All comics by Pudge

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by Pudge
10-10-04
Disturbing Comic #1
Hey Jim, I didn't know you had a kid
I don't. It's bring your girlfriend to work day.
Disturbing Comic #2
Hey baby you got one hell of a sweet ass
Thanks, by the way I'm so dirty you probably just caught an STD
Disturbing Comic #3
I'm a lesbian trapped in a mans body
That's cool, I'm a homo trapped in a womans body

 

by Pudge
4-18-05
Channel 6 Live on 53rd Street
This is George Gordon with a special report from a local ninja who witnessed a horrible crime.
Yes, I was on my way to buy some new Yu-Gi-Oh cards when a group of old ladies jumped out of the shadows and kidnapped a man.
Channel 6 Live on 53rd Street
I'm sorry did you say "Old Ladies" like the kind you see movies? I don't think Old Ladies really exist now do they.
Oh but they do, and they steal your organs. You must be careful cause they can move like the wind and are very hard to see.
Channel 6 Live on 53rd Street
O.K. that guy was obviously a nut job was there any other witnesses
I can help you young man and might I say what a strong looking heart you have

 

by Pudge
4-19-05
So how do you want to do this?
What do you mean?
Well should we fool around first or just jump right into bed
I could start by fondling you for awhile
Not until you shave first
Damn, my mom always did say that was going to happen

 

by Pudge
4-21-05
Mini Movie Spinoff #1 A Midi Ville Horror
So you're telling me that a voice told you to kill your family because they never heard of these MP3s you speak of.
Dammit MP3s do exist. Why doesn't anybody listen to me. Say they exist or I'll kill you right now.
Mini Movie Spinoff #2 Kung-fu Hustler
You know those pictures are 100% real, no airbrushing at all.
No way, you mean they don't use wirework.
Mini Movie Spinoff #3 Miss Congenitalia
If elected I will abolish the same sex controversy by issuing an immediate hermaphrodite operation for everyone

 

by Pudge
4-23-05
Listen here Stickmen, the boss wants us to hang some pictures on the wall and since you're taller I'll let you do it.
Sure no problem.
O.k, it says here to hit the nail on the head, leaving only half an inch protruding in which the pictures will hang from.
Hmmmm seems to make sense to me.
I don't understand how THAT is supposed to keep the pictures on the wall.
Well maybe we both have to do it.

 

by Pudge
4-23-05
Ohhh ohh, it looks like we just got a letter from management.
What does it say?
It says they want us to fix the loose floor boards in the bar.
I don't know of any loose floor boards in here. Wait, did you hear something?
I'm going start looking over there, let me know if you find something.
SSSSSSHHHhhhhhhhiiiii.......

 

by Pudge
5-14-07
What are you doing on my computer?
I found this site called stripcreator.com that allows me to make comics despite the fact that I have no artistic talent.
Well what about your lack of computer talent.
Hahaha very funny. With todays technology any idiot can use a computer.
INTERNAL ERROR

 

by Pudge
5-14-07
I got a joke for you. What do you call diarrhea when it goes away
I'm affraid to ask, but what?
GONEorhea.....hahahahahahaha
Peter that's not funny. I have ghonorhea.
So I guess slipping you that mickey and having my way with you last night was a bad idea.
Now that's funny.

 

by Pudge
5-16-07
I'm glad you came up here so we could talk.
Yeah whatever. Do you know how HARD it is for me to get all the way up here, why couldn't we meet on land.
Well ever since my son was, well you know, I've had to stay up here to take care of him.
Wow this is a very interesting story I'm REALLY glad you brought me here to share this. Excuse me while I go spear myself.
WAIT WAIT. Come back, I need your help. It involves the fate of human beings. We need to do something about the dead.
Huh what? oh sorry I wasn't listening. DAMN you got some fine angel ass up here.

 

by Pudge
5-16-07
Listen, the population of Earth is getting out of hand, and we're having a hard time making sure those who have passed away sent to where they belong.
Yeah I can agree with you on that one. I've had George Burns on my back for years now about that mistake. So what do you want to do about it.
I think it's time we find someone on Earth to help us, you know some nobody that wouldn't be missed.
WOW, I never thought you'd call one of your creations a nobody.
I never thought I'd get pissed drunk and jerk off the side of a cloud.
Ahhhhh so that explains Kevin Federline.

 

by Pudge
5-16-07
I think we should start in the most obvious place first.....
AMERICA!
..... I was going to say my window.
Ahhh but you didn't let me finish. I was going to say A mirror caaause they reflect our souls...and uh looks like a window.
That was the worst coverup I've ever heard.
You obvisouly don't have lawyers in heaven do you.

