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by 0g
7-16-03
Meanwhile...
First day in Canmore ! All-right !
Hey, punkass ! Did you even get anyone a postcard yet ?
Wha- ? No one asked-
Jesus H. Christ, man. Do you think people are going to whine and bitch to you for stupid shit all the time ? Take the advantage for once in your goddamn life. I'm outta here !
Fuck..

 

by 0g
7-17-03
Another day in Canmore...
Ah, another relaxing day of reading after sleeping in.
So, how far deep do you think the hooks are ?
Think he's actually going to claimb a mountain while he's out here, or is he just going to sit around playing Heroes 3 again ?
Well, if we take the past into consideration and the desperate addiction he has to radiation that hasn't been met during the other parts of the roadtrip-
I give it a million to one that he sits on his fat arse.
Even my hallucinations are webcomics... Fuck...

 

by 0g
7-18-03
Dear Diary,
Today I saw not two, but one clown.
Sa-weet, this carnival is the place to be.
I checked out a lot of the local scenery, but there wasn't anything truly interesting.
Might be nicer if there were less eleventeen year olds here...
Like, ohmygod ! Whatever !
All in all, if I had a goal of slacking to meet, I would have been done about a month ago.
Love,
-0g
Woo ! DDR Xtreme !
Game.. like... car crash... can't help but watch...

 

by 0g
7-19-03
Dear Diary,
Today we went to Zellers.
Pants...
Aside form the universe being quite very insane...
Yo, sup in mah shizzle, B ? J00 wanna mess with me ? You must be trippin !
It was a normal day.
Love,
-0g
Down here on the westside, we squirrels hunt for locos, man.
Reminds me of home...

 

by 0g
7-28-03
Dear Diary,

Today I learned humility.

Pants...
Hey biznatchy !
Either that, or my hallucinations have gained more insight than I have.
Qua ?
You still sittin here ? Why don't you check out these fresh beats !
Or maybe I've just been watching too much Knuckface Jones.
Pho*pho*chi* *bck*poh*poh*chch*
At least I'm home...

 

by 0g
7-29-03
Dear Diary, I'm not fighting with people at the moment.
Pants...
Yo, G. You is hella boring. I'm gonna go russle up me some bitches.
It seems much easier to just ignore them than to pay attention to them.
Later.
Hey baybee ! Ever had your asshole licked by a squirrel before ?
On the bright side, they're just as dumb and silly as per usual.
Heh...
Sweet Jesus ! Not in the face ! Not in the face !

 

by 0g
7-30-03
Dear Diary, Today I've been encountered by the fact that I'm not actually good at what I do at work.
Yes, of course, he's working on the manual right now.
Mmmmm... Bejeweled.
I've narrowed down my problems to two different solutions.
Although it's about a week and a half of work, I'm certain we can have it to you in a day or two.
Maybe I should actually start this 'book' doohickie.
1) Hawaiian Punch. 2) Coffee.
'Course he's not too busy. I'll send him over to your office this afternoon.
Ugh... I think I miss the squirrel...

 

by 0g
7-31-03
Dear Diary, My brain is much today.
Did ja miss me, sucka ? Aw yeah, fess up.
Pants...
I think it's either lack of abition,
Well, you can't keep a good squirrel down. I haves to go find me some ladies.
...no pants ?
Or the fact that I live off of coffee, kraft dinner and twinkies.
Have dinner ready by five this time, or I'll introduce you to my 'friend', Mr. Bag-O-Oranges.
Brain... leaking... out... ears...

 

by 0g
8-01-03
Dear diary, Today I learned two things.
Don't forget to send out those invoices, my bizzle.
Pants...
One: It IS possible to do this job and feel you've accomplished stuff.
Time to take an early lunch !
I can't believe I'm the lowest lifeform here...
Two: The fax machine has an insatiable appetite.
FEED ME !
Uh oh...

 

by 0g
8-04-03
Dear Diary, I'm still having wierd dreams that don't make sense.
Pants...?
Don't forget the popcorn !
At the very least, I'm having interesting guest stars in them.
What the crap ?
We've gone from making fun of movies to making fun of dream sequences ? This is the worst career move since J-Lo said that turkey line in Gigli.
It's too bad my imagination didn't help them come up with new jokes.
I betcha this is costaring Tor Johnson too.
Focus !

