All comics by Fluffy_Pants

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by Fluffy_Pants
10-17-02
Ah, yes. Life's little questions.
Are all men pigs or do they just pretend to hide the sensitive, noble person they really are?
...but sometimes the answers aren't really given...
We're sensitive, noble pigs!
...or....are they?
I like strap-ons...they comfy and easy to wear...jea.

 

by Fluffy_Pants
10-17-02
Brandon's first time on AOL Instant Messenger...
Spred4U: [BEATING YOU WITH MY COCK UNTIL CANDY COMES OUT...]
as you can see...
Yesss....This SO rocks!!!
Spred4U: [umm...]
It's not everything he'd hoped for.
drat...
Spred4U: [Of you. Not my cock. That would be fucked up.]

 

by Fluffy_Pants
10-17-02
Josh attempts to be pseudo-intellectual.
"All warfare is based on deception. Hence, when able to attack, we must seem unable; when using our forces, we must seem inactive..."
[...?...]
...apparently, he's been listening to Brandon, the "Ninja".
"...when we are near, we must make the enemy believe we are far away; when far away, we must make him believe we are near.""
[...]
...but is once again, shown up by an 8086.
[...Apparently Sun Tzu thinks that armies can induce packet loss...]

 

by Fluffy_Pants
10-17-02
SCORPION! Lost Soul...
Bent on REVENGE...
...don't ask.
...LIKES PUDDING.! ! !

 

by Fluffy_Pants
10-17-02
Ahh...the mind of innocence...
Mr Jester man...is it okay to have sex in Africa?
for once, Jester isn't attempting to psychologically scar this young, impressionable girl...
Well...It's okay if you use protection, but good luck finding it in South Africa....
...oh well.
...Apparently it angers the tribal cock god if you cover him in the foul sap of the rubber tree plant or something!

 

by Fluffy_Pants
10-17-02
Really, these things happen...
Jester! I will give you $500 CASH and a lifetime supply of silly string if you come and murder this raving acid fiend in my livingroom!
As per usual, a solution is devised.
You don't need to hire someone to murder an acid fiend!!!
...not very pretty, but it *IS* a solution.
...you just need to get him to take a double dose, put a butcher knife in front of him, and start talking about the bugs under his skin.

 

by Fluffy_Pants
10-17-02
The wonders of file sharing.
This White Stripes song doesn't play right...
[...bzzztttccchkkkkhhhhhtttzzssss...]
unless it's SUPPOSED to sound like a cat trying to shit wasps through a sewn up asshole...
[...Audio Fidelity: 100%...]
...spreading crap to a computer near you.
Oh...I guess it's a Slipknot cover then.
[...bzzztttccchk...]

 

by Fluffy_Pants
10-17-02
WARNING: Do NOT let Dr. Mario touch your genitals. He is not a real Doctor.

 

by Fluffy_Pants
10-17-02
Do vampires have anuses? Cause that's why I wouldn't let this kid invade a vampire's anus in this RPG, I was GMing, and his character was an Anus Shade, with the power to possess and control the anus
of people and animals.. and I figured that vampires don't have anuses.
A vampire's anus is present, but non-working...like a network card without the appropriate driver.
Wow. You're the biggest dork on Earth.
...and you're DMing an RPG with Anus Shades.

 

by Fluffy_Pants
10-17-02
Another of Josh's attempts to be original...
I am Jack's colen. I get cancer. I kill Jack...
[I am Jacks dictionary. COLON!]
...You are not your fucking ring tone...
...At least he's gone from "collagen" to "colen"...
...which fails miserably.
...We are the all singing all dancing...
...Of course, that's like praising the 30-year old who finally managed to fingerpaint a horsey.

 

by Fluffy_Pants
10-17-02
Hey Zac! You've read Plato's "Republic"...right?!?!
...yeeeeahhh....Why?
I have to read the first chapter by tommorrow...er, today. Quick, summarize it for me!
....hmmm...ok.
rock!
...Once there was this great inventor, who created a giant robot body for himself hewn out of stone. But to power it, he realized he needed to obtain Cerberus's tail...

 

by Fluffy_Pants
10-17-02
Aw, Josh is complaining again, isn't that SWEET?
Holy freaking crap...I can't believe it ! ! !
[...WHAT IS IT?...]
He had it coming. I swear.
Dan is a THIEF, he stole back like 90% of his clothing from me last night!!!
[...HOW MUCH CLOTHING WAS THERE?...]
Damn Skippy I am!
About 300 pounds worth...
[...DAN IS NOT A THIEF...DAN IS A FUCKING NINJA...]

