All comics by atomiclunch

Profile

 

by atomiclunch
3-09-16
*POP!*
What th'?
Yay! I'm in a road runner cartoon! Do you have your Acme Jet-propelled roller skates ready?
Uh..sir? I engage in much more "sophisticated" activities these days. Look over there.
"Acme 2-foot strap-on dildo" What are you and this bird getting up to? Would Chuck Jones approve?
THIS! Now say it, boy! Say it loud!
Fuck Chuck! beepbeep! BEEPBEEP MASTER!

 

by atomiclunch
3-10-16
An Impassioned Plea
Look, I'm just asking you to, just once, make a strip where i DON'T get my ass kicked.
Chen! I'm not a monster, here. Matter of fact, you're gonna get the girl in the third panel! Just pick a number!
Pick a..? Well, I for one f-
One it is!! You're tougher than I thought, Chen!
*fzzzzt* *pop!*
Great, just great. 'Lunch, I'm gonna be the first one on this site to say it: You're a real funny guy, 'Lunch. Y'know that? A laugh riot is you.
I can suck start a Harley-Davidson.

 

by atomiclunch
3-10-16
C'mon baby, show me what you can do. I'm soooo wet!
Okay.
Several long, sweat-filled hours later
Holy crap. It hurts so good!
I'm actually a male.

 

by atomiclunch
3-11-16
Holy Crap! What the?
Two words, junior:
Beer.
Fart.

 

by atomiclunch
3-11-16
I'd really like to have a cookout but the mosquitoes are fierce out there.
That DOES sound good. Hey, maybe Stan next door could help.
Outstanding burgers, dude! No bugs, either!
*bzzSnapbzzPopbzzz* *bzzzzBOOMBZZZZZ* hoo?
Yeah, good idea asking Stan. Hey Stan, need a brewski?
No, I might short out. Another burger'd be great, though! HEY! I think that was an owl!

 

by atomiclunch
3-12-16
The day of the bout? Already??
Well, it's about to happen. Why are we doing this on a football pitch?
The Undertaker feels that the vuvuzelas to celebrate his inevitable victory are more appropriate here.
Can I have a shot of pain killer?
Haha, pain killers are for winners ragu. See you at the wak, er.. end of the match.
Who the hell are you?

 

by atomiclunch
3-12-16
!
I'm The Undertaker, Ragu, let's
A scene of NC17 rated violence.
GET READY TO RUMBLE!! RRRROOOOOAAAARRRRR!
I won! I'm the man! FAAAME! I'm gonna live forever!
The ragu4u/undertaker bout is postponed after ragu savagely beat down local funeral director, Tim Reaper, who was trying to fit him for a casket.
His bail was paid by Donald Trump, who says "He can work security at my rallies anytime".

 

by atomiclunch
3-12-16
...so, I was walking to Himmler's, to pick up a schnitzel for lunch. Who do I run into?..
Hell, Rudy. Makeovers, whispered phone calls, sleazebags getting put on the "nice" list when *I* sure's hell didn't put 'em there. Bitch is cheatin' on me! I. don't even want to hear her name!
Hey Santa! How's Mrs. Claus?

 

by atomiclunch
3-13-16
Pretty fine, eh?
Damn, just LOOK at the rack on Phreaky!
What I wouldn't give to just... uh, just...
NAUGHTY!
Not the coal strap-on again! Can I at least have some lube this year?

 

by atomiclunch
3-14-16
Captains Log: We're on Planet Marsala-2. It's inhabited by oversized chickens that smarmily repeat everything we say...
Captains Log: We're on Planet Marsala-2. It's inhabited by oversized chickens that smarmily repeat everything we say...
It's truly annoying.
It's truly annoy-
uh... buk?

 

by atomiclunch
3-15-16
My brother and I used to imagine various scenarios...
Jimi, baby, love the album. Question: Why are the backing vocals on "Fire" mixed so low? Also, where's your tan?
Funny story, Noel and Mitch wanted to sing backup -
- we had a meeting...
Guys this is the Jimi Hendrix Experience, Jimi. Not Noel, not Mitch. I do the singing, baby!
We sing backup or the world finds out you're really a white guy from Secaucus...
Tell ya what, your argument is compelling...

