All comics by Lotus666

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by Lotus666
7-01-02
Little does Satan know...a bunch of devilish Imp Minions are about to rock his world!
Hmmm - I need a good Manager down here to help me out. Where can I get someone from?
Lotus thinks - hmmm, how am I gonna kick The Big D out of here?
Satan has heard of the "Bitch Boots"...and decides the only safe thing to do is...
Ye-es...have you come to apply for the job?
Nope, I've come to take over! You've got 24 hours! Move it or lose it, Mister!
And so...The Hell's Belles Brigade got their new headquarters - HUZZAH! (THE END? or just the BEGINNING!)
Wonder if Heaven has room for another Gate Keeper?
Right...I think my PC can go HERE...and my Bitch Boots cupboard can go THERE...

 

by Lotus666
7-02-02
Imp Number 666 was NOT having a good day when...
Gee, being an Imp Minion ain't so bad I guess.
£#$%£...kicked out of Lotus's back garden...no £#$%£ nuts. Where am I gonna get something good to eat?
But Impy forgot the abilities of "rabid skwerls" to transform into...
OI YOU! Feck off! Find your own nuts to nibble!
You'll be sorry you SAID that, Mister!
Well...when all is said and done...even Hell has it's bad days!
AAAAARGGGHHH!!! (Run a-waaay!)
Gonna get me some nice juicy nuts...BWA HAHAHA!

 

by Lotus666
7-03-02
Someone is not too happy with the mess...
Alright....I know who left THIS here...DOGGEH!
But dogs just wanna have fun (who says only girls)...
DogmeatX - you clean up that mess back there this instant!
w00fles...hey! I'm having a ball here! Don't bug me, beelzebubba!
Bubba wanders off to consult Chuma...
(Wandering off muttering) Goddamnit- get no respect around here these days!
Geez - wotta grouch! What's HIS problem! (woofles!)

 

by Lotus666
7-03-02
So...the debate raged about whether Chuma or Doggeh would clean up the mess in the corner of their forum...or would be a rumble in the jungle!
Yea...I heard Chuma say he was gonna rub Doggeh's nose in it!
Yea, and I heard Doggeh say that Chuma was just a kitty cat with ickle claws!
Discretion being the better part of valour, our two intrepid forum users did what any clever forum user would do...
Uh oh...here comes Chuma...and he appears to be growling!
And here comes Doggeh...and he seems to be growling, too!
The forum users turned about...and gallantly they chickened out...(singing fades into background - apologies to Monty Python!)
ARGH - run a-waaay!
ARGH - run a-waaay!

 

by Lotus666
7-03-02
The Twins BOTH step out in identical outfits! This does NOT bode well...
(WIDOW) OI! It's MY day to wear the naughty schoolgirl outfit today, ya tart!
(MAGPYE) Nah...bog off slapper! I'm wearing it, so bollocks to you!
Each tries to punch the other's lights out...
(WIDOW) Shite! Stop picking my next move, ya cowbag
(MAGPYE) Feckin' hell - being twins is a sod when you're trying to outhink the other!
Stay tuned folks...this could go on...and on...and on...
(WIDOW) WILL YOU STOP THAT! We look like a bleeding mirror!
(MAGPYE) GOOD! All the better for CRACKING!

 

by Lotus666
7-04-02
Nick orders in a new batch of Squirrel Chambers from PezCo. Inc...
(ZBU) Aaah, that must be Pez ringing up to confirm the latest shipment of Evil Willow Squirrel outfits!
*RING RING...RING RING*
But the gods were not kind to the Zbu this day...
(ZBU) Hey there Pezzie. How soon can you deliver?
(PEZ) Gee, I'm sorry Nick, but they were all out of mini Evil Willow costumes. All they had in stock were mini Rosie O'Donnell outfits!
But, Zbus are always full of creative ideas...
(ZBU) Listen to me you flea-bitten rodent - if anyone asks...you are just Evil Willow under a curse...repeat...!!!
(SKWERL) Damnit...the nuts are loose...and I'M the one who has to be stuck in a fecking chamber?!?

 

by Lotus666
7-04-02
4th July - American Independence Day dawns bright and clear...
(LORD DESTROYER) LF - what did you do with all those fireworks?
(LORD FINISHER) Got a cheap case of TNT, and crammed that and all the fireworks into a cheap rocket case...hehehe...
Looks like the day is gonna go off with a BANG! Brotherly love...ain't it grand?!
(LORD DESTROYER) ARGH LF, overkill AGAIN? You'll blow us all to kingdom come!!!
(LORD FINISHER) Oh brother! You're SUCH a killjoy! Hey, what harm can it do, grumpy?!
Oh well...just another day of mayhem in the life of The Lords...Happy Independence Day, boys!
~%$£"~&*%£$!!!! AND ANOTHER THING! ~%$£"~&*%£$!!!!
3...2...1...