 

by 0g
8-05-03
Dear Diary, I starting to think that I don't actually produce noise when I open my mouth and speak.
Pants...
Hey yo, what are ya doin tonight ? I was figurin we could hang out and catch a movie and maybe get some brew and there's the fair and a quick bite to eat before we break out the video games.
Either that, or my hearing frequency changed and no one bothered to inform me of that fact.
Uhh, I actually have six phonecalls to make, I need to get my van in, a script memorized for tomorrow and a lot of work to do before the week ends that's all overdue.
That's great, I'm glad you have so much free time to hang with your buds. You're the man, cool guy. I'll see you at the beach.
Regardless, poking myself repeatedly in the eye seems to have the exact same level of futility.
Did I even say words ?
Hey baybee ! Yeah, my homie here just offered to drive you. Ain't he the best ? *psst* Meet you at 8 by the far side of town and bring bail money.

 

by 0g
8-06-03
Dear Diary, Today was so hot, I went home and had a nap.
Pants...
How are ya doin, kid ? Are you all excited ?
I like naps.
Pants ?
You're all busy doing and play and work and arranging services and dying from the heat and digging a garden and walking the dog and taking pictures and fixing your van and...
In reality, this did NOT help me learn my lines or finish up any work spelling out nigh certain doom.
Pants !
I guess, with everything going on at once like this, I'm just curious as to what's going through your mind right about now.

 

by 0g
8-09-03
Dear Diary, I went to the CLE.
Want some candy ?
Good lord...
It was kinda like Calloway Park with rides that were put together and managed twice as crappy.
Step right up and ride the ride, get your tickets ready.
That almost goes with the 'Roxette' that's playing.
Oddly enough, there was no shortage of eleventeen year olds.
What-EVER !
I was never that juicy... YOUNG, I meant young.

 

by 0g
8-14-03
Dear Diary, I still have a lot on my mind, hense why I keep writing you.
Hey guy, what's new with you ?
...
I'm so focused in my own brain sometimes, I'm no longer certain I make any sense.
Squirrel got your tongue ? What the crap's wrong ?
...
Considering people never listen to me anyway, all in all, not too much has changed.
Ooooh, right. You're play's going on. Well, I'll talk to you at a restaurant after a show if I want an intelligent answer from you.
...PANTS ! *sigh*

 

by 0g
8-19-03
Dear Diary, Recently I've spent a lot of time talkin to the ladies.
...Pants.
See you later sugar pie. I'll call you tonight.
From their advice, I've learned a very valuable lesson.
What the crap ?
Come on, yo. You gots to be sweetin the ladies. How else you supposed to impress ?
I do NOT know how to talk to the ladies.
Kinda like, 'Excuse me Miss, do you suffer from cockinthemouth disease' ?
I'm not certain whether I should be impressed with the fact that you claimed to have used that line, or the fact that you're still alive afterwards.

 

by 0g
8-21-03
Dear Diary, I was asked some pretty tough questions this week.
Pants...
I'll be checkin you later, homes.
I realized that maybe I don't have the answers for all of life's little ditties.
What's up essay ?
I dunno. Didn't you ever think that life was gonna be different ? I mean, I don't know if things are turning out the way I want them too.
But I'm not alone in this boat, by far.
You mean like I wouldn't be running around all day shoving nuts into my mouth ?
This is why we never talk.

 

by 0g
8-22-03
Dear Diary, Today I hate people.
So, I'll see you tonight guy? Awesome !
What ? No ! Jesus...
I've learned that it's not that people don't listen to me.
*BURP* Feed me more !
Pants...
It's just that they don't care.
That monosybolic name you gave me is too tough to say, so I'll go and snub you more than usual by crushing your feelings, then blaming you for being stupid when you feel bad about it.
Fuck. Where's a TPS report when you need one.

 

by 0g
8-27-03
Dear Diary, I thought I'd write to you to try to clarify things as there seems to be a misunderstanding or two.
Later, mah bizzle. I've got ta rap with my homes here.
Pants...
What I write in here isn't always true and is usually more complex than I can put in three panels.
Move on down, small fry. It's accusation time.
Wtc ?
Reality also doesn't have really good punchlines... OR maybe that's how people mistake the two.
Did you really fuck the dog ?
Umm... Just that once.

 

by 0g
9-29-03
Dear Diary, Sorry I haven't written in a while.
Your livejournal's really depressing. Even though you ask everyone in real life to stop commenting about it, I'm gonna bug you about it for days.
What the... ?
I've been dealing with a lot of people in personal situations that people seem to thrust upon me.
Hey, you're not looking at me ! What got you in a pissy mood ? Why are you taking it out on me ? What the hell's your problem, jerkass ?
Just keep walking...
End result: people are at least as screwed up as I am.
You know that thing I said was okay for you to do and so you did it ? Yeah, it really bothers me that you'd go ahead and do that, even though I said it was okay. Don't you care for my feelings ?
Jesus Christ, I'm going to kill the world.

