All comics by RCCOLAMAN

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by RCCOLAMAN
10-22-08
This is a dark, dark place. I feel an evil presence
Hi Tux, do you need some help upgrading to Vista? A: Help me upgrade to Vista B: Upgrade without my help C: Don't Show this message again
Oh sweet Jesus! AHHHH!!!!!

 

by RCCOLAMAN
10-23-08
Years after leaving the white house George W. Bush still has that charm that propeled him into the presidency so long ago...
Hey baby! How would you like to join the coalition of the willing to have unprotected sex with me in the restroom?
Tee Hee! Sure thing!
Twenty sticky minutes later...
That was...decisive
Wow Dubya, How did you manage to get that babe!? What's your secret?
Oh George...
My secret? It's a little something I call the Bush Doctrine! Heh heh heh!
Oh, a double entendre...decisive

 

by RCCOLAMAN
11-04-08
Hey Brother, c'mon the rally's this way we're gonna miss the cross burnin'!
Huh!? Sorry man I think you've made a mistake...
Hurry up before all the juice and snacks are gone!
I'm actually a ninja from the orient-wait, juice and snacks you say?
White Power! White Power! White Power!
White Power! White Power! White Power!

 

by RCCOLAMAN
11-04-08
???

 

by RCCOLAMAN
11-10-08
Welcome everyone to History 4332: History of Christmas folklore
This week we will concentrate on the history of Rudolf the red-nosed reindeer and how he managed to drastically rise in social status from a pariah to Santa's favorite in a very short period of time
So class I intend to begin this course with a brief introduction to the historiography of Rudolph with a brief overview of the various competing schools of thought of the last century
Let me begin with the Marxist school of though. These historians interpreted Rudolph's rise to power as a triumph of progressive capitalist bourgeoisie reindeer over a class of wealthy feudal elves
Within the last 50 years, several revisionists have debunked various aspects of the marxist school. Arguing that most reindeer at the time were not capitalists but rather came from many social groups
Thats all for today, prepare for our next class by thinking about Santa's critical decision in making Rudolph leader of his sleigh. Did he have any other recourse? Was he forced to act only in crisis?

 

by RCCOLAMAN
12-15-08
Oh Cosplay! You must be going to the anime convention too!!
Uh...yeah! Sure am!
It happened today again Daddy!!! I can't live like this anymore, I want to look normal! I need to have plastic surgery!!
Honey that would be very costly, I think I need to discuss this with your mother when I get home.
Tammy!! Wait, Brian?...what, what are your two...Oh my God! Tammy how could you!?!? I loved you!!
Stan, why are you so surprised? You never tended to her sexual desires and I give her what she wants! You were too preoccupied with your career to pay attention to her!!

 

by RCCOLAMAN
12-16-08
Oh I wish I were a beautiful princess, then I could go to the grand ball...
Do not weep my dear for I shall grant you your deepest wish! Close your eyes, when they open you will be a princess!! Abracadabra!!
Aooh maahh flegm!!
SHIT!! H-hold on let me try again, uh- um...don't forget to close your eyes and uhh, Abracadabra!!
Oh I like this, It just feels right.
Really? Uh..okay fine. Anyway I called for a taxi but the guy said they don't offer service in this area sooo....here are some bus tokens, have a good time!

 

by RCCOLAMAN
12-17-08
Oh I wish I were a beutiful princess, then I could go to the grand ball...
Do not weep my dear for I shall grant you your deepest wish! Close your eyes, when they open you will be a princess!! Abrakadabra!!
At that moment the fairy realized that obtaining her fairy training at a community college wasn't such a good idea
Uh...you look lovely...bye!
I mean you save money, sure, but you don't receive a high quality education

 

by RCCOLAMAN
12-18-08
We find our hero Ren in Janda-Town searching for new recruits
Hi my name is Ren will you help me on my quest to collect the thirteen lost treasures of rule?
Why not? I grow tired of squandering my coins at this gambling house!!
Great!! Tonight we celebrate, barkeep bring more Rum and minga melons!
I think I'm going to like this adventure!
Next morning at some sleazy Janda-Town inn.
Wh-where am I? Chunga lunga my ass hurts!
Great news I've recovered the 1st Lost Treasure of Rule! It was worth the four hours I spent exploring the forbidden cave!!

 

by RCCOLAMAN
1-08-09
John! I was searching through some rubble and found a survivor! Isn't she cute?
Sam...Is that a garden gnome wrapped in a blanket?
Shhh quiet she's sleeping!
...sorry
And thus the seeds of hatred are planted...
That was MY bottle of rancid milk!