 

by atomiclunch
3-15-16
You can sing backup.
But no microphones.
Let me stand next to your fi-yah!
The rest was history...
Let me stand next to your fire
Let me stand next to your fire

 

by atomiclunch
3-16-16
ROWR! Hurk...
You okay, fluffy?
hurk..hurk..hurkhurkhurkhurk
uh-oh...
CAAACK!
Shedding, are you?

 

by atomiclunch
3-16-16
Hey RCLG, it's me!
Hey Rags! C'mon in! Grab a Bud Light Lime and play with My Fucking Cat while I finish with the canapes!
Oh, you are just SO cute! Lemme just rruubb that tumm -
mmrrroowwrr, purrrrr, eep -
"Oh, he'll try to fake you out with his tummy, don't fall for it!"
'k
Yum!

 

by atomiclunch
3-16-16
RCLG! Thanks for the invite! Got any Malt Duck?
prrrr
"Check the mini fridge. Say hi to My Fucking Cat!"
What a cute kitty! You look just like mine!
mrow
CACK!

 

by atomiclunch
3-17-16
Um, your cat's barf is red. Do we need a vet?
No, that's just Ragu!
Oh! Kitty likes pasta?
Uhhh, eeyyeeeah... Hates Mondays, loves lasagn -
*Ring Ring*
Hello? Oh, Mr Davis? Wow, I'm a big fan! Copyright? Suit? Stone age... ok Rigatoni! He loves rigatoni! Mondays, too!

 

by atomiclunch
3-17-16
Hey guys, met the cat, too?
Chen! Good to see you?
How's the Mrs.?
Chen? Who's Chen? I'm Electro Man...

 

by atomiclunch
3-18-16
Excuse me, my good sir. You appear to be working MY side of the street.
Yeah, so? What are YOU going to do about...
it?

 

by atomiclunch
3-19-16
5 bucks, eh?
Worth every penny.
I s'pose you'll do. Well, git to it, then. Cause'n it ain't gonna suck itself.
Hey! No tooth draggin'!
Sorry, I'll take it out.

 

by atomiclunch
3-20-16
I currently work for a big box home center. This took place in the men's room last night.
Alright! Restroom is freshly cleaned. Now it ONLY looks like the Titanic after sinking in an overloaded sewage treatment plant! I'll just relax and...
*squeak* *THUMPA* *rattle* *clackity* *zzziip!*
Dammit, just when I was hoping for a nice quiet dump. Oh well.
*sigh*
*fapfapfap*

 

by atomiclunch
3-20-16
Slightly dramatized for the readers' entertainment...
Damn, my own crap tries to climb back inside of me in this place, how can he even get it up here? Sounds like he's almost done...
*fapfapfapfap urf fapfapfap hah hah hah fapfap hommina hommina fap ohbabyohbaby oh...*
*tug* *rip*
Heh, let me just tear off a piece of TP, now.
!! *zipflushcreakTHUMP* *pitpatpitpatpit*
Dude. You dropped something. You probably should've tucked it in before you zipped up...

 

by atomiclunch
3-21-16
*rustle* *scratch*
Oh shit!
Buh... Buh.. b-b-b
Everyone RUN! It's the walking d...
B-b-baaaaccoooonnn!
Groovy!
Everybody RUN! It's the Non-Kosher-compliant Dead!!!

 

by atomiclunch
3-21-16
He gonna walk forever with those wicked strides
And he knows if you ever ever stop you die
He do the shark walk. He do the shark walk.

 

by atomiclunch
3-21-16
Mel.
Ooooo.
MEL!
Long time... yeah...
Dammit, Mel! I am not a miniature asian woman named Huan, and while i DO have ping-pong balls, you're not getting anywhere near them...
DA NANG!

 

by atomiclunch
3-22-16
September, 1945
Are you kidding? Complaining about dinner and you think you're gettin' laid? Are you fuckin' goofy, Fred?
Aw, but baby! It's been haggis for the past month!
Hey, it's all I know how to cook! Want something else? Cook it your damn self! Enjoy the couch!
Hang on!

