All comics by DrCorneliusFish

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by DrCorneliusFish
7-02-02
Hey Joe, why's all these ambulances about?*CLUK*
I am thinking that maybe there was an accident, Frink, my feathery friend.
Well I's can't sees no accident!*CLUK*
Well Frink, maybe that's cos the accident has happened yet.
Oh wait, there it is!*CLUK*
Yes. Once again we're moving backwards through time. If this happens again, I will be starting to get worried.

 

by DrCorneliusFish
7-03-02
Probably TUESDAY
How come it appears that we're never in a strict time order?*CLUK*
I'm not sure, Frink. I am thinking it might be having something to do with this bench.
What's magic about that bench?*CLUK*
I do not think it's magic. Just bloody weird.
*CLUK*
Oh, see, there we go again.

 

by DrCorneliusFish
7-03-02
Where are we now, Joe?*CLUK*
I am not sure. I am thinking maybe an alien dimension.
*BLEURGH*
Oh nuts. I think Frink's just tranmogrified into an alien demon, reminiscent of HP Lovecraft!!!
I thought for a moment there I was indeed going to stay the Dunwich Horror for a long time!!!*CLUK*
Don't be ridiculous, you were only another picture for one short block!

 

by DrCorneliusFish
7-03-02
Hey Joe, you know how we suffers from some kindsa continuity paradox?*CLUK*
YES. I think we've established that all is not well! I appear to be stuck to this bench, for crying out loud!!!!
It's just that I think I've figured it all out!*CLUK*
Really? You are reckoning that you can be stopping this weird shifting of backdrops and my convolted grasp of the English language?
*CLUK*!!!!!
Oh bugger. I thought it was going well then until that tentacle from HP Lovecraft's dimension appeared and snatched Frink. Now I'll have to rescue him, somehow...

 

by DrCorneliusFish
7-03-02
A nasty alien VOID. Probably.
This is odd. It's like I'm in some kind of other-wordly emptiness!*CLUK*
Suddenly, a beatnik appears...
Coffee!
Whoa, that's fucked up. I hope Joe finds and rescues me!*CLUK*?
Somewhere totally different (obviously)
WAA!!! Get the fuck away from me!!!

 

by DrCorneliusFish
7-03-02
still in the really, really dark VOID
...so that's the plan, amigo! Yeah, sing it, sister!
That would be useful if you made any sense. It appears you've just been talking, when in fact that's the first thing you've said since the last strip!*CLUK*?!
Peace made from fandango? Be-bop!
AAARGH! I can hear his thoughts like bombs in this place!!!!! WHY WON'T HE SHUT UP?!?! Where are you, Joe?*CLUK*
Well I didn't see this coming!
Well I didn't see this coming!

 

by DrCorneliusFish
7-03-02
Joe finds a moment to contemplate his stupid situation...
Hmmm, I'm rembering something...
FLASHBACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hmm. I'm waiting for my be-you-tee-ful laydee friend Jessica. I'll sit down on that bench. I don't know why, it just seems like a good idea...
COME SIT DOWN, JOE!!! I AM COMFY IN AN EVIL WAY!!!!
Joe reflects on the consequences of sitting on a blatanly evil bench...
Oh. So that's it.

 

by DrCorneliusFish
7-03-02
(Jaunty organ music, accompanied by a man selling half-melted ice cream)
Hello shitbags! I am a fictional creation!
I'm here to let you know that the previous strip 'A moment for thought' contained a spelling error...
There's nufing wrong wifh my spleling
It should have read 'blatantly' but it didn't cos my creator is retarded.
Well I never!

 

by DrCorneliusFish
7-03-02
Back to the mysterious VOID...
Time has no meaning here. I have no idea how long it's been...That freakin' beat poet has been doing my head in for ages...*CLUK*!!!
Dooby dooby doo! Watcha Bing Crosby, I am a calcified tear!
quite SUDDENLY:
Holy Jesus! Joe, is that you?*CLUK*
I AM JOE THE SUPERGLUED YOUTH
Zombie Joe has other ideas!!!!! Dun dun DUUUUUHHHHHH
Let's get out of here!*CLUK*
OH NO MY FRIEND, WE'RE STAYING right here!!!!!! BWAHAHAHAHHA!!!!!!!!

 

by DrCorneliusFish
7-03-02
Zombie Joe is quite nefarious...
What's going on? Why is everything so WHITE??!!!*CLUK*
I AM HERE TO destroy YOU!!!!
As if by magic:
!
Blimey! I sat here, stuck like glue, then transported through time in a random fashion, finally facing MYSELF???
!!!
No Joe, I am REALLY THE EVIL BENCH!!!!!!!!!!! BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!
Holy shit!!!!

 

by DrCorneliusFish
7-03-02
The Evil Bench is nuts...
BEHOLD!!! I am SELF-REPLICATING so as to KILL YOU BOTH!!!!
RRAARARAGGHHH!!!!!!!!!!
Things look grim, oh yes...
Oh bugger!*CLUK*!!!
That's right, buddy! We're totally buggered!
THE EVIL BENCH CREEPS CLOSER!!!! SHIIIIITTTTT!!!!

 

by DrCorneliusFish
7-03-02
Joe takes on one of the benchs...
COME AND GET ME, YOU STINKING BENCH!!!
HAHAHAHAH!!! YOU ARE GOING TO FEEL PAIN!!!!
But pulls a crafty trick to buy him and Frink some time...
Er, hang on...Why do you actually want to kill me and Frink?
RRARAGHH!!! Um, actually that's a very good question. BUT YOUR JAMES BOND TRICKS WON'T SAVE YOU NOW!!!
Inexplicably>>>
LOOK!!! IT'S JESUS!!!*CLUK*
Wooo! I'm Jesus!!!

