All comics by Nepster

 

by Nepster
10-18-11
Did you file a complaint against me?
You did not assist me in clearing out the area. We had a homeless person that refused to leave.
Well, im filing a counter complaint against you for discrimination. Your prejudice against homeless people is gross and makes me sick.
He was sleeping under the desk, smelled like an old potato, and had a doritos bag for a hat.
So now people have to submit to a dress code and smell like a perfume ad in Vogue? You're disgusting.
He thought I was a rotisserie chicken and was trying to eat my face.

 

by Nepster
10-18-11
Listen, you have to be quiet. You're in a library.
Screw you. Why does this library need a security guard anyways? What a joke.
You can't talk like that in here. If you keep it up, I'm going to have to ask you to leave. Or worse, get your mom. What do you think about that?
I think you need to enroll in a serious weight loss program. It's unhealthy to be that big at your age.
*sigh* I really need another line of work.
There could be a nickel under one of your rolls and I bet you wouldn't feel a thing.

 

by Nepster
10-18-11
I can't believe Anne put a complaint against me. What a bitch.
Totally expected from Anne. She complained that I was scaring patrons away by worshipping Satan. As a Wiccan, I resent that.
I wish we could get back at her some way. Any ideas?
By "ideas", you mean if I know any spells or enchantments to bewitch Anne, am I right?
Well, you ARE a Wiccan, aren't you? What good is it then?
Goddess, will we EVER have justice in this world?

 

by Nepster
10-18-11
Look, it's not my way to exact revenge on people. Just let it go, no need to get bad karma over something so small. There's enough anger and violence in the world as it is.
You do know that Anne reported you because your lean cuisine left the microwave smelling a little too "ethnic".
Excuse me while I gather some black candles, salt, and the skulls of a few small rodents.
Now that's what I'm talking about.

 

by Nepster
10-18-11
Anne, you have made a complaint against every one of your coworkers this week.
I'm sorry, but I find it disappointing and disheartening that so many people could fail to give this job the respect it deserves.
You sure this has nothing to do with the fact that nobody showed up to your dog's birthday party?
What? No, of course not.
Oh, Anne.
It was on a Saturday, okay Phil? AND I even hired a clown. Needless to say, Mr. Pickles was very disappointed on his special day!

 

by Nepster
10-18-11
. . . so I pretty much am going around apologizing to everyone. I was a bit emotional and didn't mean to be so . . . emotional.
It's okay Anne. Apology accepted.
I hope there's no more tension between us. You're a nice person Connie.
Thanks, Anne. I think we can put this behind us. Now if you'll excuse me, I just have to make a quick phone call.
"I repeat, cancel Operation Blown Tires immediately. I repeat, cancel immediately!"
Oh, NOW you tell me!

 

by Nepster
10-18-11
So Connie, since you couldn't make it to the party, would you like to see some photos on my iphone?
Oh, um, sure! . . .
"Wow, uh, Mr. Pickles looks like he's having a lot of fun there. As does the professional clown you hired just for the occasion. . ."
Can you believe I didn't get a snapshot of Mr. Pickles taking a bite from his birthday cake? He got cake all over his bib, I was so embarrassed!
. . .sounds like my kind of party . . . definitely. . . .

 

by Nepster
10-21-11
We need to dress up in order to compete with Lincoln Library's Story Time. I get that. But c'mon, man, it's been almost two weeks! I'm sick of this shit!
Be a little creative and have fun with it Douglas. Have you tried using props? The kids might enjoy that.
Oh, props? What a novel idea! I have the perfect props just for the occasion!
Wait til the kids get a load of this.
Very funny, Douglas.

 

by Nepster
10-21-11
Excuse me sweetie, but I was wondering where the Sue Grafton books are? A friend gave me the first three in the series, and now I'm looking for the fourth.
They're in the mystery section. Because she's a mystery writer.
Why thank you dearie. I thought the fourth book might've been in the romance section. Silly me!
Not a problem, miss. Let me know if you need anything else.
Dumbass.
Dumbass.

 

by Nepster
10-21-11
Sir, I would love to help you, but I would appreciate it if you wouldn't communicate your needs through the use of a grotesque, purple ostrich hand puppet.
Sorry bout that, maam. Didn't mean to startle ya.
Take me to your historical fiction section, earthling.
Y'know, I don't think I'm qualified to give you the kind of help you need after all.

 

by Nepster
10-21-11
That's it? Pathetic. Your performance of the Velveteen Rabbit was flat, uninspired, and downright insulting. Margery Williams is rolling in her grave right now.
In fact, she's risen as an abomination and will feast on your flesh for that atrocious reading of her beloved children's classic. Furthermore, your---
AIEEE! MOMMY! HELP ME! MOMMY!

 

by Nepster
10-21-11
Doug, I love you man, but you can't threaten children like that.
Aw c'mon Phil, it was a fake axe. Besides, that little girl deserved it. She said I wasn't fit to lick the ass of Kenneth Branagh. I love Kenneth Branagh!
Doug, why did you even decide to become a children's librarian? Do you even like kids?
Hell no! But I love to read and I'm a big kid at heart, so it seemed like a perfect fit to me.
You only read comic books and you're a thirty four year old man that lives with his mom. .
Don't make me pick up that axe again, Phil.

 

by Nepster
10-22-11
Oh crap, it's that anime chick. See ya.
No! Wait! Don't leave me Davi--
Ohayo gozaimashita!
*sigh* Hi Kyoko.
Connie san, you seem so down today! You want mass-age with my kitty paws? Tee hee!
Help me, Goddess, I beseech thee!

 

by Nepster
10-22-11
Connie san, I got my favorite soap from the Marukai store this weekend. It's so kawaii! It smells so good and is made in the shape of a cow!
I am visualizing a psychic bubble around me. It protects me and is repelling the energy vampire before me.
Connie san, do you have any new issues of Heart Nana? You guys never have any! So annoying! Just kidding though. But not really! Gomen!
I banish thee! I banish THEE! Away with you, abominable beast! By the power of three, I send thee back to the pit of hell from whence thee came! Begone!
Connie san, you keep staring at me! It's my ears, isn't it? They are so cute today, ne!
That's it, I'm going back to church.

 

by Nepster
10-24-11
Okay I am getting sick of these lean cuisines. I don't even know if I'm losing any weight.
You're practically they're spokesperson at this point.
I've cut down on calories with the lean cuisines, I drink diet instead of regular soda, I'm using visualization and affirmations, and it's been two months now with no change
What kind of exercise are you doing?
I just told you: lean cuisines, diet soda, visualization, affirmations. . .
*sigh*

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