 

by 0g
10-23-03
Dear Diary, I've never been one to take many risks in life.
Pants...
Hey freak attack ! Scuse me a second.
Maybe this isn't that big of a risk, either.
Never mind me, I just bet a guy fifty bucks that I could lather your feet in honey for my secret army of ants.
Hmmm...
I will now admit that I am thouroughly smitten.
Sweet tapdancing Jesus, you don't care !? There's either something very wrong, or something very right.
...sweet pants...

 

by 0g
10-24-03
Dear Diary, Recently, I've come into realization that I worry.
Maybe I should...
No, too obvious...
I'm a natural born worrier. I don't think there's anything that I don't worry aboot.
Wait... It would totally work...
Allright, are you going or what ?
Except for maybe worrying. And pants.
Okay. Aaaand - CHECK !
For the fifth time, there is no check in Mario Party, goddamnit.

 

by 0g
10-25-03
Dear Diary, I've come to grips with the fact that I'm a social addict.
Kickin your ass at Mario Party was too easy. Let's play again.
Can't right now, I've got to read a two hundred page book for the meeting tomorrow.
I think it's just a scam to appease my narcisistic egotistical side.
Do it tonight then.
I'm busy acting tonight, then going to a very special birthday party before I wake up to be at the mall for 9:30am.
Or maybe it's just the coffee talking.
Jesus tapdancing Christ. Between these events, your family and a show you're trying to plan, how do you find time to breath ?
This is why I usually only think aboot pants.

 

by 0g
10-28-03
Deary Diary, I finally found a few moments of time for myself.
Damn guy, how you been ?
Hmm ?
The levels of creativity that pour through me is truly awesome. The only difficulty is finding the proper outlet.
I mean, what's new with you ?
Oh.. Um.. Stuff ?
Which is obviously not here.
Haven't changed much, have you Mr. Vague?
PANTS !

 

by 0g
11-05-03
Dear Diary, A lot have changed and a lot has stayed the same.
Pants...
Hey guy !
There's actually and old oriental curse that goes something like that.
Oh god...
Are you taking place in the latest soap opera ? I heard that they got rid of all the old actors, replaced them with new ones and hired back some from three seasons ago to replay their parts.
It goes: 'May you live in interesting times.'
What the crap ?
It's actually called 'your life'. Good luck, bastard.

 

by 0g
11-10-03
Dear Diary, This year, I seem to be dealing with death a lot.
Pants...
I heard you were having a rough time of it recently. I just wanted to tell you that I'm here for you, man.
Seems wierd that I spend most days killing people in the digital world then facing it again in the real world.
Umm.. thanks.
Yeah, usually I go to gamefaqs, but I'm pretty well verse in both VC and NWN. I've beaten X:ND with almost everyone and I've taken Mario to school more times than Kobe Bryant's been charged.
The difference being none of my family have been shot. And only one was german.
Actually, uhh.. I'm doing pretty good in those games.
That's not what I'm hearing, lightweight. Next time, I'll teach you how to block.

 

by 0g
12-03-03
Dear Diary, I seem to be hanging out with a mixture of people that I barely know and that barely know me.
'Course I don't know this guy. I only spent the last 2 years of school with him, why in hell should I acknowledge his existence now ?
...Pants ?
I seem just to have one or two people that I've actually been able to talk to over the last while.
Well, I could go to the bulliten board and post, but that I'd actually have to listen to you when you told me those six or seven times.
...No Pants ?
With the amount of stuff that I think I deal with, I'm glad to not have to tell people to shut up more often than I do.
Just because I said I'd get you in free to the next event doesn't mean I'll actually honour my word or anything. Sheesh, what do you think I am, your friend ?
In this case, I'd love to see you leave, but hate to see you walk away.

 

by 0g
12-13-03
Dear Diary, My back's been in immense pain lately.
Pants...
Done yet ?
This is a somewhat familiar cycle in my yearly routine.
Uhh... no ?
How bout now ? How bout NOW ? How bout NOW ? How bout NOW ?
It happens right before maladay causing the 'being annoyed' phase.
Jesus ! Okay, just shut up.
Sweet. Just in time for lunch ! It's your turn to buy, by the way.

 

by 0g
12-21-03
Dear Diary, I've been dealing with stealing lately.
Whatcha writin ?
I'm writing an open letter to the person who stle my aunt's light up xmas tree on our front steps.
I've come to the conclusion that it pisses me off.
What do you got so far ?
'Pig fucker, rot in hell, you scum sucking piece of shit.' And then it gets worse from there out.
Unfortunatly, someone already stole the superhero name 'lazyman'.
Well, write what you know.
Hmm.. maybe something like 'Pants...', but just for continuity.