 

by atomiclunch
3-22-16
Fred! You need to go apologize. Maybe offer to get her some cooking lessons. Definitely get her a new fur coat. It's important. Happy wife, happy life, you know.
Who are you and how did you get in here, ya mook? Meh, you're probably right. I'll get on it.
You will? Oh Fred! C'mere, you! Do the monkey thing! =============== ee ee ee ee ee!! =============== homminahommina!!
9 months later...
Donald, what tiny hands you have. Well, you're still better off than Ethan, next door. Maybe you'll be president one day!
*fart*

 

by atomiclunch
3-23-16
C'mon, we just need a picture!
Fuck them! 'Scuse me, Randolph!
Randolph, have you seen any uppity spooks today?
Uh... Randolph?

 

by atomiclunch
3-24-16
In other news, hope is dead! Replaced by a sense of - Hey! One of you chucklefucks wanna throw up a background appropriate to my angst and alienation?
AS I was saying, dread rules the day in this time as we face hunger, terror.. attacks...Seriously, Hal?
That's it! I'm going out to vote for Trump. No sense delaying the Apocalypse any further!

 

by atomiclunch
3-24-16
Okay, Ethan. Since this new, experimental procedure causes you to regenerate your own arms, we don't require a signature.
Great! I can't wait to have actual hands!
Fantastic! Now, this is Dr. Bacon. He pioneered this procedure and will be carrying it out, today. I'll just let him explain the nuts and bolts to you.
Yes. Nice to meet you Eth - OH MY GOD, THAT'S THE MOST DISGUSTING THING I'VE EVER SEEN! HOW DOES HE EVEN? I THINK I'M G -
Okay, Dr. Bacon will be performing the procedure after *another* bedside manner workshop...
*puke*

 

by atomiclunch
3-24-16
Ready, doc. Let 'er rip!
This won't hurt a bit, Ethan. There'll be some noise, maybe some smoke. Don't panic.
YES! Let me just peek in and see how it looks.
Well?
*hurl*

 

by atomiclunch
3-24-16
How'd it turn out, Doctor?
Weelllll.... Come on out, Ethan. Show off those new "pythons"!
"Okay" *clack* *step step step*
Ho-Lee
Crap!

 

by atomiclunch
3-24-16
This is nothing short of miraculous. Horrifying. But miraculous.
Ethan! I'm so sorry! I can fix this, I promise!
Fix what, ya mooks? I have hands!
what the hell happned?
firmware update, reset all the defaults and disabled the adblockers. I think the lead programmer used to work for facebook. Let me fix this, Ethan...
Sure, whenever you're ready. Meantime, where's Phreaky? I wanna take these, and her, puppies around the block for a spin!

 

by atomiclunch
3-24-16
Phreaky, baby! Howzabout lettin' my first ever squeeze be those juicy melons of yours!
Sure! Who are you?
It's me, Ethan! I have arms now! Wow, my poor bladder, I must've drank too much water this morning.
Wow, Ethan. I hope they're gonna fix this botch up. Well, you can play with my 44 Triple-Ds right after you go take a whiz!
A whiz? Ha! With what? My finger? Uh, oops.
AAAIIEEE! Still, this is not a deal breaker, Ethan.

 

by atomiclunch
3-25-16
You know, Chen, you're the only one that seems to get beaten up on the regular around here. What happened this time?
Security Crab.
I thought you two were getting along better these days.
So did I. I was just engaging in a little light banter with him this morning and...
"Old Bay" jokes. Not. Amusing.

 

by atomiclunch
3-26-16
Jesus! What's that smell? Did a goat shit in here?
What?

 

by atomiclunch
3-26-16
Say Butch, I hear you've got a big one..
Hmph..
That's odd. I don't hear my Wang saying anything! Wait, it IS talking to me! How shall I appease you, oh engorged one?
That IS a big one.
My Wang concurs. Any other observations?

 

by atomiclunch
3-27-16
'Lunch checks the forecast
Mmmm, My meteorological minx, Maria. rowr!
...and that's your detailed forecast for today, I'm Maria LaRosa.
♥♥♥♥
...for the rest of the week...
Lunch! What's the weather supposed to be like, today?
Uhhh.. Leggy?