 

by Fluffy_Pants
10-17-02
When are people going to learn...
[...Now Playing: WareZ DivX Crack Movie - "The Ring.mpg"...]
You can't obtain immortality through a magnetic ring...
[..."It's MINE!!! MWuaahh HAH HAH HAAA!!!"...]
...you have to earn it the hard way by killing prostitutes and drinking their spinal fluids.
["...He's....he's dead..."]

 

by Fluffy_Pants
10-17-02
Complete opposites...
Hey Mike, I think my inner child keeps trying to burst out of my chest.
That's not a child Eric. That's an ALIEN!
...will not go blargh...will not go blargh...
...only the strong shall prevail
I CALL IT WHATEVER I WANT TO!!!
mommeee!!!

 

by Fluffy_Pants
10-17-02
Some things never change...
Hey Troy, when did YOU start babysitting?
Uhh...what do you mean dude?
Well, there's a little girl who just got out of your car and now she's walking over here...
I gotta go...
Hi there little human!
Hi Mister, My name's Crystal, I live with Troy, We're dating. I'm going to marry him.

 

by Fluffy_Pants
10-17-02
The course of a usual "Brandon" Day.
Such a nice quiet night to be kicked out of another house for not paying rent...
[...UH...DON'T LOOK NOW BRANDON, BUT CTHULU IS HANGING OFF THE BACK OF YOUR NECK...]
...but Karma has a way of catching up to you.
Mmm...
Wha...???
Yep.
Such a nice quiet night to be kicked out of another house for not paying rent...
SWEET FUCKING JESUS!!! Get it off before it lays eggs!

 

by Fluffy_Pants
10-17-02
Dude, if the Second Coming ever happened, I don't think the messiah would be riding around in a fucking SIDECAR...
If the Second Coming ever happened...so much bizarre, fucked-up and generally Lovecraftian shit would be going on...
...I'm pretty sure that I we'd all be VERY GLAD to see Christ getting around in something as comprehensible by human minds as a sidecar.
That's what God cruises around in. He rides a Kawasaki, mainly just to piss off the Hell's Angels types. Although actually they'd probably be thrilled to know that God isn't a Harley man.
Look, I don't know, I'm not like God's personal fucking secretary or whatever.

 

by Fluffy_Pants
10-17-02
I will now teach you the secret arts of the honorable ninja...
AAACCCKKK!!!!
Shut it, fanboy.
...you stole my thunder...
My comic, MY THUNDER...take it up with Thor.

 

by Fluffy_Pants
10-17-02
Sometimes, Mike waxes intellectual for no apparent reason.
So, there's something historically ironic about the airship, it's quite an efficient machine, you see...
I'm Tristan...aren't I cute?
...and to the oddest of people.
...an airship can coast mostly on the winds, and with it's store of virtual endless kinetic energy holding it aloft...
...boy, I'd like to hump his leg.
That'll keep him quiet for a bit...
uhh...hi DAN. What do you have to say about the greatest invention to come out of Germany?
Airships... In my time, airships were made with balloons! Hot air! And you had to fight Teddy Ruxpin if you wanted one!

 

by Fluffy_Pants
10-17-02
...speaking of history, I recall carrying out clandestine operations in terms of video game rentals...
...for example, renting a copy of Double Dragon, and swapping the chip with Duck Hunt.
I bet there are 5 or 6 kids who think Double Dragon is the worst vs fighting game ever made.

 

by Fluffy_Pants
10-19-02
[...I AM TIRED OF YOUR INCESSANT SPELLING ERRORS, PERHAPS YOU SHOULD TRY TYPING WITH YOUR MIND...LIKE THIS...]
[...I AM TIRED OF YOUR INCESSANT SPELLING ERRORS, PERHAPS YOU SHOULD TRY TYPING WITH YOUR MIND...LIKE THIS...]
[...I AM TIRED OF YOUR INCESSANT SPELLING ERRORS, PERHAPS YOU SHOULD TRY TYPING WITH YOUR MIND...LIKE THIS...]

 

by Fluffy_Pants
10-19-02
I knew a man who had sex with a helicopter once.
Alright, I didn't, I lied to try to impress you.