 

by Lotus666
7-04-02
Night falls in the Banana Household. Lotus and TopBanana get talking...
Hey there, oh gorgeous sexy husband of mine...
Hello there, my sweet Mistress of Mayhem...
After some irc chat...the talk eventually gets around to dancing...
(Yawns) Is it bedtime yet, dearest? ;)
I thought you'd NEVER ask! ;)
Moral of the story? Cover your PC's if they live in the bedroom with you!!!
Damn it...I HATE it when they go over there and do that! So...what are YOU doing tonight?
Yes, have they no shame? How long do these honeymoon things last ANYWAY? (Oooh, you fresh sod!)

 

by Lotus666
7-04-02
Meanwhile...sometime later...back with the Twins of Evil...
(WIDOW) Aaa-iiiii...yer getting on my tits, ya tart! Quit copying my moves!
(MAGPYE) Shove it sideways til Sunday, Sister! I'm older than you (by at LEAST a few minutes)...they're MY moves!
The twins were running out of moves! (I was also running out of options!)
(WIDOW) Hmmm...deja-vu!
(MAGPYE) Hmmm...haven't we done this before?
Seems like Sisters are doing it TO themselves! (Bruises that is!)
(WIDS & MAGS IN UNISON) Hang on a minute...what were we fighting about again?
(WIDS & MAGS IN UNISON AGAIN) Aaah, what the hey...this is FUN!

 

by Lotus666
7-04-02
(LOTUS IN BACKGROUND) "Hey...Big D...you around?"
For PITY'S sake...you have GOT to HIDE me, man!
Hide YOU? Who's gonna hide ME? She keeps making me haul licquor up to that fecking drinking thread she has running up in the forums!!!
(LOTUS IN BACKGROUND GETTING CLOSER) "Hey...Big D...you seen Cthulu around?"
For PITY'S sake...you have GOT to HIDE me, man!
Hide YOU? Who's gonna hide ME? She seems to think I'm some kind of giant squid...keeps wanting to chop me up and fry my giblets up for bleeding calamari!
Flame-grilled chickens anyone?
Keep still...keep quiet. She'll think we're just part of the decor!!!
Hmmm...could've SWORN I heard them over here! *SHRUGS*

 

by Lotus666
7-05-02
Cthulhu faces his worst nightmare...
BOLLOCKS...she found me!
Hey CU...heard you were having problems with worms?
The Bitch-Booted One is off...
Errrm...aaaah...but...
I'll just nip down to the chemist and get you some Vermox, okay? Stay right there...
And the Call of Cthulhu was...
TAKE ME! Take me NOW!! PLEASE take me now!?!
Hmmm...my job suddenly got a LOT easier! Wonder if she wants to do commission work?

 

by Lotus666
7-06-02
Rockjock seeks out a new hound for his sled dog team...
So, what do you think? Make you a deal? Pay you in schmackos...
ME? Pull a SLED? You have GOT to be kidding me, right? Sorry, RJ...try again!
Rocky tries to sway the latest goat sacrifice...
Come on...say yes. Beats being a sacrifice on the full moon...
B-A-A-A-A!!! I'm a NANNY goat, not a NINNY goat!
Looks like Rockjock will be getting a new dog when Hell freezes over!
I'll make you the leader of the Pack! It'll be fun...honest...
What is this - flaming "Pick on Cthulhu Week"? Do I LOOK like a stinking dog? I DON'T think so!

 

by Lotus666
7-07-02
Looks like someone turned down the heating in Hell...
*YIPPEEE* Hell's frozen over at LAST!
Please...not me...
And so the silent collective prayer went up...
Please...not me...
Please...not me...
*Note to the reader* - Luckily this strip is only 3 panels...you would NOT want to see what happened to RJ in the 4th!
Right...one more time...with feeling please! GOOD doggeh...
Wooo-fecking-ooof! (This was NOT in the job description!) *GRRRRR*

 

by Lotus666
7-09-02
Darque hopes to strike a deal with the Big D...
Hey...if you cart Widow away for me...I'll throw Mags in for free (then you won't need my soul!)
Hmmm...I'll see what I can do for you!
However, he hadn't counted on Widow being low on rations...
Aaaaargh...NOOOO! Lemme outta here!!!
Right...this purpose-built pressure cooker should soften him up a bit!
Don't look now, Darque...but there's a Wild Widow behind you!!!
Hmmm...bigger than me? That's okay...I'll just knee him in the nads, and I'm away...
Geee...haven't heard back. Wonder how he's getting on?