 

by Pudge
5-16-07
BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP
BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP SMASH!!!!!!
HEHEHEHE I totally owned my alarm clock.

 

by Pudge
5-16-07
(YAWN) here we go with another exciting and productive day.
Time to freshen up before I must go out and see the world where my decisions impact the lives of others.
Nothing beats NRG drinks and PWNing noobs online.

 

by Pudge
5-16-07
So what do you think about him.
Well I can agree that no-one would notice him gone, but I'm sure he has internet friends.
Well not really, all he does on those games is going around killing people and making enemies so I figured he'd have a nack for the job.
Good point. Although I'm not sure that picking a kid to do this job is a good choice.
Actually he's 30. All those years indoors and in front of the computer has slowed his appearance of aging.
Not to mention, by the look of his clothes, but his appearance of the outside world as well.

 

by Pudge
5-16-07
OMG STFU MY LEET HAXXORZ SKLLZ WILL.....
Holy Shit, what is this some sort of new download patch. It looks like some sort of demon boss?
That's my reflection in your monitor idiot. I'm standing behind you.
Call me idiot again and I will PWN you at a PVP.
You're going to do what to my what now?

 

by Pudge
5-16-07
Who are you and what are you doing in my room?
I'm the devil and God and I need your help Chris.
Chris.. who's Chris? My name is DarkDestroyer.
Chris is your human name, you know the name given to you when you were born.
??????? Hahahahha LOLZ. Oh man I totally forgot about that. I haven't used that name since high school.
There's probably other parts of you that you havn't used either.

 

by Pudge
5-16-07
What makes you think that I'm going to help you.
Because I just burnt your computer to the ground and now you have no reason to live.
NOOOOOOOOOO. Dotty please don't die.
She was so young, she never experienced the interactivity with a human being to the fullest.
Nahhh that ones to easy.

 

by Pudge
5-16-07
Well seeing as how you destroyed my only reason for living I might as well help you out.
It'll be a good change for you, you'll get to interact with the real world with real people.
It's been a while since I've interacted with real people, im kinda scared.
Not a problem, here let me help you get started.
OMG a girl.
This is going to be harder then I thought.

 

by Pudge
5-16-07
Are you...... still there.....girl?
Remember it's just me, The Devil, i'm using a female form to help you, so I need you to interact with me, try introducing yourself.
Hi
O.k. O.k. thats good, but I need a little bit more then that.
Hehehehehe HI!
If you don't put "BOTH" of those things down, I'll remove them.

 

by Pudge
5-16-07
Oh hey Doug, do you have that report I gave you last year.
LAST YEAR? Can you be a little bit more specific?
It's printed on paper, 8 1/2 by 11 I think.
Well that narrows it down alot.
Good, can you have it on my desk by noon.
Sure no problem, and I'll even leave a brown smelly paperweight on top of it so it doesn't blow away.

 

by Pudge
5-18-07
YES, YES. I finally did it. I found a way to turn gold into lead.
Ughhhh don't you mean lead into gold?
Don't be a fool, why would I need gold? You can't write with a "gold" pencil.
That makes as much sense as turning diamonds into coal.
That's brilliant, why didn't I think of that.
While your at it, why don't you turn yourself into an Asylum.

 

by Pudge
5-18-07
Why don't Indians play Dance Dance Revolution?
I don't know?
Because they would set off the sprinklers.
Oh man, those crazy Indians.

 

by Pudge
5-18-07
WHOA WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?
Meh who cares, it's putting out the fire.

 

by Pudge
5-21-07
Something we could all learn from dol
phins. When being chased by an attac
ker, just run and piss in their faces.

 

by Pudge
5-21-07
Man that movie was awsome, with all the spaceships and explosions, it sounded SOOOO COOOL.
Well technically sound doesn't travel through space because space is a vacuum.
Well I have a vacuum cleaner at home and it's pretty loud, explain that.
That's different, a vacuum cleaner is a machine, with a motor and moving parts and thats what makes the noise, you can't have a silent vacuum cleaner.
Haha, not if I used it in space SMARTASS.
WHOA, MINDFUCK.