 

by 0g
12-25-03
Dear Diary, It's been a confusing xmas full of craziness.
How was your xmas ? Did you get lots of stuff and joy and happiness ?
Uhhh, dunno... not really...
There's only a few things I'm very certain of...
Oh, that sucks. Well, how's your relationship ? Are things getting all lovey dovey ?
Uhhh, dunno... not really...
And I honestly think they went out the window a couple days ago.
Jesus, is there anything you ARE certain of ?
Pants ?

 

by 0g
12-31-03
Dear Diary,
Should auld pa-aants be forgot..
Hey nigger, listen up a second.
Jesus and I love you.
I know that I've been harsh this last year, but I resolve to make everything better, to be a better person, to stop drinking as much, to stop being such an asshole and to start living life seriously.
Aw, guy, that was kinda sweet.
I'm drunk. =)
Now, pass the beer bong before I lose the nerve to bury my head in that chick's crotch.
God bless us, every one.

 

by 0g
1-03-04
Dear Diary, I learned recently that even the strongest things in the
So, you're saying I just have to connect these wires...
We'll either release the gas that'll kill half the known world or I'll get free cable, yes.
universe can topple with the right tool at the right place at the right time.
Hey, you said we were releasing tourtured puppy dogs ! What the shit is this ?
I lied. Whatever. What's the worst that can happen ?
Although I wish people would stop asking me to be a tool.
Why doesn't this surprise me ?
At least you're still wearning pants. HEY, HE'S MY BITCH, SO Y'ALL BACK OFF !

 

by 0g
1-11-04
Dear Diary, I'm finding myself at a point wherein trust is an issue.
Pants...
Hey short stack, I gots us a plan. Stand right there for two minutes.
I find it difficult to forget past injustices, even though that sounds tres comic booky.
Not again...
Hey guard. Better come quick ! Looks like someone beat his face in with an ugly stick !
I'm as big of a fan of denial as the next person... well, actually, maybe not.
That's not what happened.
The truth hurts, fucko.

 

by 0g
2-27-04
Dear Diary, At some times, I don't know if I'm coming or going.
What's new, chickyboo ?
Everything all at once.
All I know is: I have no idea aboot anything.
Oh yeah ?
I'm not certain if I'm working, how my loans are, how stable my net connection is, what's goin on at home or anything. I'm just looking for a constant that isn't a liquid that'll get me drunk.
So, once again, reality pokes in it's ugly head.
I liked you better when you just said 'Pants'.
And I liked it better when I knew that I could afford some.

 

by 0g
3-08-04
Dear Diary, Walls are interesting things.
Hey guy, what's new ?
Shhh !
We build them up for protection and we make them really strong.
What ? I only asked you what was new ?
Everything's good this second. If we don't move at all, maybe it'll stay.
First it's my defenses that go crumbling, then my world.
I'll just sit here and practice doing nothing.
Is this a bad time to mention your pants are on backwards ?

 

by 0g
4-28-04
Dear Diary, I've thrown myself into a lot of things recently like work.
Pants...
Where you been, essey ?
This has given me little time for video games and made me sad.
Workin.
You actually got off your ass ?
It let me realize that I should never lend anyone money again.
Relying on people to keep their word wasn't workin.
My boy is learning.

 

by 0g
5-11-04
Dear Diary, I'm loosely planning out a future.
Hey guy.
Hey man.
How are you doin ?
I'm the most excited and fearful aboot life I've ever been. It's literally terrific, in all meanings.
It's making me a little crazy, but I'm enjoying it a lot.
That explains why you're talking to yourself then.
I'm giving you to the count of crazy to stop that.

 

by 0g
5-17-04
Deary Diary, I screwed up yesterday and now I feel bad.
Oh, hey guy. I didn't see you there.
Did you read the new Xmen yet ?
Uhh.. yeah. It's so good, I'm going to read it about a hundred and fifty more times.
I can't blame you. I did the same thing. When can I get it back ?
As I figure it, as soon as people find out I screwed up, I'm gonna feel worse.
As soon as I stop sitting on it.
You're either funny or a dead man.

 

by 0g
7-17-04
Dear Diary, I feel like an apocalypse is going on inside my brain.
Mmm.. pants
Yo, strean bean. How's it hangin ?
Nothing seems right and it's impossible to think.
Umm... not so good.
What's eating you ? You look as though your heart's been ripped in two by a pack of hungry hyenas.
I only wish my friends weren't as supportive.
Well, it kinda has.
Literally ? Wicked ! I'll go get some dip.

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