 

by Lotus666
7-09-02
Darque turns round to get the shock of his life...
Don't you fecking sweet talk me, Bullet Head...I KNOW what you were up to!
(Shite & Bollocks!) Erm, I mean...hello sister-in-law dearest!
Looks like Darque's deal with the Big D is off...
(WIDS...NOOOOO!) #############(Oooh YESSS, DARQUEEE-WARQUEEE!)
Thank CHRIST! She's leaving ME alone. (Just managed to crawl out of that steamer - luckily she forgot I like it hot!)
Wids finds her dinner on the loose and running for the hills...
So...you want some more and all, do you?
(Shite & Bollocks!) Run aw-aaaaay!!! (Darque - you can KEEP them!)

 

by Lotus666
7-11-02
Yes, Virginia...there ARE mad scientists in this world!
You see, little girl...it's all because of the growth hormones that they feed to the animals these days!
Professor Un-Science...why are you so large?
Chicken are force fed hormones so that the consumer gets bigger, plumper and juicer chooks for their dinner tables! (Appears not only humans like them, however!)
BEFORE
AFTER!
And so...the food cycle is about to swing full circle yet again...
Then again...I don't eat chickens (Scratches head in puzzlement) Must be those "skwerls" I've been supplementing my diet with.
Damn...those chickens always taste damn good for an entree...hmmm, what ELSE can I eat for dinner?!

 

by Lotus666
7-15-02
Rockjock learns the hard way that being a good samaritan doesn't always pay off...
I'll just nurse this rabid baby killer skwerl back to good health!
ARGH,,,NOOO! Not my face...NOOO!!!
Lotus details the long months of agonising plastic surgery to put Rockjock back together after the rabid skwerl chewed off his face...
Hey Lotus, like...what happened to my face, chicky babe?
Rocky...just promise me NOT to take in any more orphaned rabid skwerls!
Rockjock reborn (and the puns remain the same!)
I dig it, lady...
*Rolling her eyes*...bloody geological types...!!!

 

by Lotus666
7-18-02
Tourist Boy Terrorises Ottawa! (Sub-titled Nicky & Nixxi's Maple Madness!)
Hmmm, wonder if he's the one who did LEXX?
So here we are outside the house of one of Canada's most famous comedy writers!
Ottawa holds many attractions and wonders for Tourist Boy...
Hmmm, wonder where the nearest GREYHOUND depot is? (So I can blow the bastards into bus oblivion!)
Here we are in the very heart of the city of Ottawa!
Stay tuned folks! (Next week - Tourist Boy visits the BBC Studios in London!)
(Greyhound bus bits flying everywhere)
(NIXXI) Here we are...buggaring off rather quickly! ~ ~ ~ (ZBU) Hmmm, wonder if that's a Canadian Mountie on that horse running us down?

 

by Lotus666
7-15-03
Once again...Lotus bugs the Imp Minions to do her menial work for her...
Hey there, was wondering if you could do me a big favour?
(Rolling eyes) Dear God...here we go again!
Lotus needs more room to put her things...
If you could just take out the rock wall HERE...put in a new kitchen THERE...perhaps a nice conservatory out the BACK...with a Hot Tub...
Think I'll just slink quietly away to somewhere less noisy...like New York!
Some days it's just so hard to be a minion...ya know?
...so I thought...I'm outta there...
Yea...I SO know what you mean...RJ is moaning about lack of room too!

 

by Lotus666
7-15-03
Yet another hot summer's night falls once again - in the Banana Household...
So...finished being shot at in CS?
Yes dear. Finished fighting the DOS attacks?
Looks like there's going to be some Banana Splits being made...or are they?
Yes, all sorted. I'll go get the ice, shall I?
Kewlies - and I'll go grab the towels! Some ice cream might be nice?
Moral of the story? There is none - except those covers never went on! For god's sake...PITY THE PC's!!!
I can't see...you tell me...are they...!?!
Yea, they are. (SIGHS)

 

by Lotus666
7-15-03
Nixxi wants to hear Nick's Mysterious Tale...BUT...
Awwwww...but I wanted my bedtime story...
Sorry Nixxi, but Nick has vowed to kill those he tells the story to within 7 days. Sort of like "The Ring".
Lask does not deter easily - but he will!
Well...I chose death...so, bring it on, Lotty! Fetch me...THE NICK!
Well, just don't say I didn't warn ya! I'm outta here...
Lask sends out a cry to anyone in the vicinity to perform a mercy killing...
...so Frank took the mail in his mouth...slobbering mightily all over the neatly printed envelopes...leaving them a slobbery, drooly mess...and those watching screamed in almighty terror
Why do I have the feeling that 7 days to wait to die is going to be WAAAY too long?!