 

by Pudge
5-22-07
Holy shit a bee, what do I do? Think Albert think?
Listen here boy, I'm Bizzle Bee and I'm looking for my honey's.
God Damn gangsta wannabee's. I'll take care of you with my invisible car.
Oh shit boy, not the windshield.
VRRRROOOOOMMM

 

by Pudge
5-22-07
Sorry kid, that did nothing for me. NEXT!
Damn

 

by Pudge
5-22-07
BAAACCCOOONNN BAAACCCOOONNN
Oh no what do I do, what do I do? They're going to eat me.
Just tell them you're Canadian bacon.
BAAACCCOOONNN BAAACCCOOONNN
I'm Canadian bacon you zombie fuckers!
That's telling them.
ERRRRRR NOOOOOO GRRRROOOSSSS
It worked. Thanks pal how can I ever repay you?
MMMMMMMMM BAAAAACCCOOOONNNN

 

by Pudge
5-22-07
A scream for help is heard off in the distance.
That sounds like it coming from the alley behind me.
Sounds like a job for CAPTAIN CATASTROPHE!
Captain Catastrophe once again saves the day.
Ooops sorry kid, I wasn't looking....I mean, HAHA I caught you, you wallet thief.

 

by Pudge
5-22-07
Guardbot 5000
"BEEP BEEP" STATE YOUR NAME AND REASON FOR VISIT.
I'm uhmm Max, and I pay customers to accept anti-guardbot devices.
I AM PROGRAMMED TO REFUSE ANY PRODUCT SOLD BY DOOR-TO-DOOR SALESMEN. I REQUIRE YOU TO LEAVE THE PREMISES.
Ahh but am "PAYING" you to take the product, therefore it's logical that you would accept it.
YOU ARE CORRECT, PLEASE ALLOW ME TO ACCEPT YOUR PRODU......

 

by Pudge
5-23-07
This is just horrible Paul. I'm afraid I have some bad news and some even worse news.
Oh my God Steve, it's not what I think is it?
I affraid so, the bad news is that after all this distruction only this single cat was able to survive.
Oh no that is bad news. So what's the worse news?
I hate cats.
So do I. I'll turn on the hose.

 

by Pudge
5-23-07
ICE BEAM!
Bobby Drake, You're a DICK!

 

by Pudge
5-24-07
Oh my GOD, it can't be true. Did I just find the body of Jimmy Hoffa?
Maybe if I take a closer look and OHHH SHIT.
Stupid magnifying glass, I could have been rich and famous. Oh look his wallet survived and it's full of cash. Well at least I'm rich.

 

by Pudge
5-25-07
Here at the College Of Dreams we are happy to announce a new technological breakthrough. Students can stand in front of our Mirror Of Success to see where their courses will take them.
Cool, I'm going to be rich and successful.
That's right, we are bigger than Bill Gates.
Wow I don't even go to this school, I'm just here to pick up chicks and it looks like I'll be some sort of film director or professional golfer.
The only directing you'll be giving is "Can I upgrade your meal to a Biggy size.
That's odd, how would my art classes get me involved into sports?
Psssst. you know that girl you like? You may not want to get too attached.

 

by Pudge
5-25-07
Juggling For Dummies
Circumcision For Dummies
Recycling For Dummies

 

by Pudge
5-25-07
It says in your ad that you can paint any room in 2 hours, is that true?
It sure is, we at Fuzzy Bunny Paints have a guarantee that if we can't do it in 2 hours, then it free.
2 Hours Later
WOW! I am amazed at your work. Question for you. Why do you have an axe?
Oh this hahaha. I brought the wrong truck, so I didn't have a paintbrush.
Or any paint.

 

by Pudge
5-25-07
Hey Frank my man, got a question for you. Have you ever paid for sex?
What? Are you crazy? You would have to be some kinda sick demented loser to have to pay for sex.
That's why I got a job as a babysitter. CHAA-CHING.

 

by Pudge
5-26-07
Ohhh I feel a fart coming on.
"GRUNT"
Ahhhhhhhhh
Ugghhhhh
Ohhhhhh

 

by Pudge
5-26-07
O.k boy, where's my penis, go find my penis.
Wrong bone.

 

by Pudge
5-27-07
Welcome to Burger Planet, how may I take your order?
I want a cheeseburger, without any cheese.
A chesseburger without any cheese? Why don't you just order a hamburger.
JUST GIVE ME A CHEESEBURGER WITHOUT ANY CHEESE!
A hamburger IS a cheeseburger without any cheese. Thats like ordering a pepperoni pizza without any pepperoni.
You guys have pizza now? Give me one of those too.

 

by Pudge
5-27-07
Hi, I'd like the Meal #3 and I want to use this coupon for the free ice cream cone.
Sir, this coupon is for a competative restaurant, you can't use it here.
What's the difference, ice cream is ice cream.
Even if that logic was true, it wouldn't matter anyways since we don't have ice cream here.
THIS IS FUCKING RIDICULOUS, WHY DO YOU PEOPLE GIVE OUT COUPONS THAT I CAN'T USE?
You're right it's all my fault. Why don't you go to the gas station across the street, they have ice cream there.

