All comics by possums

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by possums
4-27-04
Please pardon my pun.
Well, you know what they say, boy. "Love means never having to neigh you're sorry!"
Oh boy! A new pet! I'm going to keep you forever! And I'll name you and...
Why yes, I am the farmer's daughter!

 

by possums
4-27-04
No... no! Please!
HAY. THAT BETTA NOT BE MAH DOTTER.
NO!!!!
THAT'S IT! I'M COMMIN' IN!!!!
No... stop... it... aww crap.

 

by possums
4-28-04
Isn't this new acid carrot great?
OO SNAPS. I LIAK IT.
Hey, hey, hey, why are you pointing that at me?!
DON'CHA WORRAH NONE. IT 'AINT LOADED.
Heavy, man.
JUS' LYAN.

 

by possums
4-28-04
You remind me of Trotsky.
Damn! Those really WERE holy seeds!
I dunno, sir, it seems here that shotgun payment is overdue, so you're gonna have to return it... may I have it, please?

 

by possums
4-28-04
I swear to god, if I see another Jesus impersonator, I'll... What the?!
We're here with Andrew Mathieson, who has payed tribute to Mel Gibson's most recent film by, yes, NAILING himself to two wooden planks!
Hi, mom!
That's the last straw! OW! OW!

 

by possums
4-28-04
Last time I ever generate those rotor turbo gravitons with Gilbert Godfried...
Look at me! I'm a midget with a quarter!

 

by possums
4-29-04
FROM THE DEPTHS OF EUROPE COMES THE NUMBER ONE THREAT TO THE AMERICAN PEOPLE....
No! No! NOOOOO!!!!!
A FORCE ONLY IDENTIFIABLE BY THEIR STINK AND FUNNY ACCENTS... THEY ARE.....
Euch... what's that smell?
THE FRENCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! o/(EVIL ACCORDIAN MUSIC)o/
MATRICE, SIL VOUS PLAIT!!

 

by possums
4-29-04
*Translation: Have you tried the toast? It will give you gangrene!
Avez-vous essayŽ le pain grillŽ? Il vous donnera le gangrene!*
No! Please! Take my mother!
* I fucked your mother 'till she walked funny!
J'ai baisŽ votre mre jusqu'ˆ ce qu'elle ait marchŽ Žtrange.*
THIS IS TORTURE!!! I'M GOING TO END IT ALL RIGHT NOW!!
*Ha, ha, ha, ha.
Hon, hon, hon, hon.*

 

by possums
4-29-04
At FBI Headquarters...
NO, SUH, MELINDA. I 'AINT KILLIN' NO FRENCH FOLK. I'Z RETIRED.
Please, Bunnah, you're our only hope! Just look at this video screen!
* I fart in your general direction!
Fart I dans votre direction gŽnŽrale!*
We'z all gonna die!
I'LL DO IT FO'.... EIGHT HOURS O' HOT SEX.
Just call me Skanky!

 

by possums
4-29-04
* Do you speak French?   YES, A LITTLE.
Parlez-vous Franais?*
OUI, PEUT PETIT. 
*You cannot harm me, silly rabbit! Your tricks are better suited for children!
Vous ne pouvez pas me nuire, lapin idiot! Vos tours appropriŽ mieux aux enfants!*
AU CONTRAIRE....
*Shit.   I HAVE A SHOTGUN.
Merde.*
J'AI UN FUSIL DE CHASSE. 

 

by possums
4-29-04
Merde, merde, merde, merde, merde.
Save it for court, Jean-Luc.
Back at HQ....
Ready for your "payment" Mr. Bunnah?
MEEEE-OW.
FIN.... Ou est-il?
Wait.... since when did rabbits meow?
:)

 

by possums
4-29-04
OMG OMG OMG I LIEK TOTELLY OWNXORZ AT TEH SO-CALLUD STRIPCRAETREING OF YOR!!!!1!
1, 2, 3, 4...
BWAHAHA!!!! I HAVE YOUR SOUL, NOW, TIMMY!!!
Timmy?

 

by possums
4-29-04
Boss, I brought that stupid kid you wanted. He went down easier than a whore on payroll.
Exemplory, Death! You get 3 brownie points and a kitty treat. Now where is my victim?
I AM 2 YUONG TO GO TO TEH N00b HELL!!!!11!! WER IS MY LAWYER?!?!?!!?1/1!?!1//1!?
He's right here, boss...
...and I'm just going to have to assume that he really talks like this.
Ready the furnaces!

 

by possums
4-29-04
MISTOR KOFFMAN, PLZ LET ME GO. I, LIEK, HAV A LIEF TO LIEV!!!
It's not a matter of whether it was your time to go or not... you violated major nettiquete rules and therefore must pay the ultimate price. Now, I'll give you a tour.
Ever wonder where PunkkRoccPrincez ended up?
I AM 2 PUNKK FOR YUO!!! NIGERRS AND JÃœZ ARE STPUID!!!
WLL AT LEEST I AM NOT A NAZI!!!!!!!11!!
Hentai freaks are banished here too, Timmy. Don't play innocent.