 

by Lotus666
7-15-03
On tonight's Live HELL TV - Tender meets with a hostile audience...bored, and getting bored-er...
Tell us a story...make us laugh...do a dance...draw us a cartoon...ANYTHING!
Sorry guys, don't know why I'm standing here, TBH!
Tender never thought they were going to be so literal, and demand their pound of flesh...
But I'm not all that creative...I really can't be arsed!
(RABID CROWD) Arse, Arse, Arse, Arse, Arse, Arse, ARSE! (TENDER) Arrrrgh...NOOOOOOO!!!
Meanwhile, as the sirens blast...and as an ambulance rushes Tender to the nearest hospital...
So, what the feck happened here, Zahrim?
Something about an arse transplant I think...

 

by Lotus666
7-15-03
The REAL explanation of why HbG has been missing from the forums for so long...
{WIDOW) There you go now, HbG...you just stay locked here for a while til I can go and find you some nice whips and chains and stuff, ok?
(HbG) Ooooh, cool, Wids. Can you get me some Beer Bottles or something? By the way...like my new haircut?
Lotus makes sure HbG's new lodgings are nice and...secure! But is there an ulterior motive???
(HbG) Ooooh, evil Board Mistress Lotty...have you come to whip me? (Yea baby!)
I'm going to keep up the torture till you can stand no more...by NOT torturing you! *WICKED EVIL LAUGHTER*
And as the moon slowly rises in the night sky, HbG knows...a cold dungeon awaits his return!!!
(HbG...sighing) It's always the same...not enough chains...not enough whips...not enough BEER BOTTLES!!!
*ECHOING WICKED EVIL LAUGHTER* Welcome back, HbG...we missed ya!

 

by Lotus666
7-16-03
Mags breaks the good news to her darling one...
(MAGS) Isn't it great, babes...we're expecting an ickle bean!
(DARQUE) Now dear, you mustn't smoke or drink at all...!!! *LECTURE!*
Darque (unfortunately) makes TWO fatal mistakes...
(MAGS) Right...you asked for it! (And don't call me dear!)
(DARQUE) OW! But, but, OW! Nooooooo...
Moral of the story? Never lecture a woman with rampant hormones!
*GLUB* Was it something that I said? *GLUB*
Mmmm...Hel-LOOO Dinner!

 

by Lotus666
7-16-03
The good news is broken to a disbelieving Widow...
(WIDS) Ya WHAAAAA???
(MAGS) *NODDING* Yep, ya gonna be an Auntie!
Once again...the dreaded "Foot in Mouth" Disease strikes again!
(WIDS) *EXCITED* Yay! What a good excuse for a piss-up! I'll drink your share for you - kewl!
(MAGS) Right...you asked for it and all, too!
Somewhere...in a bay off North Wales...there's an octopus trying to grow very fat...
Must be my LUCKY week...mmmm...Hel-LOOO Lunch!
*GLUB* Was it something that I said? *GLUB*

 

by Lotus666
7-16-03
RJ goes to congratulate Mags...but her hormones are still kicking into full swing...lookout...
(ROCKJOCK) Yo, Ma.......
(MAGS) Right...you looked sideways at me...you asked for it!!!
Meanwhile...back in the bay...one very disgruntled and hungry octopus makes HIS fatal mistake...
Don't even THINK it fish face...or the rock pick finds your soft spot...dig it?
Damnit, what IS it with these people? They keep getting away! Hell, I need breakfast...I gotta try...
Rockjock opens up his very own Calamari Emporium...
Hey Lotus, how about I cut you a deal - plate of calamari and chips - only £2.00!?!
But where??? Oh, never mind! Sure, you got yourself a deal!