 

by DrCorneliusFish
7-03-02
Frink and Joe turn to Jesus for help!
Help us Jesus!!! The Evil Bench has split into two and plans to murderlise us both for no apparent reason!*CLUK*
Yes, and he made me miss my date with a delicious laydee!
smash!
What? You mean THIS loverly lady?
Woopwoopwoopwoop!
Sweet Jesus!!!
JESSICA!!! What's going on Jesus?
HAHAHAH!!!! I'M IN LEAGUE WITH THE EVIL BENCH!!!! HAHAHAHAHAH!!!! I wanted your honey for myself!!! HAHAHAHAHAHHHHAAA!!!

 

by DrCorneliusFish
7-03-02
Flipping heck!
ARGH! You bugger! It was too obvious, having Jesus turn out to be evil!!! Your treachery hits me like a kick in the nuts!
No, I'm not evil, just horny!
NOW THE END IS SURELY NIGH???
Damn it, Joe!!! The Evil Bench has rejoined into a massive whole while you've been distracted!!!*CLUK*?
heeby jeeby heeby!
But just then:
DIE, YOU PESKY KID! JESUS PROMISED ME YOUR FACE!!!
What the fuck? NO!!!!!!! NOT THE MYSTIC SQUIRREL OF DEATH!!! WHERE'D YOU COME FROM??!!!??

 

by DrCorneliusFish
7-03-02
SUdDenLy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ARGH!!! My allergy to mystic squirrels causes me to spontaneously combust!!! AAARRRGAAAGHHH!!!!!!
Ping!
And then:
What??? You were the squirrel???*CLUK*!!!???
PRFT! Hey Daddy-o! Dig my neat threads!
Morale?
That just leaves you and me, Jesus. Come get some, bitch!!!
No thanks, it's not fair picking on a guy nailed to wood! I'm off!

 

by DrCorneliusFish
7-03-02
Oh there's so much to explain, and figure out. Why, Jessica? Why fall for a goon like Jesus?
I'm sorry Joe, but when you disappeared I felt my groin grow hot for male company, and Jesus was the only one around.
Smack!!!
WOOF!!!
And I'm really sorry Joe, but I've got to kick you in the nuts now and leg it!
As I'm really after your best friend!!!! HAHAHAHAHHAHA!!!!!!!!
So long Joe! Sorry, but she's too hot to ignore!!! It was my fiendish plan all along! BWAHAHAHAH!!!!*CLUK*!!!!!!!!!!

 

by DrCorneliusFish
7-03-02
Our hero feels crappy:
Hey Beat Poet! Why didn't you help me just then?
Because, hep cat, I really can't be arsed. I hope you've learnt your lesson.
Oh I feel so shit. I'll sit on that bench and cry like a baby.
AAARRGGGHHH!!!!! Enter: Joe The Superglued Youth!!!
heheheheheh
WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!!!

 

by DrCorneliusFish
8-28-02
After Joe The Superglued Youth was stabbed in the back by his old friend Frink The Monochrome Chicken, he now hunts down other monochrome characters in a misguided act of vengeance...
HAHAHAHAAA!!! YOU'RE MINE NOW, GREG THE MONOCHROME DISMEMBERED ARM!!!
What? Why, why the FUCK are you hunting me??!!!
Oh, and he's stuck to an evil bench with nefarious magic. Again.
TASTE MY FURY!!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT???!!!
indeed...
HAHAHAHAHA!!! I AM IMBUED WITH THIS EVIL BENCH'S EVIL POWER!!! HAHAHAHA!!!!!
AAAARRRGHGHGRGHHGAARG!!!!! ARGH! ARGHGRAG!!! RARHHG!!! oooffff!

 

by DrCorneliusFish
9-01-02
not exactly suddenly:
.
Oh, I've been released from my evilbench prison, and it's only the second strip into the new series...And I'm facing Punctuation Zombies.
;
Hmmm, I don't really understand what's going on...
ping!
'
now I'M a zombie...this is just odd. Probably for the sake of it.'#~][)(*.,:`

 

by DrCorneliusFish
9-01-02
I know what everyone thinks - how bad I am. I only want to be loved.
I don't believe you.
Look, I've even brought you flowers!
Yes, but you just fucked me.

 

by DrCorneliusFish
9-01-02
Oooo yeah, you like that don't you? Tight cheeks, tight FUCKING cheeks!
Yeah, oh yeah baby...come on, oooo...take it like the little bitch you are! Graaah!
But I'm behind you.
Oh nuts, I'm fucking the wall.

 

by DrCorneliusFish
9-01-02
Somewhere that isn't where we were before, where-ever that was. Or wasn't.
Oooo do you like my haaaaiiirrrr?
Yeees, I am Kelly Osbourne!
I used lard to mould it, and now it's fused with my hand.
Papa Don't Preach...Nananan! Ooo I've lost my session musician backing band.
Inexplicably
AAAHH!!! I can't run cos my lardy hair is weighing me down! I'm buggered!
AHAHAH!!! I'm actually Evil Bob! Fancy that!

 

by DrCorneliusFish
11-02-02
Back once again like the renegade master!
Hey there, Evil Bob! What you reading?
Art Philosophy. Hmmm...Says here that an extended period of absence from creating comics leads to a glorious explosion of random stuff...
Really? Well I can't see how that can be true...
The punchline! Or maybe not!!!
Fuck me! I'm a snowman!
URGH! I've just combustededeeded!!!

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