All comics by PsychoBeast

 

by PsychoBeast
5-25-03
ERROR
Chris!! I need your help!
System Shutting Down
Dad, just leave it alone for a few minutes.
Later...
My computer has been hit by the same virus 3 or 4 times this week. It's called...my dad.

 

by PsychoBeast
5-25-03
I'm off to a Justin Timberlake concert!
You only like him because he's cool to like! You should like music for the music, not because of how popular it is!!
The next day...
Dude! I'm going to see Dying Fetus tonight!
Dying Fetus? What the hell is that?
It's a band, stupid! I only like bands that aren't popular!
He can't be serious...

 

by PsychoBeast
5-25-03
Hey Dana, wanna go out with me Saturday?
Sorry Dirk, I'm already seeing someone.
She can come too.

 

by PsychoBeast
5-25-03
We interupt the regularly scheduled program to bring you this Breakings News...
Just a few minutes ago, a city in Oklahoma was destroyed by the most devastating earthquake America has ever seen...
They interrupted CSI for this?! Someone needs to be fired at CBS!

 

by PsychoBeast
5-25-03
Hey man. I'm gonna need to crash here for a while. I'm divorcing Margo.
Aw man, what happened?!
I caught her sleepin with the mailman!
That sucks! I thought you were gonna say she caught you sleepin with that girl from work.
Nah. I'm too smart for that.

 

by PsychoBeast
5-25-03
Any last words?
Hi Mister. You smell like dirty clouds.
...dirty clouds?
I like Jello.
Damn it! Now I've lost my concentration!
Oooh. You swore!......Wanna play hide and seak?!

 

by PsychoBeast
5-26-03
Q3956 was sent to Earth from a distant planet to study the human race. His people found the human race fascinating and wanted a closer look. Q3956 took the form of a cat for his time on Earth.
Hi Mister Kitty. I'm here to find my fish. He died last week.
I do not recall a cemetary for fish anywhere in my research...
Maybe Mr. Giggles is under this stone...
What is Jello?
...Well, every planet has its "wrotten apples" as the humans say...

 

by PsychoBeast
5-26-03
Next on the 11 O'Clock News...
"The 16-hour police chase came to an end when Mr. O.J. Simpson stopped for gas. He was driving at 35 MPH, but amazingly was able to avoid his police pursuers..."
What?! They interrupt CSI for some stupid earthquake, but don't interrupt a rerun for a high speed chase?! What is wrong with these people?!

 

by PsychoBeast
5-26-03
"Women get arrested for giving a man an orgasm, the single best feeling he'll ever experience...
All right miss, you're gonna haveta come with me.
"Men get awards for taking the lives of people from other countries...
The more I learn about this world...the more confused I get...

 

by PsychoBeast
5-26-03
Want to play army? I'll lay down and you can blow the hell outta me.
You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.
I may not be the best looking guy in here, but I'm the only one talking to you.
You've got 206 bones in your body, want one more?
Nice legs...what time do they open?
I wish you were a door so I could slam you all day.

 

by PsychoBeast
5-26-03
Here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting medical studies. (Found on Web)
The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
The French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the  British or Americans.
The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

 

by PsychoBeast
5-27-03
Hi Mam. Can I help you?
I was looking for your gauze pads.
Sorry, we don't have a first-aid section.
Whatever, I'm dying anyway...
.......That bitch just stole candy!!

 

by PsychoBeast
5-27-03
That was a great meal Dana! We better walk home to work off the calories.
Yeah, let's take the long way home.
It seems like fueling themselves is more important to them than using the fuel. They use the fuel so they do not overflow, so to speak. I don't think I'll ever understand this race...

 

by PsychoBeast
5-28-03
Your Uncle Dan just passed away Johnny. So sad, he was only 42.
Thank God. That son of a bitch was annoying as hell. He was a friggin 42-year old clown. Could he have been more of a loser?
Don't say that, Johnny! You shouldn't speak ill of the dead!
Why the hell not? He's dead, what's he care? Plus he WAS annoying as hell!
Meanwhile...
Hey Boss, can I ask you a favor...?

 

by PsychoBeast
5-28-03
Hi Grandma! Doing a little shopping today?
Oh yes. Here ya go...
As she pushes her items closer to him...
Oh dear god! "Economy Size Tojans"?! KY Jelly?!..Summer's Eve Duche?!"
Oh dear, I'm so excited about this weekend...
Ugh...Mental images out of my head!!
Whats the matter, honey?...Oh! These things? Don't be silly, they're not for me! You're mother was too embarrassed to come pick these up herself. Okay, can't wait for your visit this weekend.

 

by PsychoBeast
6-03-03
Hi! I'm Comic Man!
Why?
Because I....uhh...
Why?
I hate you.
Why?

 

by PsychoBeast
6-03-03
Hi. I'm Comic Man!
Get a real job...loser.
Ouch! Comic Man hurts!
God can heal all wounds, my son. Come back to my confessional and I will help you..
Is he one of God's gifted?...or is it just a sock?

 

by PsychoBeast
6-03-03
Hi. What's your name?
My mother told me not to talk to strangers.
I'm not a stranger. I am a messenger of God. Follow me and I'll save you from all evils.
I guess I should be thankful he's down to only one sin...

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