 

by Lotus666
7-18-03
C.T's: R4p4g3 - 26 Rockjock - 2.......... T.'s: 0wn4g3 - 24 Lotus666 - 3.......... *EXTEME BLOOD MOD IS ON*
*One dead Counter Terrorist*
hehehe...wicked! Can't wait til RJ bails up round the corner!
C.T's: R4p4g3 - 30 Rockjock - 3.......... T.'s: 0wn4g3 - 28 Lotus666 - 4.......... *EXTREME BLOOD MOD IS ON*
(Looking the RIGHT way for a change) *Swings round with the UMP* hehehe...BOOOO, Rocky! *BLAMMEEE*
ARGH - curse you Lotty and your crate camping ways!!! (Only fecking crate I don't check, and there she is!)
C.T's: R4p4g3 - 30 Rockjock - 3........ T.'s: 0wn4g3 - 32 Lotus666 - 5.......... *EXTREME BLOOD MOD IS STILL ON!!!
hehehe...so, do you know who I am now? A T! NOT a CT! Get it right, j00 tart! ;) (And what's all that rot about wallhacks?)
Ah...shurrit, j00 munkeh! :p (Hey, I think I finally got it right!) And stop your cackling - you're worse than that chook on cs_italy!

 

by Lotus666
1-10-05
Angel O.Y.S thinks he has the upper hand...
God loves a tryer, Lotty...btw I WIN!
I wouldn't speak too soon if I was you - there's a giant squirrel behind you...something about "Nuts"?!
...or HAS he?! Though it's not the upper hand that the squirrel is after...
Mmmmm, nuts, nuts, NUTS!!!
Yea, sure, right, Lotty...you can't fool ME that easily!
Moral of the story? If you want to win "LOTPW" - beware of giant squirrels!
hehehe...sometimes those squirrels at the bottom of the TLP garden come in REAL handy!
ARGH...run away, RUN AWAAAY!!!

 

by Lotus666
1-11-05
******** ROAD RASH BIKE SHOP ******** You shop, we CHOP! But there was this ONE guy...
Ahh yea, that's £** mate!
How much is it for a **** for my trike, man?
******** ROAD RASH BIKE SHOP ******** But Chop was getting a wee bit tired of pricing up for other people's profit!
*THINKS* - if this ^%#&&%* comes in just ONE more fecking time...
*THINKS* - oooh, I'll just nip down the road to that other shop again!
******** ROAD RASH BIKE SHOP ******** Looks like it's not a trike that will be getting the chop this time...
RIGHT, you've pissed off for the last fecking time...where's me flamin' axe?!
Just me again looking for another price! (*and thinking about that other shop again!*)

 

by Lotus666
1-11-05
******** ROAD RASH BIKE SHOP ******** You shop, we CHOP (your bike bits!)
How do yer want yer bits chopped then?
AAAIIIEEE!!! Mad man with an axe...run away, RUN AWAY!
******** ROAD RASH BIKE SHOP ******** But Chop, poor innocent, did not realise how it would sound!
Hmmm, what's up with him then?
Was only gonna chop his trike bits and make him an offer he couldn't refuse!
******** ROAD RASH BIKE SHOP ******** Get in for YOUR chop now!
But Fran luv, I only said "Where's me axe" and "How do yer want yer bits chopped"!
(*ROLLING HER EYES*) I dunno, you give a man an axe...

 

by Lotus666
1-11-05
10 months old - and The Pyechild reflects on the world around him...Mummy Mags first.
So, THIS is my mother? Hmmm, I'm going to end up a warped individual, aren't I?
Oooh, who's my darling ickle man - just let me put you in your Tigga suit to bounce in your playpen, sweetheart...
Daddy Darque is next...Pyechild is getting more and more worried.
Oh, god. Don't tell me this hairy git is me Dad? I'm going to end up warped AND hairy - great!
Oi, Poop Machine - just watch where yer sticking yer baby booties next time yer bouncin' on my belleh!
Finally, Aunty Lotty...and The Pyechild abandons all hope!
!?! There's NO fecking hope for me, is there...I'M DOOOOOMED!!! *sobs*
Hello JJ, I'm you're Aunty Lotty - what fun we're gonna have when your Mum and I take you out on adventures - where's my camera?

 

by Lotus666
1-11-05
Full moon, and The Werebear decides it's time to "tie up" some loose ends...
Hmmm, hi there Lord David - wanna be tied up? *EVIL WEREBEAR LAUGHTER*
Like, sure...could be a scream...but you have to walk the plank for me later!
WhispTech is next on the list of "things to do"...
Hi there, Whisp ! Wanna be Tie-ee Number 2? *MORE EVIL WB LAUGHTER*
I guess so...can I finish writing this review on cougars first though?
Good things come in threes - so one more is needed for the bundle...
K! Lotty says you can be my third vict...I mean...third recruit - ok? *WB LAUGHTER TOO EVIL TO DESCRIBE*
*gulps* PD - HIDE MEEE! (Feck me, not even K Query can save me now!) AAARRRGGGHHH!!!

