All comics by LibertyNcognito

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by LibertyNcognito
8-13-15
Fascists are a lot like huge homicidal mutant squirrels....
Oooh! A yummy little girl!
Stupid, hairy, smelly, and chickenshit.
I just shat myself.
I don't think this is very accurate....
Fuck off. You are a stick man. No once cares what you think.

 

by LibertyNcognito
8-13-15
Er...hi there! You must be the new neighbor?
Yeah, my name is Bubba...nice to meet you...unless you're black or Jewish or liberal or something...are you any of those things???
Ah...well...my maternal great grandmother was half - LOOK!!! JEWISH PEOPLE DATING BLACKS!!!
...damn! I haven't unpacked the burning crosses yet!!!
Haha! Made ya look!!!
Douche.

 

Well this is awkward...
by LibertyNcognito, 8-14-15

 

Well this is awkward...
by LibertyNcognito, 8-14-15

 

by LibertyNcognito
8-15-15
Do you know how fast you were going?
While I was sweeping? Um...no....
License and registration, please.
I'm sorry officer, this broom isn't registered. Neither is my toilet brush....
Stop resisting!
You left me littlw choice.

 

by LibertyNcognito
8-15-15
This is a public serivice announcement....
Attention douchebags!
Whaddup, dawg?
Wut?
Mind yo manners fore I cap dat ass...
Change your ways or spend eternity jacking off on the couch after eating TV dinners alone in a filthy house reeking of dirty socks and your own unshed tears.
Fuck this shit, let's go lie to women and cheat on them call them crazy when they get mad at us.

 

by LibertyNcognito
8-17-15
It's 11pm, do you know where your children are?
You're not my kid.
He's busy with miracles and working on stuff but he's glad you stopped by and he'll get back to you real soon.
I told him you were busy doing miracles and shit.
Fuckin' A...put on some Credence, I'll load the bong.

 

by LibertyNcognito
8-17-15
This is a goat.
...and this is a slightly larger goat.
...and this is a FUCK YOU JIM I QUIT!!!

 

by LibertyNcognito
8-18-15
Earlier today at the Republican National Headquarters...
Hey Jed, howzit going?
Can't complain, George...how have you been?
You know, I've always wondered what you look like under there.
That's kinda gay, but okay, here goes....

 

by LibertyNcognito
8-18-15
Most people won't open their doors for Jehovas....
...but eveybody loves a clown! Now, let's talk about Jesus!
No.
...or maybe it takes a bunnyman to spread the word of Christ...
No. Fuck off.
...
Shh...I know...I know..now make mad bunny love to me under that table over there...

 

Why snowmen don't go on vacation...
Shit...
by LibertyNcognito, 8-18-15

 

by LibertyNcognito
8-18-15
Fuck...more goddamn weirdos!
Hi there, new neighbor! My name is R.B. and I can see you're wondering why I seem to have my thumb up my ass...
Actually, no I'm not wondering that and I do NOT want you to tell me about it either.
Fine...whatever...jeez, no need to be a dick about it...
Soooo...you wanna beer or something?
No, I want you to move. Or burst into flames, whatever's quicker.

 

by LibertyNcognito
8-18-15
Regular Pirate
Arrrrr!
Butt Pirate
Ooooh! Has my ship come in at last??? *giggle*

 

by LibertyNcognito
8-19-15
Happy
Birthday
Greg!
Where's the damn cake???

 

by LibertyNcognito
8-19-15
This motherfucker is dressed up like a bunny...but there's no one else around...
Holy crap it's a black dude...
Excuse me, but do you know what time the library cl---
Back off!!! I have an axe and I'm not afraid to chop things with it.
The Bunny Man is a liar. He is totally afraid to chop anything, including wood.
What the fuck is wrong with white people???
I totally pissed myself.

 

Silly bitch brought a scythe to a laser gun fight...tsk!
by LibertyNcognito, 8-19-15

 

by LibertyNcognito
8-19-15
Hey...um...you know your Dad..?
Yeah, of course I know Him, He's my Dad...duh!
Well, yeah..um...He's kind of a dick...
Aaaah shit...here we go AGAIN!! Wtf do you expect me to do about it???
Well...can't ya like...talk to Him or something? Maybe tell Him to stop being such an asshole?
Yeah, sure, because I totally want to be damned to hell....NOT!!!

