rock n roll, Mama!"
Vhat ees vit dis "Mama" business, dummkopf? Now get into costume und SING!
"You anin't nuthin' but a hound dog, a crockin' all the time..."
Schnip! SCHNAP! Absprengen, Jimmy! "Kathy Bates" ist es!

 

by JoeBlough
7-02-19
Rags, the guy to rebuild the deck is here.
Does he look like a legit Union Carpenter?
I don't think we have anything to worry about! He's in the living room!
You can bet your sweet bippy I'll be the judge of THAT!
Whoa! Aren't you...uh, I mean uh...
Am I Union? Not exactly. Does it matter?

 

by JoeBlough
7-03-19
RE: CC 719
Jesus! As if it ain't hard enough to get contest entries already, Lunch goes & finds a loop-hole!
There! I've edited the contest rules so everyone will be happy now!
But, seconds later.....
Stop right there, A-Hole! Section B, article XI, paragraph 13 of the "Official Rules On Comic Editing" clearly states that one may not...
CRAPPOLA! Here we go with the damn "Auxiliary Verbs" again!

 

by JoeBlough
7-04-19
Why did we come here again, Rags?
To pay our respects. We've lost a major player here, d_bacon.
So, how old was he?
He came on the scene back in 1952, I believe. I'll sure miss him.
Stop yer crying, dude! You'd think it was "Old Yeller" who died instead of Alfred E. Neuman!
What? Me worry?

 

by JoeBlough
7-04-19
It's gonna be the U.S.A. vs. the Netherlands for the World Cup.
I hate Soccer.
It ain't Soccer. It's Football.
WE play "FOOTBALL". Them scrawny lil gals play Soccer.
But YOU play Football like THEY play Soccer, ya big pansy.
If I had my purse I'd whack ya with it!

 

by JoeBlough
7-04-19
Ya hear? Nicki Minaj gonna play in Saudi Arabia!
She IS? She finna be half naked & shakin' dat booty fronta all dem Shieks?
Sho nuf! Why not?
I be thinkin' they was all "old school". Ya know? SKIN be's SIN?
No way, Jami Cakes! All dat, "Gimme an angel in the kitchen but but a Ho in the bedroom" be's OVER these days!
That's a good thang fo Nicki, cuz she be a HO wherever she go!

 

by JoeBlough
7-05-19
Hey there, Dobe! How ya doin', big daddy?
Fine, I guess Maynard! As fine as I can be without Thalia Menenger!
You still moonin' over that bread crazy chick, man?
Ah, Maynard, a day without Thalia is like a day without sunshine!
But Thalia loves Chatswoth Osborne Jr
What's in the briefcase, Chatsworth, my love?
Nothing but my allowance increase, Thalia. Mother has upped it by $1000 per week.

 

by JoeBlough
7-05-19
Recently in Ridgecrest, California...
Hey Chen, what's shakin', dude?
Same old, same old Skagg! Hey, what the...
You OK, man?
The ground is opening up! RUN!
...was hit by a 6.4 quake.
*cough* ugh.........H-E-L-P!
"The ground is opening.", I said! "RUN", I said! But NOOOOO!

 

by JoeBlough
7-05-19
"Cheerleader Tryouts"
I wanna be the richest cheerleader in the world!
Well then Holly, let's see your routine.
So Holly cheered for a full minute!
"Ta DAH"
She does show talent for a niche position!
So how did I do? Am I gonna be rich?
Maybe so. The outfit is perfect. Just lose the panties and report at midnight to Stage #1 at "The Jizz Joint" on Hwy 63 & ask for Lou!

 

by JoeBlough
7-05-19
Ah so....I rememba days of old when place filled with nerdy "bookworms" not you Goth rejects!
WTF, man!? I got his "Bookworm" hangin' right here!
So Goth Boy took offense & took action
What all that lacket?
...but poor Chen took the brunt of it!
Attacked by a what? A giant "Bookworm, you say"? Ha ha ha!
And a BIG mofo he was, too!

 

by JoeBlough
7-07-19
Guys, RCLG dominated the frontpage AGAIN!
So Rags, does he get an award or some such foolishness for that epic waste of time?
Deb...you sound as if you don't think Stripcreator.com is a very worthwhile way to spend one's time! Am I right, d_bacon?
HA! That puffy little porkchop don't know what day it is, half the time!
Yo, gang? Please tell me that RCLG didn't really have Sigot say my house looks "GAY"!
Anybody here named "atomic lunch"? I need to know because his abode has won as the [Best in America] on "Cock-sucker's Condos"!

 

by JoeBlough
7-07-19
So the Pig, the Putz & the Princess stopped the page domination COLD!
So what, Abe? Tell somebody who gives a shit!
"FLASH! Abe Vigoda wants the world to know..."Page Domination" by RCLG has been thwarted by non-other than...".
...Makin_d_bacon, Deb & ragu4u!"
Jesus Christ, doofus! Tell someone that gives a shit!

 

by JoeBlough
7-08-19
Yeah! I'm Bossie the cow. Who wants to know?
My name is Makin_ d_bacon, but since we're dating, you can call me "Big Hard-D"!
Since we're WHAT?
You heard me! According to RCLG, we date. Ergo, we do "it"!
He MAY have eluded to a date we were supposed to have had, but SEX? That would be beastiality!
Only if we cum!

 

by JoeBlough
7-08-19
The wife is out of town and I'm feeling frisky, Get me Jeffery Epstein.
On it sir. He'll fix you right up!
Hours Later.....
It's about damned time!
*knock, knock* "Jeffery Epstein sent me!
Lucy, is it? How old are you, anyway?
I'm six. Why? Too old?

 

by JoeBlough
7-08-19
What's in the b-b-box?
You seem nervous. It's that darned film "Seven", right?
N-n-no way! J-just set in on my k-kitchen table & g-go!
I knew it! I just KNEW it!

 

by JoeBlough
7-09-19
Ross Perot died!
You mean that little billionaire with all the charts who ran for President?
Yup! What I wouldn't give to have HIM as our President!
So you're saying a dead guy is better than Trump?
Maybe Abe was right. I wonder what MIGHT have been?
Ya'll got a minute? Looky here! I got this hum dinger of a chart that'll prove folks would be happier than a "queer in a bag o dicks" if'n I got elected!

 

by JoeBlough
7-09-19
Going out to play, Lucy?
Yes Mama. With Jeffery...
Jeffery who, dear?
...Epstein!
Don't forget your rubbers!
He always has plenty. Cotton Candy flavored ones, too!

 

by JoeBlough
7-10-19
My Sports idol has died, Mr. Chen!
HA! What kind o sport you rike to pray, cripple boy?
I love volleyball and my hero, Patches O'Houlihan, has just died!
Bwahahahahahaha! You gimps make me raff! Patches O'Hourihan is a fake!
So the kid in the wheel chair finally kicked your ass, eh? So tell me, why did he do it?
How Chen to know rittle gimp was gay fo Rip Torn?

Showing page 8.

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