 

by Lotus666
1-11-05
Ant tries to show Lotus something really important, but she's got the wrong impression...
Hey there Lotus babe - wanna see what's inside my coat? It's REALLY big...
Ant, for the LAST time - tuck it away! *groans*
...but as Ant's coat falls open (to reveal new Games Reports) Lotus is already off mixing up the cement...
news! ?!? Lotus? Sweetie, come back, it's NOT what you think! Ah feck, I'm in the shit now, aren't I?
ARGH NOOOOO...stop flashing me, ya deviate. *screams*
Somewhere off the north west coast...a hungry octopus takes his chances, and lines up dinner...
*glub* Was it something that I said?
Hmmm, I know what happened to my brother when he tried to eat a Rock Jock, but THIS one looks safe enough...

 

by Lotus666
1-11-05
LD may have his hands full after bringing Little Bit back from the Vet...
Now, now Little Bit - it will all be ok. Have a sleep and settle down...
Wha happened? Feeling groggy - feeling sore. AAARRRGGGHHH, I've got BITS MISSING!
But Little Bit wasn't having any of it...in fact...Little Bit was...
You won't miss your bits, Little Bit...you'll be fine!
Won't miss my bits??? I'll fecking give YOU missing bits, Mister...
about to be busy getting hold of some bits of her own!!!
AAARRRGGGHHH, Little Bit...NOOOOOO!!!
MIAOWWRRRR, pfffft pfffft pffffffft, hiss, scratch, YOWL!!!

 

by Lotus666
11-25-06
Lotus finally discovers the dubious wonders of that most evil of things...a place lost in time and space...
Greetings Mistress, I am Elunaria, a female nightelf from the far flung shores of Kalimdor, by whose good grace etc etc etc...
Good grief, what is it about males online in WoW roleplaying girls??? *groan*
No...not THAT evil...something far worse and even MORE sinister than roleplayers in an MMORPG...
Hail, Master Dwarf - want to see me dance naked with my friends on the bridge in Ironforge? Only 5 gold...
Feck off ye perverted blue freaky elf - keep yer blue dangly bits t'yerself...I'm off ta drink Ale wi' me fine dwarven lassie! (Now, if only I can persuade her to paint her wee bonny self blue?!)
************** M Y S P A C E ! ************** a place for a friend called Tom (well, SOMEONE had to have him!
*accept, accept, accept, DENY (ooooh, this one's even weirder than I am), accept, DENY DENY DENY, oooh, THIS ones a hoot!*
(Total users going off the scale) *arrrrggghhh, I canna hold 'er Cap'n...she's gonna blowwwww!!!*

 

by Lotus666
12-03-06
...and so it came to pass...the never ending battle between good and evil that raged on through history...
Hide me from the bitch boots!
Hide me from the werebear!
No, not THAT battle...and not THIS one either...the one we're talking about is...
Hide me from the dirty nappies!
Hide me from the tigga suit!
LAST ONE TO POST WINS! It goes on and on, my friends (worse than the song that never ends)! (PS: I WIN LD!)
I win, you don't...so nyah nyah nyah! ........................ ........................ ....................... I WIN AGAIN SO THERE!
Pigs will fly the day YOU win - you snooze, you LOSE! ........................ ................ YOU LOSE AGAIN SO THERE!

 

by Lotus666
12-10-07
'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the forum...
Dearest, I've got something to show you...
Mmmm?
TopBanana and Lotus were once more lacking decorum! (or were they?)
Just follow me...
I bet it's something on bloody WoW again! *rolls eyes*
So, as the Admins go missing and out of sight - Merry Christmas 2007 to all, and to all...a good night! :)
Good grief - the PC's warned me this would happen! *sigh* Tree's Company too...

 

by Lotus666
8-10-09
Satan's plans to wreck The Lotus Position with the help of hordes of evil rabid skwerls appears to have been a success...
Well done axing that pesky server - report to my Chief Minion for further instructions!
Thank you, my Lord - I shall expect payment in nuts shortly then.
However, TB has other ideas, and finds a bigger and better server - The Lotus Position lives to fight another day - foiling certain evil plans...
There you go, dear...good as new. The Arcade is even better than ever!
Thank you, darling. I thought I saw Satan and Skwerlie lurking before...
Both Skwerlie and Satan abandon all hope, plans and nuts, and instead do the only sensible thing left to do, which is...
Awww, and I had such fun plans for them and all! *Wicked laugher*
(Satan & Skwerlie together) - ARGH...RUN AWAY, RUN AWAAAAAAAAAAY!