 

He's gonna have to use both hands and a microscope if he's ever gonna find it....
All I see are pubes...
by LibertyNcognito, 8-20-15

 

by LibertyNcognito
8-28-15
Do you know why I pulled you over?
Are you fucking serious? You don't even know why you pulled me over???
....so unprofessional.
Put the cigarette out and assume the position.
Kiss my scaly ass, bitch.

 

by LibertyNcognito
9-03-15
*DING-DONG*
Oh shit! Someone is at the door...
Rawwwr!
Since when do klansmen go "rawwr?!?"
Seriously dude?
Go fuck yourself, whie devil!

 

Hands up! DON'T SHOOT!!!
You're not funny .
by LibertyNcognito, 9-03-15

 

by LibertyNcognito
9-05-15
Uh...'scuse me sir, is this your cat?
No, I don't have a cat.
Are you sure? REALLY sure?
Yes. I'm very sure I do not have a cat.
Well...um...you wanna buy a cat?
You're not really a fireman, are you?

 

by LibertyNcognito
9-05-15
Hi again. Is this your hose?
No. I don't own a firehose.
Is this your cat?
We've talked about this. Get the hell off my porch.
Don't get silly with me, motherfucker!
You better hope that faggy outfit is bulletproof as well as fire-proof, freak.

 

by LibertyNcognito
9-06-15
So...can you still do those cool magic tricks? Like turning water into wine and making leprosy disappear and stuff?
Yeah, of course I can. You wanna see me do some magic, baby?
Ta-Daaaah! Whaddya think???
What the fuck do you mean what do I think??? You turned me into a fucking bird! Your're an asshole, Jesus!!!
You really have a way with the ladies there, Dr. Love.
Well I learned from the best you know.

 

by LibertyNcognito
9-06-15
Stop following me, Father Gaylord. I told you I'm just not attracted to you in that way.
I have candy and puppies in the church van...
Seriously...knock it off or I'll fucking cut you.
I'll by you a PS4 if you kiss it...
Father G, you have to stop creeping on that little blonde boy. People are starting to talk.
Who? The altar boys? Those lying whores!!!

 

by LibertyNcognito
9-06-15
Hey sailor! Looking for a good time?
Um...I'm not a sailor. I'm a chef.
Whatever, it's just an expression. So...you wanna party? Hmmm???
I've never even been in the Navy and I've only been out on a boat like maybe 4-5 times in my life.
Wtf is wrong with you?
I don't like paying $50 for genital lesions, that's what. Ya fuckin' bitch.

 

Anything that stings and flies is an asshole.
Look! A shiny jew...er...I mean NEW...dime!!!
...a can of Raid and a very sharp stick....
by LibertyNcognito, 9-12-15

 

Flying And Stinging And Pissin' Fuckahs Off 'CAUSE I'M A muthafuckin' BEE, BITCHES!!!
Are those tights or panty hose? Wait, doesn't matter, both are totally GAY. I know you're not really gay though, no real gay man would ever wear such tacky shoes....
fuckfuckfuckFUCK!!! Why did I have to be out of arrows today?!?
by LibertyNcognito, 9-12-15

 

by LibertyNcognito
9-12-15
One evening down at the pub...
*oh hello what's this?!?* ....drool....drool.....drool.....
Did...someone just drool down the back of my neck?!?
I had no idea they started making y'all in "fun size," but I'm intrigued! AND HUNGRY!!!
What the level FUCK?!?
So...are you tender? What kinda dipping sauces do you come with?
Here's a thought...why don't you go suck 19 dicks?

 

a-Flyin' and a-Stingin' and a-Pissin' Fuckahs off in SPACE, BITCHES!!
Your shoe's untied....you better tie it, cause it's totally untied and shit....
Fascinating...according to the tricorder, this Bee is actually 95% asshole...
by LibertyNcognito, 9-12-15

 

by LibertyNcognito
9-12-15
Nice pussy! Hahaha! Yeah, I like you pussy, man, your pussy is all hairy heh heh heh!!!
BURST INTO FLAME, FUCKTARD!!!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!!!