 

by possums
4-29-04
This is a star attraction of ours. Pornography was actually slightly amusing, but an offensive asshole.
P0RN MAKS ME HAPPY IN MY PNATS!!!
Are you scared yet, Timmy?
MISTOR KOFFMAN, YUO SHUOLD AT LEEST C MY COMIX B4 U BURN ME 2 DETH.
*sigh...* Very well. I'm in a pacifistic mood.
ROLE TEH TAIP!

 

by possums
4-29-04
o/ Fancy classical music o/
Pip, pip, Johnny-O! This money to you won't go- if you stall much more.
Oh, right, you're a mime. You can't have dollars and dimes, at least not from me.

 

by possums
4-29-04
o/ Fancy classical music o/
Pip, pip, Johnny-O! This money to you won't go- if you stall much more.
Oh, right, you're a mime. You can't have dollars and dimes, at least not from me.
o/ Bach o/
o/ Accordians o/

 

by possums
4-29-04
*Actually, they aren't, but whatever.
That caught me off guard! Understandable dialogue! Numbers are spelled out*.... and what's this... haikus?
THX
As a matter of fact, there's only one thing wrong with it.
WHAT?!1//!?
IT WASN'T FUNNY!!!
AAAA!!!! G2G KTHXBY!!!

 

by possums
5-03-04
I object!
No, you lawyer.
Will you speak the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God?
You want the truth? YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!!!!!!!
Where were you on the night of April 17th, 1991?
Qua?

 

by possums
5-03-04
I'm a nun. I personally do not like Ethan Cohn. Aside from the fact that he is Jewish, he is also very poor in math.
How dare you talk about my son like that!
Aha! So you are also Jewish? Do you not except Jesus as your savior?
I accept Robert Crumb as my savior.
Well, keep on trucking, Coffee Filter.
She's got a habit.

 

by possums
5-04-04
I don't know...
Come on, doll. All you have to do is swallow these 83 condoms full of cocaine and then we'll pass customs.
Are you sure? Don't they have x-rays?
They'll never tell the difference... they'll just think you have 83 extra kidneys!
Shortly...
"They'll never know the difference!" Great plan, Einstein!

 

by possums
5-04-04
I am GÅ¡rpswaggen, Slayer of Nuns!
Pssh. Nice epithet, jerk!
Want to hear a great epithet for you?
Shoot.
MOTHER MARIA, PRINCESS OF THE SLAYED!!!
AIEEEE!!!

 

by possums
5-04-04
Do you really think this hat is going to get me in?
Look, man. I know the sign says, "No Dinos," but that hat covers it all! They'll never know the difference!
Wait a minute... this is a gay bar!
You should try the glory hole out! Today is "Pirhana Day!"
Shortly...
"They'll never know the difference!" Great plan, Einstein!

 

by possums
5-04-04
Do you really think this hat is going to get me in?
Look, man. I know the sign says, "No Dinos," but that hat covers it all! They'll never know the difference!
Wait a minute... this is a gay bar!
You should try the glory hole out! Today is "Pirhana Day!"
Shortly...
"They'll never know the difference!" Great plan, Einstein!

 

by possums
5-04-04
I dunno, Dick... do you really think I should just say what's on my mind?
Sure, it'll be fine. Most of the people here are part of the radical right anyway, Mr. President.
...and those fuckin' spics should never cross the border, unless they want to garden my lawn and buy my crack! Oh, and Condeleeza is this administration's Monica Lewinsky!
Shortly...
"They'll never know the difference!" Great plan, Einstein!

 

by possums
5-05-04
Let me get this straight: You're basically the half-assed brother of Jesus.
Yeah. God "immaculately screwed" another woman, only he came too quick and only stayed hard half the time.
So God's a player, huh?
Yeah, but he's been slowing down over time...
His last kid was George W. Bush.

 

by possums
5-05-04
This aggravates me so much that I will swallow you whole!
Ahhhh! No, my son! What would Bejesus do?
You'd probably do the same.
Good point. Eat away, kid.

 

by possums
5-05-04
Inside...
I bet Jonah's brother Bejonah never had this problem when that duck swallowed him...
Outside...
BOO!
Ahhh!
Great job.... You scared the Bejesus out of me!

 

by possums
5-05-04
You have betrayed me, Bejudas, and now you must pay the ultimate price!
Are you going to send me to hell?
No, but when Bemartin Bescorsese remakes The Last Temptation of Christ, Beharvey Bekeitel is going to play you!
No! Bebruce Bewillis would fit so much better!!!!

 

by possums
5-05-04
o/ nanana NA na... nanana NA na... nana nana nana na. o/
o/ nanana NA na... nanana NA na... nana nana nana na. o/
o/ nanana NA na... nanana NA na... nana nana nana na. o/
PENIS!
PENIS!!!

 

by possums
5-05-04
You know what sucks?
The fact that our president can send millions to war for his own profit and get away with it?
I was going to say the measles, but you know, whatever.