 

by Lotus666
5-29-10
Bluebottle decides to talk to "Beezelly Bub" about securing The Win...
Blunebontle, my friend - there is nothing in Hell that could persuade me to give you that win!
Look Beezelly - I'll trade my soul and ALL my computers if you just let me have that win!
But he just doesn't understand the horror that poor Beezelly underwent...
(Tears up contract) Are you MAD? After what Lotus did to me LAST time I tried to exert my authority???
But WHY? You're all powerful, and I have the standard contract all signed in triplicate in blood!
...and on hearing the tap of Bitch Boots echoing down the corridors...
*Sounds of fear, loathing, sobbing & running away at very high speed!*
Why do I have the feeling that this is going to get very messy?

 

by Lotus666
5-29-10
Exile decides to ditch the trappings of the Office, and opts to become a Beach Bum instead...
You're so wise to keep clear of that silly WIN thread, Exile.
Well, there's enough of you in there losing as it is.
The lure of sun, sand & surfing - the laid back lifestyle...
Funny, I never imagined you as a Beach Bum.
Neither did I, but Lotus obviously had other ideas!
The sight of a circling fin slicing the water in the background...
I'd be careful if I was you - or else you could end up with a shark in the panel!
Even she couldn't be *that* evil (could she?)...

 

by Lotus666
5-30-10
The Lotus Position Gallery has been in Limbo since Big D's minions executed The Great Server Crash...
*sighing* Oh, I do so miss having somewhere to put all our pics to share with our friends.
Fear not, my darling Lotus...The Gallery SHALL rise again!
But soon there will come a time when the Behemoth that was The Gallery shall be back bigger & better than ever before...
"Gentlemen, we can rebuild it. We have the technology...
Stay tuned, folks...
But do our Do-Badders have further plans for raining hell & damnation on the new server?
You have GOT to be kidding me? After that display of cowardice with Blue? FAT CHANCE! *Sound of hooves scuttling away!*
Right, my evil minion - away, and do my tyrannical bidding!

 

by Lotus666
5-30-10
Big D tries to regain some Hellish Street Cred after that disastrous encounter with Bluebottle...
Right, my evil Skwerl minion - away, and do my tyrannical bidding!
Pfffft, your arse is grass - do your own bloody dirty work! *Sound of paws scarpering off into the distance!*
Finally, he tries appealing to Cthulu's sense of indignation from his last encounter with The Bitch Booted One!
C'mon 'Thully...surely you want to get even from the last time she wanted to turn your giblets into calamari?
Feck off Big D - they've only just regrown after her last culling of them! YOU handle her! *Sound of tentacles speedily slithering off!*
But time is up, and it looks like the Big D has struck out Big Time! *Sound of returning Bitch Boots*...
EEEEEEEEEEEP!!! *Sound of a Big D packing it in and packing it up And sneaking away and buggering off*...
Ummm, I think there's trouble approaching with a capital L...and she's looking pretty pissed off, Big D!

 

by Lotus666
6-02-10
Lotus duly fronts up to her hospital appointment - what a way to spend the holidays, eh!?
Sure thing, not a problem!
Just a few questions, a form to fill in, and then we can proceed.
With formalities out of the way, Lotus folllows Nurse Dipchit to the X-Ray Department, and *THAT* machine...
*INDIGNANT* You want me to put my WHAT in WHERE???
Now if you could kindly (blah blah blahdee blah)...
One aborted test, one equipment breakdown/repair, half an hour and newly completed screening later...
Luckily for that tech he fixed the bloody machine else the "gentle compression" on his meat & two veg would have been MUCH harder!
Well, that didn't go so badly now, did it dear? *Heading for the bandages cupboard & a nice stiff medicinal brandy!*

 

by Lotus666
9-01-10
Lotus and TopBanana are currently planning their next castling jaunt...
I hear there's a really nice castle down here somewhere.
Perhaps you should go ask the Big D where it is?
But the Big D is not on the co-operative side...
Lookout Boss - Lotus is coming your way looking for that castle!
Not on your nelly - she'll want to pose me in silly costumes in front of old rocks - I'm off!
So the call goes out to North Wales, but for some strange reason Mags isn't so willing either...
Hello? Lotti? You want me to what?
Bloody hell - wait for me, Big D! I still remember the last time at Chester!