 

by Pudge
5-27-07
Billy, where is your homework?
My dog ate it.
Do you expect me to believe that story?
Well he didn't eat it at first when I tried to feed it to him, but after I spred canned dog food all over it, he chowed down.
Billy! I want that assignment by the end of class.
I can get it in an hour. Just let me go home so I can grab a leash and some laxatives.

 

When I grow up I want to be a cowboy just like you.
I'll look forward to seeing you in Brokeback Mountain 2.
by Pudge, 5-27-07

 

by Pudge
5-29-07
You won't believe what happened to me last night. I was in a Mother/Daughter threesome.
You're kidding me right? Give me the details.
Well it was going all good at first, but when I tried to get head from the daughter I couldn't get it in her mouth, she kept it closed. So we decided that we would wait before we tried again.
I see, you want to wait until she's ready for that kind of thing.
Na, we're just going to wait until after she's born.

 

by Pudge
5-29-07
What are you looking for? I've got it all; Standard, Construction, Recycled and more. I've got them in different sizes and colors too.
I'm looking for some real sick hardcore shit man!
O.k O.k just relax, keep your voice down. Now I don't have the stuff on me now but I can get you some really wicked shit you can't find anywhere else.
Yeah Yeah tell me what it is.
I can get you some papers with staples in them, and for a bit extra I can get them with the staples removed.
OHHHHHHHH fuck man, ahhh shit that's it. I want the papers with the staples removed. I love just holding them in the corner having those 2 holes in between me.

 

by Pudge
5-30-07
Greetings Earthling, take me to your leader.
Whoa Holy fuck you're an alien aren't you? Wait a second how do you know that we call this planet Earth and you speak english.
We use Google to get our information.
You guys get internet in space?
No, we call our anal probe Google, now bend over.
I'll bet you get just as many hits a day as well don't you.

 

by Pudge
5-30-07
GROPEBOT 2.0 ACTIVATED!
Hahaha yes this is awsome. O.k Gropebot let's go visit the girls nextdoor.
AFFIRMATIVE!
This is sweet, I like the fact they've added cameras now to this model. OH YEAH GROPEBOT DON'T FORGET ABOUT BRINGING BACK SOME PANTIES!
GROPEBOT HAS RETURNED! GROPING SUCCESSFUL! DAMAGE RECEIVED! GROPEBOT NOW 60% FUNCTIONAL!
What the fuck Gropebot! Where are the pictures and panties? Go back and get them.

 

by Pudge
5-30-07
GROPEBOT ADVISES REPAIRS BE MADE BEFORE CONTINUING MISSION!
Dammit listen here, I'm in control now don't come back without the pictures and panties.
AFFIRMATIVE!
Fuck sakes, what does a guy have to do to get pics and panties?
Not you again.
CAN WE DO THIS WITHOUT THE NEED OF VIOLENCE? GROPEBOT BEGS OF YOU!

 

by Pudge
5-30-07
I don't give myself to anyone for free what do I get out of the deal?
GROPEBOT HAS PICTURES OF MASTER LOOKING AT FARM PORN WHILE PLEASURING HIMSELF!
O.k make it quick.
GROPBOT NOW TAKING PICTURES! COMPLETE! I REQUIRE YOUR UNDERWEAR ALSO!
Sorry Gropebot, in order to do that I'll need the pictures of "Master" first.
AFFIRMATIVE! I WILL RETRIEVE THE PICTURES! I WILL REQUIRE SOME GROPING TO ADD TO THE DATABASE!

 

by Pudge
5-30-07
I HAVE RETURNED WITH PICTURES AND 37 SUCCESFULL GROPES!
Awsome let me see....whoa yeah baby.....check out that ass....ohhhh is that a birthmark? O.k Gropebot now hand over the panties.
GROPEBOT COULD NOT GET PANTIES! GROPEBOT MADE COMPROMISE TO OFFER VICTIM PICTURES OF MASTER LOOKING AT FARM PORN!
What? Uhhhhh but how.......I mean the door was locked....when did.....
GROPEBOT ONLY MADE UP STORY OF MASTER AND FARM PORN! WELL GROPEBOT THOUGHT IT MADE UP STORY!
WHAT YOU MEAN YOU DIDN'T....AND I JUST TOLD YOU THAT I.....O.K WHERE IS THE DEACTIVATION BUTTON ON THIS THING?

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