 

by possums
5-05-04
I think it's really a shame that people think all violent movies are directed towards teenagers and not the upper class.
Movies like "Battle Royale," and "Kill Bill" don't really sound that appealing to me.
What were you waiting for, "Smite William Chapter Unus?"

 

by possums
5-05-04
.....................................................................................................
I, for one, am a chicken.
Says who?!
.....................................................................................................
Me.
Ah, I assume that makes sense.
WINNERS DON'T SMOKE!!!
Winners snort.

 

by possums
5-07-04
Mom, did you and Dad go out for a long time before you got married and had me?
Yes, we did.
What was your first date with him like?
What was your first date with him like? It was...well, let's just say it was interesting...
* Start Flashback *
Is it hot in here or is it just Satan?

 

by possums
5-07-04
Mom, did you and Dad go out for a long time before you got married and had me?
Yes, we did.
What was your first date with him like?
What was your first date with him like? It was...well, let's just say it was interesting...
Badger, badger, badger, badger, badger, badger, badger badger, badger, badger badger, badger, badger...
LOVE!!!!

 

by possums
5-07-04
Mom, did you and Dad go out for a long time before you got married and had me?
Yes, we did.
What was your first date with him like?
What was your first date with him like? It was...well, let's just say it was interesting...
Quit playing games with my heart!

 

by possums
5-07-04
In general, we've been waiting to eat the one you call George W. Bush.
We both hate Bush... aliens and humans really aren't all that different!
We have penises growing out of our wrists.
Well, there's that...

 

by possums
5-07-04
Now human, we've only been able to study this Bush fellow from a distance. Can you show him to me?
Sure, I've got a tape of the State of the Union adress right here....
...we must keep the use of steroids out of the NFL! Marriage must be kept sacred! Also, I'm a leprechaun.
Hmm.... Now I'm having second thoughts.
That implies that you had first ones.

 

by possums
5-07-04
You know, I'm not too sure I want to eat your president now.
Yeah, you might get a case of the stupids.
Any other leaders we could feast on?
Hmmm....
TO BE CONTINUED....
I've got someone to introduce to you.

 

by possums
5-07-04
Zavgnogrobox 87, meet Ralph Nader.
Food!
Now he can eat and Kerry can win the election... I'm a genius.
Looks a little scrawny...
Ungh... consumer brains....

 

by possums
5-08-04
Cheri, I think we should go on an escapade to end all gay bashing in the world!
Sounds pretty faggy to me.

 

by possums
5-08-04
My life sucks, Jenny. No one ever asks me out! And when I do they just push me away in disgust.
I will never be able to get a date.
I'm supposed to die of AIDS in about five minutes.

 

by possums
5-08-04
Ms. Nagasaki, can you tell me how to get a date?
You? Date!? Bahahaha! Rearr fat chance of you gettin' date, ugry boy! I raddah date goat wit' rabies dan you!!
Arso, you got an "F" on yoah midterm.

 

by possums
5-08-04
Marcellus! Get off that fucking computer and get your dinner right this instant!
I'm warning you, I'll come in there and beat the hell out of you!
So yes, the whiny, pathetic side did come from my father.
That's it...

 

by possums
5-08-04
AD 2040
I AM SORRY, YOUNG SIR, BUT YOU MUST GREET THE EGRECIOUS RABBIT.
VERY WELL. I HAVE YET TO MEET THIS EXUBERANT FELLOW.
HELLO MAGNANIMOUS CRAWFISH. HOW IS YOUR TEETH?
MOST INSUBSTANTIAL. I ONCE HAD THE FINAL SAY, BUT NOW I MUST BE GOING.
WE DINE!
SO DESU KA.

 

by possums
5-08-04
I APOLOGIZE FOR THE HASTINESS OF MY ACTIONS BUT NOW I MUST COMBAT SOMEONE IN GIANT ROBOT MODE!
YOU ARE ACCEPTED. PLEASE DUEL THE ENORMOUS PINK DONKEY.
DUEL!
HELLO LARGE FLOURESCENT DONKEY. HAVE YOU NO SHAME?
SHAME IS LAME. I PLAY THE GAME. AND IT IS YOU WHO I MUST MAIM.
YOU RHYME WELL. ART THOU A POET?
NO BUT I DO HAPPEN TO BE FRENCH!!!

 

by possums
5-09-04
Wait a minute... that was YOU!?

 

by possums
5-10-04
I've been playing The Legend of Zelda for so long that my eyes have dialated.
There's a lesson in all this...
Ganon is a twat.

 

by possums
5-10-04
So anyway, this guy comes up to me and says, "What's up with that?" I mean, what's up with that?!
Hahaha!
May I ask what is so funny? Do I amuse you? Am I a clown?
Hey man, I was just-
Suck on this, you magnanimous cunthole!

 

by possums
5-10-04
Wow... Possums has made 400 comics. We Iraqis must reflect on this subject.
I shall now meditate.

Showing page 8.

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