 

by Lotus666
9-01-10
Seeing as Big D and Mags have no wish to go castling - Lotus does the only thing possible...
Mummy? Mummy? Where are you, Mummy?
Aaaarghhh, ooooh noooo...I forgot about my poor ickle JJ!
Poor little Pyechild - he really has no idea of the horrors in store for him!
Oh, hello Auntie Lotti. Sure, I'd love to go castling with you!
It's going to be sooooo much fun, JJ - lots of pics to show your Mum! *Lines up loads of costumes & pics.*
You've heard about Survival of the Fittest? Well, this is Survival of the Fastest!
Oh I just LOVE castling - wonder why Mummy isn't coming with us?
Bollocks - too late! Ah well, better you than me, kid! *Runs awaaaaaay!*

 

by Lotus666
5-24-11
The Day? May 21st 2011. The time? "The Rapture" - or should that be "The RUPTURE"?!
The end of the world is nigh! REPENT YE SINNERS! (and send me all your lovely dosh!)
Here we go again! *rolls eyes* Camping's on the rant yet again. Doesn't he know that NO man shall know the time?! Stupid muppet...
However, God has more to worry about than false prohets...
I doubt the two will ever co-incide...but we can't risk *her* getting in up here! Just look what she did down *there*!
Don't worry, Pops - I'm sure we can arrange it so it never happens!
Heaven doesn't want *her*...and Hell is afraid she'll take over!
HA! Fat lot of good THAT statement is - *she* has ALREADY taken over! (Blimey, she's coming...RUN AWAAAAAY!!!)
Hey Satan, looks like you won't be getting rid of me today. Now, you really must mend your ways...oh, and the fence needs mending whilst you're at it...blah blah blah...

 

by Lotus666
5-24-11
The Day? May 22nd 2011. The time? Hide Out Time! Harold Camping is Cave camping...oblivious to the fact that, outside the cave, Channel 3 News reporters seem to be setting up shop!
This should be safe enough for now - looks like the previous occupant isn't in anymore!
*Lots of marks scratched into the cave walls, and the words "Ossi BL was here"!*
Meanwhile...reports have been flooding in...and enquiring (and angry & viscious) minds need to know...
...and today, it was earlier confirmed, that Mr Camping was indeed camping in the cave featured!
*scenes of a cave somewhere in Pakistan...complete with satnav details*
Well, looks like it's the end of the world as we know it...at least for ONE believer...
*HC* Arrrrgh...noooooo!!! *Angry mob* RHUBARB RHUBARB RHUBARB!!!
...and tonight, it was earlier confirmed, that Mr Camping had indeed been Ruptured, and no...that's not a typo!

 

by Lotus666
1-28-25
Lotus returns to the scene of the crime
I hear the Bitch Booted One is back in town!
Is she? OH CRAP! Time to hide...again!
Confronting The Big D in his den might be harder than it looks...
Ey up, Demon buddy - where's The Big D? I have some renovating to do...
Ummm, I, er...I think I left my pitchfork heater on - gotta dash!
...and the reign of terror begins again!
Looks like I'm going to have to go find him myself.
Run away, run awaaaay!

 

by Lotus666
1-28-25
TB advises Lotti to let sleeping D's lie.
I was going to give The Big D a heads up about the renovations, but he scarpered.
I doubt he cares, TBH - he probably just wants to be left in peace.
The denizens of Hell consider their options, as a shrill voice pierces the silence...
You don't think she's looking for more calamari, do you? *shudders*
With THAT Madam, anything is possible!
...and as Lotus enters, Stage Right, two terrified Demons exit, Stage Left!
*crap crap crap crap crap crap crap*
Awww, c'mon Thulie, just one ickle tentacle - you can grow it back, right?!

 

by Lotus666
1-29-25
Lotus discovers that her devil kitten, Hex, has been chewing up things...
Hmmm, what can I chomp through next?
He-ex! It's bad enough you chew the radiators, and the PC cables...but
like, the Imp Minions, the TLP Skwerls, even a crack at Cthulu...
Damed woman spoils all my fun!
Eating the help is a big no no - NO CHOMPING!
However, the rabid Skwerls might just be a different kettle of fish entirely!
He-ere, kitty kitty kitty. Psss, psss, psss, puss!
Hmmm, I'm feeling a bit peckish...

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