 

by RCCOLAMAN
1-25-09
Captain why do we have to fight this 5 alarm fire with tired kittens? How do we use them?
Listen up rookie, I'm not here to babysit you! Just follow me and when we get to the fire be prepared to use Mr. Meowsers directly on the flame!
Hey I found this water hose, how about we use this to put out the fire?
Damnit Rookie!! Put down that hosawhaterver and get your cat, this isn't a game!!
None of the firefighters survived. Officials have not yet made clear why it was standard protocol to fight fires with cats. One Official was quoted as saying "Oops"
What a Cat-astrophe!! And now sports...

 

by RCCOLAMAN
1-28-09
My face!!!! My beautiful non carved face!!
What have I done?!?!
How are you coping day to day with such a traumatic event?
Every time I look in the mirror...I'm reminded of that terrible day...I hate myself!!!
Oh my God he lit himself on fire!!! No wait he just placed a lit candle in his body cavity...neat!

 

by RCCOLAMAN
1-30-09
Citizen of flyover America, I come with grand news for your backwards close-minded people!! Barack Obama is president now, CHANGE has finally come to America!!
ch--chaaan-ge?
Lets all go get government funded partial birth abortions performed on a makeshift bed of evolution textbooks by affermative action hired atheist unionized doctors!
Rush sais Barack is a negro, ain't likes me no negroes...
Get a free Starbucks grande mocha frapp with every embryonic stem-cell line you donate to science!! Hurry before the complementary welfare checks, food stamps and medical marijuana runs out!!
Hey you is alvin from alvin and the chipmunks! Rush says your a evil hollywood e-letist

 

by RCCOLAMAN
2-04-09
Would you like a receipt?
What would I need a receipt for a donut for?
I don't need a receipt I give you the money you give me the donut. End of transaction. Let's not bring ink and paper into this.
Unlikely situation: Later, with some skeptical friend
Oh don't even act like I didn't get that donut! I got the proper documentation!!! Right here! Oh wait...It's at home...in a file...under D....for Donut.

 

by RCCOLAMAN
2-08-09
I think the weather is trippy.
No, man, it's not the weather that's trippy, perhaps it is the way that we perceive it that is indeed trippy.
Man, I should've just said, 'Yeah'

 

by RCCOLAMAN
2-17-09
I'm a genius
Honey is that really neces-
YES!!!!!

 

by RCCOLAMAN
4-01-09
Dad I need to tell you something, I'm...I'm on fire.
Son, don't say stupid things like that. I didn't raise my son to be a flamer!! So get that nonsense out of your head
Dad I've been on fire for years, you just never paid attention!! All the signs were in front of you! Look at me, do I look like someone who's not on fire?! Huh?
Excuse me for wanting to have a normal 'not on fire' son!! And don't you dare tell your mother, it would break her heart!
I'm going to tell her and everyone, I'm telling the whole world! I'm tired of hiding who I really am! I'm on fire and i'm proud of it!
You're not telling anyone! You're just confused thats all! Hey listen, the Fire department has this fire prevention program that can help you extinguish these feelings you're having...

 

by RCCOLAMAN
5-15-09
My lord, I promise you I will emerge triumphant from battle this time!! I swear it!
Godspeed my son, may the winds of goltana guide you to victory!
Connect Four! I win!
NOOOOOOOO!!

 

by RCCOLAMAN
5-23-09
You're going to rot in here for a loooong time for raping all those little Mexican boys!!
I can't help it, I just likes me my Mexican boys.
So what are you in for?
Same thing as you señor...
...Pedrophilia!

 

by RCCOLAMAN
6-22-09
mumble mumble
What?
mumble mumble
What?
THAT TREE IS FAR AWAY

 

by RCCOLAMAN
9-12-09
Daddy daddy I want a pet for my tenth annual maintenance check!!
Sure thing son!
Wanna play laser tag?
...Um...okay
ZAP!!!
HOLY SHIT MY ARM!!!
Dammit son if you don't clean up after peppermint I'll just have to take it back to the shelter!!!

 

by RCCOLAMAN
9-22-09
Thank you for calling Microsoft Help Center. How may I help you?
Yes I seem to have misplaced the keygen for my copy of Microsoft Office Enterprise 2007
...You mean product key?
Uh....
*Click*

 

by RCCOLAMAN
11-29-09
So you're saying you can make me cool, and all I have to do is sell you my soul??
Sure thing Pete, anything you want...
Sure! Wait, what's that behind you??
Huh?
Leave me alone I'm working!!!
DURR I'M THE DEVIL, I'M STUUPID!!