 

Right in da' NUTZ!!!! HAHAHAHA!!! Awesome!!!
...my kingdom for a flyswatter....just one bigass flyswatter.....
by LibertyNcognito, 9-12-15

 

Flying, stinging asshole seeks same for friendship and possibly more (no homo)
Your shoe's untied....
Hey, you dropped your panties, ya queen!
by LibertyNcognito, 9-12-15

 

by LibertyNcognito
9-17-15
In the news today: The Amish...
Are they the quaint, old-fashioned farmers they seem to be?
...or are they really a pack of inbred, extremist chicken-fondlers? Perhaps our roving reporter has some answers for us...
I tried asking the Amish about the chicken-fondling allegations, but I've gotten no answers yet. Perhaps they're all busy "gathering eggs."
Ring! Riiiiiiing!! RING!!!
I know not what this ringing thing is...so surely it is a tool of the Devil!

 

by LibertyNcognito
9-17-15
Gnomes: The Myth
Good Day, Thaddeus McTrufflekins, isn't this some lovely weather we're having?
Why hello there Alfraed VonDuckfluffer, how are you this fine day?
Gnomes: The Reality
Dude, Thad, you gotta say you were driving, if I get another DUI I'm going to prison!
Fuck you, Fred! There's an ounce of uncut Brazilian cocaine taped to my ballsack and I'm pretty sure I have warrants!!!

 

by LibertyNcognito
9-17-15
Frat Boy vs Axe Murderer
Howdy neighbor! Me and my frat brothers just moved in next door....aaaannd we have a question for you...
Wtf???
Round One: The Kegger
...would it be okay if some of our party guests parked on your lawn? Cause they kinda already have and we're all pretty drunk and stuff...
Lesson Learned: Don't Annoy Your Neighbors!!!
...HEY! WHOA!! No needa beadick aboudit OH SHIT!!! HAAAAAAAAALP!
Heh heh heh...go ahead and run all ya want! I'll be eating your liver with some fava beans soon enough, ya little bitch!

 

by LibertyNcognito
9-17-15
What the fuck? You said it would only make her fall asleep! We are in soooo much trouble!!!
I lied...and 'WE' aren't in trouble-YOU are!
...always talking about what a 'big boy' you are....I'm just a cute little girl hugging a teddy YOU tried to throw in the fireplace, after you gave all my dollies buzz cuts...KARMA, BITCH!
!?!
Well this sure sucks!

 

by LibertyNcognito
9-17-15
DRAMA DOLPHIN
...well, ya know, I don't think he's a bad guy or nothin', I just wonder why he didn't chip in...it's not like hookers and blow are FREE, ya know...
...yeah...uh-huh...oh, hell yeah, I hear ya, man...
BRINGING THE DRAMA
What the fuck...are you serious???
...oh, dude, you shoulda heard him...he said you totally hogged all the coke and spent all night staring at his junk...he's telling EVERYBODY you're totally gay. Hahahaha!
UNDER THE SEA
What the hell??? Why does he wanna kick MY ass???
...hahaha...that isn't all....he also said your Mom gives WAY better bj's than your sister...

 

by LibertyNcognito
9-17-15
DRAMA DOLPHIN IS
Hey! Pssst!
Yeah? Whaddya want?
THE ASSHOLE WHO
Are you Steve's friend? The one going out with Sharla?
Maybe...what's it to ya?
GAVE SHARLA THE CLAP!
Hahaha!!! So, does it burn when you pee? 'Cause if it don't, it will before long! Hahahaha! Just ask Rob, Josh and Trey! HAHAHA!!!
GODDAMNIT!!! SHE SAID IT WAS JUST A YEAST INFRECTION!!!

 

by LibertyNcognito
9-17-15
DRAMA DOLPHIN IS
Psst! Hey! You!
Glug bubble bubble glug....
A TOTAL FUCKWIT
Those guys up there...the ones you were talking to just before you stood in that box full of cement.... they said you have a small penis and your girlfriend is an ugly whore ...hahaha!!!
Bubble bubble drowning noises bubble glug!!!!
UNDER THE SEA
Hey! Whoa! Dude! No need to go floating upside down over it!!! Those guys are jerks! ...dude?? You arright?!?
....