 

by atomiclunch
3-27-16
You're goin' down, Jesus
Come get some, Pink Boy!
Hey! Ow!
How was your Easter, Chen?
I don't even know where to begin

 

by atomiclunch
3-28-16
Ditching me out here. Even worse, I can't believe he lied to me like that.
He's SO getting his ass kicked when I get home.
I didn't stick around to see her face when she opened the bag and found sugar-free chocolates. Her reaction must've been priceless.
"Her reaction must've been priceless" is going to be your epitaph, buddy. I'll see to it!

 

by atomiclunch
3-29-16
Wow, Holly. Looking past the stockings, cameltoe and sensible shoes, you have a magnificent rack!
!
YES!
Thanks for noticing, Chen! I often feel overshadowed by Phreaky and Bitch Fairy, but I think I can hold my own! Matter of fact, watch while I "hold my own"!
Oh, and THIS is for staring at my tits, foo'!

 

by atomiclunch
3-30-16
Look, I get it. You're trying to copy our menu, we have the Jumbo Jack, you have the Jumbo Dick, us: Double Jack, you: Double Dick
Women especially love the Double Dick here at Dick-in-the-box!
Trademark infringements and illegal practices aside, though. Why is there an upcharge for your "Dick Sauce"?
Oh, because it's made to order, every time!
"homminahommina uunnnngggghhh" *splort!*
So, did you want Curlies with that?

 

by atomiclunch
3-30-16
Beaming! Jumping! BEAMING! JUMPING!
Okay, I got 20 bucks that says I can beam down to the surface before you land!
Oh, you're ON! Easiest 20 I'll ever make!
3-2-1--GO!
YYYOOOOOUUUU. AAAAAAAASSSSSSS HHHHOOOO-
I'll take a check. Scotty, you wanna beam me a bucket, please?

 

by atomiclunch
3-31-16
*PEW*
Hey, watch it!
uh, oops. My bad.

 

by atomiclunch
4-01-16
I have a funny feeling that was NOT my door that I just walked out of.
**spat!**
I should really just suck it up and get new glasses. A new spleen would be nice, too.

 

by atomiclunch
4-02-16
Holly, let's move this game over here instead. Imma go look at this spot.
This is the fourth time you've had me move this machine.
Hey Holly, what's the boss got ya do -
Enough already!!
A little stressful, is it?
Make up your damn mind!

 

by atomiclunch
4-03-16
Now, electronic music is my usual thing. Lately, there have been posts by friends that bring back that... itch.
This can't be a good thing.
C'mere, Lunch. I have something to show you. Something special.
You know you want to see this, to hear this. To EXPERIENCE this.
That part of me is long over. I don't really partake these days, you know this.
Everyone's doing it, Lunch.
I shouldn't. You KNOW what happens when I do.

 

by atomiclunch
4-03-16
C'mon, just watch one. Hey, they're Swedish. So were Abba and Ace of Base, they HAVE to be safe for you to listen to, right?
I suppose you're right. I guess just one can't hurt. Hit me!
One 2-hour Sabaton marathon later...
Baptised in fire! Forty to one!
An hour after THAT...
Uh, you need to take out the trash, Lunch.
Can't! Gotta go buy a tank!

 

by atomiclunch
4-05-16
*nrgl*
Can we get a refill here? The pitcher's empty!
Type "O" again, sir?

 

by atomiclunch
4-06-16
No, thanks. I don't want fries.
Oh, son.
You do want fries!
The meal is the better deal...
z'he want regular or curly fries?

 

by atomiclunch
4-06-16
So, this happened, not verbatim, but true...
So, Mr. Lunch. You've been through a few jobs over the last couple of years. Why is that?
Oh, they were contract positions. Kept the bills paid while I look for a permanent job. They were short-term but they paid quite well.
Then this. Still true.
Well, we're concerned that you're not able to hold down a job. We'll get back to you.
Not again. Not NOW!
This part is embellished. In reality, I had forgotten to bring the bunny suit.
I invite you to research the concept of a CONTRACT position, you drooling, corporate-trend-worshipping dipshit!

Showing page 9.

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