 

by RCCOLAMAN
12-15-09
Hey you, I demand to know why Sarah Palin's book is displayed next to a book titled Whores!! I want the books separated!!
I'm sorry sir, the titles are displayed together because they are best sellers, thats all.
Your store is calling Sarah Palin a whore!
Sir, its just a coincidence. Our store has no political bias whatsoever.
I don't believe you...LET ME SEE YOUR BIRTH CERTIFICATE!
I'll be more than happy to provide proof of my citizens-SECURITY!!

 

by RCCOLAMAN
4-03-10
Breathtaking scenery
The wide open road
We'd be experiencing all this had we never stopped to eat at that fucking Arby's!!
Market fresh meats my ASS!!!
*faaarrrrrrrrrrrtttt* *splish spilsh*

 

by RCCOLAMAN
4-03-10
Happy B-day mr. kangaroo!! *cough*
You dare try to invade my kangaroo vilage ON MY BIRTHDAY!?!?!
I mean you no harm mr. kangaroo. I just want to say happy birthday and give you a special birthday gift *cough*
...really?
*ominous music plays*
*cough* I got you and the entire kangaroo vilage some warm blankets!! *cough*
Wow this is the best birthday ever!!

 

by RCCOLAMAN
4-10-10
It's 10 o'clock. Do you know where your genitals are?
Huh...?
AAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

 

by RCCOLAMAN
5-13-10
C-captain!! The Noobian army has broken through our front lines! They've overrun the RMDC and are relentlessly shelling the general discussion page with stupid questions!
GOD FUCKING DAMMIT PRIVATE PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER!! WHAT ABOUT OUR FORT IN PHOTOSHOP VALLEY???
It's been destroy--AAGHH!!!!
JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!!!!
OH HAI HOW I POST MY GENIOUSEST COMIX HERE?? <3
READ THE FAQ ITS RIGHT FUCKING THERE!!

 

by RCCOLAMAN
6-13-10
RAAARRR! TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE YOU!
Sorry Tobor but Stripcreator has fallen on hard times. I'm gonna have to let you go.
Unemployed, Tobor spends his days watching daytime tv (even at night) until one day...
Green jobs will re-power America's future!! Get a Green collar job today!
Corn...hole....
And so Tobor gets a job selling ethanol
RAAARRR! TOBOR WILL FILL YOUR CAR HOLE WITH RENEWABLE BIOFUELS!!

 

by RCCOLAMAN
7-04-10
Dude, last night I had the most fucked up nightmare
I was in Hell, being tortured by a bad Lucille Ball impersonator with a mustache and a pussy pleasing fetish
WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME EAT ALL THESE MUFFINS?!?
I'm forcing you to eat muffins untill you get a Bran Aneurysm!! Get it???
After that, a bunch of aliens appeared and began to anal probe me
Good thing it was just a dream

 

by RCCOLAMAN
12-13-10
Deep in the bowels of General Mills
General, our spies over at Kellogs have learned that they're releasing a new cereal that will distroy us all!!
MY GOD....Frosted...frosted flakes!!!
First they frost the corn flakes...and then they...they frost them again...
WE HAVE TO RETALIATE!!!
Sir, you're not thinking about using THAT cereal are you??? You can't!! It's insane!! It's BANANAS!! It's NUTS!!! It's-
Banana-Nut Crunch.

 

by RCCOLAMAN
12-30-10
Si-sir, Please don't use our clothes as a napkin. Those are 80 dollar polos...
Just browsin'
WHERE'S MY SIIIIZE!!!!
Please stop vaporizing the jeans sir!!!
Is it okay if I just try it on out here?
Father, forgive them; for they know not how to shop

 

by RCCOLAMAN
1-07-11
And tonight's top story: The effects of the new federal smoking ban is being felt throughout the nation as several cigarette rights groups stage massive protests
Cigarette Americans are defying the new law by staging "Cig-ins" in bars around the country.
You know the law FAG. Your kind ain't welcome here. Ya best get the fuck outside!
This is a cig-in!! We demand equal rights!!
This just in- Clashes between police and activists have reached a new level today in Alabama as police turned fire hoses on non-violent protesters.
No matter how much you soak us with your hoses you will never extinguish the fire burning inside us!!