 

by LibertyNcognito
9-17-15
Hey Crabbs, what up, G? Hahaha! You wanna hear what Cthulu said about yo-
Shut the fuck up, Drama Dolphin, I ain't got no time for your bullshit.
...um...Cthulu said you're a stand-up guy and he really admires your integrity...YEEEESH!!! ...hahaha...
Oh, wow, geez, now I feel lke an asshole...sorry for being so rude, Drama Dolphin.
...he also said he wouldn't fuck your girlfriend with some other sea monster's tentacle ...hahaha ....cause she's a cumdumpster bitch! HAHAHA!!!
That slimy motherfucker!!! I'll pinch his goddamn balls off!!!

 

by LibertyNcognito
9-17-15
Psst! Hey! Drama Dolphin! I told Cthulu you fucked his ol' lady and gave her the clap. He wants you dead.
WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO THAT FOR??? I would never touch that nasty bitch! Hahaha! Eeeew!
He's standing right behind you... and also, you're a fucking asshole and I hate you. Hahaha.
haha-WHAT?!? ...he's standing where...?
...eeeep!
This is gonna hurt you WAAAY more than it's gonna hurt me....

 

by LibertyNcognito
9-21-15
Hi there, sir, do you have a few minutes to talk about Jesus...?
Wtf? No! Go away!
You wanna buy this pitchfork?
No, seriously, get the hell off my porch before I turn you into a newt or a fern or something....ya weirdo.
Dick.
Freak.

 

by LibertyNcognito
9-21-15
Mmm....the first cup of coffee...wonder what the weather is like today?
Wow! Great coffee, great weather, it's gonna be a great day!
Fucker's lying...that's straight vodka. Straight, cheap, warm vodka.
Where's my goddamn Raid??? *hic*

 

by LibertyNcognito
9-21-15
Hey....your ears go like this...
Wtf???
ZZ Top?
What are you? Are you a doggie? Are you a nice, kosher, Jewish doggie?
Well...this is awkward...
Dad!!! It's for you!

 

by LibertyNcognito
9-21-15
Hey you! Garbage 'tard! You got a letter...
It's not a letter, it's a check...a BIG check! Lookit all those fuckin' zeroes!!! WooHoo!!
Hand it over, shithead!!!
Hahahaha!!! Screw you, postal bitch! *One rich motherfucker to beam up, transporter dude!*
Goddamnit!!! Fuckin' Trekkies!!!

 

by LibertyNcognito
9-21-15
Hello litte birdie! Polly wanna cracker? Helloooo birdie!!
Ignoring you, dude....
You're a rude little fucker, aren't you?
Only to annoying shitlords...why do you ask?
I wonder if you'd be as rude in a 350 degree oven for about half an hour? How you like them crackers, Polly? Huh?
I wish a fuckah would!

 

by LibertyNcognito
10-02-15
Dude...is this really hell??? Because this is super lame...
Wtf?
I can't find anywhere to charge my phone or my laptop...and do they even have wifi here?
???
...this is fucking boring. I coulda stayed home and NOT committed suicide...at least there I could watch TV!
Hmm....I bet she wouldn't be bored if there was a red hot poker up her ass....

 

by LibertyNcognito
10-13-15
Everyone is
He thinks my tooth is crazy sessy...
...that's cause his weenus is this big....
talking about
...so then I was like 'dude, I'll kick your ass!'
You don't seem like the kind of person who would pick on a homosexual
MAXWELL
He's not black or a jew or anything else like that, is he?
...no jury would convict me, but what would Maxwell think?

 

by LibertyNcognito
12-17-15
Heh heh heh...like takin' candy from a babby....
Da fuq???
MUAH! I AM A SCARY DEMON! GIVE ME YOUR PENSION CHECK, OLD WOMAN, I WISH TO DRINK IT!!!
Mmm...! *giggle* ...well now, let's see....Whatchoo wanna do? Ass, hash, or togue-lash, baby, ain't nothing for free!
fuck
C'mon, FUCK WITH ME!!! I will split you open like a boiled hog, you little red bitch!

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