 

by Fluffy_Pants
10-19-02
This is my Immortality Cock Ring.
Cool! I want an immortal cock!
Poor fool sold his soul for a strap on.

 

by Fluffy_Pants
10-19-02
[I AM TIRED OF YOUR INCESSANT SPELLING ERRORS. PERHAPS YOU SHOULD TRY TO TYPE WITH YOUR MIND...LIKE THIS...]
[...//I WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH THE OLSEN TWINS//...]
[...okay, maybe you shouldn't.]

 

by Fluffy_Pants
10-19-02
I went with purple tonight, even though two characters wear purple and the first act is made entirely of purple buildings.
... that sounds really familiar for some reason. Probably reminding me of some retarded childrens program.
Something where all the people are purple and live in purple houses and have purple lawns, until mysterious green men come from the moon and everybody learns the wonders of ethnic diversity.
*sigh*
Well slap ma fro! Where da purple woman at? Where da purple woman at? "Kill the greenie!"

 

by Fluffy_Pants
10-19-02
Jebus, that was stupid. I'm going to have to stimulate your frontal lobes with a pair of forks and a nine volt. That, or kick you in the Ding Ding.
I'm African.
That...that's the most bizarre counter argument I've ever heard...
Wait till you see my country, then you've seen truly bizarre...
Ziggy you come from a country where women in leather straps with whips pour hot wax on people's privates and they call it children's television. You're a genius. It's not an excuse.

 

by Fluffy_Pants
10-19-02
I liked the GI Joe lessons...
Help me, Duke! I'm drowning!"
Okay billy, here's how you swim. Scissor your legs like this...
You fucking jerk! I'm DROWNING! Help m.. *glub*
And that's.. one to grow on!

 

by Fluffy_Pants
10-19-02
Matt and I get into a religious discussion...
I'm telling you, it was complete genocide...
...Actually, I think that was more a case of "That place over there is nice. Let's take it"
As per usual, it starts out normal enough...
uh huh...but Joshua knew that it belonged to the Philistines or the Hitites or whoeverthefuck it was...
...hmm...
...and quickly degrades into righteous self-bashing.
I think it went a little like, "Oh, fuck them. We'll say Jehova told us to do it." "Oh, keen. Let's call it Jewland then."

 

by Fluffy_Pants
10-19-02
And so the discussion turns to other ancient mythologies....
So, Achillies was held by his heel, although I have no idea how you could possibly DO that...I'm assuming with one of those candy grabbers. Those Ancient Greek candy grabbers.
Godesses can hold babies however they want. The legend would have been so much more fun if she'd held him by another protrusion.
...actually that would be sort of lame. "He's invincible to everything except a kick to the balls." Well, fuck, so am I.
I was thinking more of Achilles dying embarassingly in a Trojan brothel.
The Trojan Whores?
Exactly! Would soldiers still be hiding inside?

 

by Fluffy_Pants
10-19-02
Jester poses another question to the audience...
I wonder what the need to be sodomized by a giant transvestite horse would be called?
silence from the audience...
*giggle*
Fortunately, Eric has the answer...
I'd have to say it's natural selection about to happen...

 

by Fluffy_Pants
10-19-02
Brandon tries his hand at a wast of time called "M.U.D."
Light Lantern.
[...IT IS TOO DARK TO DO ANYTHING...]
The simplicity of the game is addictive...
Light Lantern Bitch!!!
[...WHAT? IT IS TOO DARK TO DO ANYTHING...]
Sometimes, a bit TOO simplistic.
Umm....NORTH.
[...YOU WALK INTO A GRUE'S WAITING MOUTH....]

 

by Fluffy_Pants
10-19-02
Thoughts on First Person Shooters
I have Unreal Tournament 2003...
...but I like playing it about as much as I like trying to suck my own wang.
i.e. it's painful and futile, but once and a while I try to do it just to prove that I can. And I can't.

 

by Fluffy_Pants
10-19-02
It's times like these, that I'm glad my wife doesn't know what Stripcreator is...
At least she isn't a wannabe vampiric goth what weighs a grand total of 17 kilograms.
...?
Oh, Gumby doesn't show up here until morning.

 

by Fluffy_Pants
10-19-02
Man, I'm getting flashbacks from Legend of Zelda.
Apparently, when I was a kid, I was so bored I made up little songs to go with the damned music and now it's all coming back to me.
Nothing remarkable, though. Mostly just little ditties about killing myself.

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