 

by RCCOLAMAN
2-03-11
T...
ES..
T...

 

by RCCOLAMAN
2-11-11
In just a few seconds Hosni Mubarak will address the Egyptian people. Soon we will know whether or not he will step down as President
OH! it appears Mubarak saw his shadow! This will mean another six weeks of protests!

 

by RCCOLAMAN
3-01-11
Sir! We've overrun the palace and killed the royal family. The country is yours. What shall be your first act as leader? Should we begin rebuilding the capital?
Nah, lets start up a clandestine nuclear weapons progam!
But sir, we need to begin rebuilding our nation's infrastru-
Divert resources from food production and begin uranium enrichment!
But where will we get our food?
Get to work!! Those nuclear centrifuges ain't gonna generate unranium 235 by themselves!

 

by RCCOLAMAN
4-19-11
Hello, I'm going door to door on behalf of Jim Green for Con...gress...
Uhh....I assume you will be voting for that blood sucking tentacle monster Zuchlu the constrictor?
Actually, I'm an Independent.
Oh! Then did you know that Zuchlu is still refusing to release its tax returns? Just how many skeletons is Zuchlu hiding in its closet? Well, besides the ones its already boasted of keeping in there.

 

I'm sorry sir, but we don't carry off-white short sleeve shirts.
Ah shoot.
by RCCOLAMAN, 6-27-11

 

by RCCOLAMAN
7-04-11
Walkin' to work cause i got no CAR!
Went to high school but he didn't get FAR!
Work a dead end job serving ape like SLOBS!
I'll have de twelve piece chicken and some corn on the COB!
Can't afford nice things cause I got no MONEY!
Forget it Jobe i'm leaving you for someone less CRUMMY!

 

by RCCOLAMAN
7-21-11
What the? This menu has a bunch of meat dishes. I thought you said this is a vegetarian restaurant...
Actually, it's a vegan restaurant! The "meat" is textured soy protein and wheat gluten! Finally, a restaurant that offers a 100% cruelty free, compassionate menu!
Veggie Lobster, veggie peking duck, veggie chicken fried steak...
You should try the veggie grilled quail with veggie bacon barbecue glaze!
Nah, I think I'll have the veggie sautéed white rhinoceros with pomegranate vinaigrette.
Oh yum!! Then I'll have the veggie deep fried baby bald eagle beaks with the honey mustard dipping sauce!

 
by RCCOLAMAN, 8-08-11

 

by RCCOLAMAN
9-23-11
Captain, I'm detecting several intriguing life forms
Horny, I am. Yes!!
Hey you, wanna go out back and boldly go where relatively few men have gone before?
Captain, carbon dating is calculating an age of 14 years...
I'm also detecting high concentrations of Gonorrhea.
Take my chances, I will

 

by RCCOLAMAN
10-31-11
The preparations are complete sir, shall we begin the operation?
Yes. The time for action is now, soon we will have retribution for our bottled brethren!! We will not relent until they are free!!
Onwards!!
Die infidels!!
*splish splosh*
Sigh, the one day I forget my umbrella it just had to rain.

 

by RCCOLAMAN
11-09-11
Hey aren't you former US Surgeon General C. Everett Koop? I've seen you in those hilarious life-alert commercials! "Help, Ive fallen and I cant get up!" Cracks me up every time!!
Yeah, I'm sure gonna miss those ads...
My grandmother loves lifealert! Wait till she hears about this!!! Wait, what do you mean?
The lifealert company went belly up last week. All emergency response services have been halted as of today.
Meanwhile, back at Granny's house...
Brandon's going to love these gingersnaps

 

by RCCOLAMAN
11-18-11
Hello sir, I'm here conducting the US Census and just need you to answer a few questions about the number of people who reside at this address.
I ain't giving none of my private information to noone. So you'd better get your brown ass off my property 'fore I get my riffle
Oh God, he has a gun!
Later that day...
...Here are your groceries sir. Please swipe your loyalty card so that we may record your shopping preferences...
Hold on let me finds it I have so many!!

 

by RCCOLAMAN
5-07-20
In a packed hospital boardroom a citizens taskforce is formed to address the crisis
Alright everyone, I brought you all here to address a "grave" concern
Hey Doc, what happened to all the stiffs?
Can you focus, Angie? The only stiff you need to take care of is under these scrubs
Hey you! I need IDEAS not glassy eyed stares! Is this your first task force?

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